Great read! I have lost 160+ pounds (over half of the weight I am now at 150) and because of that, I carry alot of 'baggage' so I am very self conscience of how I look it shorts, short sleeve shirts and bathing suits....

I need to start practicing this.

I agree, ellektra. This IS a great reminder! I've lost about 100 lbs. too and always worry about saggy skin. I love the idea of losing that self-consciousness by gratefulness and by focusing on other people.

When I look at photographs of myself years ago I am better able to see how beautiful I was at the time, but I remember how insecure I was at that time about the way I looked. It helps me realize how harsh I am in the present and how skewered my perceptions are. I used to be insecure about how my feet looked in sandals! How sad is that? Reminding myself that this is all totally subjective helps me be more loving towards myself in the present- and hopefully in the future!

I have lost a little over 80 pounds and worry about the sagging skin.  I recently went to a plastic surgeon and was told that the perception I had of sagging skin was not how others saw me. He indicated that he would not do surgery on my skin as he felt for my age I looked just fine.. I thought about this and realized that many times we think worse of ourselves than how others perceive us. 

Original Post by: wowski

I have lost a little over 80 pounds and worry about the sagging skin.  I recently went to a plastic surgeon and was told that the perception I had of sagging skin was not how others saw me. He indicated that he would not do surgery on my skin as he felt for my age I looked just fine.. I thought about this and realized that many times we think worse of ourselves than how others perceive us. 

I totally relate to this on a different scale.

I recently went to a store to buy anti-aging skin products, so worried about my open pores and wrinkles! The sales assistant (pretty young thing) told me that in her opinion the only thing I had wrong with my face was that I was using a magnifying mirror! And to go away and come back in about ten years! Bless her. I think the advice to focus on other people is great and we should all remind ourselves of this ona daily (in my case moment by moment) basis. 

Btw I also have the weight perception thing going on as well so I really need to do some work :) 

Sounds like a doctor with values and principles. I am glad you did not have someone mutilate you.

The way I see it, when I go to the beach, I just confidently "let it all hang out" in my bikini, because the people I'll see at the beach don't know me, and I'll never see them again anyway, and I don't give a darn what they think about me, 'cause I'm OK! 

I LOVE the sun, and the beach, and whatever anyone else thinks of me is THEIR problem! 

It's helpful to me, to go to the beach like this -- it keeps me motivated to keep losing the weight, and a day at the beach is so totally good for the soul!  I love walking along the edge of the water with the sand massaging my feet, and the water lapping at my ankles.  You don't even feel like you're exercising when you take a wonderful walk down the waters' edge for about a half hour!

Calorie Counters rally round -- let's take over the beaches and make them our new health-center!

Brilliant!

I had this same problem too...

About 4 years ago I went to Brasil and there the women use tiny bikinis and I had this huge bikini that cover all my "not so pleasant" parts....

I always thought they were all beautiful and then I realized that the brazilians didn´t have better bodies than mine, they only had more confidence in themselves!  and they came in all kind of sizes but they loved their bodies... so I went to the store and bought a Brazilian outfit, a little more revealing, not so much! and I loved it!

In general, went you go to any beach the people don´t care about you, we always have the notion that there are looking at us but they allways are in their own bussiness.

Great tips!!

When I was 21 I weighed 133lbs, but I never ever dreamt of wearing a bikini, in fact I wore a dance dress (Leotard with skirt attached!) I look at photos and see now that I was drop dead gorgeous then!! 

Now I weigh 203lbs and have been 226lbs, but I have happily been wearing a bikini at the beach, for the last 10yrs.

Why? Because I have accepted myself and accept that life is not perfect. I like my skin tanned a little. I feel my energy and immunity grow when i have had a good dose of sunshine. When i have had a sunshine dose, I eat less, eat more healthily and move more.

If only I had loved my body a little more back when I was 21, I would never have treated it so badly and got to the weights I am and have been. 

 

Ignore your insecurities and spread love and kindness. By uplifting others, we uplift ourselves.

I really love this line. It is so true.

I totally agree with these tips! Especially first one... no one has a right at all to tell anyone else what they "should" wear! That said, there ARE some clothing that looks better with some features. For example, maxi skirts don't look great on short people, and cropped tops don't look good on large bellies. The people possessing such features of course, should be absolutely able to wear what they like without ridicule, but you know. Putting it out there that not everyone looks good in everything.

Way to go...and thank you!  I needed this.  I just lost 65 lbs. and have at least 35 to go, but I am struggling with my personal image in my head.  I am always struggling with wearing short or no sleeved shirts because of my upper arms.  I'm am now inspired to try your advice. 

LOVE this article, especially para. #2. Genuinely complimenting others, or helping them out in some (small or large) way, never fails to lift my spirits.

Also enjoyed all the positive comments by users  . I was starting to think  people only read these articles to find something wrong with them and voice their criticisms!

Happy Summer, all!

I find that if I'm more confident about my appearance, others don't notice my downfalls. If I try to cover up with baggy shirts and jeans people notice, but if I wear tank tops and shorts I fit into the crowd. I have even received compliments in my summer clothing. Being 22 and weighing 240 lbs. is difficult when most of my friends are all so tiny, but I'm learning to accept myself and feel comfortable in my skin.

I can relate to this. I am a teenager, and I hear things about "That guy only rated her a 2" or " He rated her a 9 because she's so pretty" and stuff. Im the one who gets rated a 2. And yes, it does bother me, but after a while, I stop worrying. Because I remember all those times when I felt confident and beautiful, and I feel it again now. And I may never be as pretty as my best friend to someone or whatever, but Im beautiful to ME. And that's all that matters.

Thank you everyone for your comments! I'm so pleased this was helpful. Life is to be enjoyed and our attitude is everything.

May summer's sunshine fill your spirit with love.

Warmly,
Diane

 

I can't relate to this at all. I wear only what I feel shows off my figure in a nice conservative way. I hear terrible comments when people see sagging skin or very obese people wearing clothes that "let it all hang out". I have to confess to never saying a cruel word out loud, but thinking how much nicer they would look in the right bathing suit or clothes. As far as people deciding for themselves, I am all for that. If you are ok with how you look, go for it. Main thing is that we enjoy life and not hide in the house. 

This was a really up-lifting post.  If this "attitude adjustment" seems difficult, take baby steps.  Start by holding your head up high and looking at people, or wearing that tank top around the house.  Change is a gradual thing.  I like the post above that talked about how getting a "dose of sunshine" helped her to feel better and eat less.  So true!

I have recently started going to the gym and getting active again after not doing so for over a year. I haven't even lost any weight, but when I look in the mirror I feel better about myself! I have seen a tiny bit of toning and tightening but not much, however the effects of my gym going have boosted my mental state ten fold! I'm 25, 5'10", Swedish (larger frame), and 175lbs, and I feel better about myself than when I was at my anorexic 140lbs!!

Mental image of yourself is everything. You are your own worst critic!!! Most of the time, people don't even notice my stretch marks from when I was bigger (I used to weigh 210lbs), but I do. I also am self conscious of cellulite on my backside and the fact that I have underarm jiggle. But we can't all be fitness models, and we're not right now, so we should just accept ourselves and love ourselves! Complimenting others makes us feel good too! Because sadly, all those skinny, toned, beautiful girls at the gym and at the beach are probably WAAAAAY insecure & maybe even more so than you are!! Tell them they're beautiful, tell yourself you're beautiful. Feel good, and make others feel good! This article is beautiful! I'm going to the beach in my bikini !!!

Right on, Vanessavalium!  Right on!

I'd say, just wearing something that fits well and feels good. . . good for any size!

However, I will admit to self consciousness about my loose skin.  I try to do what I can to make make (even loose) skin look as good as possible.  Diet and Exercise of course, but I indulge in personal oil messages especially in the trouble areas after my bath/shower, foliate my skin, give myself or get a mani/pedicure, etc. Then, when I go out into the public I "feel" good about myself. 

I will always try to select tasteful clothes appropriate for my body size and shape and personal style, but if I choose to wear shorts or a swimsuit or a sleeveless top,  I will!  I also will probably continue to work on improving and camouflaging my loose skin under my arms and such. That nagging little voice inside my head that judges me and lets me know the whole world is looking at the skin under my arms has been muzzled.  Not to mention . . . nobody is focusing on you--unless you want them too!  Even if someone does notice and comment--it's passing--they will forget about you in one minute or less. 

I've also used the personal "self-talk"/visualization tip #4 I tell myself I am just like 'they' are and everybody has something they don't like about themselves. That's a personal choice.   Or, visualize a flatter stomach and a taller, posture perfect frame. 

Letting it 'not matter' is not an option for me anymore--I tried that and gained 100++ pounds.  What matter's is the balanced image we have of ourselves.

I'm celebrating living a better, more balanced and healthy life.

Although I'm trying to lose weight to be healthier (I just cracked 199 pounds, hooray!), and have parts of my body that I hate (my stomach looks like a blancmange), I absolutely love fashion, and think that you can look great at any size. A stylish outfit hides a multitude of 'sins' and people are too busy complementing the overall look to criticize the fact I'm not a size 8. I look back at photos from when I was thinner but really badly dressed and I genuinely believe I look better now. My low self-esteem then was reflected in my clothing, hiding in baggy t-shirts and jerseys. I have so much more confidence now. Bigger, older but much, much happier

ps, just bought an absolutely gorgeous new sun dress, lovely bright print, just above the knee and flatters all the right bits. I feel a million dollars in it

The worst critic is the one in the mirror. You have to love yourself first.

This is GREAT!!! Thank you so much, Sarah! I needed it. Stay cool!

Wow! What a great story and amazing tips! Thanks Sarah- you're an inspiration!

Original Post by: greeneyes7774

Way to go...and thank you!  I needed this.  I just lost 65 lbs. and have at least 35 to go, but I am struggling with my personal image in my head.  I am always struggling with wearing short or no sleeved shirts because of my upper arms.  I'm am now inspired to try your advice. 

I have the same problem; I have large upper arms that wobble a bit (okay, maybe more than a bit) but I wear sleeveless/short sleeve shirts anyway because I tell myself how much better the breeze feels on my skin than hot clingy material.  

I think that it’s important not to live our life because of what we might think other people are thinking. Besides other people are just not thinking about us as much as we think they are. If you ever hear a critical comment, remember it is not about you it’s about them. (They just brought up some area in their life that they are trying to deal with.)