............Abortion...........?
I used a condom and the ejaculation didn't happen inside of me even though there was a condom---But Im still scared now. I dont regret having sex considering the fact that it was with someone who I have known forever and we are connected like glued soulmates, Also Im 18.....And I've had my period 2 times since, and I did everything with protection yet I'am still going crazy and Im scared I feel as if I will be punished somehow, Im just scared. It's not fair that bad things happen to me when I do everyhting in a cautious manner yet when people don't even care and lack cautiousness it seems as if they never get punished.
This might be a personal question but did anyone here have an abortion?
Reason: Moved from P&P to Health & Support
Wait, you've had your period 2 times since having sex, or 2 times since turning 18?
Why do you think you're pregnant?
Did you just say you got your period TWICE since having sex?! Then you are not pregnant and you should stop fretting!
I have been in your position plenty of times and the only way to cool yourself down is by buying pregnancy tests to be sure! I would buy 2 or 3 just to make sure too...
My sister had one last year, when she was 17. She's not irresponsible at all and also used condoms.
As the person that posted before me said - you've had your period twice, so don't waste time worrying about something that's not going to happen. Look at it as a lesson that we all have to learn at some point.
And I would recommend getting the Pill - condoms aren't 100% effective, the more protection the better, you know?
Also, advice from a slightly wiser 21 year old: sex is a big thing. It changes you in ways that you really don't see coming and aren't aware of until years later. Just be careful, never do anything you don't really want to do, and always make sure you take responsibility for keeping yourself safe.
Now, chillax! It's all good :)
Kat
By the way about the abortion Im just wondering but do you need an appointment, or insurance does it take a long time to make an appointment beforehand?
Buy a pregnancy test and calm down. Make an appointment with a gynocologist to discuss your birth control options. You need to operate based on facts, not your imagination.
Sweety, you used birth control, you've had a normal period twice since the event, and you don't have any of the customary symptoms of early pregnancy - you're worrying yourself into a frazzle over something that hasn't happened. It's possible to be pregnant and not to know it, or to only have some of the symptoms, but you've got absolutely no reason to worry right now. God (or the Universe, karma, whatever) is not going to punish you just because you had sex. My only advice is, if you're going to worry this much about the possible consequences every time, go and see a gynaecologist and get some reliable birth control, or else just don't have sex. You are perfectly within your rights to go on the pill, or get an implant, or have an abortion should you need it, or to swear off sex entirely for the next few years. It's your body, and it's up to you how you decide to treat it. You are legally an adult, and nobody can force you to do anything you don't want to do.
BTW, if you ever do need an abortion, it's an emotional ordeal, not a physical one. An early-stage abortion is a very simple medical procedure, the hard part is dealing with all the emotional issues tied up in reproduction. No, I haven't ever had one (I haven't needed it) but if you ever DO need to terminate a pregnancy, don't be afraid of what might happen as long as you can have it performed by a properly-qualified doctor in a modern medical facility. 'Back street abortions' were such an abomination because they were performed by unqualified people in unsterile conditions and with no medical followup to make sure that they were safe, not because there is anything intrinsically dangerous in an early abortion.
Like everyone has said, if you have had two periods then you probably aren't pregnant. Take a test first thing in the morning just to calm yourself down.
As far as abortions go - just remember, they are permanent. While this is not true for all women, many women struggle for years after their abortion due to regret and a number of other factors. It may be a "quick fix" but it has multiple repercussions.
You should be on the pill if you are sexually active and it is smart to also use a condom. However, nothing but abstinence is 100% effective so you need to know that whenever you have sex there is always a chance that you could be pregnant. I had a friend tell me once that you shouldn't be having sex unless your ready to be a mom. It's a little extreme, I know, but there is some wisdom in that.
Also, I echo the idea that sex is a big deal. It changes things. It changes you, it changes the dynamics of your relationships. It just changes things. Don't rush it. Take your time. There are plenty of things to do before sex that are exciting and feel great. Enjoy that stuff as long as you can.
I think you may not be ready to be sexually active if you're this paranoid and feeling guilty about a perfectly natural thing that most normal people do from time to time.
I'm a male and have not had an unwanted child or an abortion, but if I was 18 and pregnant, I would NOT HESITATE A MOMENT to have one. If I had a daughter that age, I would urge her to do the same.
Embryos are not people as far as I am concerned, and the world is WAY overpopulated as it is, and most of us are NOT like Sarah Palin's daughter or Jamie Lynn Spears. Most 18 year old girls' lives and futures would be absolutely wrecked by having a baby.
Anyway, you've taken precautions, you have nothing to worry about and nothing to feel guilty about. But maybe you should lay off the sex a while until you've worked through whatever issues are making you so worked up about something which is really nothing.
I know at age 18, sex seems like a really big deal, but eventually, it really is not a big deal at all.
Anyways thanks all of you for your help. I need to toughen up and just live my real age.
you know, i was the same way when i was your age. i was super anxious about getting/being pregnant even though i used condoms and was on the pill. i also thought i was pregnant before i became sexually active. i was diagnosed with OCD, which i don't know if i believe, but i do know now that i have a lot of anxiety that tends to focus on one thing- whether it's getting pregnant or food (like it is now). i tried meds and they didn't work for me, but i would really recommend talking to a therapist about it.
My gosh!! It doesn't seem as though the question of an abortion is the real issue here.
My very young dear, You need to seek help over this unbelievable paranoia that you have. That is what is driving you here.
Pregnancy is not something you can be "ready" for but it's also not something that happens without dual input. An ejaculation is required a the right time in your cycle - when you're ovulating - and it must happen inside you.
The fact that you were using a profilactic AND he didn't ejaculate inside you, yet you are still concerned, only leads to the conclusion that you are seriously paranoid or you don't really know how the whole thing works. In either case you should lay off the sex until you learn a bit more about it.There are infinite resources for you to consult on the web regarding this. I would however, suggest that if you think you are mature enough to have sex you act a bit more maturely about it.
For the record I do not believe there is anything wrong with abortion, it can be positive choice in a young persons life. If you do find yourself in the situation of having to make that choice take your time. Abortions can be carried out legally up to 15 weeks. Never underestimate the strength your family can provide, regardless of your choice, and know that you will have to live with it. It doesn't have to be something that "haunts" you if you are comfortable with your decision.
I know I seem harsh but there are millions of infants alive today who are born because the parents had no choice. If you live in a first world country you do have a choice and it is your responsibility, on a scale that is larger than your own life and world, to act responsibly about bringing a new life into everyone elses world.
Make sure you do it for the right reasons and with support that will last the childs lifetime.
Again, sorry for the harshness. This may or may not help but as it is on a public forum.. well.... that's my two cents worth.
it sounds like the chances that you are pregnant are slim to none. relax.
not all the information you're getting here is accurate, though. you don't have to be ovulating when you have sex (sperm can live for several days inside you, and an egg can last about a day, so if you ovulate within a day before or a few days after unprotected sex, you can get pregnant. but since you used protection and he didn't ejaculate in you, that's irrelevant to this discussion. just keep it in mind for the next time).
i really want to say that not every woman who has an abortion has a negative emotional reaction. for many, it's a relief, pure and simple, and no more traumatic than having your teeth cleaned.
Ok...I'm gonna come off (no pun intended) as a real jerk. WHAT THE HELL???? This thread is too fubar to be real. There are two possibilities. One, you are messing around. In that case, "hehe". Two, you are seeeeriously ignorant and in desperate need of some education and/or professional help.
B
Sorry to come off as a jerk to you by the way---"Bragi"-----But I dont think you know how I feel----I mean you sound exactly like my "boyfriend" who seems to think that sex is so unstressful. I just think it's really different in a case for a female. Anyways I did it---I take responsibility for it therefore I deserve to feel this way---no way around it. Anyways most of the information really helped, thanks.
Original Post by thebledx3:
I dont know Maybe Iam crazy and Im imagining the whole thing. No this is not a joke so diminish the "hehehehe". Im scared, and Yes I was responsible----I just need to face the facts. Yet How am I ignorant? How am I uneducated as you state?
Sorry to come off as a jerk to you by the way---"Bragi"-----But I dont think you know how I feel----I mean you sound exactly like my "boyfriend" who seems to think that sex is so unstressful. I just think it's really different in a case for a female. Anyways I did it---I take responsibility for it therefore I deserve to feel this way---no way around it. Anyways most of the information really helped, thanks.
the posters said you needed education because you ask questions that most responsible sexually active people already know and/or are freaking out over (basically) nothing and any person who knew how birth control, conception, etc work wouldnt be freaking out.
I agree with all the advice to see a doctor to find out if your are pregnant. But I regret that many who have responded have put abortion in a positive light and have not given life an option...if in fact you are pregnant. Abortion is not the only option. Adoption is an another. Life does in fact begin at conception.
And you are not being punished for having sex, although consider this:
7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:7)
If you do in fact feel that you could be punished for sex (before marriage), do you have this sense because you belive it is wrong? Consider this article: http://www.family.org/faith/A000004320.cfm
And please, consider this article about abortion (and pasted below): http://www2.focusonthefamily.com/focusmagazin e/sohl/A000001024.cfm
by Carrie Gordon Earll“I’ll have an abortion, of course.”
Those were my words about 20 years ago when the pregnancy test came back posi-tive, threatening to put my plans for graduate school and career development on hold. I was a woman of the 1980s — empowered and liberated by the “right” to abortion.
Abortion was legal, advertised in the telephone book by physicians with the government’s implied stamp of approval. Abortion empowered me to face an unexpected pregnancy with clarity, decisiveness and self-respect.
Or so I thought.
At the time, I viewed abortion as a reasonable solution for an unmarried woman, even for me — a pastor’s daughter attending a Christian university. My pregnancy and subsequent abortion were indisputable evidence that a Christian worldview was absent from my life. I was deceived by lies that appealed to my desires and seemed to alleviate my fears.
The abortion of my baby was a decision I would later deeply regret. And eventually taking responsibility for my past decision included examining the lies that had influenced me.
Lie No. 1:Abortion is the cure-all for an unwanted pregnancy.
I believed that my abortion would erase my pregnancy and make my life as it was before. That wasn’t true for me or for anyone; pregnancy changes a woman. Whether it results in abortion, miscarriage or childbirth, she is forever changed.
For many women, abortion can lead to physical, psychological or emotional harm. Whether this manifests as complications with future pregnancies or struggles with substance abuse, abortion is not without consequences — a fact that women have a right to know before an abortion.
Lie No. 2:Abortion is about choice.
Ironically, the word choice is closely identified with abortion, yet many women report that a perceived absence of choice pushed them toward abortion. The most common reasons women give for abortion include a lack of resources to give birth and fear of losing their place at school or in the work force. Too often abortion is the decision a woman makes when her back is against the wall. I felt that way, too. Abortion is no choice if you think it’s your only choice.
Lie No. 3:Abortion empowers women.
This equally powerful lie emerged during the 1960s. In the campaign to legalize abortion, radical feminists claimed that readily available abortion would enable women to control their lives. Under the banner of choice, we were assured that abortion would empower women with new opportunities in business, edu- cation and society.
Many women like me believed this would be true. Yet that’s not what happened. Legalized abortion didn’t promote cultural change to better serve women. Instead, abortion became society’s contingency plan, creating the expectation that a woman would take advantage of legal abortion. She had fewer choices, not more.
Too often, legalized abortion reduces the urgency for employers and educators to provide many true choices for women in unexpected pregnancies. Abortion becomes the excuse not to provide campus-based family housing and child care for college students who choose life. It contributes to an environment where pregnant college athletes will regrettably abort pregnancies rather than lose scholarships. Legalized abortion lessens the incentive for employers to offer flexible working conditions like telecommuting and job sharing so women can continue their pregnancies and their jobs.
That’s not empowerment.
Ultimately, true empowerment comes when women know God’s truth about abortion — that it pits mother against child and violates His design for human life and family relationships. Women are empowered when they can follow their God-given instincts to protect and give birth to their child even when facing uncertain circumstances.
********************************************* ***************************************
In the shadow of regret over my abortion, I now work to increase women’s access to the God-designed choice for life. Giving women the power to choose life over abortion can happen only by exposing abortion’s lies and closing its traps of deceit. Each of us contributes to this change when we vote for pro-life candidates, support pro-life laws and assist pro-life ministries on the front line of this issue. Real choices for women hang in the balance.
This article first appeared in the January, 2008 issue of Focus on the Family magazine. Copyright © 2008 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. Carrie Gordon Earll is the senior director of Issues Analysis for Focus on the Family.thebledx, you should ignore the last few posts. the fact that a couple of insensitive men don't understand your fear should in no way diminish your right to be afraid.
and this last diatribe is pure and simple propaganda. sweet2silver quotes an article from focus on the family, a right-wing fundamentalist organization that advocates--among other things--that women should be subservient to men and that children should be subject to corporal punishment. welcome back to the 50s.
FYI on Focus on the Family
1) So many don't understand what they call a "women being subservient to men." pgeorgian, you are probably referring to the following verse:
“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord" (Eph. 5:22)
“Aha”, some men may say, “my wife has to obey me in everything I ask from her! The Bible tells me so.”
Is this correct? No!
If it were, it would contradict what the apostle Paul wrote in verse 21: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” A mutual submission is encouraged from both husband and wife! That definitely doesn't sound like they are avocating women should be subservient to men.
Submission (Greek hupotasso) refers here to respect, which uses the Greek phobeo “The wife must respect her husband.”
Husbands are called to love their wives: "So ment ought to love their wives as their own bodies." (Eh 5:28)
2) Here is their statement on children:
The Value of Children
We believe that children are a heritage from God and a blessing from His hand. Parents are therefore accountable to Him for raising, shaping and preparing them for a life of service to His Kingdom and to humanity.
what a surprise - contradictory messages in the bible.
no, silver, that's not what i was referring to. i was referring to focus on the family's overt and covert right-wing fundamentalist christian agenda.
if you don't agree with abortion, that's fine. don't have one. but please keep your propaganda to yourself and let others make their own decisions.
edited to add the following focus on the family link. pay particular attention to the section on "bookkeeping." just one bit of evidence as to where silver is coming from.
edited again, because the next page is even better:
However, the burden of maintaining a trouble free, financially sound, spiritually mature, and cooperatively considerate household is the responsibility of the husband/father. "He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?)" (1 Timothy 3:4-5).
The wife's responsibility is to support her husband and honor him by following his direction — as opposed to nagging and belittling. Sometimes she needs to be willing to suffer with him and to let him fail if necessary without judging (1 Peter 3:1).
Will I lose weight if I eat the same food over and over?
You can lose weight despite eating the same food day-after-day as long as you eat fewer calories than you burn. In fact, eating the... Read more