Can you absorb calories rectally?

No this isn't a joke.  I seriously want to know.  I have a buddy who swears that you can't absorb calories rectally...but you can absorb alcohol.  So instead of drinking a sixpack, he'll just casually sip on a single beer all night.  But he'll also slip off to the bathroom to take some liquor shots up the bum to suppliment his buzz. (I have no idea how he actually does it) He claims he gets all the fun feelings of drunkeness, without any of the calories.  Is there any truth to this?

Original Post by bwdavi:

But he'll also slip off to the bathroom to take some liquor shots up the bum to suppliment his buzz. (I have no idea how he actually does it) He claims he gets all the fun feelings of drunkeness, without any of the calories.  

Anybody who is so concerned about calories, but at the same time so fixed on getting a a buzz that they are willing to do this to themselves has a serious and disturbing problem.  

this thread is too good :) im going to tag it for when i need a pick me up lmao

omg I think I will have nightmares about this thread!

It makes me think Naked Lunch and the talking bum.

Original Post by peaches0405:

Did you ever see the American show Jack-ass?  (that's the show's name.  I'm not calling you a jack-ass).  Steve-O did a beer enima where he literally stuck a tube up his bum and kind of.....sucked it up.  It was weird and I don't know how he did it.  But he claimed it was like an instant alcohol buzz.

I have no clue if the calories are absorbed though.  Nor would I want to test that theory.

Edit:  Jeff9up made a good point.  I forgot to mention that it is dangerous and over time can cause rectal problems as well as risking alcohol poisoning.  To the OP, I'd suggest you tell your friend that what he is doing is dangerous.

I also recall that after doing this, once Steve-O stood up it all came flooding out of him...not a pretty site if you ask me.

I agree with the other posters that if you are so concerned with getting drunk as fast as you possibly can, you have a serious problem. I think if one of my friends confided behavior like this to me I would suggest they get some professional  help...

This might be the most entertaining topic ever posted on this website. God bless all the people who researched and were able to answer this question!

Original Post by pgeorgian:

i've also heard of soaking a tampon in alcohol and inserting it.  solves the leakage problem.  apparently this is a popular thing for underaged kids, because they can get hammered without risking getting caught with alcohol.

 OMG!!  This is one of the most disgustingly disturbing things I've heard in a while and I didn't just fall off the turnip truck either ;). 

GIJANE!!  "Just wondering how in the hell he gets spirits to stay up his arse without being some kind of contortionist with a cork. "

That is hands down the funniest thing I've ever read on this site. 

God, some people are really hard up for a buzz huh???

Agreed. I think this has, hands down, taken Thread of the Year 09 in the CC Oscars.

Original Post by pgeorgian:

i've also heard of soaking a tampon in alcohol and inserting it.  solves the leakage problem.  apparently this is a popular thing for underaged kids, because they can get hammered without risking getting caught with alcohol.

 I choked on my carrot stick when I read this. literally... I'm still coughing.

The veins in the rectum empty into the ileac vein and straight into the heart through the inferior vena cava (bypassing the liver). There are a lot of drugs that can be given as suppositories in order to remove the first pass metabolism by the liver that would usually take place when ingested orally.

Because of this, the alcohol will get to your brain faster and you'll have an effect sooner. You will also get a lot more alcohol to your brain compared to ingesting it because none is metabolized in the first go around. That's where the danger of alcohol poisoning comes from. 

Calories do indeed get absorbed from the rectum. The alcohol itself has calories associated with it and, if I remember correctly, the whole GI tract has the ability to absorb carbohydrates even though all of it is usually absorbed before it gets to the colon. If your friend uses this method to get drunk, he will get less calories because he will be able to get drunk off of less alcohol, but it seems ridiculous either way.

well my conversations wont be boring today..

haha my first post too!: Can you absorb calories rectally?

I thought I was seriously reading the title of this post wrong. Guess Not!

Wow..I'm not sure....but um....That dudes going to have serious hemorrhoids after awhile...Or serious anal leakage.....

brings a whole new dimension to the term "beer sh*ts"

It's true, and it's dangerous as hell.  You can get alcohol poisoning REALLY fast that way.  I don't know about calories, but my mom tells horror stories of her colleagues in the ER giving themselves alcohol enemas to lose weight or something, you can die.  I wouldn't recommend it AT ALL.

xx

Dear BwDavi's Friend

You can indeed but alcohol up your bum.  How you make it stay up there is your own deal, but I would like to point out one small thing.  No one is ever going to sleep with you again.  Ever.  Congradulations on simultaneously limiting your calorie intake, rendering yourself the least attractive person in the world and amusing a website full of dieters. You are quite the multitasker.

Sincerely yours

eatlesslovemore

ps. you should seriously think about getting a rectal exam. 

LMAO
I have read about this a couple months ago in a newspaper actually, seems they call it 'slimming' (urban dictionary: "Slimming" is the vaginal or anal insertion of a liquor (usually vodka) soaked tampon for the purpose of rapid intoxication. Usually an attempt by a teenager to avoid detection of alcohol on their breath. )

*shrug* some weirdos! hahahaaaa

I have this thread tagged for sure, LMAO, indeed if I ever need a good laugh.............OMG!!!!

They talked about this on Manswers. This alcoholic guy had surgery or something and couldn't eat so he got his wife to funnel liquor into his rectum. He died. Painfully.

Original Post by drea99:

brings a whole new dimension to the term "beer sh*ts"

 LMAO

and above- "He died. Painfully."  ROFL

This truly has been an entertaining thread. 

Could you imagine the eulogy?  "He died as he lived..."

"What a svelte looking corpse."

This was also on dirty sanchez only after they poured the beer up the guys but through a funnel and a tube - he crapped it right back out into a pint glass and someone else drank it  including the mess that came out along with it.

I think it was the only time Ive ever had to go throw up while watching Tv - thanks alot MTV

Original Post by simwaves1:

Calories do indeed get absorbed from the rectum. The alcohol itself has calories associated with it and, if I remember correctly, the whole GI tract has the ability to absorb carbohydrates even though all of it is usually absorbed before it gets to the colon.

So this seems to be the best answer so far on the 'calorie' side of things.  Isn't there a doctor or nurse on the site that can confirm absorbtion along the entire GI tract?  

As for an entertaining thread, you guys are welcome  

But please don't hold my future topics to such a high standard, because I assure you that I am not normally capable of producing posts that are this funny or creative.

makes me wonder...is there such a thing as cirrhosis of the rectum?