Accepting my 'new body'

For those of you who've recovered from EDs, how did you go about accepting your 'new' body?? No matter what I do, I always find that I compare myself to my peers, and end up feeling bad about the way I look because of it. It's probably ED talking, but I can't help but feel that I'm shaped in some weird, different way compared to everyone else. It's interesting because the focus of my ED wasn't so much body image as it was dealing with emotions. Now it's almost exclusively body image.

I'm pretty much caught up in a cycle of good and bad body image. On weekends when I'm not normally with other people in my same age group, I do begin to feel better about myself, because I've got nothing to compare myself to. But every Monday, all this is shattered when I return to school. I'm really sick and tired of this cycle!! Each Monday seems to be getting worse now. I never do anything drastic now to try and change my body shape, because I know no good will come out of doing that!

So does anyone have any suggestions or experience with this?

i understand how you feel but i really think no matter how were youd find some way to compare yourself with others its not a critasisim , i do it to . i think the onlyway to overcome this is to learn to accept yourself , i think you need to work at getting to know the real you , and liking you for what you are . i think alot of people have hang ups about there image and want to be like others.  i really think as you build your life up which i know you are doing your confidence will improve, i think this will become less of an issue for you, and you will see that actually you dont need to be anything else you are you. everybody else accepts you so why cant you ?look at what others are telling you , you look grt goobyb .a persons size dosent make them the person they are ,you are you and people like you , dont let the ed lead you to believe any other h x

ohhhhhh, goobyb........I was hoping I could ask about the same thing! So, i dont have an answer for you, but I CAN empathize. I'll tell you I only post ocasionally on thissite, but follow the gainer thread regularly. I have seen how well you have done, how quickly you were able to recover and how DETERMINED you were!! SO many days you were QUITE an inspiration to me! I am not at my goal weight, but still dealing with freakouts (ALMOST ALL THE TIME) about my body. Although the SCALE says im underweight, all i can feel is fat....lovehandles.....flabby thighs......huge stomach, etc. I know its kind of different for guys, but i have a feeling we are kind of in the same boat. I feel like everyone else, even those who are normal weight look SOOOOOOOO much better than i do, and that i am just wierd and ugly. i am underweight, but have gained over 10 lbs, and at this time am larger than i have been sincei can even remember. I KNOW my perception is off, and i bet yours is too. I am so aware of this, because I look at my friends, and other girls who are athletic and beautiful in my eyes, and KNOW they prob. have 15-20 lbs on me. BUT STILL!!! I feel 100x bigger! i feel like my hips are a wierd shape, and my arm are too small, etc. etc. i goes on, andi feel you are thinkning the same way. Ill tell you that by just seeing your pics, you look like a perfectly normal, handsome young guy, with SO much more worth and purpose than ED or worrying about how you look.

     ONE thing i have found that helps get my perception right. Take a picture of yourself....better..have somebody ELSE take a picture of you. Think of and look at picutres of those you love...family, friends. ask yourself if THEY look like freaks, or if you think they are fat. THEN look at your picture. Likely, the person you will see in the picture WILL NOT BE the same person you see in the mirror! itsa CRAZY phenomenon, but it works for me. I was CONVINCED i was an obese whale yesterday, but had my mom take a picture of me............imagine that!! in the picture was a very thing looking girl, the whale dissapeared!!!! try it...i hope it helps....keep strong:)

hi all - I can relate to you all (I have whinged enough on these forums for everyone to know this is one of my biggest hurdles!) and I think that everyones advice on here is great.

We need to focus on how much better we feel, the positive comments we now get about how we look and I think myvalentinesquest has some great tips about putting it into perspective though a photo. I can guarantee you look so much better in your new pics goobyb than in your original ones!

You have done so well and are such an inspiration to us all to get to your healthy weight - it wil take you time to adjust (the mental side I think takes longer than physical) but stay with it!!!

Good luck - we are all with you!

Like the others, I can totally relate to you! I'm recovering from ED and actively gaining and from day-to-day, I'll manage to have complete 180's in how i feel about myself. One day I'll be happy and content and totally feeling great and just the next day I'll be literally thiiiis close to relapsing.

Something I've found helps me is surrounding myself with really positive, confident people. My former group of friends were all very skinny, kinda bitchy (love em, but you know how it is...) girls always complaining and moaning about their bodies. Making jokes about EDs, etc. As hard as it was, I've stopped hanging with (most of) them and my new group of really close friends are really supportive, confident, amazing people.

Another thing I do is when I'm really down I have a playlist on my iPod with "inspiring" songs. You can bet Christina Aguilera's Beautiful is on there : )

Good luck and take caree

xxxx

I think what you've accomplished is fabulous. How many of your peers have fought for their lives as you have? And I am not minimizing the very real issues you have with your body image, but you are sooooo much more than a body!

As a complete stranger, let me tell you what I see when I look at your profile photo: a totally normal and handsome young man -- but more than that the expression on your face that tells you are strong, you are resilient, you are empathetic and caring and you are hopeful. And that is the sum total of deep and abiding attractiveness that lasts a lifetime.

Here's something you can try -- when you are comparing yourself to all your peers, think about how many of them are actually insecure about their physical appearance or how many of them have secret and dangerous eating problems or addictions? By thinking about others as more than bodies, but as human beings with fears and insecurities, you may find you're able to do the same for yourself.

Something to try maybe. Best of luck!

Helen: Even before my ED, I've had trouble accepting myself. When I was younger, all anyone ever focused on what was wrong with me. So now it's become habit to put myself down before anyone else does. This has also resulted in me strongly disliking the 'real me'. I feel so different from everyone else as it is - different interests, hobbies, music type, personality, etc. You're right though, I really doubt anyone pays attention to me the way I do with myself. I have a feeling however that this might take longer to get over, since this has been going on for years. =/

myvalentinesquest: I'm sooo glad I helped with your inspiration to gain! You've perfectly described what I feel.. Like you, I do feel love handles, flabby arms, and worst of all my thighs.. I feel as though I'm some kind of weird body shape that is totally unlike everyone else's! And everyone else seems to be the same: total stick figures! I really just once want to fit in and not feel so different from everyone. :( I really like that picture idea, BTW! I think I'm gonna try it! :)

eringo2: Great to hear from you! Sorry to hear you're having the same issue though. :( I agree about the positive comments and the way we feel. I've always assumed people just do it to be nice.. Just the thought of someone complimenting me is really hard for my mind to grip onto. I know that the mental side is supposed to get better with time, I guess I just expected it recover a little quicker! While instead it seems to be getting a bit worse.. =/ I'm so glad I could help with you guys in the weigh gain forum! :)

izzyy23: That definitely sounds like me! I can feel completely different about myself in the span of a few hours. I don't however consider restricting or over-exercising anymore. Unfortunately all that frustration with myself is manifested in an overall bad mood that day. My friends have all noticed how I can be a bit of a jerk sometimes, which is totally unlike me!! None of my friends really focus on their bodies in great detail. Maybe a remark or two once in a blue moon, but other than that nothing. I did experience some people who poked fun of EDs, and like you I now avoid them. I also like your idea with the ipod! Do you have any other song suggestions I could put on there? I'll listen to just about anything as long as it isn't rap. :)

hedgren: That is soooo true, I never thought of that! I only wish others would see it that way.. I really hate how I need acceptance from others in order to accept myself. It shouldn't be that way!! :( Those compliments you said really touched me. I'll admit, I had to read it several times to actually realize they were for me! :O You do bring up another great point as well. I'm sure a bunch of them do have appearance or eating problems. And I'm sure even more have drug addictions, which I think can cause extreme weight loss (drugs seem to be the commonplace in my town. :[[ ) I always try to look at people that way. I don't want to treat other people the way I've been treated. I suppose I'll have to try harder, in hopes that I will learn to feel better about myself, as you say. :)

Thanks for all the feedback everyone!! You've all been such a tremendous help, you have no idea!! I'm definitely going to try out each and every one of your suggestions. <3

i understand , it will take sometime, but im certain if you keep battling with it it will improve, you are a strong person i know you can do this h x

I have posted this on another thread, but my mantra when gaining was, "it's ok to be normal."

You don't need to be underweight to be special, different, unique, safe, talented, likeable, loveable, attractive.... Being underweight really serves no purpose. But to be healthy, happy, energised... you DO need to be a healthy weight... So, no benefits to staying sick, lots of benefits to being healthy.

It's ok to be normal: nobody will be disappointed, like or love you less or think any less of you for being a normal, healthy weight. Chances are they will think more of you for having the strength and determination to recover.

Perhaps if you are struggling with body image issues you should think about WHY it is that you feel you would rather be underweight. Those reasons never tend to hold up under any scrutiny.

A body is a body;  I do not have to make myself like my body. Frankly, I do not. I like the way I look thinner.

I do not think it is possible for every one to actually LIKE the way their body looks.

For some people, it is a matter of accepting that they will not necessarily like the way their bodies look.

For me, the key is to realize that liking my body is only a very, VERY small part of life!

So - I accept my new body, but I do not “ like” the way that it looks. Nonetheless,  I am learning that I can have a perfectly whole and happy life, despite the fact that I do not “ love” the way my body looks!

I hear what you're saying when around other people. When I'm on my own I think hey I'm not too bad but when surrounded by others I think I look damn skinny and have negative thoughts

merylwhite: You're right, rather than focusing on so called 'benefits' of being underweight, I should switch my attention to the REAL benefits of being at a healthy weight. Though actually, my problem is the opposite. Rather then trying to be different, my aim was to be just like everyone else. I think I figured that my weight/appearance was one of the few things about me I could change, and would therefore allow me to 'fit in'. But you're right, not even that is a valid reason to maintain an unhealthy weight. Only now do I realize that..

personaltrainer87: That's an interesting point.. Maybe my problem has been my overall mindset towards body image. I never would've thought about accepting that you will never be perfectly satisfied with your body.

pknb: I'm so sorry you have to deal with this too! :( You should check out some of the great suggestions in this thread. They're incredibly helpful. Hang in there!!

Thanks for all the advice everyone!! :)

Hi

I am glad that you are doing so well in recovery. I can certainlly understand your feelings, and the mental struggle you`re going through when you are surrounded by others who are smaller.

As a matter of fact, this was the main reason that caused me to relapse even deeper into ED after i recovered earlier this year,  so i cannot emphasize enough to you: DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS NOT MATTER WHAT!!

I am recovering from my relapse determined NOT to fall into this trap again. I read an article on oprah.com on why do we compare ourselves to others, and why we shouldn't be doing this in the first place.

The author of the article describes comparing act as "monkey Brain" which will only drive you bananas! After ready this article, everytime i start to compare myself to others who are thinner/better looking,  i immediately tell myself to STOP MONKEY BRAIN! and it has helped me a lot, as i am more aware of the whole issue

I suggest you read this article, and it may help you to shut up your "monkey brain"

http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/ss_oma g_200508_mbeck

Thanks for the link whitedeaise! Even though for the most part the article is geared toward females, I still picked out a lot of interesting stuff from it! It definitely reinforces a lot of what people have said above. B) I'm well aware that the comparisons I do can cause relapse. It was a contributing factor in my last relapse actually. =/ But when I feel down due to body image, I don't actually take any action to counter it (restricting, over-exercising, etc). Instead it stays bottled up, which isn't right either. That's actually another thing I'm struggling with.. Now that my mind is functioning on all cylinders, all the emotions I had tried so hard to suppress are going rampant!! I have no idea how to deal with them, except by trying to bottle them all up! But there's only so much one can hold.. Anyway, I really appreciate your advice! Good luck with your body image :)

Thanks goobyb

I'm glad you found the article useful in some sorts. Dealing with body image insecurities is one of the hardest things ED sufferer will endure, and in my opinion, its one of the "make or break" recovery or relapse issues...

As for emotions, try your best to find someone you trust, and confide your worries/feelings/emotions to. This person can be a family member, a close friend or a doctor.

When i started recovery from my relapse,  i was so ashamed of myself for hurting all my loved ones, for the lies i was telling them, and for many sleepless nights my parents spent worrying on my well being that i didn't even have the courage to face or admit to them the horrible things i was doing to myself and to them.

My outlet was my physcatric; a stranger who didn't know anything about me, but will not judge me on my behaviours/illness, rather will try his best to help and support my recovery, but best of all was confidentiality. I learned how to deal with feelings and emotions, and not to be shamed of my illness, as its just an illness like any other you'd go to the doctor for...

I encourage you to find an outlet for your emotions, do speak up, the longer you bottle them, the more dangerous they will become, and it may cause mental problems/issues later in your life...

Life is good, just try to live everyday to its best

Hi, first congrats on doing well in recovery. A few thoughts if I recall you are a teen. I developed my ed at 16 and had it on and off till 31. So many wasted years that I missed out so when I see a young person suffer I want them to really get well asap so they can enjoy life and gain the life they deserve. I think part of body image is creating a whole self. That means finding hobbies,interests,job/school what ever. You are more then your body. As a teen though regardless if you think your friends care about their body I am sure they do. It may not get to a point where they are self destructive but I am sure there are issues around it. Many go through an awkward stage whether it be acne,weight being to high or too low etc. Being a teen is not easy stuff and things will change so much over the years so remain strong and try to find the whole you the good and bad which we all have.

Do you have any other song suggestions I could put on there? I'll listen to just about anything as long as it isn't rap. :)

Haha, I'm not a rap fan, either. Here's some of my faves:

Beautiful - Christina Aguilera

You're So Damn Hot - OkGo

Hey Beautiful - The Solids

The Youth - MGMT

Parachutes - Jenn Grant

True Believer - Dragonette

Fill My Eyes - Cat Stevens

Be Ok - Ingrid Michaelson

Honestly, some of them are just songs I like/make me happy. Others actually have inspiring lyrics/melodies : )

Hey everyone... Sorry I've taken so long to reply. It's been a long week. >.< I did do a lot better with my body image this week. For the most part, I did feel very good about myself. It might be because I was too busy to compare myself, but either way, it was a great week. :) I do sometimes now feel a little self conscious about the amount of food I eat, which seems to be wayyy more than everyone else by A LOT!!

whitedaise: I have a actually told a couple of my friends about my ED recently, and they said they'd be willing to talk if I ever needed it. I've found this to be a tremendous help! I do worry about boring them sometimes haha, because I've got sooooooooooooooo much to say sometimes. I think this has definitely helped with my body image this past week. :)

abbi333: Thanks! BTW- yeah, I am 16. This past week, I went to several parties, so I'm definitely getting my social life back! I know being a teen isn't easy.. Sometimes I wonder how everyone else is able to overcome these body image issues.. =/

izzyy23: Thanks for those suggestions!! I'll have to check those out! B)