accepting vs. settling

everyone says I need to accept my body for what it is. To me though thats settling. I can have better. I can be skinnier, be fitter, and still be within a healthy weight range. I don't want to SETTLE. I want to be the BEST I can be. I want to be 103 pounds, the lowest healthy weight possible for me, and STILL be all muscle. And I can do that. I know I can. So why does everyone else want me to 'accept' my body and stop trying to lose weight?? I don't want to be one of those girls who just give up on their bodies and 'settle.'

Do I make sense? Am I right, wrong??

I can say I feel the same, but unfortunately, I can't offer advice, as I know within myself that 'looking better' is not as important as 'being happy and helathy'.

I have a daily struggle with myself, I can't shower without having the mirror covered up, and I avoid ANY tight clothes as long as I can.

BUT -some days, I wake up, think of my sister, who I think is gorgeous - long, thick dark red hair, eyes to die for and curves any girl would want, and I wonder, why am I striving to ignore to become that? Why would I want to look like anything else? She's gorgeous, inside and out. She has THE most amazing boobs, and a waist that even a skinny girl would want, she's happy, makes her own clothes, and doesn't care if she jumps a size from one to the next shop.

You might have 'lumps and bumps' - but in the long run, those are better for having children, gives your partner MORE to touch and you can wear amazing corsets.

I now have days on end where I wear nothing but baggy clothes, sleep in clothes nect to my partner of 2 1/2 years, and then wake up and it's a whole new me - I go out, buy something (2 days ago it was hair dye) and change something about myself. I even braved the shower earlier - without the towel, was feeling great til' something happened tonight, and now I feel thought I've jumped 1 step forwards and 2 back. :(

But you need to accept that your body will want to stay a weight, unless you abuse it. Use your assets. Big bum? Tight jeans! Big bust? Corset! Small waist? Belt!

Only YOU need to know what is under clothes. By all means, work out, but don't forget that in the future, you might want to be a bit curvy, as all girls know - big hips - good babies! (yes, I may be sure thats not true.. but as the saying goes...)

Edit - I'm saying this as a 'recovered (so to speak - not recovered mentally, and suffered from the ED for nearly 2 yrs) anorexic. Honestly, just accept the 'bits' you are unsure of, make the most of them and flaunt it hon! I hate my arms and belly just now, so i'm trying to wear as many short sleaved tops as I can to get used to them, I even let my photographer boyfriend take pics - without make-up today!

It takes time, and a lot of effort, but just try to see that in the mirror, you see a different person than others do. 103lbs is nothing, even if someone were 4.11ft!

Numbers do not matter, it's HEALTH that matters. Cianderseon08 gave good advice it's important to be "happy and healthy"

to get happy you have to get healthy..so think of it that way..just get HEALTHY don't think numbers at all ok?

I was thinking numbers and weighing myself constantly going "why am I NOT GAINING WHAT THE HECK!!!" I was counting out calories to calculate how much I needed to gain a pound a week and it was driving me insane.. I stopped doing that, I eat and I don't look at the scale and guess what? I looked at my scale this morning and BINGO I gained!!!! FINALLY.. I was overjoyed, I noticed that i Looked healthier, my face did and my stomach had a bit of padding and I though "hmm let me just see if this working" and it was.

My parents are all "you should be 105 blah blah" and I think "I will be where my body wants me to be healthy" and that is exactly what my doctors have said too, that your body knows your healthy weight and it will get you there, take your nutritionist and doctors advice and just focus on your health.

Musle..do YOGA you use your own body weight and as you gain you bulid MUSCLE...i do it daily and i'm getting musles in my legs and arms.

You are NOT giving up on your body, you are HELPING your body GROW STRONG and HEALTHY!  you're scared it makes sense becuase it's a place that you are not familiar with or comfortable with...you're not wrong..your not accepting youre HELPING your body get to a healthy weight.

~tiff

the lowest "healthiest" weight is a number determined using BMI not wat ur body says.... the figure might be a just about healthy BMI but it doesn mean its wat ur body wants to be. i would view settling as an unhappy state also, but if u achieve one stupid number then u will be settling in every other area of ur life. coz all ul ever focus on is that one number... and if u binge and it deviates everything else will go to crap aswell.

why is skinnier better?, i would think that some one who loves and accepts themselves is far more worthwhile company than some one always chasing fittness, low body fat and sveltness.

do u not think u are being very judgemental to those who have worked so hard at accepting themselves... i think its a very harsh and rather mean comment to say these ppl have given up on their bodies-when actually the'v done something incredibly brave. they have fought the eating disorder, and they are risking having a full and complete life with happiness in every sphere not jus weight.

u know iv ben keepn an eye on ur posts..... and ur above confirms what i thought. ur not ready to get better, u are still chasing false Gods in an ED

if i could chose between being 110-115, 16% bodyfat OR

being comfortable with who i am, radiating my hunger for life to eveyone i meet... then id choose the latter. neither is easy  but one is much more fullfilling. (and it isnt the weight one)

I want to be 103 pounds, the lowest healthy weight possible for me, and STILL be all muscle.

The question is...would you be happy if you were all muscle, had the measurements you want, yet weighed 110lbs?

Your statement contridicts itself...which do you want 103? or muscle? what if you can't have both?

i hear ya. but dont focus on a weight number. its what you look like & feel that matters. like i would be perfectly happy at my current weight but i carry my weight in my hips & thighs and they still need some work. but my main goal is to have the best shapely legs possible by my wedding. and then my next goal would be to either keep striving for them next year for ibiza.  there is a difference between settling & accepting but we need to live in reality. if your health starts to suffer for the perfect weight then you know you've gone to far.

ive had a couple of people say to just be happy as well. & i would but they can't see my legs because i dont wear anything above the knee. i dont need to lose that much more. but im not worried about weight, heck if i could look good at 200lbs i wouldn't care.

What I want to know is where you got that low number.  There are many different kinds of BMI charts.   According to halls.md there are at least 7 BMI charts you can follow to determine your ideal weight. 

According to:

Peoples Choice,  I should weigh 147 lbs.  

Medically recommended I weight between 111 - 146

Met Life says between 127 and 141

Devine formula says  121

Robinson Formula says 123

Miller formula says 129

Hamwi formula says 120

So what did you do, just check out one chart and go with the 103? 

Maybe you should consider checking out all the formulas.  Maybe just maybe one of them says you have already hit the bottom of your ideal weight.  And if thats true, then not going all the way down to 103 wouldn't be settling it would be accepting that the formula that says you have already hit rock bottom is the correct formula for you. 

You can find all these formulas at http://www.halls.md/ideal-weight/body.htm