What do you acknowledge as the worst part(s) of depression?

My top 5 worst symptoms of depression and how I try to handle them:

1.     Low energy: “I can’t move”

Realistically, you can’t just stay home, in bed all day. Who’s gonna walk the dogs? How would i get a paycheck? BUT how can I do something when my energy and will are null??? Baby step thinking: “If I can just get through today and get back home”. “If I can just do 2 loads of laundry instead of the 6”. It’s like my own depression life coach in my head going “you do it, just a little more”. So I walk the dog and get some #@%^ exercise! Or play Wii- that’s fun!

2.     Uncommunicative: “I want to be alone. Leave me alone”. –on the inside.

I don’t know what’s wrong. I don’t want to talk. Argh! If I do what you learned in therapy, which is to open up and tell someone how you’re feeling, I make progress by letting people in and letting them feel connected to me. I tell my husband, I’m feeling down today and why, if I know. It can be hard, but I try.

3.     Eating: “I’m gonna eat fried chicken, mashed potatoes and cupcakes all day today, and tomorrow, and maybe the next day!!”

Well ok, how about a compromise? Eat it today. But make sure its darn good, so the craving is satisfied. Then tomorrow eat healthy or healthier at least! You have to forgive yourself sometimes.  Just don’t go crazy!

4.     Loss of focus: I surf the internet all day (writing in forums) and get no work done

Prioritize and baby steps. Decide to work for a certain amount of time and play for the other time. Or better yet, work on more fun and interesting stuff. Talk to co-workers or the boss about business-related stuff. It’s all work right? Just different ways of doing it. And when I have to meet and deadline, I mentally slap myself and give myself a pep talk “listen me! You are not going to screw this up. All you need is to focus. Do a little now and schedule to work on it each day until it’s due”

5.     Guilt: I feel bad, because I feel bad

Duh! I am a depressive. But I won’t be forever, even if it feels like I will. I hate setbacks but are they really setbacks if I can manage the items above and get better at it every time? So, I try to acknowledge my feelings and any possible triggers. Hmmm, layoffs are work, scared about bills, family member sick, arguing with neighbors, and husband won’t do the dishes… or how about the 4 year anniversary of my mom’s passing? Anyone of these or all could be the trigger. I’m having a bad day, week, or month. I’m stressed out. And that’s…ok!

I agree with all of the above, but I raise you sleep disturbance, which makes everything even harder. Even with sleep meds I can't sleep very well, and I can definitely correlate my moods to the amount of sleep I manage to get each night.

Oh man - I totally forgot about sleeping problems!!!

I get nightmares and/or wake up alot. I havent found a solution, i kinda wait it out. They usually last a week or so, until i am 'back on track' (waking up and going to bed at the same time every day, excerising, not eating after 8, and not being as stressed out or depressed). 

Man, that sucks. I don't get nightmares, thank god. Yeah, since my meds don't seem to help me sleep, I recently started a daily exercise routine, and i hope that that will help with the sleeping thing.

How do you be less stressed? I'm trying to figure out how to be less anxious. My doctor prescribed xanax but as soon as i take that i just pass out, so it's kind of useless, really.

I also agree with most of that, but I would rocket sleep issues to the top of the list.  Sometimes I cant pull myself out of bed for several hours.  I fall asleep in the middle of doing weird things like cleaning house or grading papers.  I will be asleep for twice as long in a 24-hour period than i will be awake.  It's ridiculous.  But then other times, I can't sleep for anything.  I'll have this terrible insomnia for days at a time, and won't sleep the entire time.  Such as right now.  I get night terrors, chills and I talk and shout in my sleep and wake myself up.  The sleeping issues, for me, are the worst.  I have this constant headache from it all.

Im not really sure how to remedy these issues at the moment.  I suppose maybe barbiturates might help, but I would be tempted to OD.  Right now Im trying the exercise thing.  I can't tell if it's helped yet or not: it doesn't seem to be working so far.

Yeah I can totally agree with the sleeping issues. It's my top issue and something that comes up in therapy a lot. I've had trouble sleeping through the night for years. It doesn't help that I go to sleep early because I always manage to wake up during the night. The other issue is that I'm restless the majority of the time. I have trouble falling to sleep. I wonder to myself what's the point of trying to set a bedtime when it doesn't work. Eating is my second issue, that's why I'm on Calorie count to help with that then the others fall into play. I'm going through a hard time now and these are the first issues that come up for me. So I guess you can say that I'm having a setback. I hate having them when I know that I was doing well before hand. But I work with changing my habits on a daily basis and from time to time it does help.

The worst part for me is the low self-esteem, self loathing. I've learned a lot in therapy but during my setbacks I revert right back to that way of thinking, that I'm not good enough or worth the time. On a lighter note, I'm glad that I know how to cope with rethinking my thoughts.

I have noticed lately that I will have relatively vivid dreams, about realistic, normal everyday stuff, but I wake up so SAD and Miserable from the dreams, and it takes everything I have to shake that feeling. 

I totally commiserate with most of the other stuff on the list.  My problems don't involve eating though, I never have an appetite because I'm preggo.  Which also means I can't be on my normal meds cause they aren't safe...

But the headaches, no motivation, getting overwhelmed with guilt for not being able to do more... it's all there! As much as it doesn't really make anything better, its nice to know that there are other people who know how you feel without having to try to explain it to someone who just can't understand.

Hmm, so many choices!  Can I just add to the list instead?

In no particular order:

1. Low Energy

2. Uncommunicative (downright anti-social in my case, and I also won't  use the phone)

3. Eating! (Why I'm here at Calorie Count)

4. Loss of focus (I even lose focus when I'm surfing the net - forget what I'm surfing for - duh)

5. Guilt - big time (been off work all day today and have managed a total of 15 mins housework and no work-work - and the housework was after forcing myself)

6. Sleep problems (way too much, or way too little, poor quality sleep, and disturbing dreams)

7. Letting people down (not turning up for special events - I've even missed weddings and funerals, not sending apologies when I don't go, hiding from people when I'm out, not replying to work queries)

8. Not wanting to be away from home/not going out - especially at night (I don't know why - I like night-time) Example, I started going to karate classes and it really helped me with my anxiety - got my first belt, bought all the kit, DVDs, books etc, then the group moved from daytime to evening, and I never went again.

9. Oh, and not being able to make choices!  (Like my top five, lol)

its great to hear from other people what they are going through cos sometimes i feel so alone and isolated with my depression. To me it comes like a creeping crawling anxiety that wraps itself around my body like a python sucking the life out of me....the worst thing is the dark seriousness which means i feel no joy at all and only see ugliness around me. i cant talk or breathe and its pretty scary actually. it usually lasts really intensely for about a week and then somehow manage to get a grip. yesterday was my birthday so i put on some make up and heels and went out to a bar...i always thank god for those friends or people that come along who are so open and warm that they manage to reach me somehow and suddenly i dont feel so scared and alone. The other way it hits me is the eating and the constant stomach bloating from consuming too much fruit and milk. weird addictions but addictions none the less. i can eat up to 10 apples a day and a litre of milk which bloats me out....lately ive been doing a lot of yoga which helps me a lot to relax and remember to breathe. I get those night terrors too....waking up with a start, thinking i have forgotten something of life and death importance but not remembering what it is...or imagining an intruder in my room. anyway, i hope that through therapy and slowly becoming more aware of my depression i will soon be able to feel it coming on. interesting about triggers...hadnt thought of that. i think my triggers are usually guys that i am drawn to because they are not interested and make me feel bad about myself and yet i end up falling into a dark trap of opening up to them too much, giving my love to them when they clearly dont want me, probably dont give a **** about me and give nothing back. sorry this is a longwinded post...but its nice to be able to talk about this stuff even if no one is really listening!   

Original Post by abacusfinch:

..but its nice to be able to talk about this stuff even if no one is really listening!   

We're listening!  It's good  that you have a therapist to help you through this so at least you don't have to do ~everything~ the hard way - everything feels hard enough as it is when you're depressed.

And when I'm depressed I head for the fruit in the early stages, then later on I'm living off yoghurt and Doritos (Tangy Cheese).  I realised in a moment of insight I was seeking a) food that required no prep, effort to eat, clean up; b) strong umami flavour; and c) provided  comfort.  When I got my head a bit more together  I investigated ways to do this more healthily, so hopefully this winter I won't put on huge amounts of weight and feel run down all the time!

thanks normypie. let me know if you find some good healthy comforting alternatives to food!....so far i found yoga helpful as all that deep breathing is so relaxing. and walking. maybe having a dog is the answer! 

I agree with all of yours!

1. Sleeping: Either I want to sleep too much, or I can't sleep

2. Eating: but this extends both way as well. I eat constantly, or I don't want to eat.

3. Food, again: But this is because when I'm depressed it triggers what my pysch calls "disordered eating habits". It's like a constant battle in my head, wanting to starve my self to lose weight, then feeling guilty as hell when I end up bingeing. Sometimes I gain weight because I beinge, or sometimes I lose weight because I manage to starve myself. It's a lose-lose kinda thing.

4. Not wanting to talk to anyone

5. Irritable: I can get very angry and annoyed easily

6. Don't care about anything: When this gets bad, I simply don't care about ANYTHING. That school asisgnment? So what if i fail. So what if i die?

All these things get made worse because I also have anxiety and as I said, disordered eating habits. So when, for example I don't care about anything, I might snap and my anxiety kicks in and I suddenly care about everything but dont know what to do.

It's horrible. I hate it.

I have a thrilling combination of anxiety, depression, and OCD...

So basically I have constant guilt over not wanting to do anything, and a fear of not doing everything perfectly. I find that I can do absolutely nothing perfectly well. Honestly, I consider the anxiety bit to be a blessing in disguise, because I worry so much about people "finding out," or getting in trouble, that it forces me to get out of bed every day when all I really want to do is hide and disappear.

The worst part is that if I want to get anything accomplished on a single day, then I have to be at around a 90% productive level the entire time, or I will slump and do NOTHING. I can't just relax in front of the TV for a single program, because a half-hour show turns into six without a conscious choice. "I'll eat 100 calories from this bag of crackers" becomes eating the entire bag unless I get up immediately. 

One dish doesn't get cleaned immediately after use? I end up with no clean dishes or utensils at all.  And then when I finally get up the energy to clean, then I have to do it in a certain way that takes triple the time and water. All-or-nothing behavior for the win! 

Now it's time for me to get up and do stuff, or I'll sit here and surf this helpful website all day rather than get those assignments started. 

Original Post by highviscosity:

I have a thrilling combination of anxiety, depression, and OCD...

So basically I have constant guilt over not wanting to do anything, and a fear of not doing everything perfectly. I find that I can do absolutely nothing perfectly well. Honestly, I consider the anxiety bit to be a blessing in disguise, because I worry so much about people "finding out," or getting in trouble, that it forces me to get out of bed every day when all I really want to do is hide and disappear.

 

The worst part is that if I want to get anything accomplished on a single day, then I have to be at around a 90% productive level the entire time, or I will slump and do NOTHING. I can't just relax in front of the TV for a single program, because a half-hour show turns into six without a conscious choice. "I'll eat 100 calories from this bag of crackers" becomes eating the entire bag unless I get up immediately. 

One dish doesn't get cleaned immediately after use? I end up with no clean dishes or utensils at all.  And then when I finally get up the energy to clean, then I have to do it in a certain way that takes triple the time and water. All-or-nothing behavior for the win! 

Now it's time for me to get up and do stuff, or I'll sit here and surf this helpful website all day rather than get those assignments started. 

THIS. all of this. all of this every single day. i hate it. the perfectionism thing is really bad because i will freak out in the morning if ONE tiny thing messes up my "schedule" for the day. then i sit and try to figure out the most efficent way to deal with the change but i just cant decide on the best way to do it so i just sit all day. but its not happy sitting and relaxing, its me stressing out, worrying and beating myself up all day. and then when my fiance gets home, i feel so guilty and feel like hes going to judge me for sitting and "relaxing and vegging" all day. i know deep down that he understands but....its hard for me to really believe it.

i think the worst part of depression for me is that i cant stop the feeling of being judged. when im feeling better, its always in the back of my head and i can usually counter it with a positive/realistic thought but when im depressed, the feeling that everyone is judging me for the stupidest things runs my life. i cant leave the house, its hard for me to go to work, i dont even want to share what im feeling with the one person that understands, my fiance because everyone is judging me and talking about me behind my back.....i realistically KNOW that its not true but i cant convince myself of it.

Amen about the judging thing!

I should have left about four hours ago, to hole myself up in the library and get a ton of work done. Instead... nope. I couldn't get my hair right, and then I couldn't decide what shirt to wear. Because every little thing makes a STATEMENT. No one cares but me, and I know this, but still. 

I always say (and strongly believe) that the best way for me to lose weight would be as a hermit. Then I could emerge, one year later at a healthy weight, without anyone seeing me going through the process... because they're all judging me. HA! She ordered a salad, must be trying to diet. Won't it be funny when the next time I see her she's got a pint of ice cream and another ten pounds added to her butt? 
Work is painful. I know they hate me and wish I wasn't there. Awkward pauses, when I say the wrong thing and then can't explain because then I'd be admitting that I'm over thinking, and then herp-derp, I'm that "She never shuts up!" girl who eventually becomes "My God is she so annoying!" 

And the OCD? HAH! My biggest, most reoccurring obsessive thought is that someone's going to catch me not being OCD enough, and therefore have evidence that I don't have it, and I'm just pretending in order to get attention. So I'll be sitting alone in my apartment, making sure my dishes are in the correct order (from worst shape to best), hoping that no one ever visits me and catches the mess the rest of the house is in, because I'm too lethargic to clean it. 
Anyway *whoooh* I WILL leave now. And I WILL get work done. GRR!

For me the worst part about depression is feeling so low/drained/depressed/distraught that nothing can make me feel any better. Usually my low moods are kinda 'easy' i guess to fix..... you know, by getting things that are making me anxious off my shoulders, having a relaxing bath, exercise... However sometimes (about maybe once a month) this feeling comes over me that is so intense and so heavy and dark that i cant shake it off, everything is bleak and i jsut feel so **** sad. There is basically no light at the end of the tunnel at all (I can't see any positives any more). Usually the way i deal with it is to just go to sleep and hope that when i wake up i feel somewhat better.

Oh, and high viscosity, i totally know what you mean about thinking that being a hermit will be the best way to loose weight. i wish there was a reason why i didnt have to see anyone for the next 6 months or so... i fantasize about what it would be like to have a period of time alone and come back "transformed" hahaha :/  but then there are other times where i seirously CANT BE ALONE - does any one else get that? Its like, i need someone there all the time, does me head in to be by myself!

Guilt for me is the strongest and the worst feeling. I consumes me. I feel like I have not made myself and the people around me proud enough of my accomplishments. It is also the feeling that drives me into compulsive action - and nothing in my life ever really benefits from my compulsiveness. 

Other feelings associated with depression that I hate the most are feelings of hopelessness and uselessness.

I think being anti social and feeling guilty all the time are the worst parts. Being depressed on top of feeling like you need to be alone, then being alone and feeling alone just adds up to more depression.

You feel guilty about talking about with people who are "happy" because you know it just brings them down and most probably just don't care. It all just adds up and makes you feel everything else. Continuous cycle..

For me, the worst part is the complete disconnect between myself and the rest of the world. Like I'll be somewhere in public and I feel like I'm watching a movie or a dream or something. I feel so pointless and isolated whenever this comes over me. Letting people down comes as a close second. I'll have a good moment and tell my brother that I'll go to a club with him and his friends and then change my mind because I don't feel like doing anything. In the end, I spend the evening sitting on my couch at the computer wasting time. Everything just seems like such a chore.

Yeah, I understand what you mean. That seems to be happening to me a lot more lately. I can't seem to concentrate on anything or stay interested in anything for long. Complete roller coaster..

For me, the worst thing about depression is when I start sliding into it, and I can see it happening; the lack of contact with people, or the making dates to meet for coffee, see a ball game, watch a friend play sport and then cancelling at the last minute because the idea of being with people is too hard to handle, because I'm thinking that they're all going to judge me and find me wanting.  The staying indoors, because to go out and do things is so much too hard, the lack of positive thoughts - thoughts becoming all or nothing, and catastophizing everything.  And I know where this ends up - with me rocking backwards and forwards on a bed in the middle of the day with the curtains shut, startling at sounds outside the door in case there's a person there that I'll have to interact with, and years of my life being wasted.  The not telling anyone what's going on in my head, the feeling guilty because of draining good, normal, happy people.