What if I add more calories?

Hey everyone,

I am worried and have a concern about how much I should be eating, but before I ask my specific question, I need to give some background information.  I will try to make it as brief as possible, as I have previously posted a detailed description of my past few months. 

For the past year or so, I have been suffering with anorexia.  I am a 20-year-old, 5'4" girl.  Between last July to November, I dropped 20 or so pounds, leaving me at 76 pounds.  I stayed at that weight until May when I began working with a nutritionist.  Unfortunately, she let me go after just a few weeks, but I kept trying to gain on my own.  I got myself to 2,500-2,700 calories everyday for 5-6 weeks.  In that time, I quickly gained about 20 pounds.  When I got to 98-100 pounds, I stopped trying to gain.  Yes, I do understand that is still not a healthy weight for my height and is underweight, but I just felt very scared and uncomfortable gaining passed 100, as I have never weighed much over that my whole life.  I know that shows that I am nowhere near being recovered mentally, and I am well aware of that.  I truly need to work on that or get someone to help me work on it since it has been really hard doing this all on my own.  When I first started trying to maintain about a month ago, I lowered my calories to 1,800.  I was running 20-25 minutes everyday, taking walks, and doing ab exercises and Pilates daily (Yes, I also have issues with over-exercising).  I seemed to be maintaining fine on that amount and with all of that exercise, and I was happy because I also just love running because it frees my always-stressed and worried mind.  However, after a couple of weeks of resumming my running, I injured my ankle.  I am still waiting for it to heal, so I have ceased the running for the time being.  Instead, I have taken up with using the elliptical for 20-30 minutes at the gym 6 days a week.  I also ride the stationary bike for 5-10 minutes and continue to do my ab and Pilates workouts daily.  When I had to stop running a few weeks ago, I paniced and lowered my calories to 1,600.  I have been at that amount for 3 weeks now, I think.  I just felt nervous about continuing to eat 1,800 without running because the elliptical doesn't seem to be even half as stenuous or active as the treadmill. 

I am just really worried what I am doing to myself with only 1,600 calories.  It doesn't seem like enough, and I have even been experiencing the heart pains the past few days that I was having for months at my lowest weight.  I am getting scared, and I know I should care more about my health than my weight.  I just keep telling myself, "Stop being so stupid and just eat more," but I can't get myself to do it.  I have no motivation from anyone, and no one in my family seems to notice or care.  Thus, that makes it extremely hard for me to care about myself. 

I don't know what the 1,600 calories has been doing to me because I haven't weighed myself in almost a month.  I am too nervous to see the number and start eating even less, if it were to show a gain.  I want to get myself back to eating 1,800 at the least, but I am so nervous to do so, and I just wanted some advice.  If I add in the 200 extra calories each day, will it cause weight gain?  I don't want to gain on that amount or gain anything right now.  I know I should gain more weight eventually because I really want to get my period back, and I know in my heart that it wouldn't be right to stay at this weight for the rest of my life.  I'm just not ready right now to push myself.  I admit that I might need someone to help me with that. 

I apologize for writing so much.  I didn't intend to, but I just have a lot to say and am so worried.  If anyone can please offer me some advice, I would deeply appreciate it.  I feel so lost and alone.  Thank you so much.  Take care.=)

I plugged in your stats here: http://www.bcm.edu/cnrc/bodycomp/bmiz2.htmlI

And it says with your amount of exercise you should be eating about 2100 to maintain.

I'm linking this because seeing the number I should be eating, tailored to my exact height/weight/ect., reassured me I wasn't eating enough.  I thought it might help.

At 5'4", you should be aiming higher than 100! Don't focus so much on the number--focus on your health. The reason you probably injured your ankle is because it is dangerous to be so active at such a low weight and with poor nutrition, especially with your history of being an even lower weight. 

However, as a fellow anorexic, I completely understand the mental struggle. I am currently gaining weight, my lowest being 93 (I'm almost 5'7"), and my goal weight is 125! So please please please, for your health and your future and your LIFE, up your calories and lower your activity level. It is SOOO difficult (I also have a history of over-exercise), but if you keep doing this to yourself and get injured again, you may NEVER heal and you may never run again. You don't want to be 25 and have osteoporosis and injuries and stuff. You're young, and now is the time to get your life back!

Again, I don't want you to be overwhelmed, and I totally know where you're coming from because I've been there, but just try to push through it. Maybe drinking Ensure or Boost would be a good way to tack on a few easy calories without feeling overwhelmed. I am supposed to drink 3 per day with my meal plan!!!

Anyway, best of luck to you in your recovery. Every day is a struggle for me also, so just know that you are NOT alone. But also know that your life is worth way more than a number on a scale.

Kerri: Using the elliptical machine actually burns MORE calories than running alone. It doesn't provide the impact on your bones and muscles the way running does because you aren't constantly having that compression of your feet hitting the ground. 

Bottom line: You are not healthy. You are not in a healthy mind frame at all right now, and you are probably feeling the impact of eating less. I have found for myself, that if I do not eat enough on a given day, while it may not cause an immediate weight loss, my ED thinking does start to creep in a bit more.

You need to eat more. Starting right now. You know it in your heart, you need to be eating far more than what you are for the sheer volume of activity you have taken up. Not to mention work and school! Up your calories ASAP. Go to 1800, minimum and  eat at least 2000-2100 on days you exercise and work.

I know you might not feel ready to weigh more yet. Believe me, I understand. But you've got to at least do your damnedest to maintain the weight you're at now.  One day, you will feel ready. I know because I've been there, and am only now hopping full swing back into gaining. You will get there Kerri, but you've got to let your body heal and get yourself back on track. 

Kb77: well to put it simply, the 1800 calories is only 200 more than you're currently eating...even if 1600 was maintenance then it would require 17 days to gain a single pound. That's only 2 pounds in 1 month. Considering you're still very underweight, gaining that amount would only be beneficial, and appearance wise it would be minor. If you've gone this long without weighing then continue to do so and you'll be fine. Eat high calorie, low bulk foods and you won't even be able to tell. Mentally I know its a challenge but you can do it!

the girls have given grt advice dont think i could add anything, you and do this kb everyone is behind you h x

kb,

Can you afford individual therapy?  A therapist might help you with you body image issues.  I wouldn't bother with the scale if it terrifies you.  Until you can face the truth of the scale, what good would it do you.

When you can face the scale either for good or bad, then do it and you will know where you stand.  You can use it as a TOOL.  That is all it is.  The scale doesn't judge you.  It is not good or bad.  It is only a tool in your arsenal.

Then you can use the scale kind of like a speedometer on a car.  It lets you know whether to add more gas or use the brake....

So nice to meet you.

I was underweight, running, not eating enough, and had an ankle injury. A bad one - ouch! It knocked me out for a while. When I started eating more, it helped with recovery. If you're not eating enough, your body won't want you to exercise, and it will NOT be kind in showing you that.

Eat to live. At 5'4", I was bony at 117 (that was at age 11), I got my period once and it didn't come back until I stopped working out so much and cutting calories and started making time to sit on my butt and eat french toast... somewhere around 130.

Hi everyone.=)  Thank you all so much for your replies and most helpful advice and care.  I am still having a hard time with everything and am struggling to even get in the 1,600, but I know I need to push myself.  I just feel lucky and thankful that I can come on here to post and talk to people who truly care and understand.  I often times feel so alone and like giving up, so it is great that I can turn to this site.  Your words and kindness mean more than you know.

These past few days, it feels as though my ankle has gotten worse.  It has almost been two months since the injury, so I am getting very discouraged and anxious.  I don't want there to be permenant damage and never be able to run again.  I am so scared for that because running is such a big part of who I am and what I love to do.  Who should I go to to have it checked out?  I mentioned seeing an orthopedist to my mom, but she got mad at me and said that nothing can be done and that it will just heal on its own.  So that's why I have put off getting it looked at, but I really want to.  I hope that things will be okay.

Again, thank you very much.  I could not ask for better support.  You all truly gave me the courage to keep on going.  Take care of yourselves, as well.=)

why did your nutritionist let you go???

Are you still trying to be active on the ankle when you should not be? I would sit your mom and tell her your struggles again. In my eyes no matter what you need the ankle checked. You don't want permenant damage due to not getting treated properly. Does your mom know that you are struggling ed wise again? To me since you were eating 2500 you need to get back there and focus on getting to a healthy weight not a pre set low number. It is going to be scary trust me I am facing that not but there is no alternative other then misery. The goal needs to be to gain. At first you may gain quicker cause your body holds on to water. Since you are struggling I encourage you to preplan. When I was increasing we did 200-500 increases every 2 days. Can you do that? Is there someone else you can see since the other professional did not? Was it because your weight was so low?

If you feel that at this moment in time you can only maintain a weight of around 100lbs then I think you should be able to do that – with the hope of gaining more later on. The exercise you do does seem rather a lot and slightly regimented, but of course 30 minutes a day for “normal’ people is a healthy amount. Aim to give your ankle a rest and eat a comfortable amount of calories -

I think that by being 5ft 4 your BMR is around 1500 (to maintain a weight of 100lbs - being sedimentary). Considering the exercise you do, I’m guessing you burn at least 300 calories a day through that, therefore eating below 1800 will only lead to gradual weight loss, not maintenance. Your calorie intake while gaining weight is 700 – 1000 calories above the amounts that you have been consuming recently – therefore gaining on 1800 does not seem likely and in the instance you did it would most definitely not be rapid!

I know that you don’t feel recovered from your ED mentally yet and want to hold the weight you are - I would suggest setting yourself mini challenges; which aren’t so much to do with gaining weight more so in changing your mind set. Test yourself to see if you can go a day without the exercise – and still eat 1600-1800 calories. I think getting in a habit of being comfortable eating without exercising will be a massive and hugely rewarding step in the right direction.

When dealing with anorexia, it is not so much calories as it is balance.  Many small meals/snack in a day.  You should eat a healthy food every couple of hours especially if you are working out alot. 

The other piece of information I would give would be for you to go to the doctor and have a full blood workup done.  You may be very low in iron and B12 which would result in chest pains.

Hope this helps.