Adjusting your mental image to the new you

In no way saying I understand what someone with an ED goes through at all, in any way shape or form. ( just in case anyone misreads my post)

I have been amazed at how my mental vision of myself hasn't changed from me being overweight.

What I mean is that when I was 47 pounds heavier I looked in the mirror and saw a fat person - because I was fat.

Now 47 pounds lighter I am finding it hard to see a skinnier person.  I still see a fat person.  In part because I still have some weight to lose but in the main because your mind doesn't see the gradual lose of weight you have made and still seems to see you as your old fat self.

Hope that makes sense??!?

Having seen photos of what I was like before has really helped as holding those up I can clearly see the difference and see the positive changes but without them I seem to have a slightly warped perception.
Interestingly hubby is having the same problem.

I can see that I could easily keep pushing to lose more weight and wonder how easy it would be to not realise when you have really lost enough because of the brain's warped view of remembering itself fat.

Just wondering if others have felt this way.  If this in anyway is what has happened for some who have developed an ED?

PS Don't have any worries about me as my head is screwed on tight and I am still around 160 lbs so not going to fade away anytime this year lol.

Congratulations on the weight loss, that's great.

I lost 50lb over some years, my problem is not quite the same... I feel fat, when I look at my body just in normal life (like looking down at my arms and legs) I think I am big, and then I catch myself in a mirror or see a photo of some slim little girl, and I'm - after all this time - still shocked. Is that me?

I have run into sort of the same thing! But before I started losing weight, when I looked in the mirror, I wouldn't see myself as big as I actually was... It was like my brain was trying to keep my feelings from getting hurt, lol. It wasn't until I saw a picture of myself that I realized just how big I really was! Now, 50lbs lighter, I still see that same person looking back at me from the mirror, and it's not until I see a picture of myself that I realize just how much smaller I really am... It's weird! I just started taking pictures of myself on a more regular basis, so that I can see me the way the rest of the world does, and not the altered view that I have of myself. :o)

I wonder at what age or stage in life you form that essential mental image of what you look like. I was never a thin teenager (though not very overweight), I think I assumed I would always be like that...

makenasmom, I was looking at some pictures recently--current and old--and realized that I pretty much did the same thing you did. The image I always had of myself was, I'm finding, about where I am now, some 60 pounds lighter than when I started. I came across a picture of me sitting on my horse waiting to show from last fall and nearly choked. My poor Deucer... ^_^ That would be the picture that slapped me upside the head, btw. I hadn't seen it in six or eight months, though.

So I looked at the pictures my dad recently snapped of me on my colt and was not surprised because that's how I've always seen myself. I look in the mirror when I'm wearing the good stuff instead of oversized t-shirts, though, and I have to grin cuz I look pretty good. When I reach my goal, I wonder how long it's going to take to replace the image I've carried for probably the last ten years with the reality. Hmm...

I feel the same way, I never feel like I've reached my "goal"  each time I set a goal weight, once I get there, I drop it lower because I dont look as small as I thought I would look.  Itts very frustrating, and very confusing.  Those dumb weight carts tick me off to, you know those "ideal weight" for your height? I'm a nurse, and we use them all the time, but they're bull, mine says that for 5'5 i should be 115-140, I weigh 135, so that puts me in the "at risk" for being overweight mark.  If I were 115 I would look sick.  I dont know, its a woman thing I think, we are never happy with ourselves, I mean, I feel better now then I did 5 years ago when I was 230lbs, but I'm not so sure I feel any less "fat" and I still have the same fears when I am out in public.... are people staring at me and making fun of my size? Are my sleeves too short showing my fat arms? Are my rolls visable through my shirt....................... hard to break after years of being obese.

Totally understand, I still start in the plus size department when I'm shopping but I'm not longer a plus size.  I can't wrap my head around it and I've been doing this a little more then a year.  60 pounds later I'll notice something here or there but my body as a whole doesn't seem to have changed much....to me.  Everyone else is like OMG LOOK AT YOU!

Original Post by stdsmb19:

makenasmom, I was looking at some pictures recently--current and old--and realized that I pretty much did the same thing you did. The image I always had of myself was, I'm finding, about where I am now, some 60 pounds lighter than when I started. I came across a picture of me sitting on my horse waiting to show from last fall and nearly choked. My poor Deucer... ^_^ That would be the picture that slapped me upside the head, btw. I hadn't seen it in six or eight months, though.

So I looked at the pictures my dad recently snapped of me on my colt and was not surprised because that's how I've always seen myself. I look in the mirror when I'm wearing the good stuff instead of oversized t-shirts, though, and I have to grin cuz I look pretty good. When I reach my goal, I wonder how long it's going to take to replace the image I've carried for probably the last ten years with the reality. Hmm...

This is me exactly.  I've lost 19 pounds, and I'm still 9 pounds above a healthy BMI, but around this weight is where I maintained for years, so what I look like now is the mental image I have of myself.  When I was heavier, I looked in the mirror.  I saw the rolls and how heavy I'd gotten, but unless I actively thought about it, the mental image I had of who I thought I was projecting to the world is what I look like now -- not a thin person, but not bordering on obese either.

But yeah, I also wonder what will happen when I get thinner.  I keep looking in the mirror to check if I can wear a bikini yet (never worn one in my life).  I wonder if I'll ever look in that mirror and see a body that can pull off a bikini.

I think we all "pose" to a certain extent when we look in the mirror, or focus on one aspect of our looks (is my lipstick on my teeth?), so it is hard to "see" the changes when we lose weight.  When I was in my twenties I lost a fair amount of weight, and it took a long time for my brain to catch up with the changes.  What did it for me was a photograph with some friends and then catching a glimpse of a thin woman in a mirror (that happened to be me!).

Also, as I age my mental picture is still of someone in her thirties.  Even though I "see" the wrinkles and the gray hair, they don't really register until I see a photo.  Many years ago, my mother mentioned she caught a glimpse of herself in a mirror unexpectedly at the department store and wondered what her mother was doing there (her mother lived in a different town) until she realized that she was seeing herself.

Maybe this is why the most successful weight loss is associated with goals of better health or mobility.  If we are losing weight solely for the sake of our appearance we never seem to "catch up" to reality.  But, even though I have a lot of weight left to lose, I already feel better (more active, more healthy) so I am not stressing about the fact that my self-image is lagging my actual body shape.

I totally hear you! Even though I'm almost 15lb less than 2 years ago, I find it hard to shake the physical feeling of feeling 'fat'. In the mirror, I can see changes, and I KNOW I've become lighter and can see it physically, but for me, when I'm out and walking around it's the physical feeling of 'fat' that has been hard to shake. I feel like I'm wobbling all over the place when I'm walking and feel really horrible, (I don't really have any wobbly bits anymore though :) but then I'll catch my reflection and be like oh! I look pretty good! I don't really understand it - maybe it's some form of physical memory that your body / mind has? Maybe I haven't lived with my 'new' weight long enough to form a memory of that yet? I don't have an answer for you of how to shake the mental image - maybe make a big effort to really ingrain it into your mind that you look GREAT and better than before and it will start to feel more real? 

I feel the same way.


Ive lost 100 pounds and i feel and see exactly teh ame.


When i look at pictures i see a moster difference but i still hard .


Its defently wierd

I'm with you! I've been overweight since about age 7, and now at 20 years old, for the first time people are calling me 'skinny'. 

I always used to get teased for my weight throughout school, and now n a group of friends, I still consider myself the 'fat' one, especially if we're eating, and am super self conscious because I think everyone's thinking "oh there goes the fat girl eating again". 

The scale's gone down, but I still think when it comes to my weight, my self esteem is in the dumps...who knows how long it'll take to get used to my new body, and get over all the hurtful things that still kick around in my head to this day..

I think it just takes some time, and looking at pictures of yourself before and now really helps too, I find. Even so....I am still surprised at my image sometimes, I see a normal-sized girl in a window reflection and am surprised that it's me.

My bf confessed that when he is trying to find me in a crowd, he is looking for a larger woman, and sometimes looks right past me. So it takes time for other people's image of you to change too!

Original Post by victoriagirl:

I think it just takes some time, and looking at pictures of yourself before and now really helps too, I find. Even so....I am still surprised at my image sometimes, I see a normal-sized girl in a window reflection and am surprised that it's me.

My bf confessed that when he is trying to find me in a crowd, he is looking for a larger woman, and sometimes looks right past me. So it takes time for other people's image of you to change too!

This is so true in general, and not just in terms of weight.  For example, my friends's 8 year old daughter used to be blonde, but her hair has darkened in the last few years.  If you asked anyone who just met her what color her hair is, they'd say brown, but I still think of her as being blonde, even when I'm looking right at her.

I remember when I was 15, my mother completely replaced all the downstairs carpeting a few months before I went away for the summer.  When I came home, even though I had lived with the new carpeting before I left, I was still expecting the old carpeting.  That's the image I had in my mind of my house.  But I got used to the changes, and now I expect the house to look like it does.  I imagine eventually we'll get used to our new body images as well.  It just takes time.

I know exactly what you mean! I keep seeing the heavy person I became, not the thinner one that is re-emerging. I was thin well into my 30s, so when I started gaining all this weight, I stopped looking in the mirror. I still have the "who is that fat person?" thought when I do stop and look. I don't really see the difference in the almost 14 pounds and 5" loss...I still see the "fat" me. I hope that changes!

keep a pair of pants from your fatter days

then try them on after you lose a bunch of weight

just make sure it's only ONE pair and put like a grape juice stain on it so you absolutely can't grow into them again

Original Post by thin_girl:

 

just make sure it's only ONE pair and put like a grape juice stain on it so you absolutely can't grow into them again

 LOL! Grape juice stain, that's funny.

I have two items of clothes in my entire wardrobe that don't fit. One, a pair of pants from when  I was at my largest (size 26)....once in a while I try them on to see how far I have come. They are way huge now, but surprisingly thay are also way too long! And the second thing is a pair of skinny jeans from like 1990 that  I used to wear as a teenager. Weird that I kept them all these years, but i am glad I did...when I started they were comically small, I could not even get them past my calves, and they just looked way too tiny to ever fit me again. Now....they still don't fit but I can get them all the way up my legs and over my butt. And even wilder is that they just don't LOOK so tiny anymore. They look like a size I might one day be.

I remember the first pair of size 16 jeans I bought a few months ago...I thought they looked WAY too small to fit me, but they did. I still marvel at how small they look. It's taking time, but these are things that help me adjust my mental image of myself.

Original Post by victoriagirl:

Original Post by thin_girl:

 

just make sure it's only ONE pair and put like a grape juice stain on it so you absolutely can't grow into them again

 LOL! Grape juice stain, that's funny.

I have two items of clothes in my entire wardrobe that don't fit. One, a pair of pants from when  I was at my largest (size 26)....once in a while I try them on to see how far I have come. They are way huge now, but surprisingly thay are also way too long! And the second thing is a pair of skinny jeans from like 1990 that  I used to wear as a teenager. Weird that I kept them all these years, but i am glad I did...when I started they were comically small, I could not even get them past my calves, and they just looked way too tiny to ever fit me again. Now....they still don't fit but I can get them all the way up my legs and over my butt. And even wilder is that they just don't LOOK so tiny anymore. They look like a size I might one day be.

I remember the first pair of size 16 jeans I bought a few months ago...I thought they looked WAY too small to fit me, but they did. I still marvel at how small they look. It's taking time, but these are things that help me adjust my mental image of myself.

:)

i have a pair of pants like that too.. used to look so tiny but now i can zip them up and everything, they are just snug

I know what you mean. When I was in grade 5-6 I was really overweight, and it took me forever to realize it because I gained it so quickly and never thought of myself as fat. I didn't realize how fat I was until I saw pictures of myself. I've lost weight since then, and just lost an added 17 pounds but I still feel fat because of when I was overweight.

Some times I look in the mirror and think I look great, but other times I still see myself as fat. Oddly enough, when I'm at other people house I find that I look a lot skinnier, I don't understand it.

I usually only really notice that I've lost so much weight when I see pictures of myself and how much weight I've actually lost.