Were you adopted?

Hey all,

I'm seriously thinking about adopting from China in the coming few years, and was just wondering if any of you have been adopted from China (or adopted in general), and how your lives have been and how you feel about it? I guess I was wondering how these children feel when they grow up if they grow up under parents who aren't Chinese...

do you feel some kind of cultural loss at all? Did your parents ever try to involve you in your culture or heritage via a cultural center or something of that matter? If so, were you interested in it, or did it kind of feel forced?

Just curious! Thanks for answering!

I am not adopted, but my husband's entire family is adopted. His parents are white. My husband, the oldest was adopted from the USA. Then, they adopted another boy, who was from El Salvador. Next is a girl, also from El Salvador; a boy from Guatemala; a girl from Chile, and another boy from the USA. The youngest was a foster child, whom they just ended up adopting after having him for several years. They were all adopted into NH, which at the time, had a population that was mostly Caucasian. The only issues that they have ever expressed were just a few things like name calling in high school. As for the relationship with the parents, they all consider their parents to be their parents. No questions asked. The only desire any of them have expressed in being connected with their birth families is just to obtain medical history. If anything, I have noticed a stronger loyalty between them then you sometimes see in other families. They all feel as though they were chosen by their parents, wanted, and given a better life as a result. Their parents did not have a strong focus on connecting the children with their culture, but all of the children, except for the middle son, were adopted at a very young age. They all identify as being American. The middle son, being older when he was brought to the states has been effected. Spanish was his first language, and he moved to an environment where nobody else spoke that language. He also had the opportunity to learn some of the traditions and things of Guatemala, and I do think that he misses that. Now that they are older, and live in more diverse populations, sometimes they are approached and spoken to in the language that people expect them to speak, and when they don't understand what people are saying to them, that can be a bit awkward. So, I guess, my advice to you would be to try and make their culture and language accessible to them if they want it, but I wouldn't force it.

i am not, but a very good friend of mine adopted a baby girl from china.  it has been fabulous.  my friend was single and in her fourties, so wasn't eligible for an infant; her daughter was 15 months old when they came home.  she's seven now, and they have a perfectly normal relationship (though the seven year old is a tall prim-and-proper girly-girl while her mom is a short, stocky jock).

the kid has been a bonding machine since she arrived.  initially she was wary of fair-haired people.  she took to me immediately and we've always been close, even though i've been away the last three years and have only seen her a few times. 

i absolutely would recommend going this route, and am considering it myself.  my friend researched thoroughly, and decided that china was the best option because prenatal care is excellent, drug & alcohol abuse is rare, and the agencies strive to make good matches. 

the downside is that the babies who aren't high functioning and likely to bond are kept in orphanages and not put up for adoption at all.  sad.  but if you're looking for a healthy, adaptive kid, i absolutely recommend china.

obviously your kid will have to deal with issues around not looking like you.  i think if you're open about this from the beginning, it will be managable.  my friend's daughter was wearing a pendant when she was abandonned, and my friend has always assumed that this means that her birth mom wants to be found.  she intends to do that, with her daughter.

I'm planning on adopting a Korean child at some point. Adopting within Korea (by Koreans) is extremely rare. When I've questioned my friends about it, the answer is just that no one wants someone else's kid. Since I know about Korean culture and am learning Korean (and will know a lot more by the time I leave in a few years), I've decided I'll adopt from here. I think it's important to allow the child to retain their own culture and if I can, I'd like the child to keep their language as well. I've also thought about adopting from Russia for the same reasons.

The friends I have who were adopted had no desire to find their birth families (though none were international adoptions). And I've been told as long as your open with the child about the fact that they were adopted (easier to hide with a child of the same race as you), then it's usually easier for the child to deal with.

wow, thanks for these responses! You all have some amazing stories.

According to China's eligibility rules, I have to be 30 to adopt, and I'm only 23 at the moment, so I have some time to think about it!

I'm adopted, white and American.  Growing up adopted, you're aware that family is not blood, it's love.

I ended up marrying a Japanese, so our kids are growing up in 2 cultures.

 

Anyway, I don't think they would "miss" anything.  Culture is where you grew up and who you identify with, not your race.  If you adopt a child from China, he will identify with US culture, and also with Asian-Americans, and what's wrong with that?

He can always go on a voyage of discovery when he's 18.  He won't be "missing" anything, just growing up with a family who loves him and a wealth of experiences.