Advice on insecurity in a relationship?

I've recently started dating my first boyfriend. We've seen eachother every day since we've met, and spend a good deal of time together each day. All is going well in that part.

But, I've had bad experiences in the past with guys and therefore get insecure sometimes. My boyfriend has never hinted towards or tried to pressure me into sex. But sometimes I'll be happy one minute, then get totally insecure and get quiet and withdrawn.

He's been very patient and says I just need to let him know when I feel uncomfortable. I don't want these stupid episodes to keep happening, though. Don't get me wrong--I'm not looking to be "easier" to give in to sex, I just don't want to feel insecure when my boyfriend has done nothing wrong. In fact, I've never been more comfortable around any other guy. But because he is a guy, I get weird every so often.

Has anyone else had this problem, or does anyone have any suggestions?

Honey, you have nothing to worry about...You are young and still trying to figure out how to be in a relationship with the opposite sex. How you feel is normal, everyone at some point in time has felt this way while dating. Sex isn't required in a serious dating relationship, so those times your feeling insecure about the solidity of what you have with your boyfriend think about it this way--take confidence in his patience and reverence for you as a person you don't have to have sex to relate to him better. Spending time and taking your time is how you form a close relationship, and if you give it (sex) all away now what will be left for him to wait for? Be glad that he is willing in spite of his "guyness" to control himself for you. Just because he isn't having sex with you doesn't mean he isn't attracted to you or is going elsewhere for satisfaction. Remember: You don't have to be a victim of your passions, you are in control of them and so is he. Sounds to me he's a KEEPER!

sounds like he is a really good guy. would it be possible for you to tell him just what you just told us? like "hey, sorry, i know i'm acting weird right now, it's nothing you did" then explain to him in as much depth as you feel comfortable that you had a bad time of it in the past and you get a little insecure sometimes. if this is someone you think you might eventually become very intimate with, you should be able to talk to him about how you are feeling.

that way he won't be sitting there thinking "oh no, what did i do to upset her!" and he'll be able to be there for you when you are feeling uncomfortable.  

Thanks for the advice. I know I am lucky to have such a patient boy. I know that he will wait for me (since he's never let me down) but I just wish I could be better for him after he's been so good to me. Like when I feel insecure, it will seriously come out of nowhere and I can't help it.

But he keeps calling and making plans every day, so I guess he doesn't mind too much.. :)

sounds to me like he is smitten :)

just make sure you are straight forward and honest with him and things should work out just fine.

You lucky duck!  Meeting such a cool guy who is patient and respects your boundaries. 

It's important to learn your personal boundaries and not feel ashamed at all.  Bad experiences can be really shaking and it takes time to learn from our bad experiences while still learning how to trust people who haven't done anything. 

It may help to let him know how you feel . . . and even to tell him about your past.  But do realize that if he continues to earn your trust you will naturally feel more and more comfortable with him and you shouldn't ever have to try to force it. 

He's been very patient and says I just need to let him know when I feel uncomfortable.

Wow, what a guy!  So often the other person thinks or is told that its not your problem but someone who cares is going to help the other person.  

When you feel that way, remind yourself how he doesnt want you to feel insecure because he cares about you as well other things he appreciates about you to build yourself up.  Come up with concrete things you like about yourself that you can focus on when those feelings hit and you can add to it also that this great guy has chosen you too.

 

I read a book once called "Boundaries in Dating" which sounds like it might be good to recommend here.  The book stresses how important boundaries are to successful dating, helps the reader determine what their personal boundaries are and how to defend them appropriately. 

In a different direction - are you insecure not because of sex but because he's being so good to you?

I really never thought I would meet a man that was decent to me. I thought I'd put up with crap because I was a woman and that's what was expected of me. I'd also been in a really border-line mentally abusive relationship where I put up with a lot of crap. When I met my current boyfriend, I always felt insecure around him because I figured either I didn't deserve him or I couldn't possibly be as good to him as he was to me and he would just leave.

Even today, three years later, I jumped on him for being a jerk and implying I couldn't drive fast enough because he wanted to drive to school (and he almost never drives.) However, he just wanted to make sure he could drop me off and then park so that I wouldn't be late to class. -_- Like somehow by making him into a bad guy it will make my failures as a girlfriend not so harsh.

But this is all BS. You have to treat him as well as you can and you deserve to have him treat you as well as he can! He sounds like a great guy and you should expect a great guy. It's difficult to do, but the only thing that works for me is to force myself to realize that I deserve him and that I can only do what I can do. If I'm not treating him as well as he'd like, he has to leave me, the same as I would leave him if he wasn't treating me well.

Sorry this wasn't more helpful. But I just wanted to throw it at you from a different perspective.