After the Affair

After being married for 11 years I had an affair with my ex boyfriend. We dated when we were both 17 years old. Now both of us are married with children and he is a sheriff on his second marriage.  We have always loved eachother although I know i made a mistake but I somehow feel I am with the wrong person. How can I get this long time love out of my heart and mind?

Is there a question here?

I have to assume there was going to be more to this post.

maybe she thinks she's on that confessions site.

Are you trying to out yourself?
If hubby doesn't already know, he will once he checks the history on your computer. 

Like PostSecret

Original Post by 032273girl:

After being married for 11 years I had an affair with my ex boyfriend. We dated when we were both 17 years old. Now both of us are married with children and he is a sheriff on his second marriage.  We have always loved eachother although I know i made a mistake but I somehow feel I am with the wrong person. How can I get this long time love out of my heart and mind?

 Start by stop seeing him and idolizing him. 

Listen, Girly.

You can't have your cake and eat it too. You have to go back to your husband and children, tell him what happened and cease ALL Contact with the ex, or you dump the husband and children and good luck finding yourself a new guy.

Either or.

Good luck with your decision. Choose wisely!

Did anyone notice that this is a new account and this is their only post?

Color me suspicious, but I suspect this isn't authentic.

Original Post by smwhipple:

Did anyone notice that this is a new account and this is their only post?

Color me suspicious, but I suspect this isn't authentic.

I noticed. First post, but not a new account (created in April)

Seriously?!

If you think you're with the wrong person, you are.

Anyone who thinks their husband is the wrong person doesn't deserve their husband.

Original Post by nasuoni:

If you think you're with the wrong person, you are.

Anyone who thinks their husband is the wrong person doesn't deserve their husband.

 ^This.

Original Post by nasuoni:

If you think you're with the wrong person, you are.

Anyone who thinks their husband is the wrong person doesn't deserve their husband.

Indeed.

Cheating on Him with your Ex sort of cinches it. You don't deserve your husband.

Original Post by hkellick:

Original Post by nasuoni:

If you think you're with the wrong person, you are.

Anyone who thinks their husband is the wrong person doesn't deserve their husband.

Indeed.

Cheating on Him with your Ex sort of cinches it. You don't deserve your husband.

 DING DING DING :D

Original Post by 032273girl:

After being married for 11 years I had an affair with my ex boyfriend. We dated when we were both 17 years old. Now both of us are married with children and he is a sheriff on his second marriage.  We have always loved eachother although I know i made a mistake but I somehow feel I am with the wrong person. How can I get this long time love out of my heart and mind?

Unstated but reading between the lines here:

-he is not interested in leaving his spouse and kids for you, though sometimes you think you would do so for him.

-it isn't over in your heart, though it may or may not be "officially" over.

Either way, there are two separate questions you are really asking yourself:

-should you leave your husband? (knowing that this will not mean being with your lover, but rather being alone)

-how to get the ex-lover off your mind?

As for question 1, only you can decide. Personally I would recommend going into counseling with your husband and seeing if you can make it work out, try to rediscover what you liked about each other in the first place, mainly because you have kids and divorce would be rough on them. Then again if you can't make it work out, then it's better to be from a broken home than to live in one.

Question 2 is harder - time, distance and distraction being the only reliable ways to get people out of your head. If you were not married with kids I would recommend starting a nice new rebound relationship, as the fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone else - but in your case this is problematic (see question 1). So just stay away, no cyberstalking, no contact, burn the letters and mementoes etc, and throw yourself into the rest of your life with enthusiasm, including trying to figure out if you can stay married.

Good luck.

p.s. whether you deserve your husband or not is kind of a sideline here - as is whether or not you tell him. Are you willing to recommit and work it out, or not, is the most important decision facing you right now, IMO.

Start by finding out how many other women he has cheated on his wives with (want to bet that is how marriage #1 ended?).  Then, if you don't find anything out, think about what the news of his affair will do to his career and family.  Nothing is likely to come of this affair.  It would cost him too much.  You were just a little bit of fun on the side.

Thank you so much for your reply family is most important and I do know what to do its just hard to forget the mistake.  Thank you

So what, you had an affair. Don't worry about it.  Monogamy is overrated.

Do not tell your husband.. you serve no purpose other then your own by telling him.  If you intend to  leave..  how will knowing this help him.  It wont, only you.  That is just my opinion.. would i want to know..  no... not if someone i loved cheated on me.. not if it was once and over.. i mean.. granted open honest relationships blah blah.. but it would only instill fear and hate and resentment and mistrust in me to know that, then try to stay.   Now if you intend to stay... perhaps he does deserve to make an enlightened decision about continue this relationship. However at this point, he does not realise this relationship may or may not be continuing.  fine line.. hard to say.  I am not a guy either... 

however i do understand your situation.. change husband to boyfriend and take away the kids...  been there once.  does this make me a bad person..maybe.. does it make me human.. yes.

Original Post by abbeyhunter:

Do not tell your husband.. you serve no purpose other then your own by telling him.  If you intend to  leave..  how will knowing this help him.  It wont, only you.  That is just my opinion.. would i want to know..  no... not if someone i loved cheated on me.. not if it was once and over.. i mean.. granted open honest relationships blah blah.. but it would only instill fear and hate and resentment and mistrust in me to know that, then try to stay.   Now if you intend to stay... perhaps he does deserve to make an enlightened decision about continue this relationship. However at this point, he does not realise this relationship may or may not be continuing.  fine line.. hard to say.  I am not a guy either... 

however i do understand your situation.. change husband to boyfriend and take away the kids...  been there once.  does this make me a bad person..maybe.. does it make me human.. yes.

I strongly disagree.

If you respect your husband, you need to tell him.

If he finds out any other way that you not only cheated but then covered it up, your relationship is almost certainly DOA. Be honest now and beg for his forgiveness. You may be able to save it. If not.. well.. sometimes, that's how things go. You Cheated. You aren't in a position to decide how things go from here anymore.

PS... Relationships are based, among other things, on Honesty.