Are affectionate children a dying breed?

My middle child started Kindergarten this year and I found a disturbing trend amongst the children.

It seems that most of the children cringe at my son's attempts to hug them or give them compliments.  I noticed he tried to give one boy a hug almost every morning and the boy practically reverted tot he fetal position!  I took it as an isolated event due to this boy maybe not being comfortable with it since they were new friends.  Then his father told my son not to do that anymore and I thought that was a little strange.  I, myself, would've tried to explain to my son that a hug was nice thing for a friend to offer & that it's ok.

Next I noticed that whenever my son kissed me goodbye for the day or said "I love you." all the kids would cringe & make fun of him!!  The same if he showed love to his sister.  Do none of these kids kiss thier parents or love them?  Is this not a normal display in thier household?

Just like any other normal kindergartner he developed a crush on a girl and would call her "beautiful" and say that he liked or loved her.  Well, you can imagine how unpopular those decisions were!  The teacher explained that they aren't allowed to do that in kindergarten and when he tested his limits to give a girl a peck on the cheek I was warned that "her parents may not like that".   I guess I understand that but why is it ok for these kids to tease, call names and make my son feel bad for showing a positive emotion?  It got to a point to where he came home everyday saying that all the kids hate him & no one was going to come to his birthday party.  When I asked if he told the teacher about the mean things they were saying she told him "These things happen."!  WTF!

My daughter is almost 4 & goes to hug all the girls in his class everyday as a ritual so things are progressing but is it only becuase she's a girl?

Thoughts???  Help!!!!!

I don't know if this is really a new thing... 20 years ago I was called "gay" for hugging a same-sex friend.  I learned not to touch pretty fast.  That is part of our culture.

I don't know what is necessarily wrong with not being a touchy person.  I can hug my family and my husband, but I don't see any reason to be hugging anyone else as in adulthood that would be pretty strange.

HUggit....I agree witht he adult aspect of it because then sexuality comes into play.  Obvious boundaries need more attention than when your in kindergarten.  i believe at this age that there should be small if no uncomfortableness witha friendly hug.

UPDATE:  I have been watching extra close to the goings on with this situation.  I think it's just to make sure I am not over reacting and giving the parents & families a fair chance.  I think I have noticed a different take on the situation.  It all comes down to gender.  If my son were a girl I firmly believe he wouldn't get the same negative reactions.  The reason I feel this way is becuase I watch my almost 4 year old daughter hug almost every kid in the class, boys & girls, to which they welcome her with open arms!  All of them!  the teacher doesn't even discourage it.

I also noticed the other day that when we passed a classmate of his (female) my daughter said goodbye to her and was recieved with a friendly, high pitched "Goodbye!".  My son followed suit and said goodbye to which he was greeted with a very unenthusiastic "Goodbye." that was about 5 octives lower.  I felt hurt for him but didn't say anything becuase I wasn't even sure if he noticed it.  Sure enough, 10 seconds later he turns to me and says, "Mom, why does my firend like my sister more than me?".  Ugh!!!!!!!  So hard to explain to him!!  I told him that sometimes kids go through phases where they don't like boys or girls.  That he should still be friendly and not let it hurt him and that his friend will eventually come around.

There is one family that I really have to control myself around.  I just want to scream at the mother!!  I understood when the little boy didn't want a hug but now it's to the point where the kids will flat out ignore my son when he is just saying HI in the morning.  He will have his back to him & not turn around while my son tries to greet his "best buddy" and his mother just stands there and watches!!!!  And it's not just him, it's his younger brother too.  When my daughter tries to talk to him or say hello he ignores her & mom is there just watching!  I don't care what anyone says...being rude is nor should be accepted as a personal choice.  If my son did that I would encourage him to respond and teach him that it's rude to ignore his friends.

Maybe it's the fact that I am 35 weeks pregnant but I really want to give that woman a piece of my mind!

Original Post by huggitbear:

I don't know what is necessarily wrong with not being a touchy person.  I can hug my family and my husband, but I don't see any reason to be hugging anyone else as in adulthood that would be pretty strange.

I disagree. Hugging doesn't have to be sexual. I hug all my friends, male and female. Most people I know do the same. I usually hug people on arrival and then on departure. Older people (and European friends) I also kiss on the cheek. I'm from NZ, so maybe it's just a little bit of a culture difference.

I didn't say anything about hugging being sexual.  The point is, kids are going to learn sooner or later that physical affection is not okay all the time.

Hmmm... I don't think that affectionate children are a dying breed. But it is probably not so prevalent in America as in other cultures, such as European or South-east Asian cultures. Also, it could be that amongst the male population, friendly hugs can be construed as having alternate motives than simply a friendly greeting... which is kind of sad :( Amongst the female population, it's probably more acceptable to show affection because of the stereotype of females being more "emotional"... again, quite sad.

As a Canadian, growing up in a fairly multi-cultural and Christian school, I've noticed that amongst the youngsters (i.e. those in elementary school) there is a fair bit of affection shown through hugs (more so hugs with parents, than with friends), in middle school there's a bit less, but in my high-school (being that it was a small school, and everyone knew everyone) hugging friends was not at all uncommon amongst the female or the male population. I think this example sort of shows that there is a psychosocial development taking place related to the experience of affection. Younger children, who feel secure with their parents and secure (or oblivious) with the way other children view them will find no difficulty showing emotions in public settings. Middle-school aged children, who are much under the influence of peer pressure, and more unsure of where they stand socially may find it more difficult to share emotions publicily. These middle-school aged kids also have a less mature understanding of what physical emotions and actions represent, thus being more afraid to hug peers for fear of appearing: weak, strange, homosexual, "a baby". Individuals in high-school have a greater understanding that simple physical actions such as hugging do not necessarily connotate anything homosexual or weak, and are far more comfortable with themselves, their peers and expressing themselves. Also, high-school children are more able to orate their feelings, and explain and defend the particular actions which they take.

It's sad to see that the children which your son encountered are so unaccepting of affection, and so repulsed by the showing of parental/sibling love. Hopefully, that was a one-of and that we'll all learn to care (and show care) for our neighbors.

My kids are also very affectionate mostly me but their dad as manly as he likes to be still gives plenty of love, more to our daughter though.  I would notice that kids wouldn't know what to do when we were at the park and my son would give them a hug.  Nothing was ever really said to him though and he has slowly adjusted and will still give other kids hugs but for a 4 almost 5 year old he is pretty good at reading people.  My kids hug kiss and cuddle all the time, I'm sure in some years that will change and seem weird to them but right now nothing is cuter. 

Their dad use to mess with my son when he would kiss me his dad would say "eeww gross!!!" to which my son would respond "look daddy" and give me another kiss and then give him a "there" kinda look.  That always used to make me laugh cause me son didn't care.  He is still young though so it might make a difference as he gets older but he still wants to cuddle and kiss and its very sweet towards his sister as well. 

I dont think that affection is on the decline, I do feel that we live in a world with so many different cultures that view affection differently and it is important to learn that and be accepting of that, kids need to learn that too.  I'm sure there is an equal amount of affectionate and not so affectionate families out there thats what makes life so interesting.