Can YOU afford Christmas this year? (vent-ish)

Found this newsweek article this morning. I also heard this topic on the morning radio show I usually listen to while getting ready for work. People were calling in and telling their sob stories about how they couldn't afford gifts this year.

I work in a school on the poor side of town..and I have seen parents come to the office wanting US to find them help to get gifts for their kids. Some even expecting that we should help. I was a single parent myself..and we did not have much..but I NEVER expected anyone else to foot the bill for my boy's to have "stuff". I made my own life choices..and if I had to work three jobs to get them what I felt they needed...I did.

What is this attitude of entitlement we have these days? What is the season really about? To me, it is about giving your time and your love to others, possibly a nice meal and a day spent with your loved ones having fun. Not big-ticket items bought on credit.

Since when did Christmas turn into "take" instead of "give"? Don't you think that our selfish little children ought to learn about giving as well? I do.

http://www.newsweek.com/id/169877?tid=related cl

Sometimes you really can't judge a book by it's cover.  I was listening to a radio program over Thanksgiving week-end and the commentator was talking about the many millions of people that live paycheck to paycheck.  He stated, rightly, that you can live very well paycheck to paycheck but everything can fall apart pretty quickly is one of those paychecks suddenly disappears.  Economists have been advising for years that we should have 6 mos to a year of living expenses in savings, but I wonder how many people can actually do this.  If you've been able to save like that then by living frugally you could quite easily get through a job loss.  If you're like most people though, there's little or no savings and then you find yourself in a bind.  Therefore I think it is entirely possible to have some nice things and still be in dire straights.  I know that when our kids were young we didn't have much money but always managed to come up with pretty much everything they wanted for Christmas, thanks to a generous Christmas bonus from hubby's work.  I believe that all kids should enjoy Christmas and although I may raise an eyebrow or two over parents apparently poor financial choices, I wouldn't object to helping a family provide a merry Christmas for their kids.  I think it's very sad when a child has to pay for the mistakes of his or her parents and I see nothing wrong with helping out.

Original Post by smwhipple:

I have a perfectly good erector set that some kid or kids should be thrilled to get; however, there's a climate where I cannot give it to a charity because it's not an unopened gift.  I have an ipod shuffle mp3 player that I don't use, my friends all have their own and a charity is not interested in receiving opened stuff.

 Sarah, this paragraph really struck me.  In this day and age, when the economy is so bad and there are so many needy people, I don't get why more charities won't take gently used gifts...especially the more expensive ones like used XBox's or slightly used ipods.

this reminds me that I need to do a search for local charities in my area that WILL take used items.  I have a few that some older teens might enjoy.  Hubby is a kid at heart and has some good XBox games that he doesn't play anymore.

Original Post by misskady:

PG, people make judgements or assumptions all the time. If we want to make a donation to a certain family or person that is our decision and we can base that decision on our own reasoning.  I guess you would call that judgement. Do not try to make us believe you do not judge. You are judging Monarch by the statements she makes.

i do judge, kady, you're right.  the difference is that i don't think decisions about policy and social support should be made based on my judgment.

I'm doing better now financially than ever, so yes, I can afford stuff, but we always have a pretty modest Christmas since we are just not into big consumption.

Looking at the article though, I didn't see anything about people asking for handouts, and don't think that just because people may spend less on presents this year than last, that that means they are asking for handouts.

I agree that Christmas presents got out of control in recent decades.

When we were kids in the 70s, we got a pretty meager haul in comparison.  Usually one "big" toy for each of us boys, a few items of clothes (which we hated to get), matching practical gifts (like the year we got clock radios) and stocking stuffers like lifesavers, coins and fruit,

Original Post by peaches0405:

Original Post by smwhipple:

I have a perfectly good erector set that some kid or kids should be thrilled to get; however, there's a climate where I cannot give it to a charity because it's not an unopened gift.  I have an ipod shuffle mp3 player that I don't use, my friends all have their own and a charity is not interested in receiving opened stuff.

 Sarah, this paragraph really struck me.  In this day and age, when the economy is so bad and there are so many needy people, I don't get why more charities won't take gently used gifts...especially the more expensive ones like used XBox's or slightly used ipods.

this reminds me that I need to do a search for local charities in my area that WILL take used items.  I have a few that some older teens might enjoy.  Hubby is a kid at heart and has some good XBox games that he doesn't play anymore.

I'll take this one on. The larger charities can't take on unopened gifts because then they need someone to go through every single item to make sure that some nasty person hasn't put something dangerous or inappropriate in with the item. Would you want your kid to get an ipod with porn on it, or a video of someone committing suicide? When you are talking about charities that work on a scale of millions of items donated by hundreds of thousands of people, it just isn't possible to go through every single gift, regardless of how well meaning the donor is. A local charity is a fine idea - they operate on a much smaller scale and can go through everything to make sure it's safe. As to Christmas charities, I give to Childsplay, a very worthy charity imo. :)

As to the OP, I can afford Christmas, I just can't afford the postage to get my gifts to where they need to be - bloody $123 on postage this year and I had to take 2 presents out to get it under weight or it would have been $170! grumblegrumblegrumble

Original Post by pgeorgian:

i do judge, kady, you're right.  the difference is that i don't think decisions about policy and social support should be made based on my judgment.

Who's judgements should policy and social support be based on? 

Original Post by floggingsully:

Original Post by pgeorgian:

i do judge, kady, you're right.  the difference is that i don't think decisions about policy and social support should be made based on my judgment.

Who's judgements should policy and social support be based on? 

a diverse and balanced group of people who are well informed on the issues and have a solid understanding of implementation, barriers to service, etc.

i'd happily serve as a member of such a group (have done so in the past and will in the future).  but i wouldn't want to be working at the food bank or other agency, deciding based on my own judgment who gets what, without solid, established guidelines (guidelines that i will then bend and interpret in the interest of giving more, not withholding).

From the OP, I think what we're talking about here is simply do we give handouts to every person who asks for one? No. I think we use our best judgement there. I can pick and choose who I donate to and who I don't.  I don't think it's my "responsibility" to donate. I choose to.  If I could not afford Christmas gifts for my children, I don't think I would ask for help, however, I would be very appreciative if someone chose to do so and then I would "pay that kindness forward" if ever possible.

We have a family here who actually makes a "living" by hitting up charitable agencies. They get their rent paid by a church, they are in line for whatever baskets or gifts that are available..all year..and of course during the holidays. Why? The parents are drug addicts. Sure, they get what they ask for because they have kids...but in effect...isn't this all enabling them somehow to continue to have money for drugs because everyone else is paying the living expenses for "poor them?" I suppose to expect them to want to do better for themselves is expecting too much. But I believe that if you raise people's expectations of themselves..they can and do change. If you continue to pat them on the head and say.."awww...poor you can't take care of yourself." They feed into that mentality and probably believe that they aren't capable. Actually, the energy that they put into begging for everything..could be channeled into something productive.

I feel very strongly that all kids should have enough to eat and a few clothes to wear.  This is completely different from having everything that they want to eat or wear.  I also think that it is nice (although not mandatory) for them to have a new toy for their birthday or Christmas or a small token at halloween or easter or some other holiday. One should have joys in life whether they be big or small.  I will most likely send my nephews the erector set that I mentioned as I think they're very close to the right age for it.  The mp3 player I will probably find a friend who might value it or continue to save it as a workout device for myself that if it dies I don't mind.

I'm perfectly willing to support that effort and I do it actively with my family and friends.  I tend to not get the adults a whole lot and direct my efforts towards something nice for the kids, particularly if they are single parents or I know that they're having a harder time financially.

I have to say that an appreciation for the things that we do have, health, life, family, friends, is in general sadly lacking in the attitudes that I see today.  The holiday spirit I think should be a celebration of life and living and not a celebration of stuff.  My friends, family, and myself are extremely fortunate to live in a time where we do not have to worry about where our next meal is coming from and we are all reasonably healthy and happy given our circumstances.

In my childhood, I certainly never expected much although we certainly seemed to do just fine.  My parents would typically buy each of us one larger gift that we really wanted, a new hard back book, a radio.  The typical gifts from relatives varied, a shirt, new clothes, some candy, a souvenir picked up on travels, etc.  In later years, my parents are more likely to write a check for some glad money and I make sure that I do spend it on something completely frivilous and thoroughly enjoyable and tell them about it since that is their intention...I did ask my mom for pyrex ($25) and if that's all I get I will be perfectly content.  I'm not expecting anything from other family members, cards or phone calls are always welcome.

I find it very hard to give to charities since I just don't know which ones are abusing the system and which ones truly do have a similar view point to myself.  I frequently give to Planned Parenthood because I do feel that their cause is one I wish to support.

Original Post by p0nda:

Original Post by peaches0405:

Original Post by smwhipple:

I have a perfectly good erector set that some kid or kids should be thrilled to get; however, there's a climate where I cannot give it to a charity because it's not an unopened gift.  I have an ipod shuffle mp3 player that I don't use, my friends all have their own and a charity is not interested in receiving opened stuff.

 Sarah, this paragraph really struck me.  In this day and age, when the economy is so bad and there are so many needy people, I don't get why more charities won't take gently used gifts...especially the more expensive ones like used XBox's or slightly used ipods.

this reminds me that I need to do a search for local charities in my area that WILL take used items.  I have a few that some older teens might enjoy.  Hubby is a kid at heart and has some good XBox games that he doesn't play anymore.

I'll take this one on. The larger charities can't take on unopened gifts because then they need someone to go through every single item to make sure that some nasty person hasn't put something dangerous or inappropriate in with the item. Would you want your kid to get an ipod with porn on it, or a video of someone committing suicide? When you are talking about charities that work on a scale of millions of items donated by hundreds of thousands of people, it just isn't possible to go through every single gift, regardless of how well meaning the donor is. A local charity is a fine idea - they operate on a much smaller scale and can go through everything to make sure it's safe. As to Christmas charities, I give to Childsplay, a very worthy charity imo. :)

 If I might provide a potential solution to this quandry:  Freecycle.  It's not only good for the environment, it's also easy on the pocket book.

I have a BIG family-9 cous ins, 22 second cousins, my Mom's side, Dad's side & both step-parent's sides. One of my Grandmothers called me earlier this week & said that since times are so hard, noone is going to buy gifts for the Grandparents & to buy only gifts for the children under 10 (7 of them) if we could or wanted to.  Then my mom called & said that neither one of my sisters had a job & they wanted to know if we could forego gifts to anyone in that family.  In 3 days, my gift list was cut in half.

My experiences with freecycle is that many of those folks don't really have a need and in fact some of them are just greedy and respond to any post.  I think I'd rather give this type of item to someone I know who will enjoy or make use of it rather than someone who is likely to sell it for cash.  In fact I might just sell the items for cash and donate the cash to a charity.

Last Christmas we found ourselves spontaneously fostering two boys (distantly related to me), ages 5 and 3.  They came to our house with nothing, there was very little money coming in at the time, and we received no help whatsoever from the government that dropped them at our door.  Between their counseling organization, our friends, their extended family, and local churches and community groups, we had the floor of an entire 12x12 room covered in crap at least 3 feet deep.

Most of it was flashy toys and other things that they really only needed a little of, so we took the rest back to the stores (everywhere but Toys R Us would take it without a receipt) and used the money/gift credit to buy stuff we actually did need, like groceries for the whole family and clothes, sheets, shoes, and the medication they needed and likely wouldn't have gotten otherwise.

Yeah, people like to take around Christmas, but sometimes, people give too.  Doesn't really change my general distaste for the global population, but there is some good out there around the holiday season.

..And having been a foster kid myself...I am very sure that those little boys enjoyed the family, the clothes, the sheets and the food....it is what counted. As long as there was love. You can't buy that. Merry Christmas.

Original Post by splitrail:

Original Post by p0nda:

Original Post by peaches0405:

Original Post by smwhipple:

I have a perfectly good erector set that some kid or kids should be thrilled to get; however, there's a climate where I cannot give it to a charity because it's not an unopened gift.  I have an ipod shuffle mp3 player that I don't use, my friends all have their own and a charity is not interested in receiving opened stuff.

 Sarah, this paragraph really struck me.  In this day and age, when the economy is so bad and there are so many needy people, I don't get why more charities won't take gently used gifts...especially the more expensive ones like used XBox's or slightly used ipods.

this reminds me that I need to do a search for local charities in my area that WILL take used items.  I have a few that some older teens might enjoy.  Hubby is a kid at heart and has some good XBox games that he doesn't play anymore.

I'll take this one on. The larger charities can't take on unopened gifts because then they need someone to go through every single item to make sure that some nasty person hasn't put something dangerous or inappropriate in with the item. Would you want your kid to get an ipod with porn on it, or a video of someone committing suicide? When you are talking about charities that work on a scale of millions of items donated by hundreds of thousands of people, it just isn't possible to go through every single gift, regardless of how well meaning the donor is. A local charity is a fine idea - they operate on a much smaller scale and can go through everything to make sure it's safe. As to Christmas charities, I give to Childsplay, a very worthy charity imo. :)

 If I might provide a potential solution to this quandry:  Freecycle.  It's not only good for the environment, it's also easy on the pocket book.

to add one more thought about the new vs. gently used toy donations....

the ONLY reason that Toys R Us allows Toys for Tots to place donation bins in their stores is because the assumption is that people will buy a new toy from them and put it in the bin

if people were bringing toys from home, Toys R Us would never agree to let that group collect toys there

however, if you donate a toy to goodwill or salvation army, you are essentially enabling a person with limited income to purchase a very low cost toy for their child