Age question.

Hey all, I have a question for you mothers out there! I'm not pregnant, but my friend and I were talking the other day and it led me to wonder...what is a good age to become pregnant? Both my friend and I believe that it would be best to have a child at age 30. My boyfriend on the other hand, believes that you should have a baby when financially ready, even if it means waiting until your 40. It led to a great debate between my friend and my boyfriend and I was just wondering what mother's to be, and current mothers, think of as a good age to become pregnant.

Thanks in advance!

I just turned 30 when I found out I was pregnant.  My girlfreind got pregnant at 42 -  she decided she wanted to have a baby; so she did.  You're never fully ready.  I know a lot of people younger than me who have children; and some 35+ women who are just having their first.

You'll never be fully ready.  That's what makes it such a ride!!

I had my first child at 29, but it wasn't just because me and my husband wanted to be more financially secure (which does help immensely).  We also wanted to have time to enjoy ourselves as a married couple - we were married 5 years before we decided to have kids.  I think we were fortunate to be able to time our kids exactly when we wanted them.

So, there's something to be said about waiting, but it comes down to what is comfortable with each individual couple.  Of course, waiting until after 35 does bring certain medical consequences into play - 35 is the age at which pregnancies are considered "high risk" (so I've read) of developing severe hypertension, pre-eclampsia (sp?), pre-mature labor, and labor complications. 

However, if a person is just not ready to have a child, they shouldn't have one, if they can help it, regardless of age.

Let's say you follow your boyfriend's advice and wait until you're 40.  Guess what?  Your chances of conceiving, statistically, go WAY down, not to mention the fact that your chance of having a child with a birth defect or genetic disorder go WAY up.  So, despite not being perfectly financially "ready" in your 30s, it's a much wiser time to have a child. 

I had my first child when I was 21- I now have mixed feelings about when to begin a family. I now wish my husband had more time together before having kids (we had 2 years- I was 19 when I got married).

The health thing can be a concern at any age, as I was very healthy before pregnancy but developed hypertension during the last 6 weeks of pregnany. I was induced because the placenta was starting to separate, and he was in NICU for 2 weeks due to underdeveloped lungs and stomach. The high blood pressure has been an ongoing issue for me ever since then.

I always wanted to have whatever children I was going to have before 30. My mother was 31 when she had me and my parents were always older than my friends parents. I decided that I would prefer to be a young mom.

Not to mention as well that you sooner you have them, the younger you are when they are grown and move out, then you and hubby have the time, money, hopefully health, and are still young enough to do whatever you want.

A woman’s first drop of fertility is around the age of 27.  After that, a woman's fertility will continue to drop.  At 35, fertility drops faster.  Many women have great difficulty trying to conceive in their 40's. 

Take some time and research the issue.  Many of the "stars" are having children in their late 30's.  However, many of those same stars have to rely on fertility treatments that cost thousands and thousands of dollars.  So, do not be deceived in thinking that you can have children at 40 like you could at 21. 

There are always exceptions to the rule.  Some women have no issues in their 30’s and 40’s, but don’t count on being one of these women.  If you really want to know your chances, you can see a fertility specialist.  Good luck!

Wow, this has really clarified a lot, thanks! My boyfriend and I don't want to get married for some time, at least 7 years, and by that time I'll be 27, so having kids before I'm 30 doesn't seem very realistic because I would have only been with my husband for 3 years. Only time will tell of course, but I do want him to know that there are medical reasons for not having children in your late 30's early 40's, and that my reasoning isn't just "I want to be a young mom." Thanks for all these detailed answers and keep em' coming!

I decided after meeting my DP that my early twenties was A GREAT time to hav kids LOL.  I wasn't finished with college yet, I had no career to end, and we had no bills that would need me to work.  All in all it has worked out wonderfully.  The first 3 years of my DS's life my DP and I were both n school.  WE switched schedules and worked from home to make it work. He has graduated and I have one 6 hour semester to go.  At which point my DS will be old enough for pre school.  By the time I am finished my DS will be ready to start school and I can start my career. 

I couldn't imagine being a 30 something mid career and having to stop. I realize that some women like to work outside of hte home after their childern are born but its NOT for me.  Or worse HAVING to work because the debt we'd gotten ourselves into pre-kids wouldn't allow me to stay at home. 

Then there's the energy issues. My older friends who are moms complain of exhaustion with their kids. Much more than those of us who have had kids in the early 20's. Its not to sya that having kids at my age isn't exhausting.

I like that my kids were grown and out of the nest by the time I was 50 and now I have grandkids.

For a woman's health is a better to have and nurse a baby before she is 30 [lowers risk of breast cancer].  YOu are never ready - I think I would rather be young and energetic [and stupid at times] with kids than older with nice possessions and set in my ways more. 

i had my first at 20 but i would definatly wait.  me and my husband were only married two months before we got pregnant.  and we spent one of those months away from each other (hes a military man)  but regardless i dont regret having my son just wish we had waited! i think a good age is when you graduate from college and have a steady income.  so about 25.

Original Post by longwaytogo:

I like that my kids were grown and out of the nest by the time I was 50 and now I have grandkids.

For a woman's health is a better to have and nurse a baby before she is 30 [lowers risk of breast cancer]. YOu are never ready - I think I would rather be young and energetic [and stupid at times] with kids than older with nice possessions and set in my ways more.

That's the other thing I really like about having my DS when I did.  He'll be ready for college when I am only 40. :)  I love that.  I know people who have lived the laugh of parties and glamor and have money but their kids will be 20 when they are in their 60's.  I am looking at my Mid life as a time to really succeed at some personal goals. Ones that I didn't have the money or self discipline to do when I was younger.

The nice possession thing.  90% of my furniture was stuff we found for free.  I am sooo glad I am not one of those parents who has to worry about their kids damaging the new Italian leather sofa or knocking over the new Plasma screen.

I was 27 when I had my first.  I didn't want to wait until I was 30 to start because I knew I wanted 3 or 4.  I was 34 when my 4th was born.  When you hit that magic age of 35 there are more prenatal tests and Dr visits.  It was enough to worry about a healthy baby when I was under 35.  I don't believe there is ever a "perfect" time to have kids.  There is always something.  You just have to make the decision and go for it.  It always seems to work out in the end. 

I was 26 when I had my only child and for me it was the right time. I had no worries about down's syndrome which seems to be more common in children born to women above the age of 35. I was old enough to have an established career and a little money but young enough to still play. Children take time and energy...if you or your husband aren't ready to make the child your primary focus for say 23 years or so, then you should wait but don't wait too long. There are always challenges and things don't always work out like you plan....my child is autistic....but children add a wonderful dimension to your relationship. Although, I can't really say that either...my child's dad and I divorced when my son was 4.5 but my current husband and I are wonderful together and even more wonderful with the child. As long as you have the right partner, then children truly are the most wonderful added dimension to the relationship. No one is ever fully ready...I thought I was ready. I had the finances, career, home in order but after the birth I realized just how unplanned/unorganized I truly was. So don't wait until you are ready...there will be things that come up and make you go ..."hmmmmm, I really am not ready am I?" I am an advocate for having kids mid-20s rather than mid-30s. I definitely don't have the same amount of energy at 37 as I did at 27...and more things hurt at 37 than at 27 like back and knees!

I was 30 when I had my 1st baby and 31 with my second.  It could go both ways.  I was able to travel and party and then settle down.  My best friend is the same age and has a 14 year old and she is just now starting to travel and I'm at home with 2 very small kids.  It just depends on what you want.  Personally, I don't think you are ever financially ready for children.  You just provide for them and it all seems to work out.