EDIT: She seems mature to me, but I'm still worried about her anyway. I know the guy well enough to know he won't force himself on her or anything, but I don't want her to get hurt when she goes off to college.
Teens are mentally just kids who think they're adults... So much changes between 16 and 20.
I know I am a completely different person now (at 18) than I was at 16.
Jmo.
Its great that you care about your friend to worry about her. But I dont think there is much you can say to her about this. Specially since they arent having sex and have known eachother for awhile.
If you where head over heals over a guy would you listen to what your friends had to say about him?
And plus when they are older Age wont even matter so much. My DH is 2 yrs older than me. My FIL is 8 years older than my MIL. So age isnt to big of a deal
It's illegal in most US states, but aside from that its worrysome for several reasons. And they do not have to do much with age, but maturity. Age in a relationship is no big deal when you are talking about adults. However, when it's children...
I'm 19. I am so ridiculously different from just 3 years ago.. this is normal. What I do remember is that I thought I knew everything at 16, when now I realize I knew very little about the world. I was very mature for my age but this is still the way things go.
A 16 and a 20 year old are at two hugely different stages in their lives: he should be going to college or getting into one, or getting a job and starting a career, or something. She however is barely out of middle school. She still has these big decisions ahead of her. Their interests will be very different. She cannot understand him or where he is coming from simply because she is not there yet. And the 20 year old, if he is like any 20 year old male, wants sex. The girl might not be ready for that, or she might feel like she has to have sex with him to keep him.
On the 20 year old's end.. it's extremely worrying. Again there is the maturity difference. My question is, why can't this 20 year old get a girl his own age. Often this happens because the boy is insecure, or has other issues, so he hits on younger girls that he knows he can have dominance over. Granted he might still be a "nice" guy.. that doesn't mean he doesn't have issues.
In a year, the guy is going to be drinking legally. Should a 17 year old be included in that party scene? Or is the guy going to have to go to parties and bars with other people (including girls)?
Again, age difference isn't necessarily a bad thing in a relationship. However, when you're talking about young people it DOES become an issue because those years are the ones where we develop the fastest. At 16, she simply isn't mature enough to make decisions a 20 year old makes. And the 20 year old apparently isn't all that mature either if he's dating a 16 year old.
Bad news all around. I've seen this happen personally and it rarely turns out happy.
PS. I just remembered the religious bit. If you think the guy is not having sex before marriage because he's "slightly" religious, you're naive. Sorry. =/
I'm pretty sure it's not illegal for them to date. The only laws I can think of that might make dating illegal would be something along the lines of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, but that would really be stretching it. If they were to have sex, it would likely be considered statutory rape in most states (states have different laws on the ages and I believe that 16 is the age of consent in most states...if you're really interested, you can look it up at www.ageofconsent.com). Practically speaking, it won't matter whether or not it's illegal unless your friend's parents are upset by it and want to make a legal fuss.
As for whether or not it's a good choice, that depends on the two individuals. I know nothing about them so it's impossible for me to determine whether it's an appropriate coupling. What I can say is that I frequently dated guys who were older than I was when I was younger and no one ever had a problem with it, including my mother. Part of the reason was that I was a very mature young person. (Off the topic a little...I know what everyone's going to say, all teenagers think they are more mature than every other teenager. In my case, it's simply true. I'm now 27 and to this day, everyone who knows me admits that I was more mature at 14 than most adults are or ever will be. Looking back, I recognize that I was more mature then than most people in their 20s.)
As feanor mentioned, age is not so much the issue. The stage of life people are in is more the issue. I won't make the broad generalizations that feanor seems to make about young couples with this sort of age difference. I have seen young couples with this age difference work out, but it definitely depends on the couple.
When I was 16 going on 17, I dated men who were in their 20s. Oldest was 25. Didn't have sex with any of them. None of them were serious "going steady" relationships. This was when I was an exchange student in a foreign country. All of them knew my age. I didn't think it was weird or anything, nor did I think there was anything weird about the men for dating someone my age. Honestly, I didn't really even think all that hard about the age discrepancy!
We just hung out, had fun together. Dated. Some kissing, lots of flirtation. Knew it wasn't going anywhere since I was eventually leaving.
I do remember one guy saying he wouldn't have slept with me even if I begged him, due to our age difference and the fact I was a virgin. I was very comfortable around him, because I believed him. Then there was the 22 year old who said he wanted to marry me .... when I was older. Looking back, I probably lucked out in that these men were honorable types, and also I wasn't exactly going all ga-ga around them and wasting my life on them. I was just having fun.
But since I'm a mom to a 15-1/2 year old, yeah, I do have to say I'd have a problem with her dating a 20 year old. I guess I'm a hypocrite in my old age, heh!
If they've known each other forever, then this may not be a bad relationship for the two of them. When they are older, four year age difference will be no big deal. However the man, being the older one, needs to be careful he's allowing your friend to enjoy her teen years and isn't cutting off her other options. If they are meant to be long-term, then it'll be better for all if she has the opportunity to date around men her own age right now.
Due to the age discrepancy, she needs to watch out for falling into the trap of a parent-child relationship. That can happen even without an age discrepancy, but the chances are much higher when there is one.
In Missouri, the law, according to Age of Consent, is that once the person turns 21 they are not supposed to have sex with anyone younger than 17. If a person is younger than 21, then it's ok to have sex with someone as young as 14, if they are consenting.
Since you said he just turned 20, she will probably be 17 before he turns 21.
Funny thing about the state laws, many of them always refer to the older person as "he."
dont listen to them date the man if you want to youth power
Way2go in digging up an old topic! Lol! But seriously, a sixteen-year old and a twenty-year old sounds okay to me. Over here, the legal age to have sex is sixteen.
NO -
I always dated older guys and had a physical relationship with them as well. I also always used 2 methods of protection that I provided as well. My physical age didnt match my mental age at all. It was all due to with the way I was raised. When I just newly turned 18(actually 1 week prior to turning 18) I met a 26 yr old. That was over 20 yrs ago and we have 3 kids now and are happily married.
I have never seen a problem with teenagers dating older people just as long as they know the ramifications of it. i.e. drinking, sex etc.
There is only one bar for comparison:
Rene Angelil and Celine Dion.
:D
I met my husband when I was 16 and he was 21... and we dated for 5 years before getting married and have been married for 3 years (in January) now. So my opinion is let the girl follow her heart... my family tried to stop us and now he's part of the family and they love him.
Just google "age of consent law" for your state. It will tell you what you need to know.
I personally wouldn't think twice about that age difference, unless it is accentuated by other things - like if she were a young immature 16 and he were a felon or something.
my fiancee and I are 4.5 years apart - i met him when i was 18 and he was 22 (almost 23) though. i think if i was 16 though i would have gotten a lot of crap for it
First of all, dating isn't illegal. Sex could be, depending on what state you're in, but that apparently isn't in their plans, anyways.
The fact that they've known each other for years is a good sign, in my opinion. Shows that they have gotten along and could probably continue to do so. And you said yourself that she appears to be mature. An age gap at a young age and a long distance relationship (if that's what it is or will be) can make things harder, but it isn't impossible.
One of my friends started dating her boyfriend about four years ago. We were both freshmen in high school - her boyfriend was a senior. They got engaged on May 3 of this year, prom night. I was kinda worried when they first started dating, but it seems to be going pretty well so far.
Ok I hate to be the pop culture person, but isn't that whats; going on with Miley Cyrus and her "friend" the model?
Like others said sex is illegal but the only one who truly knows if they are doing it is them (unless a tape arises).
It could work out or not either way just be there for your friend when she needs you 
i've come to notice that general maturity in people 15-21 can be awfully vague, meaning the number of thier age doesn't always denote thier extent of maturity. the biggest age gap i've dealt with in a relationship was 4 years, and it wasn't awkward in the slightest, from what i can recall.
under legal circumstances, it depends on what state you (and they) live in. some have the age of concent as low as 16, while more commonly at 18... though it should be easy enough to find out.
and even then, a relationship itself wouldn't be illegal.
my eldest sister recently (june of 07) got married to a british man 15 years older than herself (maybe not 15, but atleast 10 years). she's 29 now, and they've had a child together, and they are doing really well with oneanother, even with such contrasting ages. i think the mentallity gap shortens the older we get, say 5 years between people in thier 30's would be a lot less conspicuous than between 2 teenagers, though it all remains up to the couple i guess...
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