Alcohol at what age?

I feel like the only mother on the earth who won't let her 13 yr old daughter go out drinking every Friday night.  How crazy is that??

When my daughter told me that EVERYONE does it...of course I didn't believe her.  But I have been asking around, and yes, they all let their kids go to these parties.  Of course, they don't believe that their kids are drinking despite knowing there will be alcohol there.

My daughter was invited to a birthday party (another girl 13 y/o turning 14) and the mom was purchasing alcohol for the bash (shooters, coolers, and mixed "girly" drinks like dacquiris etc.).  Another parent told me there would be alcohol there.  I asked my  daughter about it and she confirmed the plan and I told her she couldn't go.  I passed on what I'd heard to one of my best friends as her daughter was invited to the party too.

So, to make a long story short, the bday girls' mom phoned me and chewed me out for spreading lies about her because it could jepardize her application to be a foster mother.  She told me that the party was cancelled.  And then I find out that she phoned all the other kids and told them the party was still going on, but to make sure my daughter and I didn't find out about it because we would get them into trouble.

All these parents let their kids go, knowing there would be alcohol.

Am I living in the dark ages!!????  They are 13 FREAKING YEARS OLD!!

So my daughter is now being ostrasized by her best friend who is teling everyone that she blabbed about the alcohol, which isn't even true since I heard about it from another mother. 

What is the world coming to?  And what the hell are these parents thinking?

wow that is seriously crazy!!!!!  kudo's for you on being a great mom and sticking to your guns on this one!  13 is way too young for something like that. 

personally if it's a holiday and you give your kid a 1/2 or 1/4 a cup of wine for a toast w/ dinner i don't have a problem w/ that because you are teaching responsible ways to enjoy a drink without the purpose of getting drunk but it sound to me like this other mom is just trying to get the kids drunk!!!!!!  very crazy.

Wow that's crazy...I'm 19 and we didn't start drinking until grade 9. My friend's parents would buy us alcohol and we'd be in a controlled environment which I don't really see as being too bad, but I can't believe so many parents would be willing to allow their kids to drink at that age - knowing it's wrong and being so secretive about it! From a kid's perspective I understand that they want to drink and have fun but as a parent I would never condone that either. Your daughter may be mad now but I'm sure it'll all blow over - girls can be so fickle!

that is really crazy, drinking at 13 is way too young. i don't know where you are, but in some jurisidictions providing alcohol to minors who aren't your own children is illegal. I think one glass of wine with dinner at 13 is fine, I actually probably wouldn't be so upest if the mother was going to buy a small amount of wine and beer for a toast or something, but mainly provide soft drinks but what mother buys girly drinks to encourage drinking. 

I don't know what I would do in your situation, but I think you are right in not thinking drinking at that age is okay. explain it to your daughter treating her in a grown up way, (including dsscribing the dangers of too much alcohol to brains which are still developing) and while she might be pissed for a while, she will one day thank you for it.

You made the right decision...by far. When I read the title of your thread I started thinking, "18 years old, maybe 17..." To hear about 13 year olds drinking is very disappointing, and quite sad. The effects of alcohol on the body are well documented and aren't even up for debate. All I can think of is somebody taking advantage of one of these 13 year old girls who gets too drunk. Or one of these mother's wondering why her 13 year old drinking daughter turned in to a 15 year old pothead, and then into a 17 year old junkie. Bottom line: You did the right thing, your daughter will thank you for it in the future.

I'm 18..and my mom still doesnt let me go out to parties unless the knows the parents are home..gets the number, address, so on so on..and if i'm going in a car with soemone she doesnt know well she wants there liscence plate number.

I hated it for it sometimes, but I understand it was just for my safty. Dont worry, you are doing the right thing and she will thank u for it one day while all these 13 year olds turn into 17 year old drop outs. and she is on her way to a succesful career.

I started drinking (not a lot) when I was 12. No, my parents didn't allow it. And thinking back now it was a stupid thing to do.

The brain is still growing rapidly at that age, and alchohol can stunt that. That is bad. Children should not be allowed to drink.

You are doing the right thing. Don't back down.

i worked with youth for years, and i can tell you this for sure: kids who wait until they're sixteen or older are far less likely to end up raped, crashing a car, dropping out of school, moving out of the family home early, addicted...just about every possible negative consequence.  most kids who get alcohol poisoning are girls under fifteen drinking for the first time. 

in youth work, monday mornings are all about picking up the pieces.

by sixteen they're much more abstract thinkers and much better able to maintain perspective and avoid the pitfalls.  older is better, obviously, but 16 seems to be a real maturity threshhold for most kids (girls, especially).

So did you report the mother for giving alcohol to minors? That is against the LAW and she should NOT be permitted to become a foster mother. 

I have a 17 yr old who has just gotten out of alcohol and drug rehab.  If I knew she was going to places where adults were supplying alcohol I would never had let her go there.  My personal thought is call the police and send them over to that house while the party is happening and having that women thrown in jail -- it is ILLEGAL to let minors consume alcohol wether it be in your own home or not.  This woman has no right to be a foster parent and you need to report this.  This is child abuse if you ask me. 

I don't know how old my daughter was when she first started doing drugs and alcohol but it couldn't have been much less than 13.  I've also met a lot of kids who started with alcohol at this age and are now recovering meth and heroin users. 

PLEASE - call the cops and stop this now.  Also take your daughter to an AA meeting   Go online and do a search and find an Open meeting and just let her listen to the stories.  There are alot of people in recovery who started with just the occassional drink at 12 or 13.

I never had a drink until I was away at college.  About 19-20 years old.  Not that that's the right age for everyone, just none of my friends were really big into that when I was in high school so it didn't come up often.

13 is way too young and no, not everyone is doing it.  I'll guarantee you that.  A lot of the people I know who have problems with alcohol actually started drinking at a very early age.  I work in an addiction related field and really, the fact that this sort of thing comes up so often is very sad.

Talk to your daughter about drinking...dont just tell her "no" , talk to her on an equal level and talk about drinking and why she wants to. Help her figure out that there is no rush and give her more confidence ...while also making it something SHE doesnt want to do.

Simply telling her "no" to issues she is facing will only make her stop talking to you. At that point, you dont even get a chance to help her...you only get to clean up the mess that happens later if she makes a mistake.

^^  Yes!  That's the best idea yet.

Good Lord!!  In the U.S. (don't know where you are though) That is a BIG no-no.  That mother could get into some big trouble for providing alcohol to minors.  And rightly so.

You made a good call.

GOOD for you for putting your food down. I think it's disgusting what these parents are doing. If I were you I would report them! She SHOULDN'T be a foster mother. My God! That woman is a BULLY ... and a loser. Those kids are going to end up addicted, pregnant, dead -- in some form of trouble, I'm sure. There's this one 15 year old girl that I know of who goes to these kinds of parties and she was gang raped by a bunch of guys at one. She still continues to party like that though and has sex with guys in their 20s and 30s. Obviously she had terrible self esteem, but that drinking and drugging sure doesn't help.

Sorry to break it to everyone but that kind of stuff is normal nowadays. I'm 15 and I've never and would never drink underage. (Alcoholism can skip generations and my grandfather was an alcoholic and died from it) But my friends always have these parties where everyone drinks and is totally wasted for the whole night. Sad, but it's the truth. They know that I don't like it when they drink or have parties with drinking but they do it anyway even when I tell them any possible consequences. I just hope that one day they learn that drinking is nothing to play with and it can screw up lives permanently.

I used to drink when i was 13/14 when i was out with friends. But never to the point of intoxication. I drank at home too. And to be honest, i, at 19, hardly drink now. Maybe a glass or two of wine with a meal every now and again and a pint in the union once or twice a month. Guess i got past it being "exciting" 

hi, im 20 years old now and i just want to share a method that will get your child to respect alcohol and drink moderately

On my 15th birthday i had 4 of my best girl friends over and i asked my mom for some drinks (i have known them my entire life, their parents were okay with them drinking at home) .. To my surprise they let us play drinking games and let us get completely hammered. The next morning, all FOUR of us were hugging the toilet and walking around the house with  buckets which would fill with puke every 20 minutes or so (sorry about the visual).  They also took pictures of us the night of and the morning after.  It's been 5 years now ... and i have never gotten to the point of total intoxication. What they did showed me the ugly side of alcohol and completly satisfied my curiosity. Oh and the pictures were not so pretty either.. they definetly showed me how stupid we all looked.

Im not telling yout o get your daughter drunk (not for a couple years or so) but its a good way for her to see what it's all about (because eventually it will happen) and at least you will be around to make sure things dont get out of hand

hope this helped.

My parents were really straight forward with me.  They told me about alcohol and its possible consequences, and told me they didn't want me to drink before I was legal.  They told me that if I ever DID drink and get drunk, to please call them for a ride instead of trying to hide it and get home on my own.

I had my first drink the night after high school graduation.  I didn't think it was that great, and I felt comfortable telling my parents about it.  I've never ridden with a drunk driver, although I'm amazed at how many people I know HAVE- I'd make sure she feels she can ALWAYS call you for a ride without the risk of getting in trouble, whether she is drinking or not.

I think you're absolutely right to be concerned.  My parents were loving but strict with my guidelines regarding boys, alcohol, and drugs.  At the time, it stressed our relationship a lot but it was worth it.  My mom and I are now best friends and I am so thankful that my parents put their feet down.

Good luck, and stick with your morals.  Kids shouldn't drink at that age, and parents who let them (at 13???!??) are bad news.  You're not crazy, you're a good mother.  And it WILL gety easier.  Stick by your guns!

axidanalise, i'm glad that worked out for you, but i don't think it's a good policy.  if you and your friends were puking, that means you all had alcohol poisoning, which can kill you. 

i don't understand why some parents think this is okay.  yes, maybe you'll get sick enough to decide you don't want to do it again.  but if you have any inclination toward substance abuse or addiction, it's just an early introduction to something that's going to cause you no end of grief.

when you're older, you might see this episode differently.

Letting kids get drunk to the point of vomitting is not a good idea no matter where and who is around.  I never got so drunk I was vomitting until I was 23 - Back then legal drinking age was 18 and believe me I drank alot in those years.  THere were times I wondered how the heck I got home but never got "sick"  I've also never gotten that drunk again.