Alcoholic?

I am trying to figure out what the exact definition of an alcoholic is. I have been to AA meetings and I know how they say a lot of the time "no one can define if youre an alcoholic or not. only you can do that"

Except I have no idea if I am/was. I was drinking almost every single day for about a year straight. Sometimes I would skip on sundays because the liquor store was closed that day and I had to. Family trip last summer I didnt drink for 2 weeks with no problem but the minute I got home I went back to drinking every day. Pretty much black out drunk too. Finally at the beginning of this year I started hanging out with a couple people that really looked down on my drinking so I tried to slow it down. Maybe only drinking 3 days a week instead of every night. Then at the end of April my boyfriend pretty much told me if this was going to continue then there wouldnt be much of a future for me and him.

To everyone else I was an alcholic. But since April I have completely stopped except for just one day I drank some. One day in the past 3 months. Other than that there have been no problems for me whatsoever quitting. I dont feel like I need it and I dont get cravings ( I did for like the first couple weeks of quitting).

People also say "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic". Is this statement true? I am so much happier without alcohol and being completely sober. I dont see myself ever going back to drinking. It scares me that I was drinking so much.

Any thoughts? Thanks in advance. This has been kinda bothering me for awhile. I dont want to be considered an alcholic for the rest of my life.

Edited to say: Please be kind with your answers. This is a sensitive subject for me as I saw alcohol do major damage to me physically, emotionally, spiritually etc.

I think there are different kinds of alcoholics.  Some feel the need to drink daily.  And when they aren't drinking they wish they were.  Others don't really feel the need to drink all the time, but once they do start they can't stop until they're trashed.  They can't just have one or two and stop.  There are others I'm sure.  But these two are the most common that I've seen so far.

Well, are you in college, or do you have a job?  I know in college I drank just about every day, but it was really because thats just what we did whenevr I hung out with my friends.  We'd go to bars, or to the beach with beers.  I don't think I was an alcoholic.  That being said, maybe other people did think I was one?  Now I drink about 2 nights a week ( I am out of school and work full time). 

Since you cut it out for good and are scared of it maybe it was a bit of a problem for you.  Either way, it is commendable that you recognized that it was bad for your life and turned it around.

You will NOT be considered an alcoholic the rest of your life, dont worry about that!

I think not being able to stop drinking, and feeling like you NEED to drink is one of the more dominant characteristics of an alcholic.  I'm not saying that if you don't feel this way one can't be an alchoholic, it just seems like the common perception.

I'm in no way a professional, but if you truly feel the way you say you do: I am so much happier without alcohol and being completely sober. I dont see myself ever going back to drinking. It scares me that I was drinking so much. I think you're okay!

Even if alchohol continues to be an emotional burden from your past, that does not necessarily mean you were an alcoholic...

physical addiction is pretty clear cut (you'd have withdrawal symptoms when you stopped), but other than that, the distinction is fuzzy.  there are lots of self-assessment quizzes out there.  the DSM has diagnostic criteria (if you're interested, i can type the out for you), but that's subjective, too.

i think you have to decide whether or not you have a problem, and then what you want to do about it.  if you decide to quit, the 12-step (AA) model is popular, but it's not for everyone.

this is a good self-help recovery website based on CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) and harm reduction. 

I think the definition of "alcoholic," to the majority of people, is someone who is physically and mentally addicted to alcohol. If you have had no trouble to minimum trouble stopping, I'd say you were only mentally addicted, if addicted at all...but thats just my observation. The statement "once and alcoholic, always an alcoholic," is a blatently ignorant thing for someone to say. People change, and people grow stronger. Don't listen to those who tell you that. They're disgustingly closed minded. You should really read the book Tweak by Nic Sheff; its not about alcohol alone, but about this kid thats addicted to basically every addictive substance on the planet, and his road to recovery. I think it'll help reassure you that even if you WERE an alcoholic, that doesn't mean you are a bad person and it doesn't mean that you can't change. But like you said, really only you can label yourself as alcoholic or not.

I hope I helped. *hugs*

Thanks so much for replying. I am not in college anymore. I graduated last summer but it was throughout college I learned that lifestyle of drinking and then it just kept up with me after I graduated.

I totally think I am the type of person that feels like I dont need to drink and then when I do I just dont stop till I black out. That is why its pretty scary. I just never know when enough is enough and then I wake up the next day not having a clue what happened.

It can take many years for the body to become physically addicted to alcohol.  That's why the definition can be fuzzy.  Up to that point, the addiction is entirely mental and emotional.  I would say that if you're drinking to the point of blacking out on a regular basis then you are abusing alcohol.

Also, be aware that once your body does become addicted to alcohol, the detox is more dangerous than possibly all other drugs. 

I'm an alcoholic in recovery.. when I was drinking every day, I was attending school, getting good grades, and had a part-time job at a grocery store.  I did really well in hiding it from almost EVERYONE (including my parents) until I started ODing on drugs and drinking myself to the point of me being very sick for several days and having to go to the hospital.. then along came rehab. :)

Original Post by katesorad:

I'm an alcoholic in recovery.. when I was drinking every day, I was attending school, getting good grades, and had a part-time job at a grocery store.  I did really well in hiding it from almost EVERYONE (including my parents) until I started ODing on drugs and drinking myself to the point of me being very sick for several days and having to go to the hospital.. then along came rehab. :)

 that kind of sounds like me. I am LDS (Mormon) and went to a mormon school actually. I hid my drinking from everyone except for a few certain friends. I graduated from college with a bachelors in psychology, went to work every day and was easily able to hide it from my parents and the school. Up until I got a DUI. I thought that would be what would make me quit. Seeing my parents cry and going through all that crap was totally awful. But I didnt stop. It wasnt till I thought I was going to lose someone so important to me that I realized something needed to change.

When I was young ( 20-25) I was drinking all the time working full time and just being a young person.  I do however think if I hadn't met my hubby then and continued on the path I was going I would be an alcoholic.  At the time I jokingly said I was a weekend alcoholic.

Fast foward many years and I now have a 19 yr old daughter who is a recovering alcoholic.  She has been battling the disease since she was 16.  She's been in rehab she's been in jail shes almost been to prison.  So anyone can become an alcoholic at any age -- it isn't just something that happens to older people or people who drink a long time-- she jokes by saying the people in AA tell her all the time " Heck I've spilled more drinks than you've ever drank"  Some people will become alcoholics with one drink.  Some can take it or leave it at any time.  

I don't drink except maybe once or twice a year now and never drink to the point of passing out.  I think this is a very dangerous sign of potential addiction.

The AA website has some wonderful information available -- this pamplethttp://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-2_44question s.pdf will probably be a great resource for you to review.  The first couple pages answers and addresses your questions.  

Only you can say if you are an alcoholic.  I can only suggest attend a few meetings and listen to the stories and decide for yourself if your drinking has made your life something you don't like.

Step one says : We admitted we are powerless over alcohol - that our lives have become unmanagable

if this describes you or near you you might find help at an AA meeting.  Also keep in mind AA meetings with folks you can relate to might take some searching out.  I live in a small town but we still have lots of meetings with women only, men only so there is probably one somewhere that will "fit you"

duplicate posting sorry

Criteria for alcohol dependence (alcoholism) include 3 or more of the following in a 12-month period of time: tolerance to alcohol effects, withdrawal symptoms, impaired control, drinking more or longer than intended, neglect of activities, increased time spent drinking or recovering from drinking, or continued use despite recurrent psychological or physical problems.

These are the criteria you have to meet to be diagnosed officially.

As for once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic,  I've worked in rehab for 3 years, and the people I see most are chronic users (I mean 20,30,40 years struggling with addiction)

Congratulations on your sobriety.  The counselors I work with believe alcoholism is progressive.  Hopefully you have stopped in time before becoming a "true" lifelong alcoholic.

i think definitely that there was a problem with alcohol and once you have a problem with alcohol and want or have quit it has to be for the rest of your life! not even one sip! it will just open that door back up.

thanks for all the comments.

phz: I think youre totally right. I cant even have one sip or ill fall back into old habits.

I have attended a lot of AA meetings and they have helped me some but I almost wonder if they didnt make me feel more guilty about myself.

dbackerfan: I hope the best for your daughter. that would be so hard.

huggit: I really hope I have stopped in time too. I guess only time will tell.

I have attended a lot of AA meetings and they have helped me some but I almost wonder if they didnt make me feel more guilty about myself.

I've been to a couple of AA meetings to support a friend who was too nervous to go alone. Speaking as just an observer- is that a word?- and not an active participant, I think that's sort of the general result. It works for some people, I guess.

My best friend was diagnosed by the state of Virginia as an alcoholic because she got 2 DUIs and a drunk in public (DIP) in a 15 month period...Is she an alcoholic? No. Unlucky...hell yea.

Like Oplle, I've attended quite a few AA meetings with friends and generally by the end of the meetings I felt like "taking the step forward" and I know I'm not an alcoholic.

The funny thing is, after my father passed away, I spent about 2 years trying to drink myself to death. I've said numerous times "if I could be an alcoholic, I would be because God knows I tried". Like you, I drank every night and it would always end with me blacking out, crying hysterically or cursing out one of my friends.  I drank because I was trying to fill a void and I didn't need Dr. Phil or Oprah to explain that to me. I knew what I was doing. My mother tried warning me about my drinking because my father was an alcoholic and it can be genetic. I didn't care about anything except "partying". I kept that up until one day I snapped out of it. I still go out on weekends or occaisionally a weeknight but nothing to the extent of what I was doing.

There are many different definitions of who or what an alcoholic is. I would say that if alcohol consistently affects your life negatively then you should try to avoid it for the most part...

Hey pricless, i'm a bit behind on this post but i feel the need to comment anyways. I'm 23 years old and I'm an alcoholic in recovery. I first tried to get sober when I was 21 but gave up after thinking I was too young and people thought I was overreacting. I personally believe that alcoholism is a disease and that you are born with it and it can manifest at a young age or an older age, it is different for every person. I know some people in AA that didn't find themselves addicted to alcohol until they were in their 50s. I know that I'm an alcoholic because when I take one drink it sets off a chain reaction where I'm not able to focus on anything else but getting another drink. I went 3 months without drinking and without anyhelp from AA at one point but when i started drinking again I went right back to everyday and i found that i was constantly craving alcohol. I see myself as bless for understanding that I'm an alcoholic at such a young age because I haven't lost a husband or children or killed someone drunk driving. AA is amazing but different things work for different people. There is no cut and dry definition of an alcoholic but i believe that I will be an alcoholic for the rest of my life. I know many people that were sober for 20 or more years and then picked up alcohol only to go back to the destructive way of drinking. Being an alcoholic is nothing to be ashamed of, in fact I'm thankful now for learning a way to live that doesn't involve drinking. Good luck on your journey!

priceless7-

I haven't read any of the previous responses.

First of all, I am a 42 year old recovering alcoholic. My last drink was on August 28, 2004. My Mom was also. She died 24 years sober when she passed because of the fellowship of AA. There were over 100 AA members attending her funeral. What I mean by fellowship is the understanding and knowing what another alcoholic is going through. All you need to do is to have the desire to stop drinking.

You say, "This is a sensitive subject for me as I saw alcohol do major damage to me physically, emotionally, spiritually etc." Your life is/was unmanageable. I see red flags. You are in trouble..The first thing you have to do if you feel you are an alcohol is to first put the drink down, and to admit that you are an alcoholic and to admit that your life is unmanageable. (It's already become unmanageable because you lost/losing your boyfriend. The "title" you fear about the label of an alcoholic is much better than being in the throws of alcoholism. I always say, "there's no such thing as a failure who keeps trying. Coasting at bottom is the only disgrace." ("Wait" by Blues Traveler) As a matter of fact, my Mom was honored at her funeral for 24 years of sobriety. So no-the term "recovering alcoholic" is actually very well-respected because it is a sign of strength, willpower and determination.

About "stopping drinking" Once you even have so much as a nip after a while sober they say, You take the drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you"

It's easy for me to write about alcoholism because it's been so prevalent in my life as well as many family members' lives. I see what it can do to the alcoholic and those who love them. And my point is that my alcoholism started the same way that your life was/is going.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease. If you say you can put it down when you want to, then why drink at all? Just simply CUT it out of your life.

In the throws of my alcoholism, the pain just went on inside while I slowly destroyed everything I had gained and worked so hard for. I lost the trust of my family and friends, lost a few jobs because of it and I lost the dignity and respect I had for myself.

What is your attitude about drinking in general? Can you completely stop drinking? Can you do without it? Can you have fun without it? Is there alcoholism in your family? One of the reasons I drank was because I "thought" it would take away all the issues in my life, but in reality, it made them worse, for a LOT of reasons. It also gave me the courage to "speak up" to people and be more aggressive, but I NEVER thought about circumstances of my actions at that time, I just continued to drink more and more..

By NO means am I bragging, but the truth is, I have been arrested many times, I've lost friends and family because of my drinking, had 3 OUIs-(still paying for the last one in 2005), been to over 15 detoxes, about 5 long-term rehabs, 1 year in a women's sober home. The paramedics got to know me very well. It also became very costly, the hospital bills, the ambulance bills, the court fines, probation. The drug screens..(The last OUI occurred when my folks died 6 months apart.) Couldn't "deal" with that, plus that gave me an excuse to drink more... I have humiliated myself over and over. Thought about suicide when I was really down. My days turned to nights and all I could think about was getting my next bottle. The doctors told my Mom that I might not last one night in the hospital because of my alcohol level. And any medications that you take do not work with the use of alcohol, if you are on any..

The worst people I had hurt were my folks and siblings. Especially my Mom. Dad couldn't deal with me anymore. My Mom sat in the emergency room and had to see me hooked up to all kinds of fluids intravenously and with a catheter. My Mom spent her life trying to get me sober and blamed herself. You wouldn't believe how much my whole world and everybody in it was affected by my drinking..And the drinking progressed rapidly as time went on. Alcoholism is a baffling and cunning disease.

I personally believe you may be heading down the wrong path with the drinking...I urge you to continue with AA and get yourself a female Sponsor with a few years of sobriety under her belt who will steer you in the right direction. She will be somebody who you should keep in contact with every day. Get phone numbers from other women and get active with groups in your area. Millions of people have stopped drinking through AA. And I'm sure there are tons of girls your age there.

I don't know the extent of your drinking habits, and I'm NOT implying that you DO have a problem, Either way, if it's changing your whole character, then you should cut it out completely. Now.

As for your question: Yes, if you are an alcoholic, you will be an alcoholic until you hit your grave. Then there's the term "recovering alcoholic", meaning that you do not drink at all, under any circumstances, and actively attend AA. I am a recovering alcoholic.

Then there's the "dry drunk". You stay sober but you don't "grow emotionally" because you still have the emotions and characteristics of an active alcoholic. They call it "stinking thinking" An alcoholic who attends AA regularly learns how to live happily without the use of alcohol and how to deal effectively with life on life's terms.

The term "being sober" not only includes the absence of alcohol, but any other form of "mind-altering" drug.

Also, counseling in my life truly helped me to understand why I drank and did what I did. Alcoholism is merely a symptom of deep underlying issues which may have been rooted in the past, perhaps in childhood, such as mine was.

priceless, I also want to mention that if you ever want to, send me a private message, or anyone else for that matter. Helping others with addictions is truly self-fulfilling in my life.

Today my life is second to none without the alcohol and I can deal with life's issues. I never want to be in that black hole again. Today I am happy to be alive.

I have not read the responses - well, not all of them.

I can not answer your question.  I think many others have already done so.  But your story sounds a lot like me when I was in my early 20's.  I did not, however, drink myself to black out every night. 

However, I did drink every night to drunkenness.  I will cut the story short and tell you that when I reached the point of wondering if I had a problem I decided not to wait until it was out of my control.  So I quit drinking. 

I feel that there is too much potential for me to become alcoholic to take it lightly or to ignore the problems I can forsee if I were to drink.

I have two kinds of alcoholics in my family.  The first is the classic drunk.  there are 3 of those.  the second just need to have a drink every day and see this as no problem at all.  With this kind of familial history I knew that my only choice was to not drink at all or very very seldom. 

I have had two drinks in the past 20 years.  1/2 glass of wine at Thanksgiving one year and 1/2 glass of champagne at my brother's wedding.

I never feel weird not drinking and I dont mind being the designated driver. 

Good luck.  You don't have to be ashamed or afraid.  Just make the choice to do what is right for you.

Original Post by priceless7:

I totally think I am the type of person that feels like I dont need to drink and then when I do I just dont stop till I black out. That is why its pretty scary. I just never know when enough is enough and then I wake up the next day not having a clue what happened.

Youwould be classed as a heavy or binge-drinker rather than an alcoholic per se.  I know alcoholics and the element you're missing is 'dependency'....  they depend on alcohol in order to live and they are incapable of anything without.  One alcoholic I know is a very heavy drinker, the other drinks relatively lightly but can stay operational... a 'funtioning alcoholic'.   Both need alcohol to get through the day.

Regardless of whether you are technically an alcoholic at least you recognise that you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol you have a 'drinking problem' and you've had the good sense to give it up.  That's all that matters.