To All Those Who Hadn't Hit Puberty Before They Got 'Sick'

So now, 2 years on, I'm now in Outpatients and last week gained 0.2kg (1/2lb) eating on average 1833.3kcal a day. I have 2.9 kg left to gain.

 Problem is, as I never did the hormones thing because I got 'sick' aged 12 and a half ( I was he youngest person in the unit when I did day patient), I'm gaining no weight as to make me look at all 'womanly'. Basically I'm just getting a stomach (or I think I am anyway). What does it take for the hormonies to kick in when you've &*£^%")(&$ up your body in it's vital stage? I haven't grown at all. When do you grow? Is their any way to encourage weight gain in 'lady' areas. Because, I'm sure I felt better about myself if my chest stuck out further then the rest of you.... it would put you in proportion.

Aaargh, I hate this. And I feel like Im fooling myself about recovery. It feels so hard, yet I'm only managing an extra 70 kcal a day even though it feels like I'm eating so much more and trying so hard -  yet for my parents, all they'll see ids the number son the scale and it's the numbers that count and if I don't gain 1lb a week until my review then my doctor said he'll reccommend in-patient and my parents will abandon me to myself thinking that I don't give a monkeys about them or my family......

I eat more despite not being hungry in an attempt to gain (which I really don't want to do anyway but have to), then I eat less to counterbalance it, to make myself feel ok. They're gonna kill me if I don't gain - in my head, I have, yet I can't trust my body and my thoughts anymore...... I don't want to go into hospital again, I don't need to. I'm ok. *sob* It's just....eeek

I was kind of in the same boat. I was in the process of maturing when I developed my eating disorder. I felt fat through most of my life. (at least 3rd  through the ed) I think that was one of the main reasons for me and my ed. At first, when I started gaining weight, I felt just like you. That it was all going to my stomach. Trust me, you will even out and everything will get back to "normal." I lost my boobs COMPLETELY and now they are back. (I mean they are not that big b/c I exercise and do stuff a lot) It is nice to feel like an actual teen, or at least a healthy teen. Not some sickly, ghastly looking freak! Unfortunately there is not spot gain. You gain where your body does. Are you allowed to tone or use weights yet? I did some and that helped. Also, you are a growing teen, right? No teen should be gaining on ~1800 calories, even when sedentary! (unless they have a screwed up metabolism) Are you planning on increasing any time soon either for maintenance or weight gain? I think you should. No one wants to live on that amount! I am so sorry you are struggling. Let me know if there is ANYTHING I could do. *HUGS*

First of all, I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been through it too but I can say that although I had my ed, off and on, for around six years (age 12-19ish), once I started eating normally, my breasts and butt blew up like balloons lol, it was almost too much. I also grew 2 and a half inches in four months!!!! It was like I finally went through puberty at age 20! Crazy. Anyway, I'm still kinda in the tummy stage, but I don't think it's fat. I'm having a problem with acid indigestion actually because my GI tract isn't quite used to this much food yet, so I get bloated a lot. But I think it'll go away. I'm on prilosec right now and that's helping a LOT.

So try not to think about it and stay strong ok? What I do when it gets too much for me is I just put a pillow over my stomach and do something else. Because it's not worth it, for me, to die young and suffer just to have a BMI below 18 (which was my eternal goal...). I don't want that for myself anymore. That's no way to live.

Good luck!!! If you need anything I'd be happy to talk/help.