To All the Mums out There, advice please

A bit of a story here, i will try not to drag.

I am 18 and since i was 6 my family have fostered children. Usually they stay any where from 3 months to 6 months.  My parents recieved a foster boy in August 07 aged 15 months. It was an extreme case and therefore he is actually only leaving this Friday ( 1 year 4 months later).

My mum has taken him to his new home on Monday (about 2 hours away) for a week of transitioning. All going well, she will come home by herself on Friday. My mum is the type of person who will have a few good cries, reminisce a few times but know he is in a better place.

I know she will be upset though because she has watched him grow up. Also, my sister and I moved out of home in January therefore she hasn't actually had an "empty nest".

I am home on holidays therefore i will be waiting for when she comes home. I am going to clean the house top to bottom for her and take her out to lunch.

But what i would like to know is, if this was you, what would make you feel special/important and appreciated for the great job you have done apart from being told? My mum loves trifles so i am making her a mini one and i was thinking of making her a card and telling her i love her. But i would like to do do/make some other things for her. By the way, she is a very "homely mum".

Make her a sign that says, "You are my hero". Decorate it with glitter as if you were a younger child. And then tell her how much she means to you and how much you appreciate her helping other children.

What about making a scrapbook of all the kids she's had throughout the years? It can get pricey to scrapbook, but there are ways around that.

Really though, speaking as a mother, I'm sure she feels the best just by seeing how wonderful her children have turned out. It sounds like you're a great example and a source of pride.

I think it's a really sweet idea. I'm sure anything you do will be nice. Whether it be a card or a glittery sign or.. whatever. Even a big hug and let her know you're there.

Original Post by qmwillcand:

What about making a scrapbook of all the kids she's had throughout the years? It can get pricey to scrapbook, but there are ways around that.

I was going to say something similar.

I don't know if it'd be possible, but could you track down some of the kids she fostered and get them to write her a note thanking her?

I'm not a mom, but from my experience, hand-made glitter-coated and ribbon-laden gifts go a very long way and mean more than any other token you can think of.  It's truly the thought that counts.

Original Post by emer13:

I'm not a mom, but from my experience, hand-made glitter-coated and ribbon-laden gifts go a very long way and mean more than any other token you can think of.  

As a mom, I can confirm this.  Things from personal effort and from the heart mean more than any store bought gift.

I'll second the idea for a scrap book and notes from the people she's fostered.

As I mother I think you are "spot on".  If you have access to a computer you could try snapfish or shutterfly if you have digital pictures.  You can design your own picture book and they are not overly expensive.

I think the cleaning, lunch and a card are also great ideas.  Sometimes all a mother needs to hear is that she is loved and appreciated.

Hug her hard and just tell her thank you!!!

Give her a memory jar. Write down on little slips of paper all the memories you have of her. Special things that you remember as a child growing up. Then she can pull out those slips of paper and take a VERY SPECIAL trip down memory lane. Be sure to express what you feel when you have this memory. ITS PRICELESS. Decorate a jar with a lid and put your name and memory jar on it. You may want to use a pretty font and type it or to make it more personal write in your own hand.

edit: this is pretty much free, use a jar on hand and some notebook paper.

Lots of great ideas already--I LOVE doing something special with my kids (24 and 25). A yoga class, go shopping and out for lunch, cooking a special meal together, go on a hike, snuggle up on the couch and watch a favorite movie (Holiday Inn is an old favorite.) Get manicures and pedicures together.

Question--why do you have to give the boy up? Is he going to another foster home? Why can't he stay in one home longer? I don't know how this works. Your mom must be amazing!

Well my parents are only short term foster carers which is any where from a few hours to 3 months. But when the 3 months were up, they didn't want him to have to move again so they said he could stay. He was originally taken from his mum and eventually, is suppose to be in the care of his dad but his dad is not capable to look after him yet.

So now he is going to a long term foster carer where i believe he will be for a few years and will have more contact visits with his dad because he is closer. I know some people say this is cruel, moving a child around a lot but my parents are about 55, my dad works full time and they are happy to have anyone but only for a shorter period of time.

I really like all the ideas. I am unable to get photos or letters from past children because my parents are on a No Contact basis. It means they don't see the children once they are left although the option is there.Also, i wouldn't even know where half the children are lol.

I am going to make the glittery sign and hang it up so she can see it when she comes home and i realy like the idea of the jar. I hired out a movie my mum wants to see as well :)

After the holidays, when you've gone home, remember to call her often and maybe send snail mail cards now and then.  It will mean a lot to her.