Always had a healthy relationship with food...dealing with a sexual assault...turning into a binge eater
Ok, I've always had a good relationship with food. I was overweight until about the age of 15 and I decided to attack it in a healthy way. I cut out fried food and soda and cut back on sweets and added physical activity (was pretty sedentary before). I went from 140 lbs to 115 (I'm 4'11") and I started CC to try and lose a couple more lbs but mostly tone up. It's been working so far. I haven't lost many lbs but I've turned fat into lean muscle and actually went from pretty skinnyfat to toned. Anyway, that's just background.
Last week I was sexually assaulted. Since then I've binged to make myself better. I feel like this happened to me because my body is so in shape. I looked good, I knew I looked good, I dressed provocatively and I got what I had coming to me. I know this isn't true, but I can't get it out of my head and I can't get out of that mentality. Anyway, from this, I've been binging. I finally understand the true meaning of "binge". It's not when you have an ice cream with your friends that you knew you didn't need. It's when you go to the cafeteria and eat five gigantic cookies, 10 oz of ice cream, a chocolate pudding, and a frappecinno like drink and you justify it in your head saying, "If I was fat again nobody would touch me".
I guess I'm just here for support. Anybody?
i'm very sorry this happened to you.
The same thing happened to my mother. She was gang raped and turned to binge eating to cope. This was decades ago, and binge eating wasn't recognized. She ended up gaining over 100 lbs and repressed the memories.
She did go to therapy after about 10 years and through a lot of work became healthy and along the way lost the weight.
I really suggest that you find a counselor to help you deal with this.
This shouldn't have happened to you- no one deserves to be assaulted. You said in your post that you feel like it's your fault, but then again, you know it isn't true. It's really normal to feel that way, and as you can see from the other reply, binge eating is a common way to deal with it.
Sounds like you know in your head that it's not your fault, but still kinda feel like it is. It isn't. There's no argument or difference of opinion about this- the only person responsible, the only person who could've stopped the assault, was the perpetrator. And it didn't matter what you looked like or dressed like. It was about power, not sex or desire. Besides, a woman is allowed to dress however she wants, go where she wants, drink if she wants...that doesn't give anyone the right to assault her.
I read a really good analogy for sexual assault called The Rape of Mr. Smith that had to do with comparing rape to getting robbed. You can read it at http://www.keithedwards.us/Rape%20of%20Mr.%20 Smith.pdf. ;
It's pretty great- talks about how a man wearing an expensive suit, carrying money, and in a bad neighborhood was asking to get robbed. Maybe he wanted to get robbed. After all, he has given money away to charity before, maybe he was giving it away this time (like the fact that a woman has had consensual sex before means maybe this time wasn't rape). Anyway, I'm going on and on- sorry. I'm a victim advocate for sexual assault survivors and I get a little riled up.
I agree that you should seek out some professional support. There is surely a local organization you can find. You could check out www.rainn.org or call 1-800-656-4673 to find one.
Good luck, and I'm here to talk.
Hey,
Just happened across this and wanted to let you know that we are here to support you. You are a beautiful young women who should be able to live a healthy lifestyle without being afraid of assault. I hope this week goes well for you.
See you back on the freshman fifteen group :) I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say that we all support you over there too!
If you're reluctant to press charges... and many women in your situation are... then think on this. The person who attacked you has probably done it before and, if you don't get him picked up, will almost certainly do it again... or worse. Don't condone their behaviour by keeping quiet. Report the incident and, if it's someone known to you, name names.
You were not responsible for the assault, and you are not responsible for what else the perpetrator may or may not do. You have no obligation to report to police or to tell anyone if you don't want to. It's not the right path for everyone. It is very common for people, in their outrage at what happened, to urge surviviors to report to police and to "get the guy." Unfortunately, very rarely do these cases result in prosecution or even apprehension. This is not your responsiblity. Report it (if you haven't already) only if you feel it is the right thing for you.
If you have safety concerns, I hope you'll talk to someone right away- it can be law enforment, a counselor, a friend... develop a safety plan that's realistic for your situation, if necessary.
It was definalty not your fault that that happened to you. I know you feel like it is, because of your appearance but it really isn't. I went through an incedent almost identical to yours and by the time I came forward about it there wasn't "substantial evidence"that it wasn't consensual. If you haven't already, you should report it to the police. What really helped me was spending alot of time with my family, it is really imortant ( at least it was in my case) that you are not alone for very long. Spending time with the people who you love and love you s very therapeutic. If you need to talk or anything, let me know.
The problem is that you, along with many victims of sexual assault, have taken on a self-defeating mentality. I know I can't and don't claim to fully understand what it's like, but no matter what the situation, the past is the past, and you have to put it behind you. That's the reality, even if it's hard to do.
A lot of people give the cliche answer of "It's not your fault", and it isn't.. but that's baby talk, and you know that and everyone else knows that. That's not a productive question, the question is what you want to do at this point. Binging, regardless of the cause behind it, is terrible for your health. You were not assaulted because you were healthy. If you're afraid of it happening again, take measures to protect yourself. Stay away from the kind of places where those things happen. Be around people you know well when you go on social outings.
Don't destroy yourself over it though. That's not going to get you anywhere.. it's easy to tell yourself that you can't help it, but failure is certain if you don't try. I don't want to be insensitive, but I think people are too sensitive. Life is hard, and lots of hard things happen. It's how we deal with those things that makes up who we are. I've seen too many people have this kind of thing happen to them and then they let themself become a shell of a person.. on meds, in counseling, and it becomes a perpetual cycle of apathy and pre-conceived helplessness.. Nobody wants or consciously tries to end up like that, but I think the problem is that nobody tries to stop them, because nobody wants to say things that are difficult to hear.
I find it difficult to say whether food and eating had anything to do with my weight gain after something happened to me, but I suppose it did. I picked up a lot of bad coping habits after; food was just one of them. If you ever need to talk, you can message me? I've been through it and I'm doing much better now, seven years later. I don't know if I would be much help to you, but I could certainly try.
It sounds like you are in a college setting? There are many support groups on campuses for dealing with the emotions after an assult. There are even some programs where you can get the medical treatment and counseling, but don't have to make a report or talk to the police. I recently went through training to be a Victims Advocate for Sexual Assults for my Air Force Base. If you need any information, I have numbers and contacts up to the wazoo!
Look on my profile for my email address, and I'll send you anything you need. Unfortuanately, I'm not allowed to work with civilians, but I do have access to civilian help lines across the nation.
Some people are going to say "get over it" or " just don't be in that situation again" but it isn't that simple. The process for dealing with a traumatic event is very similar to dealing with the death of a loved one. In this case, the loved one was your body.
Talk to someone, doc/ religious person/ friend/counselor about what is best for you. I can give you the information to help you decide what to do next. I do urge you to get medical treatment, though.
Just take it one day at a time, and if that is too hard , then one hour at a time.
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