so angry with life

I ate 3000 cals roughly today

My flatmates bitched about me so I feel really left out and that I don't fit in

My brother and sister purposfully wound me up by whispering about me over dinner

The photos of me from last night remind me how fat and ugly i am

I am so angry with life rite now

Even though I have just got a new job and me and my mum r friends again- it sucks. IT SUCKS BIG TIME

 

I know its hard to do at a time like this, but when you calm down it may help to write down a list of things that you like about yourself and a list of things that you can do to make yourself feel better instead of eating.  Make them long lists -- as long as you can and then longer.  When you  start having trouble with all those people around you that know how to push your buttons then refer as fast as you can to the lists.  Say all those good things about yourself outloud and in your mind to yourself.  Do all the things to help yourself feel better.  I am always a fan of having a list of things that you can eat in times of stress that wont be too lethal. 

Its hard to feel good about yourself when your self esteem is so tied to everyone around you. 

Outloud when your alone practice saying, "I am not going to let them push my buttons."  In your mind when it is happening say to yourself, "This person does not have permission to hurt me.  I am the keeper of my own feelings." 

You can also start saying aloud more helpful assertive comments at the time of the problem, "It is hurtful and not right for you to talk badly about me.  What your doing is wrong."  (Try to keep your emotion out of that statement and just be matter of fact, like a detective.)  It is good practice for being assertive in other uncomfortable situations.

Also remind yourself that others do not have permission to sabotage your efforts to see yourself in a better light.  Learning how to see yourself in a better light with help to defend yourself against these kind of interpersonal difficulties will help you in the future as well as today.  There will always be some jerk that is ready to step on you so they can feel better about themselves.  It is always better for you to know how to tell them to "Step off of me!"

I am sorry for your bad day.  It will pass into another day (better or worse).  You will always have more chances to get back on track if you need them.  Just get back on track!

do you like to read?  even if you don't, check out this book (it's not even that long).

"man's search for meaning" by victor frankl.

he wrote after surviving a concentration camp.  it's basically about how to find meaning and beauty in your life, even when it seems like things can't get any worse.

i recommend this book to everyone i know who is going through a rough time!

I just looked at your pictures and you are NOT fat! 

lewiskimlc

wow-what can I say.

Thank you so much for your post. So inspirational and it made me cry in a good way. The things you said are so true and have given me fresh ideas on how to deal with situations like that. I have depression and anxiety and so, depending on my mood, these events can hit me pretty hard.

I am also so happy that I read you post when I did. Last night I posted something on my facebook page about being fat and ugly and a so called friend replied with:-

'just wanted to say that it's great to see you accepting the truth. that's the first way to overcome the problem. kudos to you mandy.
treat yourself to a cookie.
x'

no longer a friend in my eyes I'm afraid.

I hope you don't mind but I then took a look at your profile and your words became even more inspirational- you seem to be a person who has been through a lot in their life but is no way going to let that keep you down. Well done- I am working owards getting to this point in my life

Thank you again- you have really touched me

xxxxxx

demanding_munch:

Wow. It sounds like you have some great friends. (note the sarcasm)
I think it's best to cut these 'so-called' friends out of your life. It seems hard at first but once you take that step and do it, you feel so much better. When I graduated university two years ago (can't believe it's been that long already), I cut a huge amount of "friends" out of my life. At first, I felt really lonely because I'd just moved back to my hometown and had a new job where I didn't really know anyone aside from maybe 4 or 5 people from high school I'd kept in ok touch with. I didn't really make the effort to hang out with anyone new except some great people I worked with (it was nice working at a place full of recent college grads) but I knew that they weren't close friends. 8 months ago, I packed up my life and moved overseas cutting even more people out of my life and have basically started fresh (I'm not suggesting you do this haha) BUT my point is, now I have realized my own worth and only surround myself with people who appreciate me, etc.
I know it sucks to hear your brother and sister saying this about you. My parents did this to me growing up... I know how bad it hurts.
As for **** flatmates... we've all been there, love. Deal with them until you can get out of there.
And I looked at your profile. You are not fat and ugly. You're beautiful and seem like a terrific person. Keep your head up.

Woman, you be lookin' fine.  Ignore them haters.

I can say in all honesty that you are not fat, and certainly not ugly.

It's great if you want to slim down a bit to look great in a dress or whatever, we all want to improve on our appearance, but I think your image of yourself is not near as attractive as what others see.

 

Too bad your siblings act so nasty and petty.  I grew up with only one brother, so I can't imagine what it would be like to have 2 siblings ganging up on me - that is just nasty.  Maybe you should just be upfront and tell them point-blank that their excluding you and whispering hurts your feelings. 

thank you so much everyone for being so lovely.

I have depression and anxiety and am having a particularly bad time of it at the mo. I haven't managed to get out of bed today and just keep crying. I just don't fit in with my house mates and i feel so ugly and fat around them.

Tbh this is all probab; a state of mind but its really really making me feel awful today. I don't want anyone to see me I'm in such a state and keep freezin if anyone walks past my room cos I don't want them to come in.

My Mother has depression a lot worse than I do and she's having a really tough weekend so I can't burden my family with how I feel. Tbh I'm finding it really hard to tell anyone and I know I should cos its menat to help- just gonna ride this one out

xxx

I know how u feel in a way i have a hard life to(family troubles) and i get sad some times but you got to always look for a brightside even if its little

hello again!

I've been out for a while.  sorry not to get back to you.  I am so pleased that you found my responce so helpful.  I really just started posting things publicly because I was feeling reclusive myself.  I decided to just jump in and I am so glad that I did.

Are u practicing the comebacks?  It takes a lot of work!

Just to let you know, so that I dont feel like a cheat, I want to let you know that I work in mental health.  Thats why I know a few tricks.  I have to work hard in my personal life to apply those tricks myself, so I do understand how difficult it is.  Sometimes people just get the best of you anyway. 

I don't really talk about any of the issues I have at work or with my peers in life because I feel like they will think that I cant handle things, but sometimes it is true that I can't and I have to take a "mental health day" just for myself.  You could try that too.  Schedule your time to be down and make an agreement with yourself to get up after that. 

The "friend" that posted on your facebook isn't a friend at all.  That responce was dripping with ridicule.  I am sorry that you have to deal with this.

People can be very cruel and not even really think it is any big deal.  The things I remember my "friends" saying to me they dont even remember years later.  When one has depression and other issues the memories in your mind do become magnified.  Not to say it isn't real, but that it is bigger.  Everything is bigger when you are standing at the edge of a cliff, where anyone with depression stands once in a while.  All it might take is a strong breeze to push you over right? 

Your family is your family and you are kind of stuck with them.  I can say for me that somewhere along the line I had to let it go all of the pain that they generated for me and you will have to do the same.  I do beleive that all the pain they caused was real for me and that it is real for you too.  Its just that people are imperfect.  I am imperfect.  It is sometime unfortunate that one lays like an open book for family, but it doesn't have to be like that forever.

And I do feel quite successful.  I have managed to move on from feeling so disturbed (though sometimes I admit to revisiting it upon myself) and I know that you can do it too.

Keep hanging on for you.

Original Post by alibuch:

demanding_munch:

Wow. It sounds like you have some great friends. (note the sarcasm)
I think it's best to cut these 'so-called' friends out of your life. It seems hard at first but once you take that step and do it, you feel so much better. When I graduated university two years ago (can't believe it's been that long already), I cut a huge amount of "friends" out of my life. At first, I felt really lonely because I'd just moved back to my hometown and had a new job where I didn't really know anyone aside from maybe 4 or 5 people from high school I'd kept in ok touch with. I didn't really make the effort to hang out with anyone new except some great people I worked with (it was nice working at a place full of recent college grads) but I knew that they weren't close friends. 8 months ago, I packed up my life and moved overseas cutting even more people out of my life and have basically started fresh (I'm not suggesting you do this haha) BUT my point is, now I have realized my own worth and only surround myself with people who appreciate me, etc.
I know it sucks to hear your brother and sister saying this about you. My parents did this to me growing up... I know how bad it hurts.
As for **** flatmates... we've all been there, love. Deal with them until you can get out of there.
And I looked at your profile. You are not fat and ugly. You're beautiful and seem like a terrific person. Keep your head up.

 I liked what you wrote here about ending some friendships. Sometimes hurtful or user-type friends just don't need to remain in your life.  Sometimes friendships outgrow their uselful life and purpose in yours.  People grow and change.  If certain friends always seem to leave you feeling "bad" or are a bad or negative influence or just plain take more than they give, there is no harm in moving on from them.

Demands-much ---- you are a lovely girl!!  I know that personal perception is a private thing, but you should worry less.  Enjoy life!

It's true though. Sometimes you just have to dump the **** in your life, no pun intended. It took me a long time to realize I didn't need to have to stupid, ignorant "friends" so I cut them out. And, oh surprise, I haven't missed them.