Annoying question about Should I try a Relationship

I apologize for being long-winded.

I'm 23 years old and have only been in a relationship once. i didn't like it, and broke it off after a few months. I've enjoyed being single for the past few years, although once in awhile I decide to give all the guys who ask me out a chance and date for a few months. (Yes, I am constantly surrounded by 20+ guys at a time who all want to date me. It's really pathetic). I then realize how pointless and annoying it is, and stop dating for awhile again. This is the pattern to my life.
Well, I finally meet a guy I actually like. He is 16 years older than me (i know!), but I like him. We've been dating for a few months now, which is a long time for me, but I'm thinking cuz I actually enjoying being around him and kissing him, etc. I was upfront with him at the very beginning about how I'm not looking for a relationship and nothing serious can ever develop between us.

Well, my three month mark came and I figured I'd break up with him - I never last this long with a guy anyway, and I think he's ready for something more serious that I'm not willing to give. So we have a conversation and he mentions that maybe we could be in a relationship that we both understand will never be serious and that won't end in marriage. I'm feeling skeptical since I've had guys try to change my mind on things before, but he's more mature and we talk a bit and I see that he understands he can't change my mind, and is considering being with me at face value.

Now, normally, I'd be stronger and just leave him, but it's hard cuz I like him. I'm also thinking that he might be one of the very few guys in this life I will like (I'm 23, cmon! The FIRST one??) so I am still thinking about it. I enjoy and am used to being single. I love the freedom, not having to consider another person when planning my life, etc. I have mentioned all of this to him, and he has said that we can talk about things and not be codependent one each other like some couples are. So I don't know what to do. Should I date for the experience of being in a relationship and learning what that's like? he may be the only guy I ever like enough to tolerate in this circumstance. Or, should I go by my default and stay happily single? I know it's pathetic to ask on the internet, but sometimes complete strangers can see more clearly and knock sense into you - all of my girlfriends are excited for me to finally find someone. Thanks in advance!

Youth is obviously wasted on the young.

If it's not going to be serious, what's the problem?  It doesn't sound as though he's asking you to sign any contracts or consider him when planning your life. 

If he's throwing you this much of a bone and you're still skeptical, maybe you should end it to protect him.

Also, why are your friends 'so excited' for you to have 'found someone' if they know you and know you don't want to find anyone?

You say you would normally 'be stronger' and leave him.  There is always the chance that you're in hyper-self-protective mode when it comes to relationships and end them before you can be put in a position to be hurt.  Have you spoken with a therapist?

Corvuscorax: i think you may be right about the hyper-self-protective thing. I have considered ending it early before I'm vulnerable (and before he can end it) so I don't get hurt. I have not spoken wtih a therapist, but I do have plans to start seeing one sometime before the year is up. Would it be a bad idea to move forward before speaking with one? Or should I try to throw caution to the wind and allow myself the possibility of getting hurt?

My friends know how "anti-guy" I am, but they themselves like relationships. I think they're excited for me to see what I'm missing and how they can be good, too (they know I'm perennially single by choice).

I'm actually a lot more mature than I sound right now. Thanks for your well-grounded reply!

Not relevant to your question, but is the number 191 particularly important to you?

As for your question, date the guy if you honestly like him, and if you don't want to have to plan your life around someone (you're 23, that is a completely valid perspective) then don't. Dating someone shouldn't mean curtailing your potential and your plans. Enjoy what you have while you have it - turning down happiness when it presents itself is just silly, life is too short.

how will you ever know unless you let down your guard and give yourself and a guy a chance? if hes 16 years older maybe he just wants sex. perfect. 38 year old men rock. guys your age are much more immature than you.

OR play it safe. no pain. no gain. break up at the previously established threshold of 3 months? thats random and nonsensical. maybe guys arent your preference. how will you ever find out unless you take a risk and color outside of your lines?

good luck!

Original Post by dnrothx:

Youth is obviously wasted on the young.

Oh yeah!  Now my tongue hurts.

Thanks for the replies, guys!

Trustwomen: i have considered that maybe it's guys in general, that was a couple years ago. I realized that I like women even less - at least I found answers :)

And, no, 191 means nothing to me. Should it?

watergirl: I'm thinking more mature men are better for me, as you said. I'm sick of dating men in their twenties, too annoying! However, if he's in it for the sex, he hides it pretty well. Did I mention I take things slow? haha

Good input, everyone! I'm thinking maybe going for it. Scary! But if others can, I can, too, right?

10111111 is 191 in binary.. just wondering why you had a string of 1s and 0s after your name, and geek that I am, binary is the first thing that came to mind.

And good luck getting up the courage to be happy! (yes, it takes courage, because when you are happy you have something to lose, and that is scary)

For all the myraid fun and pleasures to be had on the planet, there's precious little genuine happiness in the world. Don't throw away a real chance at happiness when it presents itself. They don't come often.

I had to comment here, because I've seen so many threads about girls feeling like they have to be in a relationship and if they aren't there is something wrong with them.  Why can't it be normal to not want a relationship.

I'm 23 and I too don't like relationships.  Don't be in a relationship just because you think that is what you are supposed to do.  Guys always think that I have been hurt or something because I don't want anything serious, but honestly I just get bored and annoyed when I am obligated to hang out with someone all the time...I have my own life...I'll call when I feel like it.  Also, I don't get the exclusivity factor.  I think alot of people feel this way, hence why so many people cheat in relationships.  (By the way, I hate the word "cheat" when used in that context.)  I think relationships are unnatural.  I'm picky as hell, but I'm not going to be attracted to just one person.  Basically, people are jealous and insecure, and can't handle someone they like being attracted to anyone else. 

I know I'm going to get attacked for this post, but I had to express my opinion.  Not everyone wants the same thing out of life.  I don't see why it is socially acceptable to be gay, bi-sexual, trans-gendered, etc...yet no one can accept the fact that there might be people out there who don't want an exclusive relationship with one person.  Disclaimer:  I know the aforementioned groups are discriminated against by some people; however no one accepts that anyone could ever WANT to be single.

If you don't want a relationship, don't be in one.  You're young, enjoy it while you can.

-Kat 

*shrug* just have fun... if it works out, great... if it doesn't, great also.

You're still really young, it's not like you are in a rush to find the perfect person or anything.

Go with the flow & ride with the waves. They don't have to be overly scrutinized to enjoy where they take you. (No I have not smoked anything). Monogamy isn't for everyone, but just make sure it is for you before you make final decisions like ending every relationship after 3 months. He sounds like he's willing to go with the flow, sure he may have ulterior motives but anyone can, you just never know.

I don't want to sound mean but have you considered that by ending your relationships after 3 months for no real reason that you might be hurting those people?

Why get into a relationship in the first place if you know this is what you're going to do?

I'm not trying to attack you, it just seems odd to me.

Either way i guess you have some thinking to do.  Don't break up with him before you've thought things through or you might just regret it.

Original Post by kiti1786:

I'm 23 and I too don't like relationships.  Don't be in a relationship just because you think that is what you are supposed to do.  Guys always think that I have been hurt or something because I don't want anything serious, but honestly I just get bored and annoyed when I am obligated to hang out with someone all the time...I have my own life...I'll call when I feel like it.  Also, I don't get the exclusivity factor.  I think alot of people feel this way, hence why so many people cheat in relationships.  (By the way, I hate the word "cheat" when used in that context.)  I think relationships are unnatural.  I'm picky as hell, but I'm not going to be attracted to just one person.  Basically, people are jealous and insecure, and can't handle someone they like being attracted to anyone else. 

 Cheater.

Original Post by confused10111111:

Corvuscorax: i think you may be right about the hyper-self-protective thing. I have considered ending it early before I'm vulnerable (and before he can end it) so I don't get hurt. I have not spoken wtih a therapist, but I do have plans to start seeing one sometime before the year is up. Would it be a bad idea to move forward before speaking with one? Or should I try to throw caution to the wind and allow myself the possibility of getting hurt?

My friends know how "anti-guy" I am, but they themselves like relationships. I think they're excited for me to see what I'm missing and how they can be good, too (they know I'm perennially single by choice).

I'm actually a lot more mature than I sound right now. Thanks for your well-grounded reply!

 It doesn't sound like you'll be obliged to move forward with this guy anytime soon; he's offered the possibility of just staying casual, so if you like him, go ahead and take him up on that. 

I would definitely make an appointment with a therapist next week, not because I think you're unbalanced, but because I would recommend therapy to just about everyone I know.  It's like a spa for your brain. 

With a therapist's assistance, you'll be able to pull all the old furniture out of your head, dust it off, and change it around if you don't like the way it's situated now.  It's great!

Original Post by dnrothx:

Youth is obviously wasted on the young.

Youth is wasted on the wrong people.

Original Post by kathygator:

Original Post by dnrothx:

Youth is obviously wasted on the young.

Youth is wasted on the wrong people.

Wasted Youth is better by far than a Wise and Productive Old Age

Original Post by trustwomen:

Not relevant to your question, but is the number 191 particularly important to you?

 Best non sequitur ever.

Original Post by hkellick:

Original Post by kathygator:

Original Post by dnrothx:

Youth is obviously wasted on the young.

Youth is wasted on the wrong people.

Wasted Youth is better by far than a Wise and Productive Old Age

 That don't make no sense.

Original Post by hkellick:

Original Post by kathygator:

Original Post by dnrothx:

Youth is obviously wasted on the young.

Youth is wasted on the wrong people.

Wasted Youth is better by far than a Wise and Productive Old Age

What about Wasted Youth leads to a Wise and Productive Old Age?