Anorexia is scary!

I feel sort of embarrassed to say this, but in high school I used to wish with all my heart that I had enough willpower to be anorexic.  I guess I never really knew anyone personally who was, so I didn't realize what an awful downward spiral it could be.  I sort of thought it could be something I would do for a while then stop.

I have gotten a much healthier self-image since then, but I still never really realized just... I guess how much having an eating disorder can distort a person's view of their body.  Since joining C-C, though...

It is really encouraging to get to talk with all of you who are taking charge of your eating habits and commiting to being healthy on a permanent basis.  You are all really strong, and I hope to be able to do what you have done.

Reading the posts of some people though, who are barely feeding themselves, and on top of that doing extremely vigorous exercise, and on top of that advising that others do the same, and not listening to any advice that what they are doing could damage their bodies... It makes my heart hurt.  I just don't know what else to say about it.

Sorry for the rambling post, just had to say what was on my mind.

I totally agree, sqwish, I was envious of their willpower too... until I realized that it wasn't an issue of willpower at all, but that it was actually a totally poisoned and skewed frame of mind.

A person who loves food (all kinds!) and who likes to just lay on the couch, but who makes themselves monitor their choices and chooses a healthy path... THAT's willpower. :)

I agree as well. My sister tried to do the starvation diet when she was in high school. At the same time I started exercizing and eating healthy (we were both overweight). We both lost eqivalent amounts of weight, but I was able to maintain for the next three years, and she gained a large amount of it back by the next summer. Luckily she didn't develop anorexia, but she does have a very unhealthy image of her body. It is so much easier (in my opinion, since I've never delt personally with having an eating disorder) to not be hungry, and lose weight with diet and exercize.

"It could be something I would do for a while then stop"

No WAY! It really doesn't work like that, once you're in it it will only get worse and worse, it won't let you stop even if you want it to.

I'm glad you realised this before it was too late, believe me you do not want to become Anorexic, It's hell.
Better to do it the healthy way, it may take longer, but at least it won't kill you.

DISCLAIMER:  Thoughts, feelings and bodily ideals of high school self may have been idiotic and in no way reflect the opinions held by current self. 

Yeah, don't worry guys, those days are far behind me (graduated from HS more than four years ago).  I guess the point was that even as much as you hear about eating disorders, it's hard to get an idea of how self-destructive they are unless you encounter them in some way yourself.  I never had until I joined this site.  I guess it's not surprising that if a bunch of people get together with the goal of losing weight, some of them will try to do it in unhealthy ways.  Just that that mindset could be so impenetrable was a little shocking to me.

sqwish I love your Disclaimer :)

I know I say that one about my 20's As we grow older and more mature it's amazing how our world view changes.

I also get a little nervous reading the posts of some CC'ers out there.  I start to feel good about my body in its current state and then I read about someone who's my height, but 10 pounds lighter, who's eating 300 calories less than me a day and exercising twice as much.

It's hard not to be influenced by that.

I know everyone's body is different so I'm just trying to listen to my own body and what it's trying to tell me about my diet and exercise.

Sqwish I couldnt have said it better myself.  Right on.  Thank you.

In her teens, my daughter struggled with self-identity and weight - we all worried that she was developing an eating disorder. One day, we were going through my old clothes together - to clean out the closet. She noticed a pair of my blue jeans - long tossed aside for being too small - but kept in hopes of getting into them again some day.

She slipped them on, and they fit like a glove - and it hit me! When I wore those jeans, I constantly felt fat - and continually dieted to lose "10 more pounds" But here, my nearly starved daughter wore them just as I had. And I wept.

My own body image was so poor in my 20's that I too could have easily become anorexic had I needed to control my life by controlling my weight. Now, I'm 60 pounds heavier and my body image is so much healthier. Yeah, I'm losing weight now for health's sake.

I pray that the tide is turning - with the Dove commercials, and some outcry against starving women to become models. I'm glad you are understanding this at a young age - you'll enjoy your life so much more!

I am 5'7" tall with a medium frame.  I decided to maintain my weight at 140 pounds, figuring it would take me a little bit of time to get the hang of maintaining after losing for so long.  I was right.  I'm now down to 134 pounds.  My size 5/6 pants are starting to get a little bit too loose and I'm embarrassed to have to try on a size 4. 

In my head, I KNOW that I don't need to lose anymore weight, but sometimes I feel locked into these habits that I've developed over the past 15 months of losing weight that they are becoming as hard to kick as developing them in the first place!!  I'm also habitually tracking every bite I take into this website and starting to wonder if that, in itself, is unhealthy for me.   Every time I start to write a post about these feelings, I become embarrassed and start hitting the backspace key or the back button and not posting entirely.

Then I read posts from people as tall or TALLER than me striving to achieve a weight that is LOWER than mine, and I feel angry and disgusted.

Today, I wore a v-neck t-shirt and was looking at myself in the mirror and noticed that my breastbone is just faintly beginning to be visible... that can't be good, right?!! 

I don't meet the classic criteria for someone with an eating disorder, but I DO sometimes wonder if my path has taken me over the thin line between healthy eating and disordered thinking.

Blah.  How to know?!

I'm 5'10" and 140, and my breastbone is clearly visible.

I don't really have a problem with that, and I certainly don't have a problem with having to try on smaller clothes.

I feel like I have a strong enough support structure that my family will intervene if they feel I've lost too much.

I also feel like there's a fine line with paying attention to your food intake and disordered eating.  In our gluttonous society, simply counting every calorie can constitute disordered eating.  (Please allow the accidental alliteration.)

Besides, you don't have to completely drop your new habits in order to be healthy.  You only have to modify them a bit in order to maintain.

I'm sorry if this comes off as confrontational.  I certainly don't mean it to be.  I just worry that sometimes we jump to the ED (or ED symptoms) conclusion a bit too quickly.

believe me, u DO NOT want to have anorexia. even for a little while. once u have it u can't get rid of it. and if u do, it's extremely hard. never wish to have anorexia. i am recovering right now from it and know from experience that u only realize how horrible it is when the damage is totally done and it's too late (for some people). never wish for something like that. stay healthy and u will be happier.

It's absolutely true.  I was 140 pounds 5"3 i gained bout 20 because i was 168 and went down to 121 by starving myself completely and then ate again to be health but binged extreme binges like half a peanut butter jar half a bag of cereal and so on.  Then when i reached 140 in 3 months i went down to 98 pounds now so far with healthy eating habits at 105 pounds.  And i thought okay im ganna get down to 121 pounds and then im gonna stop maintain and be healthy.  Nope.  Really doesnt work its an obsession i went down to 98 pounds i almost died considering i was 168 pounds before.  The summer when i lost weight i went to my family in israel (Thats also why i lost the weight as well before i went) and i didnt enjoy it at all instead of having a good awesome as fuck time with my family as i usually would all i would think about is calories, Not eating, Escaping food, Hiding, I was weak i dont even reember that summer barely or how much fun everyone else had its just a big humungo blur.  That was only about 5 months ago can you believe it?  And this whole obsession of eating is still partially in my mind i thought oh i can get rid of it.  but you cant impossible its in the mentality its a sickness its no joke.  I used to thnk oh whatever anorexics arent sick their skiny their fucking lucky.  Welp what do you know ive sunken down to that level (More emotionally) and its hell.  Although this past month ive been doing so well i love my life now!  Im actually enjoying it.  I can actually move and tlak without ignoring that person in front of me.  I can sleep normally at night although i wake up still at weird hours like 1 and  and 4 then 7.  But hye you know the best part?  I get to relive m summer in 2 weeks....Im going to Israel.  And i Know this time will be the best.  Hey come on I mean now i think about guys thats so much better than stupid calories rite rite RITE  =) welp dont get messed up by all these bullshitting piece of shit calories they mess you up completely.

My advice: Dont count those calories.

*Listen to when youre hungry and eat what you feel like at any moment in a portion thats reasonable for a normal weight person.  EX: Choclate  2 cubes.  (Not a whole bar)

EX: Ice cream-2 scoops not a wehole carton.

I tried this and it works i love it.  I eat so healthy without calories hammering into my brain.  I dont even think about them that much anymore.  So cuties take my advice deal.