anorexic to binge eater

Hi everyone,

About a year ago i was diagnosed with anorexia, and i lost about 40 pounds. 5 foot 2 inches, original weight was 127, lowest weight was 87, current weight is 91. I have had quite a few relapses, but now i find myself binge eating. I am very interested in intuitive eating, but i cannot recognize my hunger and fullness fellings and appropriatly honor them. I get frusterated when trying to eat intuitively because i do not know what my body is telling me. When i binge, i feel totally out of control. I eat until i feel so uncomfortable. I start shaking and feeling very anxious, like i will never get food again, so i should eat it all now. I lost my period a year ago, and still do not have it back. I have been to a couple of doctors, and one told me it was okay to not be having my period. Another told me to just gain weight. If i need to gain weight, can i really just eat when i am hungry? How do i stop binging? How can i get my period back, stop binging, and develop a normal relationship with food?

Please give me advice! I am so frustrated.

I'm in the same situation as you. I had anorexia in the summer of 2007 and then after "recovering" myself a little, I began binge eating. It used to be just once a week, then twice, then its everyday. I wish I could help you but I'm also in the search of help myself. I wish you good luck! :)

When I had to get my period back, I ate lots of legumes, soy and avocado - basically good fats. I also had to, unfortunately, gain two pounds in the process. As for the binging... I'm positive it boils down to a matter of self-control, distracting yourself, and time to re-learn healthier eating patterns... but I'm in no position to dish out advice yet as I still have that problem. I wish you luck too.

i was in the same position. i gained back 25lbs in around 3-4 months though, and am now 117ish at 5'6", not extremely happy with my body. but i binge most days of the week and its horrible. i just keep eating until my stomach feels so gross, and i feel so disgusted afterwards and i feel like im going to cry sometimes :( it sucks. i hate it. i just want it to stop. it feels like i gain weight every day.

yeah mochi-chan your not in a position to help.

2 lbs.... big deal. get over it.

and your comment about self control is absolute BS, it is an utterly stupid thing to say, and clearly you have no idea so you should keep your thoughts to yourself on that

Hi live4health. It sounds like you have a few different issues going on ...

Firstly, how old are you? This info will help in responding with accurate info.

Secondly, you say you were diagnosed a year ago with anorexia but now experience bingeing. Have you told your recovery team about your current struggles. Being professionals who know your medical history I am sure they could help you the best.

You want to get better but you need to be aggressive about getting help. Do this and the normal relationship with food should follow, in time.

Thirdly, you mention you lost your period. This is obviously because you were underweight and are still so. It may take time to come back. As long as you keep eating no less than 2500-4000 cals (to be sure how much we would need more info) and stay healthy and keep gaining into a healthy BMI it should come back. However, your OB/GYN can check you at your appointments to make sure everything else is healthy. Insist on a second opinion if your doctor says it's "ok" not to have your period. It isn't "OK" to not have it without knowing precisely why.

Take care of yourself, be true to yourself, and you can get better.

Original Post by fidget84:

yeah mochi-chan your not in a position to help.

2 lbs.... big deal. get over it.

and your comment about self control is absolute BS, it is an utterly stupid thing to say, and clearly you have no idea so you should keep your thoughts to yourself on that

 I may not be in a position to help but I am in a position to share as I have gone through similar issues.

Two pounds is a bigger deal if you are short like I am, compared to a taller person. Your stomach protudes, you gain an inch on your thighs and your face gets obviously rounder. All from two pounds.

How is it stupid to say that it takes self-control to not binge? Did I just miss something here? Are you saying a binge is a display of great self-control?

Relax guys. If you cannot answer the OP directly or have a fruitful, non-antagonistic discussion about health issues, please don't reply.

Mochi-chan, you are welcome to share your opinion here, hopefully it and everyone else's opinions will be helpful (and of course true to the mission of Calorie Count).

That being said, I too am a very small person (short and thin) and I can tell you 2 lbs really doesn't make too much of a difference, and even if it does make a difference it definitely won't result with an extra inch on the thighs. Sorry :\

Now let's get back to answering the OP, ok ...

i too suffered from anorexia and then binging.

only now is it beginning to settle down. i attended an eating disorder programme and afterward an aftercare programme. the binging will only settle if you concede that you have to eat each day-regardless of how you ate yesterday. your body went through a traumatic event with anorexia. it doesnt easily forget what happened and it will do everything in its power (which is far stronger than your will power) to not let you return to your anorectic conditions.

anorexia by its very nature, is terrified of this. it will try to get you to restrict cals, persist with excessive exercise and continue to strive for lower weight. if you want to beat this you need to accept wher you are now. you must choose to stop trying to restrict and trying to lose weight. i know this is awfully tough. but BELIEVE me, it is the only way. you need to eat sufficient cals each day.... like 2000. broken down into regular meals and snax. if you are more active then you may need more cals. but the point is you must feed your body regularly to prove to it that you are not going to let it starve again. if you even try to think psychologically about restriction you will binge again. this will happen over and over. binging is not the problem, its the restriction that preceeds it that causes the chaos. binging is your bodys way of trying to protect you and you should try and work with that.

i know this is not easy but by doin it this way you have your best chance of recovery. i have spent such a long time with this, and only when i gave up the whole battle and just conceded to my body did i finally begin to find freedom. but the choice is with you about whether you want to or not.

I came at it from the opposite end.  I just ate whatever I felt like without regard to the calories or whether I was full or hungry.  Fortunately I wasn't too far off, but it did result in a few lbs a year of weight gain and an obese BMI.  Now I'm slightly overweight for BMI.  What I had to do was start eating the number of calories that I needed (within a few hundred) and adjust the types of food until I was satisfied.  After several months, I've retrained my brain and stomach to actually communicate and now I no longer have to count calories although you can be sure I'll check if my clothes get tight.

i binge frequently during pms weeks as well of when im emotionally unstable. the way i think of it is...one binge won't hurt, so dont fret. the next time i feel a binge coming on, if it's in the same week or whatever i just say, no whyy would i do this, im not even hungry! and i just go do something else to keep me busy. its about self-control and being aware of what your doing!

Thanks for all the advice. I just wonder why I can either starve myself, or eat everything in sight. I can't do the in between. I just feel like my mind is tellling me to eat, when my stomach is saying i am not hungry. My stomach doesn't tell me i am hungry very often anyway, unless i am eating like 500 calories a day. I also don't know fullness until i am uncomfortable.

I am fifteen years old. For my recovery team, I really only have a therapist who helps. My doctor has no experience with ED, and my dietician is not really telling me anything other than what I know, but not how to do it. I can't count calories because it becomes too obsessive. I have tried a meal plan, but found i was dreading eating because i was never hungry and after eating i was sick from being so full.

I don't restrict after a binge. I feel like I have to eat everything on my plate, take big portions, and not stop until I am uncomfortably full. I think I eat emotionally. I feel like I don't know when I will be hungry to eat again, or when i will get the food again, or if it will taste just as good later, or if i will want it later, or when i will have time to eat again. I have tried telling myself I can eat whatever, whenever but it is like i just can't believe it or trust i will be hungry then.

I feel alone in this problem, because i see classmates eating half or a fourth of what I am, and no one else i know complains of eating themselves sick. They all seem to know how to eat. Wondering about how to eat is constanty on my mind, along with food.

Sometimes I'm not even hungry but want food, just because it sounds good. I have tried stopping myself with distraction, walking away, pushing food thoughts out of my mind, but nothing works. I am so frustrated, sorry this has gotten so long, I am just longing for answers.

Hi live4health. Your current BMI is 16.6 so you are still very underweight. This means your body is still under a lot of stress and is trying to repair all the damage that comes with being malnourished. Your body needs loads of fuel right now and so is screaming at you to eat all the time. I'm not an expert about this so I'm sorry if my info is kind of vague but I know that when you are underweight and certain glands in your body are not functioning properly your hunger signals get thrown off so you might not feel 'hungry' but your body will still want food and tell you to eat.. Your body KNOWS it is underweight and it's fighting to fix that so it can start working properly again. I've been in your situation so I know it's scary because you feel a great loss of control but remember your body is just doing it's job to try and help you get better. 

Because you are gaining you need to make sure you're getting enough calories every day and a good amount of carbs, protein & fats. Hopefully you are working with your dietician on this. Getting a regular and balanced intake can help to stave off the binges. 

You talk about your classmates - try not to compare yourself to other people. Other people are not you. They probably aren't underweight and their bodies probably have not been deprived as much as yours has from your ED. You need to eat a little more than they do right now. At the same time you shouldn't feel alone either. This website is full of people going through similar problems who will offer support and help as much as possible :) Check out the weight gain forum if you haven't already! 

 Talk to your therapist about the bingeing and hopefully they will be able to help with the emotional side of things. Just try and stay positive - getting upset or frustrated only makes things worse.. Recovery is hard but it is so worth it. Well done for the weight you have already gained and good luck with the rest of your recovery :):) xxxxxxx

You guys are binging because you are underweight. It is your body's way of trying to get you back to a healthy weight. As anorexics, we would love to make eating mechanical, but phyiologically, it just isn't that easy!

The body often doesn't cooperate the way we would like it to.

Is binging or eating until i am uncomfortably full the only way to gain weight, though?

Nooooo. The Weight Gain forum is your BEST FRIEND right now. 

Check out this advice on weight gain. You also might like to look at the Weight Gainers, what did you eat today? thread for ideas of what your meal plan could look like. 

Becuase I have been binging, I have grown to hate the feeling of full. It scares me to eat as much as the weight gaining threads all say they are eating. Part of it is gaining too much weight, but it is mostly because basically, I am afraid of being full and not being able to eat when i have an urge or it is supper time or i want something. I want to be satisfied from eating, and eat the right amount for my body, without feeling sick from being so full.

I have also gained weight from binging. I am up to around 95. It has all gone to my stomach though, or that is how i feel at least. My stomach was my biggest trigger during my ED. Is it because i have been gaining from junk food, or is is because it will redistribute? How am i supposed to eat to feel good.

Hey live4health,

I began my recovery exactly a year ago from anorexia. Our stats are pretty similar - I am 5'2, and at my lowest, was 87 pounds. I am now 30 years old, and am a healthy BMI (I don't know my exact weight and don't really want to). When I began recovery and ate according to the meal plan my nutritionist laid out for me, I would have times when I too would eat more than I thought was necessary. I remember posting on here all the time, worrying about my "binge" eating problem. I can tell you now, a year later, I don't ever really have what others may classify as a "binge" (by the way - I think that term is not really appropriate in many cases when you are in recovery). Here's the thing, and i know others have already stated this - when your body has been undernourished, it will want to recover more than your mind does. So it eats what it can to provide itself with fuel. I would cry about my "overeating" to my nutritionist every week, and she would never ever worry about it becoming a problem. She would just remind me to stop beating myself up and promise me that the cravings would go away. And she was so right.

You say you want to eat intuitively and recognize your hunger signals. This is a skill that you need to develop, because with anorexia, we try our hardest (and do pretty well) to supress anything close to intuition! So you need to learn and adjust. It takes a while to develop any skill.

I think others have given you good advice already on how to make sure you are eating enough. Most of all, try your hardest to not try to make up for what you consider a bad eating day by restricting. This will only further complicate your body's hunger signals. Eat things you like, things that are "yummy". Try not to just eat things you think are "healthy" - i mean, yes we all need to be conscious of what is healthy for, well, health reasons! But try to incorporate some foods you like, or missed, or once thought were scary. Eating is good and should be pleasurable - this will also help you with intuition.

At the very core of anorexia, beyond the desire to be thing, to be perfect - is the control issues. And the eating beyond what you perceive is "normal" or what others eat is the exact opposite of the control that anorexia (wrongly)commands. SO that also is part of why you are so anxious and scared. But take it from me - things will get easier. DOn't be hard on yourself, don't restrict, and don't feel like you are alone. Many of us have been through the same thing. I can tell you that I was in your shoes and felt what you feel. It may feel right now that you won't be able to develop a normal relationship with food, but "never" is a long time. A year is not. Just give yourself the time and afford yourself the patience you deserve. Anorexia is a horrible illness, and it probably a while for you to get to where you are now. Similarly, it will take some time to be healthy. But you can and you will. 

Ok, wow, this is super long and may be very convoluted. I just really feel for you because I totally remember feeling as scared as you sound. I hope too that you can speak to your nutritionist and that you have others around you to help. If you would like to message me, please feel free.

Hugs to you! Keep going....

As a person recovering from anorexia, who has been sick for 11 years, I think that it takes FAR more self-control to get myself to eat than to not eat. When I have control over my eating, I am able to eat. When the anorexia has control, I am unable to eat, or to divert myself from safe foods.