anorexic to binge eater

Hi everyone,

About a year ago i was diagnosed with anorexia, and i lost about 40 pounds. 5 foot 2 inches, original weight was 127, lowest weight was 87, current weight is 91. I have had quite a few relapses, but now i find myself binge eating. I am very interested in intuitive eating, but i cannot recognize my hunger and fullness fellings and appropriatly honor them. I get frusterated when trying to eat intuitively because i do not know what my body is telling me. When i binge, i feel totally out of control. I eat until i feel so uncomfortable. I start shaking and feeling very anxious, like i will never get food again, so i should eat it all now. I lost my period a year ago, and still do not have it back. I have been to a couple of doctors, and one told me it was okay to not be having my period. Another told me to just gain weight. If i need to gain weight, can i really just eat when i am hungry? How do i stop binging? How can i get my period back, stop binging, and develop a normal relationship with food?

Please give me advice! I am so frustrated.

live4health - what the others are saying to you is absolutely true.  You are STILL underweight.  you're body is causing the binges because it knows that you need to eat.  You need to gain weight and it needs the nutrition to repair itself.  If you want to stop the binges, then you need to plan your daily intake so that you eat more.  This means more calories.  If you would just eat more calorie dense foods, then you might not feel like you need to stuff yourself.  Have you tried peanut butter, raw nuts,  olive oil in your veggies, avocados in your salad, etc?  What is your daily caloric intake?  It is very possible that you are not eating enough on a daily basis (despite the binges).

ggreenberg, do NOT do a juice fast!  Have you ever considered the possibility that you binge so bad at night/after drinking because you've restricted all day and your body is hungry???  Try eating well throughout the day and it's possible that you might be able to stop the over-eating after having a few drinks.

I must warn you guys that this site is dedicated to healthy weight management.  We love supporting and helping people with their problems, but you must be willing to help yourselves.  Recovering anorexics have different calorie needs and are of a different mindset.  Sometimes it takes more help than we can give on an online website.  I highly recommend you seek real life help if you find that you are either undereating or overeating.

I just have to add, since I am suffering from the same anorexia to binge eating problem myself (and am currently sitting here with a pint of ice cream in my hands mid binge), that 95% of these posts have really helped calm my nerves right now.  I have been doing this unplanned weekly binge (aside from my already planned weekly binge incorporated in my calorie count for 2 years now) for 2 months and completely beating myself up.  I'll eat a couple thousand calories in a short period of time.  It has gotten so bad that I have actually taken days off from work only to binge... It has developed into a completely outrageous cycle and I know I cant continue this.   But some days I just cant satisfy my stomach until it is uncomfortably full... that is the only hunger signal I have!!  Despite my slipup today, I am actually now thinking more positively as I eat knowing that it is a sign that my body needs more calories, not just a loss of self control.  I have actually noticed that my binges usually come on days where I am so tired in the morning that I physically cannot lift my head off the pillow and thus call in sick.  I am going to try to think positively that when I am back to my goal weight, my hunger signals and sleep patterns will come back and I will be able to eat like a human again!  Hearing all of your struggles gives me hope that I am not alone and that this will eventually pass.  

I am just looking for one piece of advice..  how do you start even trying to get back on a normal eating schedule (ex: eating breakfast and then every 3 or so hours)  when you havent done that for 5 years and your body just doesn't feel like eating... I almost feel like I am wasting calories by eating when I'm not hungry and saving up for a binge! I feel like I may need to have a loved one be with me for meals to make sure I don't slip up... thats how bad it is!

...time for pint #2

I was anorexic and bulimic for nearly twelve years. I have been in and out of treatment. And have been working at recovery for the last two years or so...I have lots of experience with what your talking about. I tried every meal plan, I saw so many doctors, so many nutritionists...you name it I tried it.

But what I came to realize, and this is just based on my own experience, is that you cannot expect to stop binging or restricting or whatever eating disorder type behavior one engages in untill the issues underlying the eating disorder are dealt with.

I used my eating disorder as a coping tool, to deal with the majority of my feelings for years. I never really believed that though, no how many therapists told me...until I actually began accepting my feelings as they came. No matter how uncomfortable they made me.

I did this the last time I was in treatment, and coming home after I did struggle. And I did fall into old patterns of binging to deal with my boyfriend making me angry- for example. I realized that instead of expressing my feelings and accepting them I was punishing myself for having them.

It was very hard. The worse the bulimia got, the larger the binges got and I slowly started to put on weight.

Its a sneaky disease and I never wanted to accept for years, like I already said, that it really wasnt about the food or the weight. Its about what is not being dealt with, what the eating disorder is used to mask or hide.

I Dont think i can add anything else but you are not alone and you can overcome this , but like fidget said you need to be consistantly putting putting the calories in and push at becoming a healthly weight then these feelings should subside keep fighting x

I'm new to this forum, and I must say that I finally feel like somebody understands what I'm going through.  I went into treatment for anorexia in summer of 2008, and now I am struggling with binge eating.  I really wanted to recover from anorexia, so I worked really hard to put weight on.  I was terribly afraid of what would happen to me.  I didn't want to die, and I didn't want my wonderful family and incredible friends to worry.  Now I feel like I'm living a lie, because while I look normal and healthy, I have to deal with binge eating. I typically don't know when I will get the urge to binge, but I know there are signs.  I know that I start to feel anxious about something, but before I even digest those feelings, I'm eating and eating and eating and telling myself that it's okay.  I know that managing anorexia and BED is a huge task, but I feel confident that one day eating disorders will not control our lives anymore.  I'm so glad that I found this site. I'm still terribly afraid, but it warms my heart to know that I'm not alone.