Anorexic to binge eater--need to lose weight but don't know how! FREAKING OUT

I need help! Five years ago I was diagnosed with anorexia.. 5ft2 and around 87 lbs. I recovered with ease, saw a nutritionist weekly and got to a somewhat healthy weight of 105. All of high school i weighed 105 because I stayed on the food plan that my nutritionist created for me. I ate a very rigid diet, a lot of food.. probably around 2000 or more calories a day, but limited in variety. This past year, (my senior year).. I started to drink alcohol and got really interested in veganism. With all of these diet changes, I nixed my nutritionist's plan and started to eat how my friends ate. I had discovered so many new tastes that I haven't eaten in so long, and I started to eat and want to eat allll of the time. I especially loved coming home drunk and binging on vegan goodies, varieties of trail mixes, cereals, and the like. I started to notice that I was gaining weight, and I freakeeeeed out. I would not eat during the days that I knew I would be drinking later, and then I would binge like a beast when I got home. I started going to the gym for about 3 + hours every day, and that would just make me hungrier. I have struggled during the past 4 or so months with my weight.

I now weigh about 120 and have recently noticed all sorts of cellulite all over my body (i'm thinking it's due to the quick gain). I've stopped drinking completely (not that I did a lot anyway.. maybe once or twice on the weekends), but I still manage to binge every single day. I figured it was because I tried to not eat during the day and my body was reacting.. but it's not! I tried going back to my nutritionist's plan with some vegan variations, but  I still go to my jars of nut butters at night.

I NEED HELP! I am freaking out over my body, and I leave for my first year of college in Brooklyn in a month AND I SIMPLY DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO! And to add to the stress, my mother read my journal about starving myself and is threatening me with community college instead. COOL.

I want to lose this weight SO BADLY. Maybe a juice fast will do it? I just don't know anymore..Will I go back to my regular weight of 105 if I go back to that high calorie food plan that I've lived off of my entire high school career? Or do I need to cut back on that plan to do it? I really just want to get rid of this cellulite and extra skin. I need to lose 15 and keep it off.

Advice? Thanks!

Do NOT juice fast!!  With a history of an eating disorder, any kind of restricting is the worst thing you can do.  We at CC cannot and will not support fasting for weight loss. 

I think we need more information here.  How many calories are you currently eating on a daily basis?

Hey... To start with, at 5'2" and 120 you are in a perfectly normal weight range on the BMI. I don't even know you and I'm worried because of what you wrote about your history with anorexia, and your present eating habits. Eating disorders are not something that you just "get rid of and live happily ever after"... believe me, I know. And it sounds like you've developed some binge eating habits, which indicates that you are still struggling with an eating disorder, just one of a different type. You need to keep remembering everything that you learned as you were recovering from anorexia. You sound obsessed with your weight -- DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT!! Worry about being HEALTHY, it is much much much much much more important. I cannot stress this enough.

Do NOT go on a juice fast, they are not healthy and will only make you want to binge more. Honestly I would say you should stick to your nutritionist's plan -- he/she didn't go through all that school for nothing. You worry about going back down to 105... well... to be honest IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER if you don't ever again because as you get older and out of high school your weight WILL change as your body continues to mature, and that is perfectly NORMAL and HEALTHY!

I hope you don't read this and think, "Yeah, sure.. here's another one of those people telling me everything they think I need to hear... whatever." I know that feeling. But I am telling you from one girl who learned to another -- be healthy, don't worry about being thin.

I don't even know.. it varies every day. I can't even portion out my food any more. I am totally lost. Like I contemplate whether or not I am going to eat a meal.. and then I'll graze back and forth to my fridge.. grabbing some fruit, then ten minutes later I'll go to the cabinet and get the jar of mixed nuts and just completely gorge myself. Then I promise myself I won't eat for the next like 6 hours or something. And no matter how my day goes with food, I ALWAYS overeat at nighttime.

My nutritionists plan was something like Breakfast: a piece of toast, 1/2 cup cottage cheese, and a small bowl of oatmeal.. lunch: turkey and cheese sandwich (or pb&j), an apple, and a cup of go lean crunch (cereal).. snack: a yogurt or some nuts with a banana.. dinner: some form of protein, veggies, and starch... and then nighttime snack was like 2/3 c trail mix and a yogurt.

Now that I am vegan, it's a little difficult to eat the breakfast without the cheese, and the snacks without the yogurt. & there are so many vegan options that I just absolutely love that I dont know how to substitute into the plan either.

& I also suffer every day.. hating my body. I am so depressed over it, that it's ridiculous. That's why I suggested the quick fix of fasting. blah

Thank you Vanna.. no I am so grateful for any advice.. really! I just need to keep hearing what I know is true. I'm just struggling with accepting the fact that just about 4 months ago I weighed 15 pounds less than I do now. And I don't know how to kick this whole binging thing. I want to dabble by trying all different foods, but I happen to overdo it every time. And this is why I am reluctant to go back to the food plan--because I don't want to go back to the monotony.

Hey! Its okay…… don’t freak out, it is only about 15 pounds, just remember that there are people who have gained 50 pounds! So gaining 15 is totally fixable, If 105 is an optimal weight for your naturally.

Some of your weight gain could be attributed to your abnormal eating habits - but also remember that women usually gain a few pounds and changed their shape in their teens and even early 20’s, so even if you DID stick to your nutritionists plan, you may still have naturally gained a little weight any way.

PLEASE listen to this; from my own experience, as well as hearing about many other people’s experiences, ANY ONE with who has had an eating disorder should NEVER intentionally try to restrict to lose weight.

People who have had eating disorders just cannot restrict ever again; your body will violently rebel against ANY form of restriction. Trust me.

A lot of people who have never experienced an eating disorder can not eat for a day and it will not mentally mess with them; people who have had disordered eating just cannot restrict without mentally rebelling, because of your past your body is now programmed to resist again any form of restriction.

SO. I suggest that you work on stopping the BEHAVIOUR and FORGET about the weight; if you do the right thing and eat properly, and stop binging then your body will NATURALLY lose weight and reach its healthiest weight range…

Basically, if you consume enough calories and do not eat more then your burn then your body will naturally become its optimal weight.

You should NOT need to deliberately pick a certain weight that you need to reach; you cannot control what your body naturally needs to be… so just do the right thing, learn to eat enough and eat properly, and your body will sort itself out.

It is likely you will lose a little weight when you start eating normally - but you may not go back to 105 pounds.

My experiance with binge eating is that your diet is out of balance OR you are not taking in enough calories. If you are spending 3 hours at the gym, the lack of calories might be the cause.

I, too, weighed 105 pounds and now am 120 as well...thanks to 1 1/2 years of binge eating. It took me a long time to figure out why I binge ate. For me, the out of balance diet and the lack of calories were both the cause.

I have come to terms with my 120 weight. Yes, I would like to get some pounds off. I also do not like the look of flappy fat on my body either. I have started to work out again, try to eat healthy (but do not deprive myself of treats) and most important...eat enough calories for my activity level. I typically burn about 3000 calories a day.

Maybe it is also possible that your body is not able to handle a veggie diet. I know my body needs a lot of protein. I think I'd binge on a veggie diet. Just a thought.

It sounds as though you need to find your balance again, like you had when you saw the nutritionist in your teens.  My advice would be to see a nutritionist again, maybe the same one, and to keep in mind that because you're not a teenager anymore, this nutritionist will probably give you a modified plan.

Another note: concentrate on getting protein!  That's tough as a vegan.  Try to incorporate plenty of soy and meals that mix beans and grains, which are the two best ways to get complete vegan proteins your body can use.

i am the same height as you and have a similar story. while i was never anorexic, i definitely have gone through periods of disordered eating. i started working out alot for soccer around age 15 and got obsessive b/c i liked having no fat on my body. eventually, at age 18 there was no longer a need to work out for 3-4+ hours everyday, so my parents would no longer let me (i probably would have had i been on my own). anyway, i went from about 105 lbs. to 115-120 (m weight fluctuates) in a few months. i was freaking out, like you are now. i tried to starve myself somewhat to try to lose the weight. i got back down to 110 lbs by not eating much about 6 months later and then things got bad. i started binging like a crazy person. i remember stuffing myself sick with brownies and things at parties, and always promising myself that i would start tomorrow. i strugged with binging for the next full year, and my weight obviously went back up to the 115-120 range. like you, i don't feel comfortable at this weight on my small frame. i kept fighting and trying to starve and at college i would workout for hours at a time, which just left me even more ravenous and lead to further binging. last summer i started my journey of trying to get better. i tried to binge on less each time, and make better choices when i did binge (like graham crackers over cookies kind of thing). i came home for thanksgiving and was pleased to find that i weighed 111 lbs. i have maintained my weight pretty well since, dipping around 105 while visiting japan, but as soon as i came home i ate my way back to 110 lbs. anyway, i never fully kicked my binging habit over the past year, even though i made it better and lost weight and would not binge sometimes for several weeks, i would always somehow go back to my restricting/binging behavior.

until now. over the past month and half or so, i have made it my goal to stop the binging because it is horrible and i hate how it makes me feel. it is ridiculous to have to miss out on things because i stuff myself silly, or have that bloated, achey feeling because i ate too much. i am making very good progress and i feel wonderful. i have also managed to maintain my weight of 110 lbs without binging or starving or overexercising.

i did not give all of this info about myself because i am a narcissist, but because i want you to know that you are not the only one. i would always think that. i always thought "normal people don't do this. who seriously eats that much in one sitting?" its alot better knowing that you aren't alone.

whatever you do, as many others above me have told you, absolutely do not go on a juice fast unless you want to binge even worse. its not going to work and you will gain the weight back if not more. i suggest not counting calories either, i am stopping b/c it leads me to restricting. i am currently reading the book "naturally thin" and i think its pretty good so far if you are interested. i think you should first try to tackle your binging problem without worrying about the weight. the weight will probably come off if you can stop binging, maybe with a few other healthy changes. also, it is important to realize that just because you were 105 lbs in high school does not mean that you will be 105 lbs for the rest of your life. our bodies change. my easily maintainable weight is 110 lbs now. i find that i can pretty much eat as i please (trying not to binge of course) and stay at this weight. yours may be different, or it may be the same, but don't find your body to get to a weight that you used to be. its silly if you think about it, should you weigh as much as you did in 5th grade just because you once weighed that much? no you shouldn't, and its the same here. it is much more important to enjoy your life, family and friends than to focus on food and being thin. treat yourself well by eating what you need, no more, no less and what you REALLY want. when you really want a treat, have one. we're human, no one isperfect and it is ok to treat yourself. it is better to have one treat than gorge yourself on the whole box 3 weeks later. ok i am done with my novel now, but i hope this helps a little, because i know how hard it is to be where you are. you can overcome it though!

Hmmm...I understand how uncomfortable you are with your body. If you would like to lose some weight, you could try. However, too much restricting of your calories or overexercising is not only unhelpful, but hindering. 3 hours is too much unless you are training or are a personal fitness instructor.

Your problem is binging. So, you have to work on that particular demon. How about not buying your triggering foods for one month? If you would like to have a trigger food, go out and buy a single serving like a vegan cake or brownie from a bakery and eat it with a friend over coffee. Or buy a small bit of nuts for a snack. Do not store it in the house for a month. These treats should be small and would be good (for the first bit) to have only once a week maybe twice if you plan for it!

Aim for about an hour or so of exercise a day. Walking, running, jogging, a class, swimming just move for an hour a day. Add in a bit of weight training. Try to do this for about 5 days a week (for the cardio) and 3 times for the weights.

Focus on a eating plan. Write out your meals with a healthy amount of calories (1,200 every day is not healthy!) and stick to it. Whenever you feel like walking back into the kitchen, get out of the house. Grab a book and go to the park (with no money!! easy to stop at a place for something delicious) or get away from food with SOMETHING.

Next identify your feelings when you binge. I know the food is delicious by why do you crave it so much? Whatever emotion or feeling or thought pops into your head is it. You may be craving something sweet because a lack of protein (my personal problem) or some other deficit.

One last thing (in a very long post) do not feel like you will or should lose 15 pounds in a month. It may take three months. The going is slow, but the results are  much better, and easier to maintain by going slow. If only 5 pounds comes off than maybe your body is happy at 115. That is the way it is, so after that all you can do is love yourself all the more.

Hi there, I've struggled with binge eating too, and while you are certainly a healthy weight now, ongoing binge eating can be seriously problematic, as you know.  That being said, emotional binge eating has a variety of causes, and hun, its the flip side of the anorexia coin.  I have various recommendations to curb the binge eating. 

1. See your nutritionist, or a therapist, if you have coverage. 

2. Plan your meals and your snacks.  Make sure you eat at maintenance level, don't try to lose weight.  Plan the TIME that you eat.  and DON'T EAT UNTIL THAT TIME!!!!!!  That helped me a lot, as a former binge eater.  I'd be tempted by the draw of the kitchen, but I'd go, nope, its 7:45, you have a snack planned at 8:30.

3. Don't eat off the plan. And, by that I mean, don't eat more or less than your daily maintenance level. (or within 100 Kcal either way is fine). 

4. It may be that, as a vegan, you are not getting your daily nutritional requirements.  It takes a LOT of work to ensure that you're getting your nutritional needs met as a vegan.  Check your analysis every day to ensure you're getting enough protein.  This may prevent you from binging on your nut butters.

5. Please, don't starve yourself.  I eat better now that I plan my meals than I ever did when I binge ate.  When you binge eat, you think you can compensate by starving yourself later.  Its better to plan a healthy balanced diet.

Always remember that your weight doesn't matter.  Weight is a contruct.  How you feel, how you look, those things matter.  Clearly, you're feeling pretty crappy about yourself right now.  Be kind to yourself, and don't get consumed by food guilt, as it sounds that you are.  *HUG* Good luck!!

Wow. Thank you all so much. This advice means the world to me right now. I overate a little today, but I did have the strength to stop myself while on the verge of binging. I did do my nutritionist's old plan with vegan variations, and it seemed alright. I hope that all of you are right--once I stop binge eating, my weight will go back to its natural weight. I guess I just have to take it one day at a time and hope for the best. I just want this weird unfamiliar cellulite to go awayyyyy

Well done for stopping yourself from letting over eating turn into a binge! That can be so hard! Once you over eat, it is so easy to think you may as well keep on going since you have blown it!

And yes - your weight WILL reach the weight that it is supposed to be once you stop eating more then you need!

So, step back, relax, and try to focus on stopping the binge behavior - your body will return to its natural weight once you eat normally - which you can only do if you deal with the emotional, non physical reasons for binge eating!

Also - remember that relapsing is to be expected! A lot of people can stop binging for MOST of the time - but still binge occasionally…. So do not let ONE binge set you back completely - it is normal and to be expected!

fasting makes your body accumulate all the stuff you eat in the form of fat - that's also what's been causing cellulite (besides quick weight gain). never fast! and drinking with an empty stomach is so bad for your body...

As a woman you are supposed to grow. This includes gaining weight to develop a BODY. Honestly, how many healthy women do you know that maintain their high school weight? At 5'7", I consistantly weighed 102-105 lbs naturally in high school. Over college, OFCOURSE i put on weight. Not more than 10-13 lbs, but bodies are meant to. If you CANNOT control the daily binge, in any way, obviously your meal plan isn't adequate. Up the cals, give yourself a break, and get ready to have fun in college. Here's  atip: no one cares how much you weigh, and if your personality sucks, your weight will not compensate your lameness. Just a fact. So work on expanding you brain... just let go of the numbers. I suggest weight lifting and not getting on scales personally.