anorexic to binger. and out of control.

so i dont want to bore anyone with my past im 5'7 and am currently 140 and VERY unhappy with my weight. my past is that i was a severe anorexic for 5 years up until about 5 months ago. my lowest weight was 85 pounds and was pronounced basically about to die. i managed to pull through and three years later was at 110. i stayed there for five months until recently around christmas i began to binge horribly and out of control. im tlaking bad binges around 3000 calories each time sometimes 4 times a day. i eat until i feel like i am going to die and sometimes purge. i have gone up 30 pounds in 3 months because of it and my body image is horrible. i am lost and completely CANNOT control myself. i dont know what im asking for because i read all the posts like this i just feel so lost and hopeless. living with an anorexic mind with a bingers body/habits is making me severely depressed. and i am seeing a therapist and nutritionist but its not working.

Calm down. When you feel a binge coming on, do something else instead. I'm not saying don't eat, just try and conrol it a bit. Probably doesn't help, but I'm trying    

For your height - 140 is the ideal (PERFECT) weight.

You're doing just fine.

If you feel a craving and don't think you can control yourself to one serving then do what I do (i'm an emotional binger) I go into my kitchen, take one serving of what I want and put that in a bowl or on a plate and walk away from the kitchen.  I nibble on that one serving and when I'm done, I find something else for my hands to do.  This week - I've been knitting/crocheting to keep my hands busy (i do badly on the weekends when I'm not busy typing all day so I made 2 hats and a most of a scarf this weekend - I finished the scarf last night and started another hat.)

I'm also 5'7" 25 yrs old and currently weigh 234.  My goal is 175 by Christmas and then 140-150 by next summer (2008). 

You're beautiful!  Just take it one day at a time. :)

*HUGS!*

thanks for the responses....i know that this weight is okay for me but im not happy with myself so i want to loose some of the weight i have binged on. i think maybe if i stop binging some of it will come off naturally?? i dunno, its like i HATE my body but keep doing everything to prevent me from working on that i.e binging.

I'd like to refer you to the ED recovery thread.  You'll find lots of good advice and kind support among those cc members.

There is also a Bingers Annonymous thread that offers the same.

I hope you find a community here that will help you overcome your problem

Be strong and keep trying!

Fellow binger here. Ironically I'm your exact height and have 7 pounds to lose to get where you are!

Anyway - I've been trying to find effective ways to stop binges and/or keep them from happening in the first place.

First, if you can, remove all binge friendly foods from your house. If this means you don't keep bread, then get rid of bread. I mean everything that's too easy to eat! It's really hard to binge when you have to spend 1/2 an hour cooking first.

Second, come up with something physical you can do when you feel a binge coming on. I don't necessarily mean excercise. Example, drive to the bookstore, go take a bath, go for a leisurely stroll, call a friend, etc. Do something with your body that makes it impossible to binge.

Third, mid-binge - This is the hardest. Sometimes if I'm in the middle of a binge I give myself permission to eat whatever I want as long as it's really super healthy. Example - I'm raiding the pantry and I say, "wait, you can only eat frozen veggies now" It's really hard to eat 3000 cals of frozen veggies!

I hope this helps someone out there. These are just a few things that have been helping me recently. I'm definitely no expert.

thanks uno100 for those tips..i am starting today as day 1..sounds defeating already being day one.but i have to try because i am so sick of looking in the mirror and crying, or binging and then crying, or binging and then trying so hard to purge and feeling awful.

Don't be so hard on yourself. We've all been at day 1.  You can do this!

mustloose- i want you to know that you are not alone.  I entered my freshman year of college weighing my lowest weight ever, 101 at 5'6".  I ended my freshman year, weighing 145.  I went from suffering from anorexia to binge eating.  I decided I needed to take control over my life again and I lived at home my sophmore year of college, it helped alot because i could be monitered by my family, granted I binged still, but not anywhere near what I was doing the year prior.  It is now summer, I just finished my sophmore year, next year I will be a junior in college.  I weigh 125 and I have found that the only way for me to stop bingeing is only consume healthy foods.  I know this sounds completely not helpful, but the second I put junk in my mouth... we all know, the binge begins.  So I have discovered the only way to personally keep me from bingeing, is to just avoid those foods altogether.  I know this is depriving myself for the time being, but in my opinion, it is better than bingeing.  Another thing that has helped me immensely is portion control.  Measure out what you are going to eat, and then put the package, bag etc. away.  Dont go back for seconds until you wait at least a half hour, and if you are still, GENUINELY hungry, then measure out a second serving.  I have learned to listen to my body.  You will feel amazing once you quit bingeing, and it will keep you motivated to not binge. 

I know you can do this, If I can do it, anyone can..! I hope all is well with you and I wish you goodluck.  Noone can make you stop bingeing except for yourself.  There is amazing support here, and I am always availible to talk if you need anyone!

just wanted to add something else- if you can identify your binge triggers, it will help you immensley.  For example, my biggest trigger was/is being home alone.  The way I have overcome this is by not letting myself be home alone to begin with.  If my dad and sister are going to the store, even if i don't want to go, I join them. 

Also, something else that might help is when you get the 'urge' to binge, sit down, and think about how shitty you are going to feel once you are through.  Sure you can binge on tasty foods, but the taste only lasts so long, and as soon as you finish that last bite.. the guilt is going to set in.  This is not something you don't know already I am sure, but sometimes it helps to hear it from someone else and be reminded.  There is a pack of twizzlers sitting in my kitchen right now, and I am in fact home alone.  Yes, I can go down the entire package of candy if I want.. but the guilt i will suffer after is much greater than the pleasure I will have in the short few minutes i spend consuming them.  Its just not worth it in the end. 

You can beat this! 

thats exactly like me . i hav been struggling with anorexia for the past three years at my biggest i weighed near enough 11 stone my lowest weight was 6 stone 8ibs. i never admitted to having an eating disorder jus said i was on a diet for a holiday but after the holiday i continued dieting.i was 18 yrs old and one of my parents had recently past away so i guess i found this extreme dieting a way to hav some control in my life but at the time i did nt realise this. i never starved myself i jus ate very very low fat foods and lived on bran type cereals. eventually i was forced to seek help this year and it was an awful shock as i was basically told i was on my way to dieing i did nt realise how bad i was. after seeking help i found it so hard toi hav some one else other than me cooking my food as i had such a fear of what they wer putting into i was imagining them adding butter and so much oil to everything. i then began binge eating as i did what to go up to 7 stone but this was one of my worst mistakes instead of eating healthy and gain weight slowly i jus started binging on all the foods i had missed over the past three years i was consumming 1000s of calories withinan hour i was stuffing myself with chocolate etc until i physically felt ill i was even eating foods i did nt even like but i jus kept stuffing myself.then i began taking laxatives even thou i kno they dont make u lose weight and that u jus lose water and essential minerals for sum reason they made me feel safe!dis went on for weeks i gained so much weight im currently 112 pounds i kno dis is nt huge as i am 5ft 5in but i feel enormous and guilty.so noe im excercising mad and eating a strict low fat diet for about 5 days a week and then go on a 2or 3 day binge its such a viscious circle and every time i finish a binge i swear i wont do it again. but i do. this week im on my 3rd day of not binging and am findin hard jus keep imagining eating aload of chocolate but am so sick of the effects of laxatives..waking up in sweats in the middlke of the nite,the worst pains in my tummy,dizziness and embarassment. this week im really goin to try and not binge!

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Aw im am so sorry...i understand you completely! I have a very very similar problem.   It is good that you are seeing a nutritonist...because you seem to need help creating a plan and sticking to what works for you.