Was anorexic now I'm a binger, in need of support

I have been suffering from anorexia for a long time now and just 2 months ago I was down to 92 pounds. Just reccently I started compulsively over eating and binged my way up to 130 pounds in just about 4 weeks. I can't seem to stop that urge to binge and have a goal of going 7 days in a row of healthy eating. Any advice or support would be so greatly appreciated!!

I recovered from anorexia and later developed a binge eating disorder

It is not uncommon for anorexics to binge eat or develop it after

Do you have binge eating disorder ( un controlled eating that fit’s the binge eating criteria) or so you mean that you over eat? I was not sure from your post.

This is what helped me over come binge eating:

I had to eat enough calories, and I needed enough protein fat and carbohydrates.

I started at recommended guidelines but I had to alter things and experiment to see what suited me best, through trial and error!

Once you are eating a ratio of carbohydrates proteins and fats to satisfy you, stick to it

It is hard to STOP binging for ever all of a sudden, so it is important to take each day at a time

Each and EVERY time you fight the urge to binge, it is a victory and you should acknowledge all your victories and NOT just when you slip up

I “ binged” last night but that does not mean I am not getting better, I used to binge every day for emotional and physical reasons ( I was not eating enough for the exercise I was doing) but lately I have binged less often each time, each binge is not as bad as the last, and I only binge to self sabotage now instead of other emotional reasons, or because my body is craving food.

SO, it will help once your body is SATISFIED and is getting what it needs so you do not have to fight PHYSICAL urges, AS WELL AS the other reasons that make you want to binge.

It is much harder to stop binge eating when you have to deal with WHY psychological you binge, AND have your body genuinely CRAVE things you are not giving it

Please search the internet, go to Google, type in binge eating and you will find many resources and good advice and stories about many others who have over come both anorexia and binge eating

REMEMBER it can be a real battle each day, and the BEST thing you can do after binge eating is to accept it, and wait until you are hungry again and then just go back to eating normally; STARTE fresh from your next MEAL, remember not to get into the starvation/binge cycle

There are many people on this very site who can offer support,

good luck, it feels SO GOOD once you get gain some control back

hey healthnut.......and everyone else here-coz this is a lonely problem to have. it really is.

as personal trainer said above food-wise the most important thing is to not try to overexercise or compensate calories you have binged on. the binge cycle will continue. you HAVE to eat accordin to your meal plan or usual intake.

the urge to binge may continue for some time. a huge huge amount of damage has been done psychologically and it is the body's response to continue to restore weight to an acceptable level. your body feels it is in a famine so now that you have allowed it to eat, it will strive to eat at all costs. it believes foods stores will run out again and so the best thing would be to pack as much in as possible. the best way to overcome this is to feed it a reasonable amount each day-REGARDLESS OF WHETHER YOU BINGE OR NOT. 1800-2000 is a good number divided up over the course of the day. it will settle far more quickly if you do it this way rather than try to re-establish anorexic habits..

its also best to stay away from the scales. during binges (i dunno what you take in) but you can put alot of water weight on which will further your intense fear.

these are things which will help. but its up to you whether you will use them or not.....

I posted this in response to another binge thread

http://caloriecount.about.com/binged-days-str aight-ft117650 ;

 but I am copying and pasting this here:

I am also pretty much the same way. I think that at least for me I know that food has become a very real and very scary physical addiction. I try to combat it by eating TONS of filling, low-calorie food. I drink lots of soup, eat mostly fruits and veggies. I let myself binge on broccoli every day pretty much. I know it's not as appealing as say, cookies, but the thing is, just start eating cleaner and healthier and trust me, your unhealthy cravings go away almost completely. Drink lots and lots of water. Even if you don't feel like it. If you're bored and feel like binging, make tea. I just spent $25 on a whole bunch of different types of tea, chocolate, vanilla hazelnut, roobius, etc. They are really sweet without adding any sugar. I add a splash of soymilk, and it really helps me not binge I think.

Good luck, I know this is hard, but know that you're not alone. Far from it. So many people here go through this problem, it's crazy. It's like a sickness, and the important thing is that you believe you can fight it. Seriously, I do think half of it is mental. I binge eat the most when I feel helpless and scared and feel like I have given up on myself. Don't let that happen!

to pervent binging...

i had that problem, and i still do, i personally getting the more control over it,

GUM!!, Always have gum around you, !! lots of gum, and chew chew your happy self off, and eat every 4 hours

Hello,

I am glad that  you realized that there was an issue and your working to make a healthy change. Take your eating one day at time and once that's complete then meet your goal of one week. I know that unhealthy habits do not appear or go away over night. Take your time with yourself and really work to understand what makes you binge? What is going in your life that your balance is interrupted. It is important to begin to understand patters and when you are in danger. I know that you will reach your goal of ONE healthy week, then TWO healthy weeks and so on.

PS
You might want to keep a journal so you can write down how you feel as your about to binge. Write down everything that your feeling and what you eat.

***Be sure to take care of yourself. There is only one you and nobody can take your place in this life.

Holiday

I'm in the same situation as you.  I used to be about 105 on a 5'7 frame and binged my way up to 135 pounds in the course of 3 months.  It's an awful thing to go through and I wish there was an easy way to stop, but really you just have to keep working on it.  Just keep telling yourself that the food isn't going to go anywhere and will still be there when you're hungry again!  It also seems to help me to tell myself that binging is just a habit and all habits CAN be broken.  If you want to talk to someone in the same boat as you feel free to send me a message!

i second holidayheart's suggestion about a food journal. not a calorie counting journal, but a food one... don't write down the calories in your food. don't even think about them. i keep a food journal and it looks something like this

column 1: Food

column 2:Mood before/after eating

column 3: Hunger rating (1~10)

Breakfast (Time: ___)

_ servings/cups/slices of ___ mood: stressed/happy etc. hunger: ___

_ servings/cups/slices of ___ . . .

 

Snack (Time: ___)

...

HUNGER - SATISFACTION SCALE (HSS)
10: Stuffed to the point of feeling sick
9: Very uncomfortable, tired
8: Uncomfortably full
7: Feel you have eaten just a little bit too much
6: Comfortable, satisfied [stop eating]
5: Just noticing the first signs of hunger [slow down, if eating]
4: Hungry, ready to eat [Eat at this point]
3: Very hungry
2: Extremely hungry, irritable
1: Starving, can't concentrate, dizzy

 

and so on. When i look back, i pick out the times that i eat till i get uncomfortably full, and spot the trends (reasons why i eat the way i do at those times). when i feel similarly, I try to put myself out of the situation. by taking a walk or something.

and focusing on my hunger helps me realize that there are times that i want to eat, but it's not because i'm not full, but because i'm mentally dissatisfied. (which is a reason why anorexics become bingers so easily? cause deprivation and overindulgence feeds the same mental hunger.)

a few things that i try to do:

- have at least 2 or 3 hours in between my meals

- start to eat only when i notice that i'm hungry

 

Now, my dietician also started me on adding another section to my food journal. The number of portions i should be aiming for in a day, for my food groups. (for me, it's 3 servings of fruit, 5 servings of veg, 6 servings of grains, 5 (1 oz) meat portions, 3 servings of dairy, and a miscellaneous section. I fill out the table as my day progresses, and i use it to know more about the way i eat in a non-judgmental manner. for instance, i tend to go way over for grains and miscellaneous, but i'm almost always under for meats (unless i binge on nuts/nut butters), milk, and vegetables. So i've been trying to fill up my pantry with meat items (seitan, tofu, etc. (i'm vegetarian), and i might drink a glass of milk instead of turning immediately binge foods when i've got a craving).

i still have the urge to binge and go crazy on food, but this helps me a good deal. i write down each item right after i eat it (i didn't initially, but my nutritionist suggested i do to help with the binging), and it forces me to think how full i am (rate my hunger)

If i put down a 7, i know that anything else i eat is moving me towards 8. and when i hit an 8, it helps me recognize that this is a binge in progress, and i stop before i hit a 9. It's a big deal for me, because before i started food journaling, i was eating up to a 10 almost every single day. I'm learning to listen more to my hunger now. It's a slow process, but it prevents me from feeling guilty about my binges. Last night, for instance, i had a midnight snack (2 cups of cereal, a slice of bread with honey, a glass of milk and chocolate truffles! It's much less than a real binge, but a calorie-counting me would probably have thought 'omg. this is almost 800 calories. half a day's calories in a SNACK! (and other really negative thoughts) ) but what really made me smile about it this morning, was when i saw that it for what it was. I had dinner at 7. By 12 I was genuinely hungry, i ate, and i ended up feeling full, comfortable and satisfied.) Even if it means that i've gone over my calories, i know that i'm not overeating because: i'm not gorging myself in a self-injurous manner [physically, to the point of feeling really sick, and later mentally when i go on in the self-berating stage and blame myself for losing control].

Hope this helps! (And that all that i've said about my own situation has helped clarify how the whole journaling thing works. (: )

G

hi guys. im another anorexic turned binge eater (there's a lot of us apparently). it's weird. i've felt so alone in this, but reading all these comments makes me realise.. it's the exact same mentality for all of us.

i also like the thing that spaceoddity said about the food not going anywhere. it's crazy how i can convince myself that if i don't eat that thing, right away, really quick, i will never be able to. it's almost primitive the impulsiveness i feel in that moment.

binging is an odd syndrome. it's like, you're constantly beating yourself up about it.. tomorrow is a new day.. ill make up for it somehow. before you know it 2, 4, 6 months have passed and you're in the exact same state of mind. it's total self sabotage for me. i've realised that i punish myself in many aspects of my life.. i am working towards making a real change (i hope, i think). the best thing we can do is remember our lives are worth more than an eating disorder.

oh and erin, i have done chew and spit. i have stockpiled.

i have went to the supermarket first thing in the morning just to smell the bread and get first dibs on croissants.

i am CRAZY around food. (little less crazy everyday though)

:)

Thank you so much everyone!=] I've been working at trying to eat things that I can feel good about eating ( fruits, veggies, lean meat, etc) and walking instead of the normal 2 hours cardio a day I was trying to do to compensate for the binging. I've also told myself that I can eat every meal every day no matter what. It seems to be helping. Today was the forth day in a row that I haven't binged! over half way there.

I do have a really hard time avoiding sweets ( chocolate mainly) and I found that instead of telling myself that sweets are off limits, I set aside one day a week ( sunday ) where I can eat one treat. I buy myself one candy bar/cookie/whatever and when I get a craving I remind myself that I can have that, just not now. I enjoy the treat so much more and it makes saying no to the treat cravings throughout the week so much easier.

It's really hard too when your brain isn't recovered. You get stuck in this black-or-white thinking. You either eat virtually nothng, or you "screw up" by overeating and feel like "well i already messed up, so I might as well mess it up really bad".

When I was stuck in this cycle, trying to eat a normal amount of calories was impossible, because your brain feels like it is "messing up" when it is eating enough, and you're also STARVING because your body is malnourished for such a long time.

Brutal, i'll say a little prayer for you!

I'm going through it at the moment--I'm recovering from anorexia and have been binge eating after which I purge because I panic thinking that I'll gain all the weight at once.  I have to gain a minimum of 5 kg preferably 10 or so.  

I know I need to gain, and that it's better to keep eating normally after, so that your body doesn't go into starvation mode, setting you up to binge again.  Now if only I can apply the darn theory to myself...

It's  like your body goes woohoo, I can eat again, so it tries to cram as much in as possible in case you start starving it again.  I guess it takes time for your body to trust you again, and vice versa. 

Please, whatever, you do, be kind to yourself and do not restrict or purge in any form--I plan to do likewise should I binge again, and I have no doubt I will--everyone does at times. 

All the best, and stay strong.

Mel.

I should add I haven't been starving myself on other days to make up for my binges--I just purged after them on the day/s they occurred, which I am determined to do no more.

Oh my can I just say I love everyone in this forum and you should all be my friends :)

Every post people have said on here I can relate to.  I am an anorexic turned binger and it is the most AWFUL feeling.  Because you know you can do  it, you did do it.  I look back and wonder, "how did I not eat for so long??" I don't want that now because I know how miserable I was and I am also aware of how unhealthy and unrealistic that is.  But now I still can't seem to get a hold of my eating.  I used to go drinking with friends and would come home and go completely crazy with food.  I would then wake up the next morning so depressed and with such a feeling of helplessness and disgust that all I wanted to do would be to go back to sleep.  The frustrating thing is that this feeling, and food, affects my entire day, my entire life.  

Now I have (pretty much) gotten the major binges under control but now I cannot seem to shake my obsession with food.  It's like it doesn't matter what I'm eating, I want more.  I try and be normal and eat normal throughout the day but I still feel like I'm constantly thinking about food.  

Sometimes I'll even go pretty far out of my way to stop by the drug store and take candy from the bins.  I would NEVER buy a candy bar for myself, but somehow I find it acceptable to eat handfuls while I walk around the store.  

I also seem to think that sugarfree things are okay and just polished off half a bag of sugar free cookies and 2 bags of sugarfree candy.  The strangest thing is I almost think I do it on purpose, like I WANT to sabotage myself.  Then I feel guilty, think that tomorrow will be different, and 6 months later I'm in the same situation I was before.  This is very disheartening and it's really starting to scare me because I feel like I'm fighting a battle EVERY day and I can't win!

THEN, I feel even more guilty because why can't I be the type of person who has candy in her room and doesn't even think about eating the entire bag.  Why can't I have one serving of pasta instead of eating one serving for dinner, then going back at 10 and eating the rest of the cold pasta by myself in shame.  I feel like i'm losing my mind!!!

Then I get mad at myself for not even enjoying the food, get angry because I WANT to lose the weight so bad and I know everything I need to do to lose it, but I dont'.  I stay, I can't seem to do it.  And that feeling is the worst feeling in the world.  Like food has this power over you-

Okay, this is long enough but I really want to get over this and I need to for my sanity.

If anyone wants to be friends let me know and maybe we can conquer this awful binge battle together :)

Christine

It's really hard too when your brain isn't recovered. You get stuck in this black-or-white thinking. You either eat virtually nothng, or you "screw up" by overeating and feel like "well i already messed up, so I might as well mess it up really bad".

Thats exactly what goes thru my head! At the moment i'm struggling with either eating too little calories or too many :( I wish I could find an inbetween!

Can I ask how big your guys binges are? Mine usually are 1/2 pizza, plateful of wedges a whole block of chocolate or a bag of lollies.

Sometimes I find it helps if I "pretend" i'm gonna binge and buy stuff to make the above and while cooking i snack on fruit / veges so by the time the food is ready i don't have the same fever to stuff my face. Of course this only works on occasion.

Distract yourself do anything else read, make a herbal tea, say to yourself i'll only do 30 situps or w/e and then you will hopefully get in the mood to exercise which helps remove the fever (i dunno what else to call it).

I haven't had anorexia, I used to gym for 2 hours a day and only ate natural foods, i think that has a name somewhere lol. I dropped 20kgs in about 8 months.

If anyone wants to add me it would be good we can support each other and we fully understand each other and wont be horrified at our 5,000 cal bad days :P

 

 

Christine - I’ll be your friend! I have stopped binge eating for over a month now, and I have had eating disorders before too where I think about food ALL the time, so please send me a private MSG any time you need support or advice! If I can enjoy food normally, then you can do it too!

Buttons mum - please also send me private MSG’s whenever you need to talk about it

And binges can range from 2000 - 10 000 calories, I know you just want to feel less alone but it might not be constructive if we all compare our binges!

All binges are equally as damaging regardless of the calories, and comparing the AMOUNT we binge on can make binges seam better if they aren’t as much, and worse if they are a lot

Instead, it is good to share our trigger/ danger foods!

Mine were peanut butter or ANY nut butter… I would eat them with a spoon out of the jar, delicious!

I also loved cereal…

stine, if it wasn't for the fact i KNOW i didn't type it, i would have sworn i just wrote everything you said yourself!  i too am recovered anorexic.  was in intensive care at 52lbs three years ago.  i now weigh 116 and want to get back ( sensibly and safely ) to 105 where my clothes fit and i felt happiest.  BUT i havr the same ' monkey ' on my shoulder as you do. 

I live alone and have done for the most of my recovery.  my weakness is cereal and my danger zone is the evenings - i seem fine during the days.

I guess i just wanted to say that you are not alone and everything you said i relate to.  if you want to chat ever, i'd be more than happy to reply and be of help.

jem

omg im suffering from the same thing i used to be 103 now 135 ;/ is horrible annorexia was all nice n feeling skinny but then turned out to be my worse enemy however now i have the been eating like a cow even my family and friends have told me i gained soo much . Reading previous posts make me realize that im not alone and that there is soo many people and i just wanted to wish you the best . oh and by the way that food journal thing is a great idea i might start it tommorow

omg wow i'm the same i love cereal and like peanuts and even some sweets

 

Oh my can I just say I love everyone in this forum and you should all be my friends :)

Every post people have said on here I can relate to.  I am an anorexic turned binger and it is the most AWFUL feeling.  Because you know you can do  it, you did do it.  I look back and wonder, "how did I not eat for so long??" I don't want that now because I know how miserable I was and I am also aware of how unhealthy and unrealistic that is.  But now I still can't seem to get a hold of my eating.  I used to go drinking with friends and would come home and go completely crazy with food.  I would then wake up the next morning so depressed and with such a feeling of helplessness and disgust that all I wanted to do would be to go back to sleep.  The frustrating thing is that this feeling, and food, affects my entire day, my entire life.  

Now I have (pretty much) gotten the major binges under control but now I cannot seem to shake my obsession with food.  It's like it doesn't matter what I'm eating, I want more.  I try and be normal and eat normal throughout the day but I still feel like I'm constantly thinking about food.  

Sometimes I'll even go pretty far out of my way to stop by the drug store and take candy from the bins.  I would NEVER buy a candy bar for myself, but somehow I find it acceptable to eat handfuls while I walk around the store.  

I also seem to think that sugarfree things are okay and just polished off half a bag of sugar free cookies and 2 bags of sugarfree candy.  The strangest thing is I almost think I do it on purpose, like I WANT to sabotage myself.  Then I feel guilty, think that tomorrow will be different, and 6 months later I'm in the same situation I was before.  This is very disheartening and it's really starting to scare me because I feel like I'm fighting a battle EVERY day and I can't win!

THEN, I feel even more guilty because why can't I be the type of person who has candy in her room and doesn't even think about eating the entire bag.  Why can't I have one serving of pasta instead of eating one serving for dinner, then going back at 10 and eating the rest of the cold pasta by myself in shame.  I feel like i'm losing my mind!!!

Then I get mad at myself for not even enjoying the food, get angry because I WANT to lose the weight so bad and I know everything I need to do to lose it, but I dont'.  I stay, I can't seem to do it.  And that feeling is the worst feeling in the world.  Like food has this power over you-

Okay, this is long enough but I really want to get over this and I need to for my sanity.

If anyone wants to be friends let me know and maybe we can conquer this awful binge battle together :)

Christine

 

OMG christine...you sound like me. here's my issue, after recovery and even during recovery...i becamse obsessed with food, cooking, recipes, the grocery store, and the NEXT MEAL!! i was always planning, waiting, and anticipating the next time i'd eat and even now i struggle with that despite being completely stuffed.

i get really pissed if someone wants to eat something that IS MINE. i can't share, and i have to eat the entire serving of something, no exceptions and i don't care how full i am. i lick bowls/plates/etc. and i always want MORE no matter how much or little i ate. i can't help it.

i feel out of control mentally because my mind is always on food and i can't make it stop. i want to so badly but it just always fixates on that topic. we should all be buddies and help each other through it!!