another summer dilemma and rant

 I need some support and advice gals, because I am really struggling with my body now. Im so upset, I just do not know what to do. After my ed problems for several years, my bf  of four years broke up with me because he did not want a wife who had an ed and no period (couldn't have a child). I gained tons of weight back to prove that I could finally be normal and healthy, and now I am the heaviest ever. I do not feel fat, but I feel a little uncomfortable in a bathing suit since I gained weight so fast and have a little cellulite/problem areas. Then, we got back together because he thought I am mentally stable. Well, tonight he wants to go swimming, but none of my bathing suits fit, and I am soooooo bloated. Everyone at the cookout/ pool will be wathcing me, commenting on my body, like they have started to already with my clothes on. I cannot go out in a bathing suit! I want to enjoy the 4th, but this is a ngihtmare. Then. my bf gets mad and yells at me, telling me that he will break up with me if I do not staighten up. He says that I am still crazy, mental, need help, and I will not be his wife or children's mom. I have been doing so much better, and it is not that I feel overly large, I am just not comfortable that much, and NO bathing suits fit me now. I dont have time to go buy one. I just don't know what to do. I can't stop crying and he's yelling and I feel like I have no option but to put on that stupid bikini that is way too tiny (Im really modest, too.) Why can't he love me and understand how hard it is to adjust to my new body? Sorry for ranting so much, but I just had to get this out. Any advice is welcomed, thanks!

well... it sounds like its ur bf who's making u "crazy"- if he really loved  and respected you, he would support you in ur recovery and accept your decision to not wear a bathing suit tonight... its not that big of a deal for him to come to terms with that!  and he certainly wouldn't be yelling at u and calling u names while u cry and pour out ur feelings on a website about the very person who should be the one listening to those feelings... i think what im suggesting herre is that you should break up and let him know why

Ya I have a bad experience, I don't know if it's an eating disorder or disordered eating.  But I always used to annoy my boyfriend with how bad I look, how fat I'am, how I need to lose 20 pounds (Iwas 104 Pounds), and I was just always angry and pissed.  And guys really do get pissed themselves over this stuff their very limited to these things.  My boyfriend since I was so annoying all the time and crying because of my weight decided to break up with me too, But we're back together and I Half changed my ways, The point is your boyfriend isn't a bad boyfriend----It's just that Males are really limited to these kinds of things.  I mean sure he should try harder to support you, But also you should try harder and "Move on" , Yes I know doesn't sound simple but both sides have to make a compromise.

=))))

 Thanks:) I just had to get it out, and it is always good to have other peoples (semi) unbiased opinions. Yeah, justkeeprunning, it is pretty sad that I have to express myself over the computer and not to the real person, and thank you for the honesty!  Thebledx3- Why can't guys be more sensitive and understanding like us girls?! Im sorry about your bf, but its good that yall worked things out a bit. I really try not to talk about how I feel about my weight, etc., because it makes him mad, but I had no choice tonight.

Well, I tried to "move on" by going out and buying a bathing suit skirt from a local store. Im just nervous about what everyone will say. But, me and the bf will be talking about the way that he reacts to me, because yelling and stuff is not the best way to communicate! Thanks, and have a great 4th!

Anyways why are you complaining you look really good!   =))))))

Good Luck have fun!

Thanks hun! I guess it is what's under all my clothes that I am getting a little stressed about. I always wear really conservative clothing anyhow, so any bathing suit is way more skin than I ever reveal. It's especially hard after gaining 30 pounds in four months. But, I better stop complaining and get my big booty into that bathing suit because its time to go swimming!

You are so brave for letting others see you in spite of the discomfort.  You are my hero today.  Seriously.  Your boyfriend just needs to have patience and an open heart, because you really are getting better. 

I just wanted to tell you that you are gorgeous. You really have given some amazing advice to me over the past few days and I want you to know that I feel for you and feel the exact same way. Last night I had to go to a cookout and see everyone that I haven't seen in a year when I was 15 pounds smaller. What to do? I just got complimented on how great I looked and used that for a driving force to push me along and to enjoy the holiday.

I am not going to lie, my bf and I of almost 4 years broke up last year due to my ed and mental state, and I gained to prove to him that we could be better, I struggle each day still, and he sees it, but he makes me feel comfortable by telling me that I am beautiful and deserve happiness (which includes a slice of pie on a holiday!)

If I were you I would just sit down and have another talk with your boy and tell him that you are still working through your body image and that you probably will always have some insecurities so he needs to work with you and help you if you  want to make the relationship work. I agree that it is a 50/50 thing and that you should learn to be more confident in your skin, but him helping you would be so beneficial. Whenever my boy sees me struggle he takes me out to lunch! I love this because it helps ed to shut up at times. Just work it through and you will be fine!

You are seriously gorgeous though!!

My instinctive reaction would be to call your boyfriend a prat for yelling at you, but then I know how strenuous an ED is not just on yourself, but your loved ones too so that wouldn't quite be fair. My boyfriend, luckily, has been extremely supportive of me so far on the majority, but he has had moments where he's been extremely hurtful and aggressive. Thing is, I know it's because it distresses him. When he gets into that kind of behaviour it's COMPLETELY unlike him - he's a very sweet person otherwise, so for him to make low-blows is very unusual and that sets a light off in my mind. x: I spoke to him about it and he confessed to just being extremely worried about me and my health, and not wanting to lose me to this silly ED.

Like linny said, sit down with your other and let him know you still have worries over your own appearance, but make sure to let him get some frustrations out too (I'm not talking yelling, obviously, though you've mentioned you're tackling that) because I'm sure he's worried for you still. x: Four years is a long time, after all.

Good on you for tackling the bathing suit :D I was going to suggest something like a wrap to wear when you're not in the pool but you're one step ahead of me! ^^ I would always wear them anyway because I'm SUPER pale - without my anemia - and it helped me feel more confident poolside. And from what I can see of your pictures, you're absolutely stunning! I hope you feel better and that you and your BF get some frustrations out in the open. [:

I cannot tell each of yall how much I appreciate all the support! I do not have time to go into detail now, but everything went pretty well. I started to feel okay with my new body, and me and the bf talked a while and he calmed down.  Lala and Linny- I guess it is a good thing that our bf's care so much and that it hurts them when we hurt.  It's hard to describe that that stupid voice and mental challenge we face concerning our bodies.

Haha Lala- I would love to say that to my man sometimes, but you're so right that whenever a guy who is normally calm really blows up, it is kinda a wakeup call. Thanks! 

Thanks Linny! I love reading your posts! Yeah- I will tell you this too- you are a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful girl, and your attitude toward life is amazing. Im glad that you and bf worked it out and are probably stronger now.  Im glad that you enjoyed your cookout!    Thanks everyone, again, yall have helped me so much! Jess

you are young and your boyfriend is young and what he wants is a moving target.  if you only live for him then you may never hit that target.  you have to live for yourself, and when that happens you be happy with yourself and will find a natural fit with someone you may or may not have met yet.

 

trying to change who you are to fit into a relationship doesn't work in the long run.  square peg, round hole, if you know what I mean.  that goes for everyone, men and women and you and I included.  happiness is natural, it cannot be forced.

 

when I say "happiness is natural", I mean "happiness comes when you find out who you really are".  we know that by a certain age, most of our mind and behavior and personality is developed.  but we consciously don't understand ourselves, unconscious and otherwise.   so we all go through this journey from our teens on up where we eventually realize what we really want, what we really need, how we really need to be as people.  and with this conscious admission of who we really are comes the conscious decision to BE who we really are, and with that natural behaviour comes happiness.

 

I hope this strikes a chord with someone. I'm talking about more than just looking good in a bathing suit. :-)