Anxiety/Depression/Isolation - No health insurance, oh my!

I have insomnia, major depression and clinical anxiety. I spent a few months pretty much in bed 24 hours a day and I gained 50lbs in 6 months. I am unemployed and without access to the meds I need.

Anyway, I have been making slow progress recently. Getting out of bed pretty much every day for weeks now. Exercise most days. Been able to check my email almost daily, call my mom a few times and join this site. I isolate really bad and have extreme anxiety about communicating with other people.

My mom has bought me a plane ticket to visit her. I leave in a couple of weeks. And, I am starting to panic a little about packing for the trip. This is so crazy! I use to travel for a living. I have packed for trips hundreds and hundreds of times over the years. And, although I can't make myself start packing I can't stop worrying about it either.

Not really sure why I am posting. It's just that my depression and anxiety have me estranged from pretty much all of my family and friends so I don't really have anyone to share with.

So tired of feeling so bad so often.

strangefire1: I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time. I too tend to isolate myself. I tell everyone that I'm a "homebody" but that's just my way of blocking out the real issues. Since I've put on this extra weight it has gotten worse. I don't want anyone to see me like this. I coverup in bulky clothes and get in and out of places as quickly as I can...

But this is about you, not me. Try not to be too hard on yourself. I'm sure that once you actually get on that plane and to your mother's house (both famillar places) you'll feel better. Try to let down your guard a little and some fun with it.

Thanks for responding. And thanks for sharing about yourself...that helps too. Today was much better; however, I felt bad b/c my dad called and I just couldn't asnwer. It's so weird to be terrified of communication. Nobody understands it. And I know I am hurting the people I don't communicate with.

I want to punch someone b/c I am so mad about how our healthcare system works. Or doesn't work in my opinion. People that don't suffer from these illnesses have no idea how debilitating they are ESPECIALLY when you can't get the medicine you need.

I am very happy to see my mom. It's weird how I can't call on the phone but I am deliriously happy about spending time in person with her.

I understand the weight adding to staying at home. Sometimes even when I don't feel too crummy I still don't want to leave house b/c I don't feel sexy. Plus, I don;t have clothes that fit!

Oh well, weigh in day is Thursday and I am hoping for some good results. It's not going to fix everything but it fixes some things and that helps. Every little bit helps.

strangefire1,

Do you have access to any mental health support? Being unemployed makes it really difficult, especially if you don't qualify for any public benefits. I know where I live there are places that will offer therapy or medication services on a sliding scale, if you can just make it there.

But, without any support system, it sounds like you are doing great. Making small goals each day is the hardest part sometimes. I find making the goal even harder than following through with it...

I'm glad you're here, message boards are less anxiety provoking than face-to-face meetings, and we can all support each other.

I go through the same too.  I haven't been outside now in two days.  I would say keep posting on here, using journals and self affirmations help.  I am making myself get up today and I looked in the mirror and pointed out and said aloud three things I like about myself and even chatted with a friend on Facebook too.  Have you tried yoga.  I find it very relaxing and peaceful with nice music and it's good for burning fat, flexiblity and building muscles too, but those are just added bonuses, it really is enlightening with some nice music too.  I also like to buy myself flowers, just some cheap carnations that smell pretty, having happy things around the house help.  Writig this right now is perking me up too.  Anyway, I hear how you're feeling and you're not alone.  Keep your chin up and remember to breathe.

Hi, I am new here and I personally struggle with depression and social anxiety.  If you are unemployed or if you are employed and uninsured and have a health issue or disability (such as depression or social anxiety) there may be a program through your state that can help you. In the state of florida it is called vocational rehabilitation and many times they share buildings with the unemployment offices.  I personally found out about it through my healthcare provider, but you might also be able to get information about such a program through your local unemployment offices.  These programs get people to the point where they are hirable (anotherwords recovered enough from depression or anxiety issues where they can go to work and sometimes secondary education is available as well.)  Please know you are not allone in your struggles. Good Luck, I hope this information helps you.

Bravo for having done all of what you have listed --- getting out of bed, exercising, calling your Mom, joining this site, posting this message, checking your email --- and probably a lot more that you did not have room to list in your post.

Depression and anxiety change the way we feel and think. These diseases play tricks on our head, on our feelings, on our perception of reality. There are effective treatments, but it sounds as though you have not yet found the treatment combination that manages your personal symptoms. Meanwhile, you feel --- well, as you described here, rather down.

One trap that I have fallen in to is trying to change the way I feel when I am symptomatic. That is a difficult task, without weapons such as an effective pharmaceutical combination, therapy, etc.

What is much simpler, realistic and attainable, is changing what I do. For example, get out of bed and take a shower every morning instead of lying in bed. Will that make me feel better? Maybe yes, maybe no. At least I am up, dressed and cleaned. So, if I still feel as depressed and anxious as before, at least I have accomplished something. I am somewhat better off for having acted.

You are already way past the stage of getting going, since you already do many things despite feeling yucky. However, I would support your continuing on this path, setting more and more goals, doing and accomplishing tasks. Again --- it might not make you feel any better, but at least the tasks will be done.

It is bad enough having to cope with ineffectively treated biochemical depression. Why risk adding your environment to the list of enemies? You can control your environment immediately, starting now, as you are already doing. As for the biochemical depression, well, treatment for that will need to be deferred until you can get the right meds.

I said it was simple to take action. It is definitely not easy. You know this because you have already taken some actions on your own. Was it easy for you to start exercising? Probably not. However, you knew that you were capable of doing it no matter how bad you felt. So you did it. Did it make you feel better? I can't say. But at least your body was somewhat fitter than before the exercise.

Again. The trap is trying to change, control or manage our feelings and moods when biochemical depression is still in charge. It is an overwhelmingly difficult task. However, taking specific action --- going grocery shopping, for instance --- is much simpler, and within our control. And in taking action towards life routines, we can at least work against having the breakdown of our day-to-day life add to our depression.

What makes it difficult for us to take action is our lack of energy, or the way we feel or think (feeling hopeless, for example). The one resource we have is knowing that this is simply the disease talking. It is the disease that is eating away at our mind, feelings, moods and perceptions.

Final example. You already see that packing and traveling is something that you are capable of. So you are capable of doing it. In the case of anxiety, a panic attack has its dangers, so I might get some professional help before traveling. I would give some consideration to making the trip, reminding myself all the while that I am capable of packing and traveling. And that the anxiety and panic are just the disease. (Panic attacks, when they happen, can be beaten back with fast acting and safe medicines; you would need only a small quantity of pills to handle the trip there and back.)

Congratulations again on your successes to date. You are courageous and strong. You will prevail once you get the weapons that give you an equal chance of battling this illness.

Best wishes.