anxiety

i have an appointment with my consultant on wednesday , ive spent the whole weekend worring about it. why does everything in life cause me so much anxiety? it is basicially to see where i go from here. i havnt a clue what to say. part of me wants to ask to go back in to hospital , and part of me wants to say im ok at home. im scared because im worried i wont be able to push things forward at home , on the other hand i have never managed to stay for long in hospital before , so why is he going to believe me now. perhaps i can do it  at home, god im so confused , what if we dont agree?sorry to go on this is really stressing me out

Breathe, let it out, get out a pen and paper and write down everyhting your feeling about the appt, about ip, about staying at home. Not for anyone to read, just to get it out of your system. Just take aout a pen and write, dont think just write and keep on writing until youve go it all out of your head! read it then if you want or walk away and watch a movie. This alwyas works for me, better out then kept in!

Like drivenlass said, make a good list of all your thoughts and worries so that when you go to your appointment on Wed you`ll be able to get everything out in the open. Be totally honest with the consultant and tell them exactly how your feeling, they can't help you properly unless they understand your thoughts and fears. Then together you can work  out the best solution.

If you really want to go IP then this is your chance to try it. I know your scared but you have to do whats best for you. Try thinking of it like you had to pick your answer out of a hat, yes I will go IP or no I wont. Now pull out your answer and are you disappointed with your result? Then thats an indication of how you truely feel.  So if you pulled out no but deep down you felt disappointed like you actually wanted yes, then that shows what you are wanting. If that makes sense!

You vascillate so much on the issue of whether or not you should go in treatment - remember last time when you were SO SAD that you missed the opportunity? If you have it, take it, just to see if you can commit this time. I think you can and I think that when you want to bail out you'll remember all of your postings here and how desperately you wanted to stay in.

As for anxiety, I'd talk to the doctor about it. I just recently was prescribed Ativan (the generic brand) for my anxiety to take as needed. I'm very pleased - and its the smallest dose. I don't take it every day. But I think that sometimes when our bodies are really feeling the abuse that we sometimes put them through, we get more anxious.

Go for it. Go in. Get better. You can do it!

Helen,

I've never met you but you are one of the most honest, inspiring people I've ever had the pleasure of listening to. Do you have to give your consultant a definite answer? If not, then just say exactly what you did now. You know that if you stay home you will have a community of very supportive people here online, but that may not be enough for you. I would also recommend regular therapy sessions if you aren't already doing that and it's a possibility at all. That really helps me. If the hospital hasn't worked for you in the past, why should it now? That's not to say that it can't, but you have to be the one to facilitate that change. You have to go in there 100% trusting of the doctors and 100% ready to get better, and that's hard. 

Helen, before you can make that decision, though, you have to calm down and breathe. Follow the wonderful advice of these smart girls who have your best interest in mind. And Bethany is right; anxiety medication does work wonders for some people.

Please go back and look at the pictures of you at a BMI of 10 and 15. See how much more beautiful you are at 15? Can you imagine how much better it will get at 20?! You'll be a knockout!!! I want to see those pictures. And the best thing is you will be soooo happy. You'll have kicked ED out of your life. Whether or not to go into the hospital this time is your choice, but personally I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself to decide. Either way you do it, your decision needs to be about YOU getting better and doing this for yourself. Either one will work as long as you are 100% committed.

I believe in you. You can do it! 

Well helen, the girls have said it all. I couldn't beneficially add to this thread if I tried. Just know that I am there for you, in spirit, understanding your fears but also KNOWING your strength. You have pulled through thus far, and you WILL continue to do so. I would take IP if you can get it. Hands down. Don't think about the future and possible failures/relapses - FOCUS ON THE MOMENT. Basically, you need to stop thinking for a while. Perhaps leave this for someone else for the time being: the health professionals who have your interests at heart. They have nothing to gain from not helping you, so because you're so conflicted about whether or not to go IP, what have you got to lose from following their advice? One thing I am curious about though, is would you have access to the internet from IP? It seems unlikely. I'm genuinely curious about this.

hi, sweetness,

everyone else has said it, but i just must add that usually when i feel especially anxious it's because in my gut i know something but my brain is resisting the truth.  try to breathe deeply and settle into the knowledge that whatever decision you make will be the right one simply because it will be one step further on your journey.

<3

god i actually feel i have got friends since joining here you really are all such a help and support . bsh you know me well how you described me is spot on . i think whatever happens tomorrow ill feel ive made the wrong decison if i go to hospital ill feel i shouidnt stay, and if im at home ill think oh know what have i done . such a double ended sword. there also that if he says hes doesent think hospital is right for me i may come home feeling rejected and a bit daft. i guess whatever happens i need to try and work with the decision . the fact is im so wanting to make the right one but still unsure what it is. god you guys must be so sick of me . i dont think id have much acess to the internet perhaps once a day dont think that would be helpful for me its been due to coming on here and the support on here, i dont think id come this far. ive decided im going to sit down today and plan what im going to say to him thanks again guys

I think you need to look at what you would say to one of us in your situation. If I was living your life and taking care in the way you are would you say I needed ip? This person you are fearing is not god. I am not saying to go against something if your health is in danger because I think you need ip for sure if it is. Lets just say you feel mentally and physically you are just not doing well and you need ip and the person you meet with does not think so you can still make a choice to find a place that will assist you. You need to look in your heart because your mind is too confused. Tessa if you go you need to stay. You can't go in with the mindset that you will leave when it gets hard or think you can do it at home. I'm glad you find everyone so supportive but at the same time you need to learn how to rely on yourself. I am not saying not to post because it is fine but I want you to feel you can make a healthy choice and fight the fears. All of us can tell you a million times how special you are but you have to start to feel that. Please correct me if I am wrong and I won't be mad trust me and don't let me make you feel something you are not. I wonder if you feel you NEED ip but you are scared to go because you will have to gain and get to a healthy weight and work on the why?Do you really want to keep living the lifestyle you have? I know you have made progress which is good but is it going to be enough?

I'm not sick of you, for one. Your thoughts sometimes echo mine. I just want to see you succeed. I want to see you win. If you lose sight of yourself in there because you feel unworthy or whatever the stupid stinking b%tchgoddess ED makes you think, then do it for how much of an inspiration you'll be. But gosh I hope you can do it for yourself.

thanks bethany . abbie i havnt really thought of that i guess it does worry me i dont think its that i just have always felt so trapped in hospital, i feel ive got to do everythig right , i guess its just easier to stay at home .

It may be easier in the short run but in the long run much harder. That is with all parts of the ed. In the short run it numbs you from the world but in the long run keeps you stuck. I have been ip long term like 2 months and I did feel trapped but reminding myself it is a very small part of a long life hopefully. You don't have to do everything right. They don't expect it or you would not need to be there. In general in life if you set your self up to be perfect or expect that you are going to feel let down. There is no such thing. All you can do is learn from mistakes and move on. Tessa have you accepted that you have to be a healthy weight and eat to get there? Is that why you don't want to go in? I'm not trying to be mean just that came to mind. I know the battle and I wonder if that is why you left the hospital as well. I really hope you think about my question on what you would tell any of us who was in your shoes to do?

i think part of me kind of things im doing enough, especially as ive managed to gain weight on such little amounts, i think when im in hospital i get so scared of being there and being round people like myself, i think i hate this i can do it at home , but then reality kicks in and i cant sustain it. i so want to get better abbie but i dont think im quite realising what i have to do to get there h x

I would go and be lazy and sleep and eat to my heart's content and read and dream, I'd take a journal and write short stories and poems and just ramblings about where i'd like to travel and what I'd like to do.

I'd watch their silly VHS movies and I'd make a friend.

When I was hospitalized 10 years ago after my suicide attempt, I shared a  room with a girl who, oddly enough, lived about .5km from my house. We sang songs from Queen's greatest hits after lights out. "BICYCLE! BICYCLE!"

Talk to your doc about anxiety meds and go there with a medication to help you feel chilled out while you enjoy pancakes with peanut butter and rest. Get REAL rest. Body restoring rest.