Anxiety about growing older... and I'm only 19 years old.

I don't know if I need to talk to a professional about this, but I still want to talk about it with you all. I'm so afraid that I am going to waste my early 20's the way I wasted my teen years. I don't have the typical life of a 19 year old... I don't party, club, date, drink, smoke or even go out with friends all that much. I don't know what's holding me back- I just can't put myself out there like everybody else can. Thinking about all the opportunities I missed out on and what I may miss out on in the future makes me very, very sad. Everybody always talks about their youth; how much they long for the good ol' days and being young. When I'm 40, I won't have anything like that to say if I continue living such a boring life. I'm more of a loner than a social butterfly, I'd rather be on my laptop all day than anything else, my family members are my best friends... my daily routine consists of going to my classes, working out, dabbling in my music, other little errands and that's about it. I haven't even had a boyfriend yet! I just want to be wild, carefree, and act my age! But I just can't. I have to be perfect, in control, and present myself a certain way to everybody... which makes me resist doing anything out of my comfort zone. Thoughts?

OMG..sorry I cant help but

you have the same exact thoughts and life as me. Hopefully this helps us both

As a 30 something I'm enjoying the best time of my life.  It's a matter of finding whose company you enjoy (both male and female, it's not just sex and romance) and hobbies or a vocation that you enjoy.  I enjoyed my life in my 20s without drugs or bars and it was good.  In my 30s I've enjoyed the confidence of being able to bar hop if I want to or not, being in a relationship when I choose or not.  Now I find that most people think my hobbies are absolutely boring, but to me they're fascinating.  I love my life.

Don't feel that the only way to be a social butterfly is going to clubs and bars, drinking and partying. There are lots of healthy activities to do. Pursue your musical interest and join a chorus or a caroling group. 

Do you like kids? get involved with Big Sisters or YMCA who need volunteers. Make a difference to older people by volunteering to come by a senior center once a week.

Meet new people and develop new interests, dancing classes, cooking classes. Learn a second language. 

You are sure to find lots of extracurricular group activities at your school. If you dont find one that interests you start one.

Only you have control of your future and no one else.... sounds to me like you need to get out of your head space and just live your life, whatever that may be at the moment... you are thinking too much about 'what' you should be doing or 'who' you should be, as opposed to just living... dangerous territory for such a young soul if you ask me... stop feeling sorry for yourself if that is what you are doing and just let things and your life unfold as it may... just be light, be strong and be free... get out of your head of 'what' you are or was supposed to do, and just 'nike' it ... and just do it.... s

Here's some advice from an old person:

Looking back on my life the things I regret the most all involve foolish behavior when I was young.  The partying, clubbing, drinking etc that you seem to aspire to all led me to the regrettable and unhappy times in my life.  Lucky for me that I learned from the experiences.

The things that made me happiest were the pursuit of my true interests, no matter how "geeky" they seemed to other people.  Those are the things that gave me the most pleasure and led to the best times and happiest memories in my life.  Now that I'm old and retired, I finally have time to devote to the things I really love doing.

So be yourself and go after what interests you the most.  Look with pity on your young friends who are wasting their youth partying.  They may never find out who they really are or what they are capable of.

I really feel for you because I was exactly the same at your age. I am now 25 and I can't tell you how much my life has changed in the last 6 years. When I was 19 I rarely went out as all my friends just wanted to sit in bars, clubs etc. I was always told that I had a "wise head on my shoulders" or that I was "very mature for my age" and I also considered my family members to be my best friends. I know how you feel - lonely and sad. It's not a nice place to be.

However, you will grow out of it - just don't dwell on it. The turning point for me was when i started working. I started interacting with people from all walks of life, my confidence grew and I met my boyfriend.

When I look back I don't regret anything from my adolescent years and I certainly wouldn't change anything - it is what helped shape the person that I am today.

PM me if you want to talk further x

Look beyond yourself. Those who mature a bit early and decide to not do the folly stuff normal youths do often find themselves having a void that are filled with safe/mundane things. Once they start giving their time to worthwhile purpose, they blossom and often find people who share the same altruistic purpose and become good friends/lovers etc.

I feel as though I could have written that post, and have honestly been considering it lately.  As someone who feels your pain all too well, I can't really offer anything but a healthy dose of empathy.

I go back and forth between thinking that I must be the biggest cowardly loner for not socializing with everyone else at the pubs and clubs, and thinking that I'm just different from those people.  It's not easy to know for sure, especially when my friends from high school assure me it's the former and my parents assure me it's the latter.  I worry my parents only say that because I'm safer if I'm hiding in my dorm, reading a book.  I know I need to decide it for myself but it's really hard.  I've been out a couple times and had some fun, but mostly I just feel awkward and shy.  I've never had a boyfriend, either, because I find it so hard to talk to people.  I feel like I don't know the protocol for social interaction.  I'm sorry if my reply only bums you out, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in your angst.

I didnt have a boyfriend until I was 22 so dont dwell on that. And just do things that you enjoy doing. Maybe try going out with your friends or doing something out of the ordinary and see how it turns out. You never know you may enjoy yourself...Just remember to do what makes you comfortable. Being young doesnt automatically mean you have to party and go out all the time. There are other ways to have an amazing time...Just plan what makes you happy. It is scary to put yourself out there..But once you do and are accepted by those around you, youll feel amazing and have a great time.

I was a partier and in fact had 2 wild youths. I do have some interesting stories. But other than that, you and I are the same.

You aren't wasting your youth.

I do suggest you work on your self confidence and self worth. You seem to question your worth. That will hold you back much more than anything else.

I think a lot of people fall into the same situation...you think you are mising out on something when in reality you arent missing out on something you never had to begin with...soooo dont sweat it....things will fall into place...it might not be today and it might not be tomorrow but when it does it does....just continue to be yourself....establish goals and dreams...I was the same in life...no idea what to do but some how things worked out...I am 51....life will fly by fast enough...just do the things that make you happy and be the best person you can.  In order to assist your future set a 5 year (long term) realistic goal and reach for it...where and what do you want to accomplish in the next 5 years...personal and professional...also set a short term (1 year) goal and after a year assess your progress.  Again be the best you can be.

Dave

I can't dance and don't like a bunch of obnoxious, crazy people surrounding me. I used to feel lame for that, but becoming comfortable with myself has given me the freedom to not care. And to enjoy things like walking my dog at the park alone, playing my cello, being closer to family than anyone else. Close family ties are awesome.

I am 23, and it has been about 2 years since I have been to a club...wait, I did go to a lounge and to the dance floor at a Casino in June...and danced (if you can call it that) at a wedding a few weeks ago. I rarely drink. Maybe a galss of wine or a little mixed drink every 6 months or so. Anyways....my point is, decide what you like, and do more of it. Realize that it is OK to be you and to not need a lot of people around you. That is a good thing really. A lot of the people I know that have to be surrounded all the time, it is cause they are afraid to be alone, afraid to have to deal with their own thoughts about themselves. A lot of social butterfly's are actually insecure. Realizing that everyone has these thoughts was freeing for me.

So my definition of living it up is to enjoy who I am and do as much of what makes ME (not what I think what makes everyone else) happy.

I have an awesome social life and I don't party, drink, smoke, etc. All of my friends love to just hang out, play video games, etc. You don't have to be doing dangerous things to have fun!

First, go to a NA meeting and listen to some other peoples problems for a while, follow that up with an episode of COPS, and finish your evening watching The 40 Year Old Virgin.

if those don't help you find a balance... then hit up some therapy sessions.

Practically every one of the top 40 records being played on every radio station in the united states is a communication to the children: to take a trip, to cop out, to groove.  The psychedelic jackets on the record albums have their own hidden symbols and messages as well as the lyrics to all the top rock songs and they all sing the same refrain: It's fun to take a trip, put acid in your veins.

Original Post by das1988:

Practically every one of the top 40 records being played on every radio station in the united states is a communication to the children: to take a trip, to cop out, to groove.  The psychedelic jackets on the record albums have their own hidden symbols and messages as well as the lyrics to all the top rock songs and they all sing the same refrain: It's fun to take a trip, put acid in your veins.

 And if you only play them backwards you'd hear messages from the devil.

*BWAHAHAHAHA, falls over laughing and clutching my sides*

Enjoying life does not necessary means going out getting drunk at the clubs, and pubs. Personally I find them boring. I rather travel, visit other countries, or just places in general, ride/race my bike, explore some good local restaurants with friends. At tender age of 27 I can say that I did cross country road trip with my best bud, bummed around Europe, Thailand, hiked in some of the most beautiful national parks in U.S., saw sun rise over grand canyon, got freaked out because I thought couple of mine and my best bud mutual "friends" got lost in National Park, got cheered by a crowd of strangers because I was giving it all I got. I rather have these memories then "I got drunk at a club every Friday night."

As for friends you don't need dozens of "friends", you need a few "good" friends. To paraphrase what I read somewhere:

The difference between the best friend and a "friend".

A "friend" is someone you call 2 in the am to post bail and hear a long lecture.

A "best friend" is someone who will be seating next to you and saying "well that was fun at least.".

UD

Youth is wasted on the young...

Thanks for your opinions, everybody. I know that I have an irrational and slightly paranoid perspective on getting older but I'm trying to normalize it. A lot of it is because I still don't know what I want to do with my life. A big part of me wants to become a famous singer, and another part of me wants to become a successful business owner. I go back and forth between these two possibilities constantly. I realize that the clock is a tickin' if I want to make it in the music industry... as I need to start seriously working on my craft and unfortunately, being young has a lot to do with your success. On the days that I decide I'd rather go into business, I feel a sense of inner peace because that option doesn't have any focus on your age and I don't feel so hurried. Music or business... it's a very tough choice for me. I really, really don't want to end up regretting giving up on my music career and I feel like I might end up feeling that way about it. Perhaps I could do both. I'm definitely capable of working on both things at once, but then again... there goes having fun while being young, because I'll probably become so busy with these things. Sigh. We'll see what happens... things happen for a reason and what's meant to be will always find it's way.

P.S- How appropriate that when I finally decide to reply to this thread, my post is #19... what a coincidence!

Original Post by ihavealotofquestions:

I'm so afraid that I am going to waste my early 20's the way I wasted my teen years.

The key word is 'afraid'....  Like the proverbial deer in the headlights, people who are afraid and who prevaricate end up doing nothing at all.   When you have two or three paths to choose from ... pick one.... it may be the wrong one but that's just the chance you take. 

Personally, I've always found travel a great joy and an eye-opener.  Many people your age take a sabbatical and go travelling.  Or you could stay closer to home and take it from there.

Understanding the problem means you're half way to a solution and ready to make the changes needed.   Set yourself a target  perhaps.  Good luck