Does anybody just feel stuck?

I feel stuck in my life. I am 19, with no friends and nothing to look forward to. I have the hope that someday things will change for me, and I know that I have the ability to change them. It's just that I haven't been so great at proactively doing something about it. What I am asking is - Does anybody else feel stuck? If you have any advice about getting "unstuck" then I'd really love to here it. Thanx

well i only feel stuck when im eating horribly and not exercising. for me atleast, if i'm not making a concious effort to eat when im hungry, im always emotionally eating. Just putting food in my mouth to feel something. Through concious effort of only eating when my body needs it, I've realized I'm not nearly as hungry as a person as I thought.

For 6 wks Ive been eating good and dropping weight. Feeling accomplished. Un-stuck. Out of my rut. Then this 7th wk my period came, messed with my emotions and i gave in big time to cravings, leading to a 5000 cal binge on tuesday, and now another, smaller but still significant binge as of today. And I'm feeling similar to you, stuck. Back in a rut. For me I know when I get this way its due to eating because of stress. I also know that when I give in and overeat I just develop even more stress. When I'm eating healthy I'm more optimistic.

I see us in a sort of similar situation. sort of. Like I said when I feel stuck its cause I feel fat or am eating badly. Getting back to healthy habits usually snaps me out of it. I'm not sure for you reasons for feeling stuck though. Is it because your overweight? Or other problems.

We are similar in age. Im 18. You mentioned having no friends and nothing to look forward too. Are you attributing having friends as suddenly having things to look forward too? I don't have any at the moment either by choice more or less but I also don't want any until I'm at my goal weight. Still, friends probably won't be the sole magic solution to your un-stuck feelings if thats what your thinking. They can be very annoying and time consuming, sometimes even more so than a diet.

So my advice is just for now find things you enjoy and go for them. Don't rely on peers to give you a sudden life. Exercise and eat right. This will give you a big boost in energy and general confidence. Write down a list of things you want to accomplish by a certain date. Maybe just write things you want to do this week like read a book or go to the park. Stuff like that. Make the list short and doable. Make short term and long term goals. As you accomplish them, no matter how small or stupid, you're bound to start feeling like your moving somewhere with your life.

hope i helped somewhat. don't worry about it too much though. take a moment to enjoy the feeling of being " stuck" sometimes or severely inactive. don't beat yourself up about it. do you have any hobbies? writing/reading/?

pinthin

Well, as a much more 'mature' lady (translates old, hehe), I know that there are many periods in our lives when we feel 'stuck' or 'in a rut', etc. It seems particularly hard when you are a young person.  I think thats because when your older, you have the experience of knowing that even tho when you are in the 'stuck' mode, it, too, will pass....sometimes younger people haven't felt that a lot and cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

We have so many times during our lives that we seem to be against a brick wall,  our lives out of our control seemingly, nothing seems right. In times like that, we all despair.

Please remember, that this too will pass!  You both have bright big futures waiting for you!  If you could envision the surprises and delights this world can bring, it would bring a smile to your face.  Just make the best choices you can, and do the things that will be the best for you long term.  short term pleasures are not always the best choices, in anything really, especially food, lol.

Have a wonderful day!!! And smile, somebody out there loves you!

Wow, at 19 your life is just beginning and you have everything to look forward to. I know that's hard to believe but it's true.  I felt just like you when I was in my Freshmen year of college.  I was clinically depressed and just couldn't make myself function.  I stayed in bed all the time, didn't eat, didn't shower, my plan was to just lay there and die.  Talk about stuck!  I can't say that the antidepressents helped, but what did help was a wonderful Christian counselor (psychiatrist was not helping at all) who taught me how to just make small goals each day and slowly build up from there.  Don't mentally overwhelm your self.  He also taught me that I was a victim of self pity and I learned how important it is to count my blessings.  He showed me how my behavior was affecting those around me (my poor parents!) and opened my eyes to those around me.  Literally, all I could see was me.  Once he made me look outside myself I gained a new perspective that helped me tremendously. 

Pinthin gave you great advice.  Right now just focus on healthy eating and getting fit.  You will be amazed at the energy and confidence you will gain. Those things will be reflected to others and before you know it  you'll be meeting new people and trying new things.  I guess you could say I was stuck too (read my profile) but now things are starting to turn around for me.  I've gotten involved in the children's ministry at church instead of just pew warming, and through that I've made some new friends. Also, I've renewed my relationship with my mom and sister who are both hundreds of miles away, but we email each other daily and I feel like I have 2 new friends!

I would love to be your friend, so add me! I know I'm a lot older but maybe you're only considering your peers as friends?  Friends can come in all ages and I'm sure you can make alot of them here!

Scott14, just read your post. So true, so true! Good words!

I've been "stuck" at various points in my life and I took it as a sign I had to make some big changes to fix what was making me unhappy.

One major "stuck" point I remember when I was about to turn 30 - I had a job I hated and a boyfriend I had been dating forever and I wanted to get married and things were not progressing. So, I bit the bullet and applied for a job across the country. I got it and moved and within a couple of years I had a job I really liked, a husband, kids, dogs, house - the whole package. It was scary, stressful and uncomfortable making the big move but I am glad I did it.

There is a saying that whatever does not kill you makes you stronger and it is so true. I grew so much as a result of the changes I made and though it was hard at the time, it was well worth it.

I will also mention that during the time I wrote about above I was overweight and grew even more overweight. However, my weight was never an excuse for me not to pursue the goals I needed to make myself happy.

You have to look at what you want out of life and make a plan to make it happen. I knew I wanted to find a husband and since I was 30 and time was ticking I had a multi-pronged plan. I joined the company softball league, golf league, ski club, and a gym with a lot of well-off single guys. My husband happened to be on my softball team. However, I was also prepared to join the Sierra Club, Catholic Singles, and whatever other organization would put me in the path of single men with high disposable income. : - )

Since you are 19, I would think your goals would be to find a profession you could be (relatively) happy in and support yourself (and children if you had to). Then, I would think you'd want to someday get married and have a family. First, if you are in college or trade school pursuing a career, great. Finish that - it is most important. If you aren't in school, you probably should be.

If you haven't already, move out of your parent's house. Get a bunch of roommates, but there is nothing like being independent of your parents to help your self esteem.

Then, join some organizations and meet people. Join animal rescue, habitat for humanity, religious groups, sports groups, whatever. Widen your circle of acquaintances. You'll make friends with people who have your same interests. Making new friends is not easy these days but you can do it if you put yourself out there and work at it.

Good luck!

Carolyn

wow, carolyn, you sound so strong and full of power. You gave some great advice that I've benefitted from, too. I'm almost 30 myself and feel like i better do something more with my life soon! I recently quit smoking and gained more than 10 pounds, and i think obsessing with my weight is hampering my life. it takes up a lot of my mind space and i feel that i dont want to socialise with men because I feel really unattractive. When I was slimmer I had no trouble at all attracting men. Now it's completely different I'll keep trying, and will remember your success story! thanks!

I am so touched that all of you took the time to share your stories and give me advice. I feel more empowered and hopeful. Thank you pinthin, scott14, kelly2112, carolynbe, and joychen - reading your positive replies meant so much to me. You just made my week! ! !

every once in while after i write my food diary i read up on some chat rooms. i can't describe to you how much i can relate to this conversation. hearring carolynbe and scott14 words of advice is so helpful, so thank you.

i'm nearly 25 and i can't begin to describe how long i've been in a rut. i've isolated everyone out of my life and feel so ashamed by it. i can't understand how weight has so much of an impact on my self esteem and my life. i use to be very thin and extremely social. over the past 5 years my weight has fluctuated up and down from 120 to 165 lbs. every since then i have been avoiding friends and family and now feel as though i have lost touch with so many people. i sometimes even wonder how to go back to the way it use to be. i have a good job (pays well but i don't really enjoy it anymore) but no one at work really knows the truth about my life, and what's happenned to me. it takes a lot of energy to be able to put on this illusion of a happy person, when inside i'm so un-happy with the way i look and what i have let myself become.

i started calorie-count about 3 weeks ago, as a way to gain control over my life, but i have my ups and downs. i guess we just have to take one day at a time.

I completely understand feeling like your weight has control over your life. When I was a freshman in college, I gained weight and was the fattest I had ever been (160 at 5'4"). All I wanted to do was hide from people. I didn't want to go out into public and have people see how fat and ugly I was. I felt really really sorry for myself and sobbed and sobbed and everyone around me saw how miserable I was. Eventually I lost enough weight to go back out into public without wanting to scream and cry, but it was a horrible process. Although today I am thinner (not thin enough though), I still have moments of sheer horror where I cannot stand how fat I am and my skin crawls. I think that at moments like this we need to stand back and evaluate the good in our life. We need to realize that we are the only ones who see ourselves as fat and disgusting and that other people probably don't give a damn. The sooner we accept ourselves and work towards happiness (physical, mental, and spiritual), the sooner we will get back on track to having control over our lives. It's ok to be unhappy with the way you look, but please don't let it dictate how you feel about yourself as a person. Your weight is just one aspect of your body and it is not permanent. Take a deep breath, laugh, say to yourself, looks like I let myself eat a bit too much, time to cut back and get my body to how I like it.  Everyone fights with their body, but we tend to let our bodies become the antithesis of our being. I'm sure you have thousands of wonderful qualities that a little extra fat does not cancel out. I know you feel gross in your skin right now, but you must remember that it is not permanent and that doing calorie count will help you change it. You are in control just by writing how you feel. Trust me, nobody is thinking bad things about you  they are probably just sad that you haven't been yourself recently. So i suggest that you pick a few things that make you happy (other than food), and pursue them again. That will remind you of who you are and will motivate you. Who cares about people at work - you probably don't know about people's real lives either. Everyone wears a mask at work, it's how it is. If you are unhappy, you should find a new job. So maybe you can make several changes in order to get back to who you really are. Start yourself on a path of positive change and you will feel in control again. Good luck to you.

Hey Ness, I really feel for you. I, too use food and weight loss/gain to get control of my life. However I know there are issues under the surface that needs to be addressed which are more important than my weight. Our humanness isn't just our body, it also consists our minds and hearts. I believe change is possible from the inside out. Check out some books geneenroth.com, i recently read when food is love' and gained a very good perspective - some people (like me) use dieting because it's less painful to face than certain other problems that may exist. just like how physical calories are the easiest to control. I guess it doesn't just take 'trying to lose weight' but also a great deal of 'training to get better', in the heart, in the mind, and body as well. You arent alone! I'm definitely fighting this battle too :)

I really can sympathize with you. My senior year of High School I had about 3 months where it felt like my entire life had fallen apart. My boyfriend/bestfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me, my grandfather passed away, my cat drowned, I was in 2 car accidents, and my friends at school deserted me. I felt completely alone too. I can say it was during this time I started gaining weight and I stopped working out. I just didn't feel like doing anything anymore. My mom took me to a psychiatrist who was only interested in getting me on medication and then a wonderful thing happened...

The night my mom got my perscription filled I started talking to someone on the phone that I had met online. He got me to not take the medication. He said I didn't need it and he was right.

I think you're doing the right thing by getting online and talking to people. That can only help. Make some friends and just look forward. Things are never as bad as they seem, especially with all of the nice people in this forum. You'll have tons of friends in no time. =)

Hi~

I completely relate to what you are going through. I am 23, have been out of school and working for almost a year and half, moved away from my friends to live with my boyfriend.... and my weight goes up and down because my moods still often control the way I eat.

I know what you mean by having it in you to make changes and do what you want, but just not being able to do it. Fear is what keeps me idling rather than moving forward... afraid of failing, afraid of what it means to succeed, afraid of not meeting the expectations of others, etc.

There is a great article in Real Simple Living this month... it's about throwing out physical and emotional clutter that is holding you back. I just read the article last night and I made a list of what I'm throwing away. Today I'm working on replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. I deserve to be happy and moving forward. And so do you! :-)

okay so one of my best friends from high school, who i over the past 2 years lost touch with, recently e-mailed me saying she was coming back home for easter week-end. now when i first saw her e-mail i was just so thrilled to hear from her and see that she remembered. then as i read on i relized she was going to be in town and my first thought was 'oh god what excuse can i give to avoid having to get together'. i want to see her but i just feel so ugly, like this is literally the worst i've ever looked and i haven't seen her in about 2 years. the worst part is that back in the day when we were closer she knew alot of what i was going through but i'm embarrassed to show that its still going on. even if i put up on an illusion that everything is fine, she would see right through me and in all honesty she'll probably be able to tell bcuz she knows how self conscious i am about my weight, and being as big as i am, she'll realize that i still don't go out. i don't know what to do. sometimes when i'm strong i think 'what the hell' and other times when i catch a glimpse in the mirror i think 'hell no'. it's almost like i look a two different people. sometimes i say to myself it's not so bad and other times i start crying thinking 'how could i have let this happen'. i'm so lost, i know this isn't easy but i don't always think the same way, sometimes i'm up and other times i'm down. it's a daily battle.