Does anyone else get accused of being *too* thin?

I'm very offended/angry about what happened today.

I've been working out/ eating healthy since October of '07, and calorie counting since mid-July '08. CC has been amazingly successful for me, and I've lost 45 pounds since last October. I started at 155, at 5'0, and now I'm 110, and my goal is 105.

I lost a lot of weight over the summer, very quickly, because of CC, and so when I came back to school, literally no one recognizes me. That's a good thing. That's awesome, I like it. However, today one of my coworkers asked me about calorie counting and I told her I wanted to lose 5 more pounds before I hit my goal weight. She proceeds to call me anorexic, asks if I throw up, calls me too thin, says that I'm going down a dangerous road and that I need to eat... She then hands me a bag of candy, as her solution (which I promptly threw away when she wasn't looking...) Then, when ranting to one of my friends about it, she "makes sure" I know the dangers of eating disorders. I know it seems like they're just "concerned", but I have never at any point whatsoever given any signs of any eating disorders. I eat 5 to 6 times a day for crying out loud.

What's frustrating is that I have never been healthier in my whole life. I eat 1200 calories a day, give and take, and I work out for an hour 5-6 times a week. For the first time in my entire life I'm at a healthy BMI, and even when I hit my goal weight I'll still be at a healthy BMI. I look at the people around me and realize I can outrun 90% of them. I also realize I eat healthier than most college students around the country (sweet potatoes, oatmeal, chicken, veggies, just to name a few). And I'm the one being accused of being unhealthy? When did it ever become okay to tell someone they're "too thin" when they're at a healthy weight, but you would never tell someone who is obese that they need to drop a few pounds.

Not only does it belittle all the extremely hard work I've put into being a new person, but it also insults my intelligence. The whole reason I'm doing any of this is to be healthier, not just to look better. I want to feel good on the inside and the out. And to accuse me of doing it for a purely superficial reason, and to be not only unhealthy but self destructive? Where do you come off saying that? I think mostly people equate "calorie counting" to calorie restricting and dieting, and I'm not doing that. This is a lifestyle, not a diet.

I'm so indignant right now. Has anyone else had this happen to them? And if so, how do you convince the other person (once you get over said indignance) to believe you that you've never been healthier?

i think maybe she's jealous, all that matters s that you are healthy not what someone else says about you

 

Well, just dont worry what anyone else says!! I am in the proccess of loseing but a friend of mine told me that last time i lost the weight i was to skinny and nasty looking..... yeah that sucked!!! I am still kinda mad about it but what can ya do... nothing just move on.

But you look great and thats what matters!!

p.s. I am from TN too so us Tn girls can stick together!! lol

You are right to be angry. Even if you DID have an eating disorder, that is not how a concerned person would go about bringing it up, and is totally inappropriate for work. If this is someone that you work with daily, you might consider either talking with her in private or writing her a note or an email and telling her more or less what you just told us, remaining polite, of course, since it IS a work environment. I agree that she is being catty and jealous. As I said, a person who cared about you and was concerned for your health would NOT have approached it like that. You are 5 feet tall, for goodness' sake. Does she think that your ideal weight should be something like that of a 5'4 woman? Uggh.

They used to say stuff like that to me when I was younger, before children.. I seriously ate like a glutton (which proved to be a problematic habit once my metabolism slowed) but my fast metabolism at the time kept me between 90 and 98. Fortunately the wonderful ladies I work with are kind and supportive of the weight loss. They have noticed and complimented me, which feels nice.

And BTW, you go girl! You have done a fantastic job making yourself fit and healthy! Woowoo!

It's not just that she's probably jealous...but it's what she's jealous of...not how hot you look now (which you do), but your self control and success.  Women in this society are taught to have really screwed up relationships with their bodies, and I'm sure when she realized the care you are taking with your body, she felt horribly guilty.  She probably thought, "GAH! I am a terrible person!  What am I doing with this candy!!!  Quick, give the healthy girl the candy and when she eats it, I don't have to hate myself so much!"

You have every right to feel frustrated and pissed off.  I had many similar experiences when I came back to school 30+ pounds lighter this fall (e.g. "Did you even eat at all this summer?").  But mostly I know that the comments are either meant to be lighthearted, or they are coming from someone who is just angry with their self for not biting the bullet and getting in shape.

I hope the good, "WOW" comments outweigh the crummy ones :)

pumpkin314: I totally agree with you! I mean, when I'd gone down from 145 to 135 (at 5'7") my chunky friends were telling me that I'm obssessed and saying that I have the potential of becoming anorexic! I'm at 130 now and THAT'S not even close to being skinny. Plus, as we all know;it's all biological, each woman wants to be more attractive than the other to compete for men. So, I guess the bag of candy was her way of taking out the competition.

I've received similar reactions and comments. I've even had people insist, I mean, really intensely insist that I eat something horrible for me, the type of insisting where they serve it on my plate when I had already flat out refused the offer. *sighs*

Some of these people are thinner than I am. I don't know if it's jealously that causes their reactions, or change.

The good news is, once people get use to the new improved you and realize that you aren't wasting away and that you do eat well...they'll leave you alone. 

I also want to lose a bit more weight (5-10lbs) but have been so traumatized (being dramatic) by people's aggressive reactions that I stalled off in my attempts over the summer. I still ate healthy and exercised, but wasn't as good about counting everything. Just sort of estimated or didn't log everything in. Turned out to be a good thing. Since I haven't been losing more *tadah* people are leaving me alone. It also gave my skin a chance to catch-up.

Just a side-note; I am also healthier than I've been in years. No one gave me a bad time when I stuffed a double decker taco into my mouth, but I pull out the carrots and I'm on the path to my death. So I completely understand your frustration there.

Starting last week, I re-entered my disciplined weight loss mode. I know I don't have an eating disorder and should never have compromised my goals because people misunderstand what I'm doing. I will still be at a healthy weight, will be in even better shape, and will look super hot in tight jeans. Bo0yah!

I'd say it's probaby the sudden loss that's messing with her head.  If she met you at that weight, she probably wouldn't have thought anything of it.  But since she's used to seeing a bigger you, and now very suddenly she's seeing how much you've lost, she probably sees you as smaller then you are, just because of the difference.

But yes, I'd agree the way she brought it up was rude, and probably her way of feeling better about herself.  Instead of seeing you as getting healthier, which would force her to accept that she's NOT healthy, she instead sees you as being sick, in which case she can feel better since at least SHE'S not anorexic. :P

I know what you mean.  I'm right in the  middle of my healthy weight range, and people have started telling me I'm too thin and to be careful.  I'm actually maintaining now, but they don't seem to care.

Something else to think about besides them possibly being jealous is what the standard is.  Considering the 'obesity epedimic' in the US, we have become used to seeing overweight, unhealhty people.  It has become 'normal' to be at least slightly overweight.  So when someone is actually a healthy weight, they seem to be underweight compared to the new norm, and freinds/family start to worry. 

Also, a lot of people don't know how to lose weight in a safe way.  Shoot, a lot of people don't know how to lose weight at all.  All they associate with losing weight is fad diets, anorexia or bulimia.  They don't understand how to be healthy or how to lose weight in a healhty way, so they assume you're losing weight in an unhealthy way.

You have every right to be annoyed by these people.  But just remember that they don't have a clue what they're talking about.  Maybe point them in the direction of a good health website (CC, mayo clinic, etc) with which to educate themselves.  (Not that they'll do it!)

Yep, but if i put on a few more kgs I'd be overweight!

For me its cos my weigh hides on my thighes and tummy, so i disguise it, whilst my arms and decolletage area is quite bony. Even when i WAS overweight the bones were there. But I had MASSIVE thighs.

I really hate when people say I dont eat (I have a huge appetite) or stuff like that. Sometimes I dont eat out with friends as its unhealthy but i go for the social, after a healthy dinner and they say I'm starving myself./ Well I'd HAPPILY invite them over for dinner (and i do) but they refuse to eat "that healthy stuff" like brown rice and chicken, healven forbid without skin or not stuffed with butter and garlic

I recently met up with an old flame... he commented I was skinny, when in fact I was my heaviest in a long while (back to square one for me darned summer hols lol). He on the other hand weighs nearly twice as much as me! But skinny tho... slim would have been a lot nicer. He also said that the girls I would deem skinny, the ones who are just bones and less, look like death.

I think we all have the right attitude here, to get fit and healthy, and if the extra layer of winter warmth happen to disappear, well so be it.

 

I agree with jenningermany... I don't think it's a jealousy thing, as she is the older, motherly type (my friend, however, is most assuredly jealous, as she goes out of her way to tear me down at any chance possible and that was even before the weight loss...but that's another thread entirely). People just have no clue what healthy is anymore. And comments like the "skin and bones don't look attractive" really make me angry because I'm pretty sure there is no one out there who would say models in health magazines look unhealthy or unattractive. Pudgy is the norm. Anything less must be unhealthy, especially if it comes off so quick.

I also agree kukua in that it probably is because she saw me 50 pounds ago. People don't even recognize me anymore, so this new, half-of-me, looks unnatural to them, especially since I've been overweight my entire life.

Next weekend: I go home to see the relatives whom I haven't seen since December (grandparents, too...). I'm bracing myself for the bombardment of being called too skinny. But hey... it's the first time in my life this situation has occured, and if this is the price I have to pay, so be it. I'm okay with that.

Good luck with the fam!  I'm also seeing my Mom for the first time in about 18 pounds this weekend...and she was already concerned that I was too skinny last time she saw me!

I agree that it's frustrating that people don't see what we're doing as healthy, they see it as crazy or vain at best.  But seriously, handing someone a bag of candy does NOT promote health.  That signifies a total lack of acceptance and understanding.  Maybe if she was showing genuine concern, she should have handed you a bag of quinoa or something.  At least my mom won't try to fatten me up this weekend, but I'm fully expecting dozens and dozens of "concerned looks."

I too agree that you have a right to be upset!  My mother-in-law asked my husband if I was "sick" because I had gotten too thin.  At the point she said this I had maintained my current weight for over a year! I'm 5'3" and at that time I was 120lbs. Some people are just rude...

I remember, I have a friend who is overweight (genetic) and really wants to loose weight.

When I came back to school, she didn't recognize me because I lost a lot of weight. So she often offered to buy me a cinnamon roll, a brownie, cookies, etc.

Last time I went to her house, she bought tons of chips, chocolate, cookies.

She's still my friend and I know she cares about me, but I also know that she's a bit jealous. I also feel kind a bad for her, because she puts a lot more energy than everyone I know to loose weight.

 

 

 

Well, first I want to say...I can't WAIT to have that problem...LOL!  But seriously, I did have a friend who I had started talking about CC with, and at one point she told me I was obsessed.  It hurt my feelings at first, but then I started thinking...I'm not obsessed.  I'm ACCOUNTABLE.  For every bite that goes in my mouth.  And honestly, I remember being in her shoes where the metabolism is starting to slow and you can't figure out why you are gaining weight eating less, etc, etc, etc.  And pumpkin was dead on---it makes us feel better about ourselves if we talk about the skinny girls as if they are anorexic. 

YOU know you are healthy and that you eat.  YOU know how good you feel exercising and eating right.  Just weather the storm, eat as you normally do, and eventually those people will realize that you are fine.  And if she prods you again, just gently reassure her that you eat several times a day and that you are fine.  If she won't let it go, then you may have to take other measures.  Congratulations on your weight loss--hopefully I can be called too skinny soon too!

Original Post by cwarren6:

I agree with jenningermany... I don't think it's a jealousy thing, as she is the older, motherly type (my friend, however, is most assuredly jealous, as she goes out of her way to tear me down at any chance possible and that was even before the weight loss...

Holy Cow!  Someone agreed with me. 

Hi ladies, I just wanted to add a male point of view if that is ok.

I have lost a considerable amount of weight and many people commented on how thin I am.   The reality is that I am just 3 pounds from being over weight according to the bmi charts so I know that I am not underweight.  Non the less there has been a dramatic difference in my overall appearance.

Some people have even went so far as to ask about my health given I lost weight so quickly.

At first the comments would frustrate me because I was working so hard to become healthy.  After careful thought, I realised that the majority were expressing genuine interest / concern so decided I would thank them for the interest and then assure them I was working hard to improve health and that was making great progress.   It helped that I started running and training for races, as people generally perceive runners as being fitter/thinner. 

I agree with many others who say peoples perception of  "normal weight" is  in fact most times "over weight".  H*ll I was one of them just 14 months ago!

Remember, you are doing this for the right reasons and people will get use to the new you.  Now that I have been at the same weight for about 9 months people have stop making comments.  

Good luck in your journey

 

 

hey hey

I hate that. I'm tall and my body is naturally lean, so when I carry extra weight it sits really obviously. My BMI tells me that I'm technically underweight, and I often get jabs from people (generally on the heavy side) that I'm getting too thin. All I can say is, as long as you are healthy and feeling happy with the way you look then do it. Don't pay attention to the jealous people, or the people with nothing better to do with their lives than create drama.

Keep going! I bet you look fantastic.

The people that accuse me of being too slim are my family. My brother (who used to be overweight and is now underweight), my mom (who is overweight), and my dad (he's normal weight but eats whatever/whenever he wants- he's an extremely active farmer).

Occasionally, I have been told I'm slim enough when posting my stats on CC. That was when I had 26% BF for crying out loud!

As long as you're healthy, keep at it and pay no attention to the haters! Congrats on the awesome loss!

I've found it's some female friends who comment "You're getting too small" or "Are you eating?" etc. I think they like one being the bigger chick and not the "competition". They want to be in shape for themselves but not for you!