Does anyone else get ANGRY??? MOMS?

I have a 3.5 year old and a 1.5 year old and sometimes I go out of my mind with the constant working and the whining. I love my girls SOOSOOOOO much, they're the greatest thing ever, but sometimes the whining feels like it is taking a cheese grater to my soul! I get so mad I want to scream or hit my head into the heavy bag. I HATE myself for getting mad! I hate it! Some moms around here are so picture perfect that they can just do play dough and clean up mess 24/7 and let their kids throw fits and tantrums and I swear its like these moms still hear "The Sound of Music" in their heads. I try my hardest and do my best with my kids but sometimes just the idea that I can be so FRUSTRATED makes me feel disappointed in myself. Like I thought I'd be better at this.

I'm sorry I just had to rant a little...

well i don't have kids, but i just have to say that you shouldn't be dissapointed in yourself! i mean, of course you adore your kids, but becoming a mom didn't make you not human! enough whining and screaming would drive anyone nuts!

and i bet behind closed doors those "picture perfect" moms aren't so perfect after all :)

OK, have you ever TRIED to sing "Doe, a deer, a female deer" out loud, and still be grumpy?

Actually, yes, I hear you loud and clear.  Those little dear ones can turn into your worst nightmare so quickly (I have a practically 3 year old and a 5.5 year old).  So 2 years ago, I was where you are.  And guess what?  It is OK to get frustrated.  It is OK to not have a perfect house.  It is OK to put the kids outside with a sandbox and sit in the shade and read a book for a few minutes - or to have them take a bath in the middle of the day just to get some peace.  Or my favorite - a 6 foot length of butcher paper taped on the wall with washable markers.

And you ARE good at this - EVERYONE has these moments.  It is NOT a sign that you should be disappointed in yourself.

My kids know I can't hear them if they whine.  I tell them I can only hear big girl voices.  I've been telling them for about 2 years now, and they still whine, but they know better, and it isn't nearly as frequent, and a reminder usually does the trick.  Every once in a while, I will talk in a whiny voice to show them how hard it is to understand.

My lifesavers for this stage: 

• a bed protector sheet to place under the toddler's chair at the table.  Pick up 2-3 so you can just shake and wash after a meal.  If you can find them, the fabric ones with a tight weave last a lot longer than the vinyl backed ones.
• a set of a dozen orange microfiber towels, a little bit bigger than a washcloth.  The kids make a mess, I send them to get an orange towel and they help clean it up.
• Temper tantrum throwers are removed to their room until they calm down.  It really eases up on my nerves, and the fits are over quickly if there is no audience.  If they leave the room while throwing a fit, they just get put back in.  No fighting, just a simple removal.

You are not alone, and you will get through this.  Remember, they won't be this little forever (THANK GOODNESS!)

bsh,

I hear you sweetie...first, there are NO perfect moms!  my 1st 2 kids are the same age distance apart.  I know how you feel.  I promise, it gets easier!  You are actually at the hardest time.  Especially with an 18 month old...I will take the "terrible twos" over 18 months any day!

suggestions...they are old enough to sorta clean up...I am a HUGE fan of bins...forget the careful sorting of toys...HUGE bins...where the kids and pick up and toss the toys in...

NAPS...even if the older one doesn't sleep...just some time on her bed with a book for 30 minutes will help.  During that time DON"T clean!  read a book, rest, do something for you!

remember...they won't be hurt with tantrums.  I will admit that I never really dealt with this.  BUT...I babysat when my kids were that age and some of those kids did.  I told them that they could have as big a tantrum as they wanted, but they couldn't around the other kids...they had to have it alone in the bedroom...so I would put them in there and tell them to scream as loud as they wanted and come out when they were done.  I sort of took thier power away.  worked for me, but you need to find what works for you.

when my kids were just a bit older I would tell them to sit on the couch and watch this video...and NOT TO MOVE...I told them mommy needed a time out and I would go to another room for about 15 minutes to gather myself.

you can do this!  I promise!!!!! 

 

thank you guys. I think I'm just having a rough day! I got the kids up and gave them a super breakfast and was so proud of my Mary Poppins attitude. We went to this awesome playground and I was supercool mom and as soon as we got home there was a 3.5 year old MELTDOWN and I just got so mad. I usually have it down.... but when I don't.... I feel so awful. So if you hear about a PA lady running screaming through her neighborhood, that's me! j/k

 

Thank you:-)

we have all been there! 

Original Post by puh8suwrux:

Or my favorite - a 6 foot length of butcher paper taped on the wall with washable markers.

Or you could tape the kids to the wall!

I have an 11 year old and a 14 year old, and I promise, it gets easier.  Kids are a joy once they hit school age (and they do chores).  There are so many ways to blackmail them into cooperating once they hit double digits.

Clean houses are over-rated, but walks are very nice.  Also, you don't have to be nice mommy all the time.  Sometimes you can tell them they're driving you crazy, and that they have to find something to do so you can have some mommy time. And at that age they'll help you clean up (if you can stand it). 

Original Post by rosieblue:

Original Post by puh8suwrux:

Or my favorite - a 6 foot length of butcher paper taped on the wall with washable markers.

Or you could tape the kids to the wall!

I have an 11 year old and a 14 year old, and I promise, it gets easier.  Kids are a joy once they hit school age (and they do chores).  There are so many ways to blackmail them into cooperating once they hit double digits.

Clean houses are over-rated, but walks are very nice.  Also, you don't have to be nice mommy all the time.  Sometimes you can tell them they're driving you crazy, and that they have to find something to do so you can have some mommy time. And at that age they'll help you clean up (if you can stand it). 

 Hee Hee!  That reminds me of what I have always wanted:  A wall covered with super heavy duty velcro, and matching suits to put my kids in, so I can just hang them up on the wall when I need to... Sounds a lot more fun than the dog kennel idea.

Oh, and one more hint - just when you think you've had enough, grab some of that inner strength, and do something silly.  It will break a tantrum almost immediately if mom puts ketchup on her nose or something like that - and it will make you feel better too! 

I would think there was something wrong with you if you had a Mary Poppins attitude all of the time.  that woman must have been on valium 24/7 :P

2 little kids is really hard work!  We all have bad days at work.  Please don't get down on yourself if you have a bad day from time to time.

My son was the meltdown king.  He was a perfect angel outside of the house, everyone's darling that never seemed to do anything wrong.  But once at home he threw the mother of all fits - EVERY TIME.  I decided it was complimentary because he knew he could fall apart and mommy would still love him.

Round about age 3-5 most kids will talk more openly about feelings, now is a really good time to get them thinking about expressing their frustrations verbally.  "Are you having a bad day?" is a great opening for a start.  Once they get used to putting feelings and emotion to words the meltdowns are less frequent and less violent.  And hearing your kids say "I feel sad" or "I am having a bad day" has a way of taking the anger right out of you.

 

Nice to know I'm not the only one, not that I thought I was.  I have an almost 5 year old and an almost 2 year old.  As soon as I walk in the door from work they are so excited to see me "momma mamma, its momma" hugs kisses and all that.  Then it starts with my little princess not wanting me to put her down, but I have dinner to make.  Then I try to find something to distract her and in starts my son with about a billion requests and for some reason he has a hard time just asking he has to whine his requests.  After about 20-30 min I just wanna grab my keys and walk right back out that door!  We all love our kids but with greetings like this it gets trying. 

I have a 13 month old and I'm WAITING for him to be able to start whining actual words at me so we can reach some sort of agreement instead of the current incoherent whine that hits me as you so beautifully put it, "like a cheesegrater to the soul."

Take a deep breath, go and hit your head with a pillow a few times, and remember that you'll miss this when they're sullen teenagers.

Whenever we whined at my mom, she would always override us in her deepest voice, "Get your voice down there!" She wouldn't yell, but the voice would come right from her toes and she wouldn't discuss our problem until we said what we wanted in a voice like a deep-down foghorn. It was hard to keep being frantic when we felt silly about how we sounded.

I told my kids I couldn't understand "whine" and wouldn't respond with more then that until they spoke normally.

ok...our youngest though had the best tantrums EVER...and since we had her purely for amusement we would occational get her upset to show them off.  (she is 11 now...no harm done :P)

she would get mad...lay on the floor perfectly still and totally silent.  lay there like a statue.  it was HYSTERICAL.  we were like "sweetie...that is the goal to get you like that"  LOL

 

 

Original Post by masque42:

 you'll miss this when they're sullen teenagers.

 

Uh Uh.  The teenagers I know are vibrant, creative, comunicative, fun people (and so are the preteens).  You're in for a pleasant surprise.

Edit:  and most of them can spell better than me--communicative

mine are now 11,14 and 16 (17 on the 21st) and they are all wonderful...they have thier moments as we all do...but no issues...lots of fun

Yes....I get mad too. My 3 year old does the most irritating things at the most inoppertune times, like when I am getting dinner ready. I will have her help me, and she will do something off the wall, like slide a glass off the counter. Last time she did it I got furious and yelled "GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN"  (there was glass on the floor) She went and cried and said "you don't love me anymore"....OMG...talk about feeling bad! How does she know to say that already??? Anyways, all moms are human too, and it is ok to not be perfect...even be down right imperfect sometimes.....

My son is almost 22 so it has been a long time since I've been in your shoes. My son was a very dramatic toddler. He tried to be a whiner but I broke him of that pretty quickly. I can't stand whining.

When the kids start to whine, make them stop and ask in a normal voice. Never ever give them what they want when they whine. Do not reward a whiner or it will never stop.

My step kids are now 9 and 12. I met them 3 years ago. They were still pretty big whiners at 6 and 9 because they were rewarded with what they wanted by whining. It didn't take them very long to learn that if they whined I would go out of my way to make sure they didn't get what they wanted. They quit whining around me pretty quickly.

I know I sound mean, but I'm not. I have a great relationship with my step kids and my son. All of them will tell you that I'm tuff and demanding and loads of fun.

ooooh moonikins - I never reward a whiner. Whining at the times when she KNOWS she can't gets an "oh!" out of me - like shock, and I do the shake my head and look down thing and she doesn't like that.

My 18 month old is going through a phase. Kylie, my 3.5 year old, also went through this, but it seems especially harsh now that I have both of them. She's really smart, but she's a braniac beyond her verbal capacity. How does she deal with the frustration of not being able to properly articulate? She emotes. Yeah, by FREAKING OUT! I love her and sure she's cute as a button but she - like her sister - CAN SCREAM!

 

Oh thank goodness!  I am so happy to hear other people are going through the same thing.  Whew.  I have a 20 month old and he drives me nuts all day.  Love him more than life but am going crazy just being around him..."mommy...mommy...mommy" all the time, mixed with the tantrums from the frustrated toddler who can't understand why things don't always work out for him.  

But more than I have a hard time dealing with him, I have a harder time dealing with those other "perfect" moms.  I had a friend tell me how she just sits and holds her daughter and weeps with joy.  For whom everything has been "perfect" from the moment the child was born.  Whose house doesn't have dried blueberries on the wall and whose dog probably didn't eat her child's dinner when she wasn't looking...etc.  Who talks about how in love she is with her husband all the time.  I want to be happy for these folks, but things have been chaotic and crazy in our house since the little one joined us!   It makes me feel like a failure when people (well, friends) don't talk about the harder parts of parenting.  The challenges learning how to parent together if you are in a relationship, your sex life (or lack thereof), the stress of working or staying at home, all of it.  Maybe I need to find more friends that open up about these challenges. 

Thanks for letting me chat a little bit...please know there are other ones out there just as frustrated. 

OOh OOh me too me too!  I have a 10 month old boy and a 2 year old girl.  Wow - can my little girl throw a tantrum.  I get so frustrated and overwhelmed by her.  She's in this I have to do it my way phase which can also be extremely frustrating when you're in a hurry and she has to get into her carseat by herself, buckle it by herself...everything by herself.  It's also embarassing when she decides to throw a tantrum in the middle of a store.  I wish she was one of the quiet tantrum throwers!  She screams and turns red and almost evil.  LOL  On the other hand - my 10 month old boy is still quite pleasent unless he's hungry. 

It's been so nice reading all of your comments and having a few giggles tonight!

Thanks!

OMG I am so glad I found Yall I have a 9 yr old, 6 yr old, 4 yr old and 22 mth old yall thought yall had issues.  I worked full time up untill a couple of months ago but it got to be too much kids started going down in their grades at school and it just got too frustrating with work and keeping up with the kids and my husband because you know there are some that still need taken care of. Try hearing 4 different voices asking you for 4 different things. By the end of the day sometimes I am soo tired of hearing the word mommy. I can pretty much control my oldest 3 but my little one omg he will scream at the top of his lungs if he does not get what he wants and he is also at that stage where he wants to do everything for himself.  All I have to do is give my oldest ones the talk before we get off the car but my little one just laughs we are the the point where he is getting brave and tries to raise his brave little hand at me in public  i try to avoid public places until I figure that one out that is a new one to me.  

I have 7 yr old twins and a 4 year old. One of my twins has some emotional problems (anxiety, ocd, defiance) and so she has some major tantrums. Some days I don't know how I make it through. I find myself screaming at the kids a lot. I have realized that when I am depressed or having a lot of problems controlling my anxiety (fueled by stress) I scream a lot more. I am also a student so I feel stressed a lot. I finally asked my dr for help and got put on depression/anxiety meds and I don't scream nearly so much. I think it just helps me cope better with everything that is happening around me.

Don't beat yourself up for yelling. I think its pretty natural. Young kids are a lot of work and stress! Take care of yourself and you'll be a better mom for it!