Is anyone else experiencing jealousy/negative comments from others?

Lately I have been getting allot of negative feedback regarding my weight loss and I don't understand it.  I am not skinny, I am at a healthy weight, and still weigh more and wear a bigger size than the average woman. 

Everyone at my work is noticing my weight loss and commenting on it (usually positive).  I am happy that my efforts are showing, but am starting to feel down when people make negative comments.  My overweight coworker told me to stop losing weight because i'm too skinny, and when I told another coworker that I still need to loose 10 pounds, he said that if I did that I "would blow away in the wind".  My younger sister also makes comments and says that she is jealous of me.  She is still way thinner than I will ever be, and has a way nicer body, so I don't understand that.  My ex boyfriend is the worst.  We went to the gym this morning and he says "i'm taking it too far and I need to stop losing weight".  And hes starting to not find me attractive. 

I am not letting these comments ruin my weight loss efforts, because its my body and I am the one that has to be happy with it, but its just frustrating to have people that aren't supporting me anymore. 

Is anyone else experiencing any of this?

I wish someone would notice my weight loss? :\

Anyway, you shouldn't really care about the negative comments.

Do what you think is best for you and don't let the negativity influence your life and ruin your weight loss. :]

When you have dropped those 10 pounds you will look awesome.. :D

Good luck!

Work colleagues often feel the urge to make smart comments for no reason.

As regards your boyfriend, I think he's actually commenting on your methods rather than the outcome..... and you should take heed because he's the one closest to you.   Looking back at some of your old posts you seem to be aiming for a very, very low calorie intake (1200?) despite being quite active, you don't always hit that 1200, you talk about getting tired and having a binge, 'scared' about overeating at a lunch....  You're coming across as rather desperate and a little obsessive and I would think that's what he's finding unattractive and what he means by 'taking it too far'.  Not your new shape.

generally speaking, people ALWAYS seem to take notice when others make a change in their life for the better. tho ive only lost some weight, my friends have been nice enough to call me motivating and ask for my help.(training for a half marathon =]) but people will try and bring you down because they are jealous. especially woman! how many times have you walked by a girl and been like (B*** wish i had those shoes/ purse!) lmao its so human nature.

take it in stride and tell them " thanks for noticing! but now im just working on my health and being toned, because i realized that im good enough to take care of."

and when all else fails, ignore and roll your eyes. you wouldnt believe how easy it is to tune out. btw congrats on losing 56lbs. keep up the good work!

My advice is, don't listen to them!

One of my pet peeves for many years now is that when someone who is noticeably overweight starts to trim down — but is still significantly above their best weight — people start to lie to them, telling them they are "too skinny" "will blow away" etc.

My theory is this: They are used to you being a nice "safe" person who is not a contender, in terms of attractiveness. While you are overweight or dumpy, you are sexually neutral in their eyes and not a threat to them.

Consciously or unconsciously, they want you to stay dumpy looking — not go all the way to looking great. You need to be able to ignore all this nonsense and go for the goals that will have you truly looking and feeling your best.

If someone else can't handle you looking too good, that tells you their issues, not yours. I love the reply one man gave when he'd worked out and trimmed down from over 300 pounds to near his goal weight. People kept asking him when he was going to "stop" getting leaner. His reply: "When I can see all of my abs!"

Don't let anyone sell you on stopping short of what looks and feels great to you. You don't have to settle for just "OK" if you want to go for "awesome!" It may also be an opportunity for you to upgrade to better friends who are happy to celebrate the fit, happy, healthy new shape you're creating for yourself.

These self-validation skills will be great for you to apply in every part of your life, from fitness to career goals to relationship success. There will always be envious people who don't want you to be too happy or rise too high. Fortunately, there is an abundant supply of better companions waiting for you, when you insist on being true to yourself and refuse to settle for mediocrity.

Go for it!

Thank you so much guys for the positive feedback!  Especially lightlife, I think you are exactly right!  I didn't think of it until you said it, but I agree with you on people feeling threatened.  That makes perfect sense why my skinnier sis says those things and why my ex would say the things he does too. Your post made me feel so much better about heading twards my goals.  Thank you soooo much!

Hey Hey Girl,

I know how youre feeling. I also started out at a weight close to what yours was (184lbs) and I am now down to 126.5 as of today. I have been told that I am just taking my dedication to diet and exercise too far and I am getting way too skinny way too fast (it has taken me 1 year to get to this weight, too fast???). I have had the most offensive things said to me like the people who are nothing more than aquaintances  (trying to act like they REALLY know me) say to me " Kate, sit down. Now, Ive known you for a long time...If you are doing drugs, you can tell me. You have lost weight, and I dont know if you realize it...what drugs are you doing?". It is the most infuriating remark that a person could possibly ask me, but i feel happy in knowing that they think it is just way too hard to do it naturally and correctly like I have...they are simply jealous... everyone wants to be thin and its not easy, so when people think that they are overweight and then they see someone else making progress, they are going to all have their own little opinions, so letem have it!!!!

impartiallyvegan, i'm so glad to hear from someone that has experienced the same issue.  Congrats on your weight loss.

I think that people that don't diet and don't have weight issues, don't understand what we go through to get to our goals.  To them it may look like we are being obsessive and desperate, but we know that it takes dedication and long term commitment.  Nothing less.

I must admit I haven't had any negative comments but I think that's because no one would have the balls to dare.

I do constantly get the "you must be doing something special" because they want to think there is some magic pill that makes it happen instantly, even though they have seen me do it over 5 months.  I really hate that people desperately want to know how I have lost the weight and when told the truth suddenly aren't interested and say "I couldn't do that"

i too have received lot of negative feed back, in the last 5 months i have lost 30 lb. by a sheer combination of walk and diet, everyone specially my sweet mom in law keeps on saying Jazz has gone crazy, tell her that , that "she will die",best is "wind will blow her away",  when ever my MIL makes these comments i take it as an encouragement, because people will pass  such comments only when they r insecure of jealous,

 so just enjoy ur new weight and use all this negative comments as an inspiration to reach ur goal weight.

I have the same problem!  I mean, I'm 5'4" and 129 pounds, so pretty much right in the middle of a healthy weight, and I couldn't feel better.  But just last weekend, I went home for a few days and the first thing my parents said to me was "you're getting too skinny!"  followed by me having to convince them that I honestly am pretty constantly eating all day long and then pretty much being forcefed all weekend just to prove to them I'm not scared of eating.  And then all of my extended family has made it their new favorite conversation topic to say how I'm wasting away.  I'm definitely done losing at this point and I've been so proud of how far I've come with lifting weights at the gym, and I'm a size 6 which I love!  I know that's not fat by any means, but I definitely know plenty of people that are way smaller than that, yet no one seems to think the wind will blow them away.  I think a lot of times, when people are just used to seeing you one way it's hard for them to view you any other way I guess.  But as long as you know you're really healthy and feel good about yourself, that's all that really matters!

My co-worker actually blew on me today to see if I would blow away.  hahaha

Euw, that's as offensive as poking an overweight person to see if they ripple or something - sadly, thin-envy usually turns into bitchy comments.

Btw GI Jane, if she was a binge-eater, spending money they couldn't afford on candies, takeouts etc, would you describe that as "desperate and obsessive", or mention that her partner might find that recklessness "unattractive"?

Just curious, I know the score here, but curious to read your reply...

Original Post by russia2005:

I have the same problem!  I mean, I'm 5'4" and 129 pounds, so pretty much right in the middle of a healthy weight, and I couldn't feel better.  But just last weekend, I went home for a few days and the first thing my parents said to me was "you're getting too skinny!"  followed by me having to convince them that I honestly am pretty constantly eating all day long and then pretty much being forcefed all weekend just to prove to them I'm not scared of eating.  And then all of my extended family has made it their new favorite conversation topic to say how I'm wasting away.  I'm definitely done losing at this point and I've been so proud of how far I've come with lifting weights at the gym, and I'm a size 6 which I love!  I know that's not fat by any means, but I definitely know plenty of people that are way smaller than that, yet no one seems to think the wind will blow them away.  I think a lot of times, when people are just used to seeing you one way it's hard for them to view you any other way I guess.  But as long as you know you're really healthy and feel good about yourself, that's all that really matters!

Could also be cultural....

UD

Original Post by maggie_snow:

Btw GI Jane, if she was a binge-eater, spending money they couldn't afford on candies, takeouts etc, would you describe that as "desperate and obsessive", or mention that her partner might find that recklessness "unattractive"?

 I know plenty of people with partners who find newly acquired behaviours unattractive.  Whether it's maxing out the credit cards, binge-drinking or packing on weight due to terrible eating habits... I don't think it matters really.

My point to the OP was that her boyfriend might be finding her new character/personality unattractive, not her new body.  That someone who is counting calories a litle too obsessively, or is too anxious to enjoy a lunch out, or who is tired & grumpy because they're not getting enough to eat.... all things they've mentioned in other posts..... could quite easily become a pain in the arse to live with. 

If anyone's ever lived with someone that's trying to quit smoking/drinking, they'll know what I mean.  Everyone supports their desire to quit, but still they are not nice to be around whilst they're doing it.

If anyone notices, they don't comment on it.

If my mother notices though, she will force huge dinners on me and responds negatively to any weight loss I make. She thinks I'm being too vain and doesn't really understand what I'm going through (as a teenager, her family lived in a rural area).

I have come down from 161 pounds to 125 pounds...and I am 5'4

And the weight-loss journey has been pretty much worth it

I used to be thin my whole life...and then I gained weight for like two years...and I have been slim for 2 years now...I got my sexy body back...

But...

I am still not content..and I know I can do better...I know I can look better...and feel better...I know I can tone up...and lose a couple of more pounds...and be perfect in my own eyes...but I find people especially on this site...telling me how I am gonna develop an eating disorder...from certain chatters...

Like gi-jane...remember when I said I wanted to look perfect...in the sense that I reach my ideal weight and look my best...and you called me a perfectionist and said how I am going to be miserable for the rest of my life?

well I am almost perfect now and I am no way near miserable..I am very happy and proud of my body...and I look great and still going to look even better..

And I have noticed that you,gi-gane,do the same with other chatters...pretending,me feels,that you want people to diet the " healthy " way...I think mostly you are just like this... " If someone else can't handle you looking too good, that tells you their issues, not yours "

Original Post by afluffyadorablebunny:

Previously moderated text

You and anyone else can take what I write here and either act on it, ignore it or challenge my opinion but I will not tolerate personal attacks.  I am neither bitter nor do I 'pretend'.  What I am interested in is that people lose weight safely and healthily... and, where possible, keep a sense of proportion at the same time, not let it take over their lives or make them feel down about themselves. 

I really don't know what you're talking about otherwise.....2000 cals to lose weight?..... it's rather incoherent rubbish.  I'm glad you've lost weight and that you're now happy but I'd rather you didn't resort to insults to make your point.... 

Original Post by lightlife
When someone who is noticeably overweight starts to trim down — but is still significantly above their best weight — people start to lie to them, telling them they are "too skinny" "will blow away" etc.

My theory is this: They are used to you being a nice "safe" person who is not a contender, in terms of attractiveness. While you are overweight or dumpy, you are sexually neutral in their eyes and not a threat to them.

Consciously or unconsciously, they want you to stay dumpy looking — not go all the way to looking great. You need to be able to ignore all this nonsense and go for the goals that will have you truly looking and feeling your best.

If someone else can't handle you looking too good, that tells you their issues, not yours.

Ah, this is so true. It's what I've been suspecting all along.

afluffyadorablebunny:

I felt I would add my two cents here; I lose weight at a steady pace eating 1800-2000 calories.

Original Post by afluffyadorablebunny:

Original Post by gi-jane:

Work colleagues often feel the urge to make smart comments for no reason.

As regards your boyfriend, I think he's actually commenting on your methods rather than the outcome..... and you should take heed because he's the one closest to you.   Looking back at some of your old posts you seem to be aiming for a very, very low calorie intake (1200?) despite being quite active, you don't always hit that 1200, you talk about getting tired and having a binge, 'scared' about overeating at a lunch....  You're coming across as rather desperate and a little obsessive and I would think that's what he's finding unattractive and what he means by 'taking it too far'.  Not your new shape.

 

References previously moderated text

 Very sorry but I do need to correct you on this... I have been reading Gi-Jane's posts for quite some time.. she is not bitter.. she tells it like it is... just some people don't want to hear it.. that old river in Egypt thing again..

... and people lose weight at more than 2000 cal daily.. depends on starting size and on thier activity level..

I know you probably did not mean that as a personal attack.. but it did come off like one to me :)  

I  <--- have lost 80 pounds.. at over 2000 cals a day... I would never eat under 1200 and expect to lose.. it just doesnt work that way !!

and perfect is a myth.. no one is perfect... no one has a perfect body.. what you think of yourself is all that matters... but perfection will always be out of reach...