Does anyone else have a stay-at-home husband?

Mine visits a forum where he's constantly ridiculed for being a stay-at-home husband.  It's okay for a wife to stay home all day, clean house, take care of kids, do whatever she pleases, but oh lord, if you've got a penis it's a horrible thing.

I don't get it.  Why is it okay for a woman to be at home but not for a man?  Am I the only one who feels it's perfectly fine and actually encourages her husband to not get a job so he can stay at home?

I have a part-time stay-at-home husband, and it only bugs me when he's snoring away all warm and cozy, and I'm cursing at the alarm clock...

We've had many conversations about how hypocritical it is that no one bats an eyelash if a woman stays home and her husband/boyfriend works and handles the finances, but reverse the roles and he's a deadbeat and she must be desperate to be willing to support her man...what a load of ****! I was supporting 'my household' when I was single - how does adding a man into the equation makes a difference?

That is DEFINITELY not to say that he doesn't 'support' our household as well - we both do our part, and have a well-known gesture to share with anyone who thinks they can define what either one's 'part' should be!

I think my fiance would have to have a job, but I wouldn't care at all if he were a stay at home husband. I can't imagine he'd do much housework, but if that's what he wanted, and we could pay our bills, I don't really see the big deal.

Is the forum full of men? I think men are a little meaner to other men about it. Maybe they're just jealous. ;)

you don't have kids yet do you?  That may be the issue...if there were kids to be cared for which ever parent could stay home should...when there isn't children involved it is harder to understand.  Granted, I don't see why a woman should not work when there aren't children to care for either...

I think it's the no kids thing. I'm a stay-at-home wife (not by choice, long story), and I get looked down on by people when they ask if I have kids and I say no. Because "there is no reason to stay home", like what Kae03 said.

Of course my reasons for being home are because I'm suffering from several mental illnesses and getting no help for them isn't making it any easier. But I want to go to school and I want to work... I actually dream about it. But unforunately in the US, no health insurance, no help.

I wouldn't mind a husband staying home IF and only IF - he did all that I would if I stayed home.... and I could earn more going to work. 

• took care of children - no kids - go to work!
• cleaned house
• cooked
• did laundry

I don't want someone I have to support - then you never know if the only reason he is with you is for support (like women used to do).  Everyone needs to pitch in.

Original Post by cptbunny:

I think it's the no kids thing. I'm a stay-at-home wife (not by choice, long story), and I get looked down on by people when they ask if I have kids and I say no. Because "there is no reason to stay home", like what Kae03 said.

Of course my reasons for being home are because I'm suffering from several mental illnesses and getting no help for them isn't making it any easier. But I want to go to school and I want to work... I actually dream about it. But unforunately in the US, no health insurance, no help.

 then you sweetie are home for a reason!

Mine's a stay at home also.  I'm actually glad for it.  When I get sick now, like this week... I'm not dying trying to do chores and keep up with 4 kids or trying to stay awake and Up when all I want to do is crawl under a blanket.  In the past, I'd be doing it all with him way too wiped out from work at the end of the day to help much. 

I freelance now instead of working for someone else and people still raise an eye that he's home too.  I actually enjoy it.  I have my workspace, he has his and now we can share responsibilities with the house and kids around my work schedule. 

I get criticized for being an artist (even when part time) so I kinda don't let what people say to me bother me.  Sure he stayed home to care for the kids, cook and clean.. and mine does windows... and I was the one pushing for the "real paycheck" because we all know an artist isn't a real job....  I usually chalk it up to being jealous they can't get their husbands to help watch the kids so they can go grocery shopping or just take time out from watching tv to play with the kids (used to hear that complaint all the time) when mine sits there and plays tea party with our 3 yr old.

If I had a well-paying job and a husband, I see no problem with him staying home!  I bet my yard would look a LOT better if I had a house husband.

It's interesting how much more accepting people are of stay-at-home DADS versus stay-at-home HUSBANDS...

We don't have children and don't plan to reproduce {for a number of reasons}, but whether we do or don't shouldn't make a difference in regards to which one of us works outside of the home, and which one vacumes and feeds the cat...

I guess I am one who doesn't see what anyone would stay home when there weren't kids to care for...I am a bit older too, wonder if that plays a part.

Original Post by kae03:

 then you sweetie are home for a reason!

Hopefully not for too much longer. =/

See when there is a reason, it's obviously ok. But we don't always know why someone is home when they could be working. I obviously don't come right out and say why I don't work to people who ask... it's kinda personal and most people don't understand it anyway.

CD's husband may have a real reason, or maybe he doesn't need a reason if CD is bringing home the bacon and the bills are paid and all is well. Sure, if there is no reason, he could be working, but he doesn't need to.

I'd think the same thing about stay-at-home wives. I mean, unless there's a valid reason they aren't working (like personal or family illness, they have a home business, etc), it doesn't seem fair for just one spouse to bear the financial burden.

I think it is a personal choice wether one stays home or not.  We talked about hubby staying home, but I think his friends made fun of him. 

CD more power to you and your husband if if works for you.  I know you work some long odd hours, so if him staying home keeps the "homefires" burning and takes some stress off of you  good for the both of you!  To hell with the jerks on the ohter sites he visits.  Tell him to come here, we won't mock (much)

it's all a power issue for me. i don't like the thought of having a stay at home guy, b/c i just plain hate financially supporting people, and i know i'd become resentful in about 3 seconds. and i wouldn't wanna be a stay at home wife, b/c then i'd feel beholden to my husband (if i had one), and i'd resent him for controlling the purse strings, no matter how tight or loose he was with them. i'd rather we both went to work, ideally at professions we loved, and gave equally (if possible).

Correct.  He could get a job if he wanted one, but there's no need for one.  I make enough to support our bills, our lifestyle, and still have plenty left over to stash in savings.  Why should I send my husband out to take a job away from someone else who needs a job right now?  Someone else with a family to support?

Besides, I need someone home to iron my scrubs.

Original Post by cellulitedelight:

 Why should I send my husband out to take a job away from someone else who needs a job right now?  Someone else with a family to support?

 good point

Go CD.  That is great.  Does he cook and Iron?

He does, and since he's taken up calorie counting as well, I've lost 4 pounds.

He cooks, he cleans, he does the laundry, he irons the laundry, he vacuums, he remodels the house, he runs the errands and pays the bills.  Yard work, house work, car work, he does it all.

Why the hell would I give up all of that!?

Original Post by cellulitedelight:

Why the hell would I give up all of that!?

 I sure as hell wouldn't!

There's a diminishing return on the additional income earned by a significant other when you take into account taxes, work related expenses, the cost of buying food out instead of making it at home, etc.  A stay at home spouse/so can take a lot of stress out of the day/week just be being able to coordinate things and spend some time doing whatever needs doing.

I'd like to borrow a stay at home husband from time to time just for some old fashioned laundry and housework, not to mention having dinner cooked, but I don't really want one full-time.