Is anyone else's SPOUSE trying to sabotage their diet?!?

  I am ready to blow a gasket! I finally got into my head that no one else really gives a hoot about my wieght except me and finally took responsibility for me and find that I have to spend a good deal of effort fighting off the 'friendly offers' of my Ben n Jerry's sucking, chip munching wife!

  I've stopped drinking coffee (from 2-3 *pots* a day) ramped up the good fruits and veggies and have even changed the munchy habits of my sons (they *love* Papa-san's stir fry). Up until Saturday, when I broke my foot, I was walking 6-9 miles every 2-3 days.

  So my lovely drives me to the ER to get my foot looked at after I tripped over my son =-0 and hile I'm waiting on the x-rays, she runs out to get herself something to eat and comes back with a big ole Whopper with cheese and mayo!

  How *very* kind of her. (sarcasm drippng from every syllable)

-CD 

I don't think she's trying to ruin your diet, but satisfy herself.

It would be nice if she wouldn't stuff her face with those formerly yummy foods in your presence, but now is the time to test your ability to say no!

My fiance, who knows I don't want soda around me (occassionally, though, I will have one), decided to come home with four cases of Pepsi products.  Two of them being my former favourites.  I have yet to open either box.

There's also a huge box of cheezy pan in the fridge that I'd really like to pick at.  But, alas, I won't.

I'm going to get back at him by doing the grocery shopping and bringing home nothing but health foods.  Let's see how long it takes for him to beg me to run him over to Micky D's.

Keep strong.  We believe in ya!

That's how my family is.

Last week, I told my step mom that I was on a diet. Then she asked me if I wanted to go out for pizza 5 minutes later. D;

And it's so hard to diet when she buys so much junk food...

My pantry is full of cookies, and chips, and sodas, and sugary goodness.

I'd ask her to stop buying it, but I don't think that would go over too well with my junk food addicted siblings.

I feel your pain, I know that if I lived on my own I could eat so healthy but with my boyfriend it is very hard he loves fried foods, fast food and delivery.

We dont have neough money to buy 2 different types of food so he usually wins and get all kinds of junk.

but I do not see it as he is trying to ruin my diet I just see it as he loves his food and wont give it up he is addicted. He needs to lose weight too more than me even.

Not enough money for different foods is not the problem we think it is. Pay now or pay later, either way we pay. Buy the food you need, food is THE most important expenditure you make. Good food is a good investment, the BEST investment you can make in yourself.

Point is, if we don't get ourselves right which means our eating, our weight and our health, we WILL, ALMOST CERTAINLY, become sicker at some point, and then what? How does that expense compare with healthy food costs? I have friends who wouldn't curb themselves and are now in the battle for the lives with diabetes, heart, etc., problems. This is real and serious.  Plus, is our signficant other going to take care of us then? For how long will they play nurse to us, will he play nurse to you WHEN you become ill due to not eating right? By then, it may be too late to "eat right" and correct our health, we find ourselves alone and wondering why we didn't make sure we did what we had to in order to be healthier.

Our significant others may be the best thing that has happened to us and I hope in your case he is that for you, but if he truly is, he will put those things that are most important to you high on the list and even ahead of himself. An open, honest, eyeball to eyeball, even tearful plea for help will go a long way if he truly cares for you. I have a great marriage but my timing on such internal commitments as losing weight, exercising, etc., seldom coincides with my spouses' and vice versa.

There is that point where I'm ready, which happens on the inside, that billionth of a volt flashes across my brain and somehow, I'm ready, when I wasn't yesterday or last week, but I MUST act on it NOW. But, they don't know that and haven't had the same experience, so we can't expect them to just fall right in step with us. So, we have to tell each other, share how we are feeling, how we came to this point, how desparate, committed, or whatever we are, and explain how very important it is and ask them, plea with them, to help. Most guys want to "fix" and have a hard time resisting such pleas. You can explain that it will be more fun for him to have a healthy you than to have to "nurse" you through sickness later. You will need to give him a chance to come around, don't necessarily expect immediate positive reaction from a guy, you know how selfish guys can be!!!

However, this is the only life in this world you get, so when it comes to your health, he should be willing to put your needs first. If he won't, you need to know that sooner rather than later. By the way, once you do this, now YOU have to follow through and do what you said you would, no excuses!

best of success, you can do it.

First off, get well soon ... ouch ouch couch ouch!

Secondly, I am sorry that you had such a frustrating incident.  I recall a time when I was dieting and a close friend came over to my house with a cheeseburger and fries (because she was "starved") and proceeded to eat them in front of me. I was so mad (not to mention calorie-deprived) that I snapped. I snatched away her french fries and burger, ran outside, and FLUNG them in the swimming pool ... creating small, fat-filled life rafts 'midst the sparkly blue waves.

Not really. But I wanted to. Grrrrrrrrrr.

My suggestion ... talk to your wife and ask for her help. My DH is absolutely wonderful about supporting me on my lifestyle change ... but he can be a wee bit clueless unless I help him out by pointing out what things bother me, encourage me, help me, hinder me. 

YOU CAN DO THIS!

____

=^..^= MOLLY (one rant burns 5 calories)

Totally know how you feel!!!!  Junk food tastes sOOOO GOOD.  Stay strong I know it's hard.  Keep picturing how good it feels to fit into clothes you haven't worn in years

YES! My hubby knows I love chips!  Last night we were shopping and they were on sale three big bags for $3. I TOLD him don't buy those you know if they are in the house I will eat them. What does he say.. Well I will just lock them up so you can't get them. How does that make me feel ?  Like the size of a bug!  I wanted to cry right there in the store. Those bags are in my pantry and I want them gone!

marrygirl, you asked for help, i.e., "don't buy those" and he responds that he will "lock them up...." and gets them anyway. Likely he didn't realize how serious you really were with this.

So, now, you throw them away, and when he comes looking for them you explain that you know he didn't realize it, but you were dead serious: You do NOT want them around, they're driving you up the wall and you need his help with this, please, please, help me on this. He either gets it or he doesn't.

On the other side, you can't expect him to have nothing around he likes if he isn't in the same frame of mind you are, so YOU offer to HELP HIM think of things he can have around that don't mess you up or scream at you through the closed cabinet door!

Hey I hear ya,

First, sit down and give her a REAL serious talk about it. No yelling, no sarcasm these just give people an excuse to ignore you. Take the same tone as you would if you were telling her about a death in your family. When doing this do NOT pussyfoot around. Give her a short, specific list of things that affect you badly (try to choose just two or three) and ask her to agree to help you.

Now for the next week, she may not actually comply. Each time (or at the end of the day), sit her down again and do the same tone and "We talked about this" make sure you calmly say phrases like "this hurts me".

Ok the week has passed and either things are better or they are just the same.

If the later, then it's time to escalate...

Throwing food away as one person suggested is a possibility.

Just removing yourself from the area is also a possibility.

Whatever you do it's important that you're consistent. Pleading and bargaining are often ways people test to see if you are serious.

  Molly, what a *lovely* image. Thanks for the laugh!

-CD 

  Sorry Sark, I've been married 17 years and I know better than to bother to thoughtfully enlist my wife's aid in *anything*.

  I liked the suggestion and it was well thought and well intended, but, in the end, the only person that you can count on when trying to fix you, is *you*.

   Other people inject their issues into your life and there's only so much you can handle on your plate at one time, and theirs don't get a priority seat on the bus. (Sorry, hashing my metaphors) ;-)

  Turn to others for encouragement, if it is freely offered, but they are busy dealing with their own guff and in parallel fashion, your troubles don't get a priority in their internal struggles. 

  You *cannot* succeed with anyone else's help if you have to go begging for it.

   This is why I like this crowd so much. Most all of them are willing to take time out of their day and, without being asked, lend a shoulder, a word of encouragement or a really great tip. *This* is the sort of help you can use to give you a hand up.

 

-CD 

 

From your latest post (above) sounds like you are getting the right attitude. You are the commander of your action, your mind, and your drive to achieve your goal. I know it is frustrating that your wife eat all kinds of food in front of you. Ultimately though, it is you who should have control, right? Other people do whatever they want. Your spouse included. You can't control their actions. Just see it as your own boot-camp temptation-defiant-test :)

CD- you are right that only you are the master of your fate.  But a serious talk may do more good than you think.  If your wife is truly as self-centered as you paint her, I have trouble understanding why you are still with her.  Is it really that bad, or are you painting it a bit blacker than it is due to your frustration?

I know that you were trapped in the ER.  But when you can, simply leave your wife's presence when she has to eat that junk.  Walk out of the room.  Walk out of the house, even if you are on crutches!  You don't have to watch her eat that junk.

  Sweet_tart,

  Thanks. I was just watching "Biggest Loser" and it really saddened me to hear more than one of these folks, who had just lost a *whole* lot of weight because *they* were putting in the effort and because they were away from the environment that *supported* their habits and poor self image, saying things like, "Now I'll have to rely on my family and friends to help me keep this off."

  Aaaaargh!

   I'm not being gratutitously harsh when I state the very simple truth that no one else has the same vested interest in losing wieght that you do. 

-CD 

Plaid,

  You and a couple of others have misunderstood what I wrote. 

  I don't really have a problem with her eating what she wants anywhere in my vicinity, whether I'm trapped in the ER or not.

  What I mind is the gleeful way that she waves things under my nose to try to tempt me to eat them. 

  I'm sufficiently in control to know when I'm having a "Haagen Daz Moment" and I don't beat myself up for what *I* choose to eat. I just dislike the cruel streak that leads her to enjoy doing hat she does.

  A "Haagen Daz Moment" is when, if you're *honest* with yourself, you actually *think* about the fat and calories in whatever tempting treat is in front of you, *understand*, without excuses or evasions or shifting blame, exactly what you are doing, and take responsibility for your decision to either it or not.

  If you can do this, there is no way that you can have regrets about *choosing* to do what you do. 

  And as to why I am still here, some of us still believe that staying together for the kids is a good idea.

 

- CD

  that geeful way. amazing how what one partner thinks is funny can change. Some times the partners understands that one has to be wacked with the concept it is no longer funny for them to get it.  If the dummy involved never does it again one knows one has a fine partner.  I must admit my husband is very gentel with the wacking- he cannot stand the strickend look, the profuse apoligies the the gental tiptoeing that results with a good wacking bolt of the truth - He does not think he's THAT fragile.  In your case I would not HAVE to stop eating junk food in his presence, He IS strong enough for that.

So if you don't mind me asking, if your wife is eating like that, can I assume she could stand to lose a few pounds too? I know this sounds cruel, but it really works for me: When I fall off the wagon, or am being tempted to fall off the wagon, my husband (great support that he is) says something like, "OK Fatty, go ahead & eat that...". And since we have both committed to lose weight together, I happily reciprocate if/when he is tempted. When put in those terms the tempation pretty much disappears. Yes, I admit it is much easier losing weight together. But anyway, if in fact your wife is eating such unhealthy food, maybe she could use some similar, loving ribbing to give her the hint? It could help both of you. Well, good luck!

CD- I understand your desire to keep your 'marriage' together for the sake of the kids, but how much good are you doing them when they see this kind of interaction?  If your wife won't be nice to you for your own sake, maybe sit down and tell her "look, I know we have problems, but we agreed to stick it out for the kids.  Children learn about relationships from seeing how mom & dad interact, and I'm worried about what they're learning from us.  I'm also worried about what they're learning about nutrition and health.  We need to work together to teach them these things".  Enlist the help of a pastor or marriage counsellor if you have to, but please! consider getting some help with your marriage, or at least the appearance of your marriage or your kids may be in for tough times when it comes to their own relationships.  As long as you keep the "we're doing this for the kids" goal in sight you should both be able to interact a LOT better.

Sorry to sound preachy but WOW have I seen some adults who are still messed up and can't work in a functional relationship because they were never taught otherwise.  :(

Good luck, chin up, and *applause* for your excellent self of personal responsibility.

New to site...Hello everyone!  My husband will one day tell me you have gained some weight and should work out and the next bringing me home a McFlurry. 

I don't believe that people purposely try to sabotage a diet but rather it doesn't fit into their plan, therefore they don't take it as seriously.  My husband says he loves me every last lb but I know that he loved me a lot more when I was 40 lbs lighter!  lol  But my diet interfers with his life style.  He isn't dieting and gets annoyed if I say no, I don't want an ice cream sandwich or no I don't want to get a pizza, it doesn't fit his plans.  My friends are irritated when i won't accept that 12th drink they bought me for the night, it isn't their diet.  And of course they want me to have success just not at the time they want to have dinner or cocktails.  lol

I believe it is so much easier when you are both on the same health plan.  I'm not upset with hubbie but understand what he is going through and gradually working with him to see a healthier side for both of us.

Wow.  don't feel so bad now. My fiance does the exact same thing. I have BEEN trying to lose weight. I was at a decent weight when we met and had my diet under control. Now everytime I try to go walking or get on my elliptical he has some excuse why I need to go with him and can not exercise like I want to and used to be able to.  He eats anything and everything in front of me and always tries to feed me the same thing he is eating. I am getting better at holding my ground and saying no. So yes.. I feel your pain.