Is there anyone experiencing self image issues?

I'm a high school senior, and I'm a perfectly healthy weight but that
doesn't stop me from feeling crappy when my boyfriend oogles over 
a thong clad Alessandra Ambrosio in the centerfold ad of a Victoria's
Secret catalogue.  I go through the day very concious (but not too
restrictive) about what I eat.  When I get the mail and look at
these ads its a different story and I spend at least an hour afterwards
dwelling and planning out a celery feast for myself the next day. 
I know that I have more of a self image problem then a weight problem,
but its not any easier to deal with.  Just looking for advice or
comments.  Thank you.

I also have a friend who weighs about 100 pounds (she's 5'5"). 
These couple factors don't really build up my self esteem.  I just
want to know/learn how to be genuinely confident with myself, even when
I'm confronted with skinny friends/oogly boyfriends.

I think just about every young woman goes through this issue sometime in their life. I know it is hard to not care about what your bf thinks, but just remember, your body is your body. Whether or not you change it should be because you want to do something for yourself, not because you want to look like young lady he may look at on a magazine. I started working out 7 months ago so I could look better for my bf, because I had gained 30 lbs since we first met, and I thought I noticed him changing. Once I started loosing weight and feeling better I slowly started doing it for myself rather than my bf. A little over a month ago I found this website and changed my eating habbit for MYSELF, and have lost 10 lbs since then. Once I changed my view point of doing this for myself, I no longer saw my bf as I did before. I was totally exatering (can't spell) lol. I realize that no matter how long you have been with someone, they are still going to be attracted to the opposite sex. I still find myself looking at attractive guys, but I never will do anything more than look. So, your bf sounds like he is just being a guy. As long as he is not doing anything more than looking, I think everything is fine.  I hope what I have said helps you. Good luck, and we are here for you whenever you need us.

Heidi

I don't know if that's any help (haven't read it myself), but you might want to read posts on that website http://forum.psychlinks.ca/ where there is a section on body image.

Good luck

C-

You don't sound like you have a weight problem.  Though I'm a guy, I do understand what you're going through to some extent.  You just need to accept that your boyfriend is going to look at other girls, it's what guys do.  It doesn't mean you're not pretty enough for him, or he's bored with you, it just means he likes to look at pretty girls.  If he didn't think you were beautiful, he wouldn't be dating you to begin with.  Don't let some freakishly good looking supermodels lower your self image.  Everyone knows that those supermodels are not real people, but soulless shells of flesh and bone who serve no real purpose in the world.  Once you realize that, you'll be ok.  I've dated girls who were in love with actors or singers who I looked nothing like, but they still thought I was good looking.

Look at it this way....you may eye that huge piece of cake with tons of icing and just dripping with deliciousness...but you know it's not what's best for you.  If you know what I'm saying...

hi missryn. I'm a junior in high school and honestly nothing in high school is the same as the "real" world. I just finish reading this book No Body's Perfect. It's the best book I've ever read and I'd recomend you take a trip to the library or something at pick it up. It's a book about self-acceptance and what not. It's not some cheesy book or anything like that. It's really good with personal stories and it may help.

Take care- remember you're the only one who has to love your body your bf should love your personality first and your body second, and if he truly loves you then he wil.

Girl, I'm going to be blunt. Men will be men. It's up to us women whether it bothers us or not. All men, yes, ALL men stare. They always have, they always will. You really should not let that bother you. And giiirl, you know when a hot guy passes you, you'll be looking too. :)

A relationship is not a relationship without trust. You both need to trust each other enough to know that you're both human and you WILL look at other people. No matter what anyone says, it's bound to happen.

I love my husband, and he loves me very much. It doesn't bother either of us when we look at other people, because we know that we love each other and trust that it's nothing. People may not agree with me, but it's something built on trust. He doesn't mind if I oggle at Nelly (my next husband) :) and I don't mind if he drools over Selma Hayek. (Ha, he wishes)

Let me tell you, jealousy is a big killer of relationships. (Once you're married, it's money!) You just have to trust him, and love yourself. :)

Boys will be boys is not always a good enough excuse. If it really bothers you that your boyfriend is eyeing other girls (whether in magazines or in person), tell him to be a little more discrete about it. There's nothing wrong with telling him that it makes you feel uncomfortable when he does that. On the same token, as some other people have mentioned, it's totally normal for guys to do that, so don't think that it has anything to do with you. He's with you because he wants to be with you.

Getting over self-image issues is difficult, and it takes time, but it can be done. Start small, look at yourself in the mirror and write down a list of all your best qualities. Whenever you feel down, just look at that list.

Response to "FineWine58" - I don't think your comment that all supermodels are "not real people, but soulless shells of flesh and bone who serve no real purpose in the world" was appropriate.

missryn

my heart goes out to you -- i used to be that girl.  I might go a little off track but bear with me.  Lust is what drives your boyfirend to oogle over the magazines.  Know that even if he is not your forever love that someday you will be able to find someone who loves you for just who you are and doesn't feel that need to have that type of lust in their life if it makes you uncomfortable.   In high school I felt that I have never good enough or skinny enough.  But  a lot changes after high school and the things that were once important no longer are.

Know that you are beautiful and you just need to be you and not try to achieve what other people are.  You are unique and most importantly healthy.  

Sorry, if i am a little preachy -- comes form working with the high school youth group.

BTW - I am originally from Hartland, WI. 

KAT

The women who your bf oogles are fantasies, you are real...most men drool over those women - but that is about it. They are pieces of paper...alot of them airbrushed to perfection. I do not feel so insecure anymore at 27, but I used to.

If only I could go back to high school with what I know now...how many times did someone say that to me when I was in high school, and now I know what they mean. :)

Being a teenager is hand in hand with insecurity...just remember that, and try to keep a level head. I do not care if my husband checks out my VS catalogs, because I know that I am the one that does it for him on a mental and emotional level, and that is what really matters.

"Let me tell you, jealousy is a big killer of relationships. (Once you're married, it's money!)" SO TRUE!

hon i'm 40 and still have issues with myself. I know where your  coming from. I wish my hubby only looked at them, but in my case he touches them. He tattoos and pierces. Its hard on me sometimes. today was really ruff. He tattooed a girl i cant stand. not just a reg tattoo but its a breast tattoo. But like everyone said most boys will be boys. I just have to keep reminding myself hes coming home to me.

I read something that reminded me of this post.

Everybody has insecurities, some people just hide them better.

I just remember that those girls on the magazine are air-brushed and parts and peices of a whole bunch of other people.

I always feel a little self-conscious when Im around skinny short girls tho, makes me feel like a giant... Not a lot I can do about my height though so I just take it in stride! They're probably wishing they were taller while Im wishing I was shorter!

i know EXACTLY what you're talking about. i'm 19 and a sophomore in college and although my boyfriend insists i'm perfect the way i am, i do notice when he looks at other people/models. i get really insecure with myself and feel like i'm not good enough. i just keep reminding myself that he isn't with me only for my looks but for my personality too. he could go get with a girl that is 10 lbs lighter than me but would they connect the way we do?? i'm sure you're boyfriend loves you for more than just your body.

First, he shouldn't be oogling in front of you, IMO. Oogling may be a fact of life, but it should be discreet. Or at least without the bounds of comfort for both people in the relationship.

You've gotten some very good advice. I've been right where you are and let me assure you, self-acceptance can get better with time. I've never been super-model skinny, but I am sooo ok with that. 'Cause you know what? Lots of men prefer a bit of curve on a lady! Girls are harder on themselves than any guy is.

There was a really good quote from a famous actress once. I wish I could remember who said it. But basically, she said that she felt sorry for every-day women with jobs and families trying to copy her. Looking the way she did was her job. She had people to cook lo-cal meals for her, she worked out with a personal trainer hours a day. If she had a job and other responsiblities, it would be impossible to maintain her look.

Magazines and films are about illuisions, not reality. Trying to chase, or emulate illusions will leave us frustrated and unhappy. Be the best you YOU can be. Be healthy, be STRONG. Love the parts that make you feel good about yourself. Because that inner appreciation you have for yourself project on to those around you. And it's infectious. Really, it works. And if you have a hard time really feeling confident about yourself, pretend. You'll be surprised how soon you have to stop pretending and you really do have that confidence.

Being confident in yourself and your worth is what makes a person attractive and sexy. But doubt and insecurity on the inside will put off anyone, no matter what the outside looks like.

High school is hard on self image. You're a senior, so you're almost out, right? Now is the time to focus on yourself. Please try not to worry too much about what a boy thinks. Boys are pretty messed up themselves at this age. What do you think? What do you want? Focus on that and the boys will fall into place when it's right for you.

I think it is your age...I feel it is hard to be that age and you are supposed to be growing upand grown up all at the same time...... try to be happy with who you are and that part might get easier as you grow up and older......for me it did!

I felt the same way and sometimes still do about how I look....but i have this wonderful man..MY HUBBY....who thinks I look great! Lucky me, maybe his eyes are a bit distorted or something...not really!I think age and experience has alot to do with alot of stuff that we are all going thru in our lives. Hold on tight to what you feel and change the thigns that you really are unhappy about.....but remember this one huge thing.....BE TRUE TO YOURSELF!! beyond all else.......I think that is really important!

Everyone in this world is created differently not just in our bodies, minds, our dreams, our hopes, our successes......don't lose your being YOU!! I had a brother in law that told me once...and I really still believe it because  it works for me to believe it.....everyone has a natural weight that THEIR OWN BODY like to weigh...and that would also make our bodies all shaped differently.....be happy! Be happy you can control your thoughts here......Be happy you have life!! We all are different not only in what people see on the outside too!!!What does your inself REALLY say to you.......You are as beautiful inside as outside........youare younger than my by years but yet, even with that thought, I too, had those same thoughts in my heart and head at your age....just recently, I can let me be ME!!! Let your day begin TODAY!!!

LOVE YOURSELF!!! :)Sue