Is anyone fearful of weight loss/ new body image?

Obviously, like most people on this website, I would like to lose some extra weight and get healthy, but I also think I have this bizarre fear around the prospect of looking different in a thinner form. I'm not at all trying to sound conceited but won't it cause more uncomfortable male attention? I think one of my main fears is that if I lose the weight and look the way I want to I won't have anything to obsess over and then I'll have too much time to think about life or I'll find another thing to fixate on that I have to "fix". I dunno, I'm sure this sounds odd, but it is something I've been struggling with in my ED recovery and weight loss efforts. Is there anyone that can relate to this?

It's funny that say this ... at first I was going to say "WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY???!!!" but when I opened this post, it wasn't what I thought it would be. I'll tell you what -- YES! But I don't have a lot of weight to lose -- usually just a couple of pounds -- I come here to stay in control. Well, I'm flattered by compliments but A LOT of times I HATE the male attention I get in general. It makes me SOOOOOOOOOO uncomfortable, mainly because some of these men can be COMPLETE AND UTTER PIGS!!! But you get used to it, I guess ... what can you do really ...

And the part about not having anything to "obsess" over -- that's kinda funny. I've always said if I went the plastic surgery route (lipo) (which I'd never do incidently), THEN what would I do??? I spend all my time watching what I eat and exercising. Of course, you can't quit just because of that, but it would be very very different.

But anyway, your transformation will be so slow I think you will get used to everything quite easily!!!

That's funny - I was looking at a kickboxing class as well... different reason though: I've never met a woman kickboxer who didn't look seriously hot.

Funny enough, my self-image problems are there as well, and they stem back to high school. I'm 5'3", so when I was at my lowest weight (102lbs), I become diminuitive... which in high school seemed to make football players want to pick me up. (Literally.) I don't know why it was in high school that the biggest football players seemed to think I was just gasping for the chance to become their girlfriend, but I know that they all professed to love "small" chicks.

So - I'm 35. It's unlikely the football team is going to be terribly interested in me, but I don't relish being the small chick again. Admittedly my target weight is 25lbs over my high school weight, so I won't be teeny like I once was, but it's in my head.

Soo..I'm thinking that 'wkrit'- you have  agreat point..do you think that's why we fail at losing the weight..because let's be honest we know what we should eat, how we should exercise and how often especially for those of us at a certain  weight..like myself(see profile)..and yet every time..everytime we stop..we do something or make some decison to sabotage our own efforts.

i look at myself in the mirror and i wonder what does a slimmer face look like?..firmer arms?..would i really want to wear those short exercise shorts and a halter top?..i think we want the choice but are afraid of the reality...oh yeah is it really men we're afraid of and allthat attention or the responsibility to maintain our new bodies?

It's a very real thing and it's called "fear of success".   Like everything else; we have to deal with it to get beyond it.  I don't think I'll change my choice of clothes when I get to goal weight but I'll sure look better in them.  The good news is that, fear is only in your head not on your hips, thighs or belly.  :D

too true..song child..

Part of me felt like that at first.  And, honestly, part of me is still surprised if I notice someone checking me out now, as I have not adjusted to the new me yet.  I won't run outside at night, because there are crazy people on my street and the couple times I tried it the catcalls freaked me out.  But other than that, I've been fine.  I'm too confident now for it to bother me any other time, and yet another part of me is enjoying the attention.  (There seems to be lots of parts of me all of a sudden. :) )


Whatever you do, don't let 'could be' and 'maybe' keep you from your goal.  You won't know what it will really feel like until you get there, so don't let it become an excuse to stop before you start.  Trust me, when you get there, you won't regret it for a nanosecond!

Wow, I thought I was the only one..  :)  I think I have sabatoged my weight loss efforts and actually became somewhat comfortable being overwieght because it gave me an excuse "not to"  you know not to like a certian man, or not to worry about perv's or not to ____________  just fill in the blank.  I got married a year ago (to my total surprise)  I had given up on finding anyone when I actually admitted to myself that I am the one who messes up my weight loss with the fear of what then?  I think about things like:  If I look good, will people expect things from me that I cannot provide.  I think I would be a happier person if I was thin......BUT what if I'm not??  What do I "blame" my dislike for myself on then???  anyway, I am working on liking me more.  Getting married helped, realizing I can't be THAT bad if someone actually asked... LOL..  So we all just need to tell ourselves that we will be great, feel better and look better, but we will still be us.  And if some men notice...well then hey isn't THAT a good confirmation that we really did succeed? 

Thanks for reading my thoughts  :)

Well, yeah, it happens sometimes.  I'm afraid I won't know myself if I get all thin like.  I don't worry about guys so much, although it drives me nuts that I feel like most guys give themselves permission to approve/disapprove of my body, but being fat is a defense.   I can say to myself, oh, well, if I were thin I would knock everybody out, but that's probably not true.  

To me, being fat/thin isn't like a moral issue like a lot of people think it is, and I know from personal experience that being fat is only limiting in people's minds.  If you don't "act" fat... you get a lot more positive attention.  But I am tired of being fat.  I want to know what I would look like thin.  I want to be fit.  I signed up for a 10K and I'm resolved to not walk any part of it.  I have a ton of health issues and I'll bet all my money that if I lost 80 pounds most of them would get up and walk away.  But I still can't imagine myself like 120 pounds... who would that even be?

wrkit, you sound pretty sure that you'll always need to fix something about yourself.  Sometimes that's good, and sometimes it ain't, and only you know which one you're doing.  Just remember: everyone falls down and needs a little help sometimes.  Perfection is not just not attainable, it's not even worth attaining.  Trust me.  I've been there.

Sure I guess in a way... I've always been known and pretty content being a curvy (busty even) gal... and I can already tell from running more that I'm starting to slim down up there... I'm just crossing my fingers that it evens out all over! ;)

I don't know if I am afraid of being slim.  I do know that I have a problem in how I react and feel about the men who do lear and make crude comments.  I have  battled my weight all my life, and I have had a time when I was slim.  I got all the attention that a girl could want from men, but it left me with  more contempt for men that I have no respect for them.  I once had a man say I would be drop dead gorgeous if I could lose weight.  Does that mean I'm ugly if I don't? 

  I want to be slim....I really do.  But I hope I am old enough that I won't get any attention.  I don't want that and i know it makes me more negative towards men.  I have lots of issues with I how I perceive myself and how I perceive how others see me.  Why can't someone be treated well when they are large.  That said, I am doing this for the right reasons.  Not because I want people to treat me different or to get any attention.  I want to be able to go upstairs without puffing.   I look forward to feeling comfortable in my body.  A body I have hated all my life.  I don't know if that will change but I am going to try to see myself differently. 

Hi United :)   You know I haven't bought new clothes yet.  I've needed to dry my clothes in the dryer on high to get the strink and I'm using a belt to keep my pants up.  I vowed not to buy clothes until I get to goal weight.  When it is time to buy, I don't think I'll change my style of clothes.  But who knows, maybe once in the stores' dressing rooms my style will change. 

Wow. Thank you all for your posts. I feel better and like I can identify with you all on this. There are many good points here. "Fear of Success"-definitely, and extra weight serving as a protective barrier or an "excuse"-for sure. Something I've been trying to keep in mind is that making these changes is not about looking different, that is merely one side-effect, albeit, a pleasant one ; ) But it's about changing the way we feel and think, particularly about ourselves. Thanks again ladies (and gents ; ) and keep up all the good work!

Hmmm...this topic has been on my mind and lips for awhile now. First, I have been thin before but I was too young, naive, poor-self confidence, etc. to REALLY pay attention to the way men act. And I was also single and was looking for attention. 

This time around, though, I have made the conclusion (sorry, guys) that about 90% of men are pigs. Dirty, dirty pigs. I have decided that the only men I like are my dh and my dad. (Okay, maybe I am forgetting one or two here, but you understand.) The other 10% may be pigs but they must keep it in their heads if they are, which is much better.

The new male attention is very flattering and has actually given me a much needed ego-boost, (maybe too big of a boost), but some of the things said to me lately, or actions I noticed are just horrible. One man asked for my number and I told him I was married. His response? That's okay, so am I... Uh...HELLO? Dirty pig. 

Some times men say things that embarress me, such as a vendor at my store telling me that I looked even hotter with my hair down. That is just not the type of thing to say in a professional setting. I could not look at him in the eye for a solid 10-15 minutes as he brought in his product. I mean, its nice to feel "hot," but you dont have to say it like that. How about just a simple, your hair looks nice today??? I'll get it...

But overall, I will take the new confidence over the occasional uncomfortable comment any day...

You probably will find something else you need to "fix" But the way I see it is losing weight is getting something you need to fix out of the way like checking something off of the list. Trust me, if you lose the weight you will love it and you will love the attention. Then you can focus on improving your wardrobe or landscaping your yard or something.

Oh and I dont mean to imply that your wardrobe is bad if thats what it sounded like. lol. I just mean thats something I started to focus on after I lost the weight....

Parts of this thread really make me laugh. I'm 35 and for the last ten years, I've looked matronly. If losing weight magically makes me hot and I get male attention, I'll take it... from any source. At this point in my life, if I have anything anyone finds attractive, I'd really like to know about it. <lascivious grin>

But, I should clarify, that part of why I got fat in the first place was because I was so ashamed of my body. I looked in the mirror and saw fat and ugly. I saw nothing but failings and like many expectations, if you think you're unworthy often enough, you eventually live up to that.

The last few years, and particularly the past few months, have forced me to do some serious introspection. There's a quote that says, "By the time you're thirty, you are responsible for your face." I want a face that is soft and full of life, not filled with self-loathing hung out for all to see. Changing my body is the next step in making sure that when I present my thirty-something face to the world, my true self is vibrant. Because if I'm responsible for my face at thirty, I can only imagine that I'm responsible for what other people see by the time I'm forty.

To that end, let 'em all admire my comings and goings.

I entered puberty at a rather early age, I was wearing a b cup at 10 and had my first period a couple weeks after my 11th birthday.   I looked older than I was, and often this would bring on comments and stares from men who were more than old enough to know better and who had no buisiness with any kind of interest in a kid of that age, not too mention the reaction it got from many of my peers.

I often wonder if that isn't a large part of the reason I started to go from a thin little girl to a large woman at that age. I was always skinny and active as a kid, not sitting still long enough to eat. When puberty kicked in, I started eating a lot more, becomming ashamed of my body and for the first time in my life eating to feel good, earing in private or in secret.

When I got fat, I got rid of the unwelcome male attention that made me feel uneasy. Even to this day, if a guy stares at  me or makes a comment about my body (positive or negative), it makes me really uncomfortable. With women it doesn't bother me,  with men, it makes me very uneasy.

So yes, I can totally understand.

i also understand that reasoning, that allows me to want  to stay fat as abuilt in exucse. didn't get the job, got mistreated, had a bad experience. i can blame being fat.

If I'm not fat, I have to look deeper and face things I may not be ready to face. For many people, esepcially often vicitims of sexual abuse or other serious childhood/adcolecent tramas, weight is often a means of protection, and food food is often the coping drug of choice (even in the case of those who go the otehr extreme and become anorexics/bulimic, same drug, different method).