Anyone have any good comeback lines?

Today I was eating a snack in the afternoon and my coworker walked by and said "wow, with the amount of treats you eat it's surprising you're not really big."  I was so floored I couldn't even say anything.

Anyone have any snappy comebacks for a comment like that?

Not sure this applies specifically to this situation but I like...

"I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can diet"

 

Hehe!

Laugh. Then go to your boss and file a hostile work place complaint. Such comments are not acceptable in a work environment. With todays society being what it is they will crawl to your desk and appologize. Now that's fun. Or you could just be honest and tell them that they hurt your feelings. Insult of insult should be beneath you if you are hurt by them, and really everyone is.

joe

"With a nose that long, it's surprising you're not in a circus..."

"with a mouth that big, it's surprising you haven't swallowed your face"

Shut your pie hole before I shut it for you

 

Keep talking, one day you might say something smart

 

Have  you always been this rude or is this something new?

 

I can see you speak from experience.

 

It's not about how many times you eat, it's about what yout eat.

 

You guys are all awesome.  Especially "with a mouth that big it's surprising you haven't swallowed  your face." :)  I was eating chips, but that is MY business, not hers!

Thanks for all the responses.

Look at her like she is a complete idiot, and say "Whatever".

"You hair looks great!...for a guy who's got his head stuck up his ass" It doesnt even make sense in this context...but hell I'd still use it.

If the person who comments is fat: "like you, for example?"

If the person who comments is skinny: "like you don't know that one treat doesn't make you fat..."

 

Lately I really gave up on comming up wt snappy comments. I just smile and try to ignore to comments, whatever they are.

Comebacks don't work after the fact.

First thing that comes to mind would be "Oh? Is that what happened? I thought maybe you just weren't getting any exercise at home if you know what I mean and I think you do." And IMMEDIATELY follow it with "You know I'm just joking.... like you were." And then walk out.

My friend has suggested "are you ... hitting on me?"

I can be very dry, I say things like, "Let me know when you have something interesting to say."

Original Post by vegetariangeek:

My friend has suggested "are you ... hitting on me?"

WIN!

i would go with "aww you sound jealous? did you want some chips?"

I'm with trixster. That's really inappropriate for the workplace. Complain to your boss / HR.

"Eating six small meals through out the day is supposed to keep the metabolism up, especially a small snack between lunch and dinner when blood sugar is at it's lowest. ****."

Next time they walk by you could be like, "Ahhh my cubicle is shaking, I think there's an earthquake!" *look over* "Oh it was just you walking by. Sorry."

Only works if they're overweight. Plus I would never, ever, ever have the guts to say that to anybody's face lol.

If someone is full of comments like this.. my recent favourite is...

"Save your breath, you'll need it later to blow up your date"

 

or simply

"Sorry, i didnt hear you over the sound of my own awesomeness"

Of course this one takes a certain character to pull off sometimes!

"There's just not enough Valium in this world, I can't deal with stupid people."