Does anyone have a husband that?

Does anyone have a husband that won't let you exercise, go to the gym, take a walk - or anything as he is so insecure cause you've lost weight? It doesn't matter if you are old - cause I am - but I hear - you walked down the street looking like that? (jeans and a t-shirt by the way) - he never used to say anything when i weighed 170 - what in the world do you do to convince him it's ok, it's getting annoying!!!

Guys sort of get jealous when the wives/girlfriends lose weight.  They think that you are either having an affair or that another man will get interested in you.
Have you invited him to walk with you or go to the gym with you?
Maybe pay some extra attention to him. 
Sit down with him and tell him that you are getting healthy so that you can live longer and spend more time with him.

spoiled_candy is right, tell him that you really miss him during your walks and would love for him to join you even if it is for shorter walks at first....... Call him early in the day and invite him so he can get in the state of mind, promise him a nice bath/shower-together after the walk :-)

Am I the only woman who's husband wants to show her off on purpose to make other men jealous of him?  

Ravenlark,

LOL!  I was thinking the same thing - my husband loves the fact that I'm feeling more confident in wearing close fitting, skin baring clothes - he often lamented that I didn't wear shorts or skirts enough.  When we get the chance to go out, he often jokes (well, sort of) of being able to show off his "trophy" wife.  I know that's not all I am, of course, but he loves that I'm feeling happier and more confident with myself.

I'm kind of curious about the first thing in the OP, though - about a husband not "lettting you exercise", even take a walk?   There may be some spousal insecurity there, but I'm wondering why permission has to be involved, as if the right to make decisions about your health was up for negociation.  Or maybe I'm reading something into it that isn't there....?

Don't forget that sometime men are like children. Make him feel important for you (let's face it, we usually forget to do that and take our excellent relationship for granted). You mentioned "insecurity" as being the reason? Well, how do you make him feel secure? Btw, is he aware WHY you decided to lose weight? Your reasons might be obvious for you, but misterious for him. If he did not behave like a jealousy frick until now try to discuss with him more about what you want to do and why and involve him in what you are doing in some way. If he has a history of jealousy, well, sorry, I never knew how to deal wiht that and I have never been able to accept it! Anyway, good luck!

I cant wait until I am at that point...My boyfriend used to say things like that but not since I put on the 40lbs....One day he will say those things again and I won't mind them at all.

uhh...Psycho

You can leave your insecurities at the door, please!

I suggest you do all of the following though, I agree with FallingStars most. Psycho! ( I say that all the time. =-P )

You try to include him and show him it's all for him/you. Your new sexeh self is only interested in him. " Go with me to the gym... Lets go for a walk together " ect ect. 

However, if after trying to include him. And making him more confident in the fact you're only his ... .. doesn't work... Then what? Why do you have to have permission? wtf, mate. There are no chains on you. You're two adults. You aren't with him so he can tell you what to do or not to do.  Stand up for your right to be an individual. Don't let him tell you wtf to wear either. You're a grown woman. There is nothing wrong with a t-shirt and jeans. If he thinks that there is he's the one with the problem.  What's next? socks... omg

Hey. Sorry to hear that you are having trouble. My husband is KIND OF like that, but in a different way. He does not care if I work out, but I can not talk to anyone of go anywhere without him thinking I'm fooling around on him. Also, when I DO work out, he asks me who I'm getting fit for. I think he does that to try and get me to stop, but I wont let it stop me.

You know, exercising isnt only for losing weight...it's to prevent health problems like heart disease, and diabeties. Does he REALLY want to deprive you of trying to keep yourself healthy to be around for years to come and to spend your life with him? I think not.

Wow ladies, I am kind of blown away.  A healthy person doesn't try to guilt or stop there partner but encourage them.  Why are you allowing someone to "let you" or not let you.  I don't want to come off rude or anything.  Just really surprised!! 

Hi there,

yeah my boyfriend is insecure as it is! he wouldnt let me get a gym membership becuase he didnt want other guys looking at me.

i cant go for a run in the morning because hes not with me and he is scared i will get a attacked.

i cant go at night becuase that limits the time we have left for one another.

ITS RIDICULOUS! i have to go behind his back and exercise, i still go to the gym once a week and i go on the exercycle for 45 minues a night and i do ocasional pilates.

you just have to go behind their back or confront them about it

cordelia201 - Thank you! Everyone else seems to think I'm nuts.  I'm married to a guy who thinks he has nothing but my best interests in mind- he probably has a reason to not trust me = that is - if he is thinking in the past - when we werent married.  I am not going to simply tell him that I'm going to do it no matter what.  I just want to know how to approach him to tell him how to deal with it and accept it - without hurting his feelings - as I know he loves me and I love him - I will not confront him and tell him - "well, that's just what I am going to do!" Any other suggestions as to my approach are more than welcome :)  I am not really looking for a "dis" answer - or "why are you letting him do that".  Thanks guys.

My Husband would kid around about me not going but, on some level I think he had serious insecurities about it - he brought me Chocolate Covered Bavarian Creme  filled donuts (my weakness) and would say, "You deserve it", and bought unhealthy junk food whenever I was trying to lose weight. 

I then focused on the health issues I was having and told him if I didn't do something naturally (eat healthy and exercise) I was going to have some serious health issues such as breast reduction, back pain managment, and thyroid medication.  He now supports me fully and tries to help instead of throwing road blocks.  Try this approach and see if it helps.  Good Luck!

You are not crazy. My mother shows the same symptoms, she's gealous of me cause I lost 14 kgs when last year I used to be her size and we could even exchange dresses lol . Now she comments every time I prepare my food, she's like "you are going to die from malnutrition" although I am absolutely not starving myself; she buys pork all the time and offers it to me - I don't eat pork anymore; when I work out it's always a waste of time with her, she also keeps repeating that someday I'll run too much and get a heart attack.... I know she tried to loose the extra weight in the past and never succeded, doctor said it's a hormone imbalance because of the menopause but she refused the treatment - maybe because it involves a lot of shots.

I confronted her and told her to stop pestering me on the weight subject, she ceased for a while but now is starting again. I'm just gonna try and live with it, mainly because it's just talk, no action. I'm a big girl she can't forbid things for me anymore. :)

A husband is different, he can blackmail you emotionally or otherwise into doing or not doing something you want but you should confront him and remind him that mariage is about supporting and trusting each other not about interdictions and grief.

Hey Cordelia, your hubby sounds super controlling.  My guy LOVES it when I look sexy.  He's proud of it, and often encourages me to wear things that are more risque than not.  I don't like how your hubby is treating you...

Tequila, I have to say you look totally hot!! Is it really unreasonable for your DH to feel a little insecure about this? You appear to be a fun-loving, very young at heart woman who is attractive and confident both inside and out. His fear may be that you're going to attract another man and leave him.

I'd tackle the situation this way - I'd ask him whether he truly trusts you, whether he knows in his heart that you love him and would never leave him, whether he has faith that you would know how to handle yourself should another man make a pass. If he answers yes to all of that, then I'd ask him if he just needs some reassurance from you. Then you have to decide just how much reassuring you want to be doing.

If your DH is not generally and usually insecure and this is all very recent, then I'd recommend giving him some leeway here, let him get time to get used to the new you, to realize you're not going anywhere.

I do think sometimes men (and women) fall prey to the stereotype of "my spouse has suddenly started acting funny - caring more about their appearance, dressing up, going out more... that must mean they are cheating or about to leave me." Maybe his friends or family have even planted this idea in his head?

Also think about whether or not your dieting/exercise has put so much focus on your own self, you have neglected your relationship with your DH. Does he feel left out? Maybe his insecurity stems from feeling like he sees too little of you, because you are out walking, going to the gym, etc.

Some men are just this way - it doesn't make them horrible or terrible - they are just insecure - however, don't buy into it.  ]

A person can usually tell if someone is cheating  just dieting and living healthy is not a sign...your not doing anything wrong. 

We all have to choose from time to time which hills are worth dying on....I believe that your health and self image are important enough.  I guess the question really is do you? 

If your not up to anything...if your just getting healthy, what CAN you do to ease his mind?  I really think that you need to just have a conversation with him - set your boundaries of what you will tolerate - don't negotiate your health - and then the ball's in his court really! 

Take care!! 

my 2 cents...as an insecure person...remind your hubby daily that he is attractive to you.  I've found that men are more physical than verbal so just telling him "hey, I still think you're hot" won't be so effective.  My husband would much rather me pounce on him than tell him anything!  LOL (sorry if TMI)  For men, physical affection goes a long way to soothe insecurities.

Your hubby might just like you "fat"...some men like meat on their ladies - just sayin'

Well that is an interesting thought, he doesn't like me fat - i can tell this - but he would never insult me nor tell me this.  He does say stuff like, of all those women walking up the stairs - you know whose butt i was watching as yours looks a whole lot smaller than any one of them.

At one point, that may have made me feel good. We have been married for 12 years, known each other for 16 years.  He is a very controlling person.  I thought I loved him more than anyone else, but I find myself not caring as much due to the insecurities, not so much with other guys, but with my kids, and grandkids.  When you get jealous of them, you better decide it is time to take a walk.

Some really interesting comments to my question. I probably would never convince him that I am interested in him, as his insecurities are driving me away.  I did tell him early into our relationship that when I was married  once before, I fell out of love with my husband and went on a diet and lost lots of weight, found someone else, and left him.

Well, at this stage in my life, I definately am not interested in picking up a new relationship- I am tired of accounting to someone else, I just want to ensure I live longer for my children, they lost their dad to hepititis C 2 years ago - they want me around for them and make it a point to stay in close contact - I have 5 children. They are hounding me about my health - I have always been extremely healthy - and now that I have lost weight, don't have to worry about those old age obese problems :)

I'd be interested in conversing with someone with the same sort of issues I am having in my life.  Everything I have heard so far has been a big help to me.