anyone know anything about alcoholism?

im kind of crying out for help here.. not for me, but for my dad.

he lives about a 10 hour drive from me, but my sister and I are going down to see him tomorrow because his girlfriend told us that his alcohol problem has spiraled way out of control. he has basically stopped working (he runs his own business from home), and barely leaves the house, as his car broke down about a month ago and to top things off his bike was stolen. 

i get the feeling he kind of just drinks all night and sleeps all day.

he hasn't returned anyone's phone calls really. things just keep getting progressively worse, and i am so terrified.

so tomorrow we are driving down to see him, and I just have no idea what to expect. his girlfriend said that when he cuts down on drinking even a little, he gets tremors. like this is BAD bad.

has anyone here ever been dependent on alcohol, or had a family member who was? how did you/he/she come out of it? we basically have no idea what we are up against.

i'm only 19, and my sister is 22, and we just feel so helpless in all this.

It sounds like your dad might need to be hospitalized.  For him to quit drinking cold-turkey with these symptoms could be dangerous for him; he needs a doctor's supervision.  Depending on what you find out tomorrow, you might want to get in touch with his regular doctor.  If he's self-harming, then a psych-eval might be in order; you could talk to a community counseling center about steps to safeguard his safety, what you can legally do and what you can't.  It's tough when it's an adult, and drunkenness without any other evidence of intent to self-harm also limits what can be done without his consent.  

If he's not working, how is he living?  Is his girlfriend supporting him while he drinks himself to death?  If so, she's enabling him, and that needs to end.  If he's made responsible for his own well-being, it may provide him with the motivation to pull himself together.   

He's going to need outside help from professionals, medical and psychological, that you and your sister can't provide.  Keep in mind that you can't fix him, it's not possible.  He has to fix himself.  You're not responsible for him, and you can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do, unless he's actively suicidal and can be confined for short-term protection/observation in a psychiatric facility (but going on a bender isn't usually grounds for that.)  You are helpless in this, in that sense.  But you can take care of yourselves, and that you absolutely should do.  Contact Al-Anon to find support for yourself and your sister.  This is going to be hard, but you can manage it and be okay.  A lot of us have. 

 

^ what she said

My father was an alcoholic and eventually died of scerosis of the liver (as a result of the drinking).
What you described is him detoxing.
My father got deathly ill with the flu and therefore was unable to get his liquor or drink, and as a result, he detoxed.
It was a frightening site.
He hallucinated and became very angry.

I don't mean to scare you. I mean to be honest and let you know that if your father is even NEAR the state my father was in, he needs more help than you can give him.
My father was an officer in the Air Force and his career (and reputation) was ruined as a result of multiple rehab stints (all failed) and behavior.

Show your concern, but don't try and help him yourself.  As CC said, there are places and programs for that.
HE has to make the choice to seek them though.

Just be careful and remember that anything he says or does that might be hurtful is not him talking, it's the alcohol, or in this case, the lack (and subsequent detoxing) that is talking.

thank you for your kind replies. sadly, they were exactly what i was afraid of. my dad is self-employed as i said, and as of recently, he doesn't have health insurance, and at this point we dont know what kind of money situation he's in, so we're not quite sure what we're going to do. the fact that he has to want the help for himself is the worst part of it all.

we hope at the very least that the fact that we drove 500 miles will shock him out of his depression a bit and show him how much we care, which might do some kind of good. i think that once this chaos blows over, al-anon might be a good option for me. this is just so much to deal with.

anyway, thank you guys. 

What I have learned is that the only way to help an alcoholic is for them to want to help themselves.

My grandfather was an alcoholic...was until the day he died.  And he was a MEAN alcoholic.  My mom and her siblings suffered greatly at his hands.  I dated a guy for 5 years that was an alcoholic.  I tried and tried to help him.  I spend five miserable years trying to give him a stable environment filled with love.  He sort of stopped...for maybe a week at a time, but then went right back.

My lesson was that if someone doesn't want help...nothing will help them.  I'm sorry you're going through this.  This is nothing a daughter should watch their father go through.  I hope...your dad finds soon, that he wants help.  You could try contacting a local AA, or, even for yourself and your sister, you could seek out an AL ANON group just for yourself.  They may be able to give you some direction, especially where it is your dad you're dealing with.

Al Anon/Al ATEEN:  http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

Al Anon: http://www.alanon.org.za/

AA: http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/?Media=Pl ayFlash

Sober Recovery:  http://www.soberrecovery.com/

I hope one of these links can be helpful to you, and again, I'm so sorry you're going through this, you'll be in my thoughts. 

All hospitals have foundation money he can apply for to pay his medical bills, if he doesn't have insurance.  They don't advertise this, and you have to ask for the info and the forms, but they all have it and must provide it.  He can't be refused treatment for inability to pay, and he most likely will need medical help.

There's no reason to wait to contact Al-Anon; I'm not sure what you mean by "blows over", but you and your sister would benefit from the help now, while he's in crisis.   The sooner, the better.  Please take care of yourself.  *hugs*

I'm so sorry you're going through this! I've been there - it was my obsession for the longest time. Both my parents are alcoholics, though my dad has been sober for the past 11 years. There is medical help for those who want it.

As for me, I've been in Al-Anon for a few years, on and off. The group has helped me so much in "letting go and letting God" - unfortunately, I can't control everything, but I can be compassionate. It's the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts this weekend. Plus, new people are welcomed with open arms at the meetings, so don't be shy! The first time I ever went was on Christmas.

 A family full of them, mother, aunt , uncle. You can't make them do anything. They have to do it. I've tried for years and finally realized all I could do is stop punishing myself. I can't control them and make everything right. My mom is killing herself with drinking. Whiskey is her drink , with all her meds, start at 10:00 a.m. my uncle on weeks will get up at 5:00 am. since he gets up that that time weekdays to works. starts drinking at 5 a.m. drunk by 7am. sleep till 2:00pm and start all over again. He had a bleed out once. His wonder wife died last month after 2 yrs battle with cancer at 59, he made her life hell.  I'll keep you in my prayers.  there is so much I could go on forever but it wouldn't help, just don't let him bring you down.

Im sorry your going through this.  I have been there but not really because it was a fiancee and I dont dare compare that to ones father. 

Firstly, I cant strongly enough agree with the suggestion to check into Al-Anon.  

Secondly, while you cant make him get help, consider an intervention with a trained intervention counselor.  Heres an informative link about it: LINK. 

Thirdly, take care of yourself.  I dont just mean eat healthy, exercise but proactively watch out for yourself mentally (particularly starting with Al Anon) and I would set boundaries for yourself.  You cant fix him.  You can try to direct him towards help but if you take his recovery as your own responsibility, you will be doing both of you a disservice as well as be unsuccessful.  I realize this is easy to understand in words but be self aware- I knew I couldnt stop my fiancee from drinking (and he was drunk most the time) yet deep down there was a determination to fix things because they were so out of control and I only can see this now  in hindsight. 

You not only have to recognize your limitations but not blame yourself for being unable to 'rescue' him.  If Al Anon alone doesnt help you (and it does have a credible reputation), consider individual counseling as well for yourself with someone trained in alcholic families.  It may involve limiting your time with your dad but getting guidance from someone who specializes in this can provide you with further help.  There are counselors with sliding scales regarding income if moneys a factor and most insurances provide some type of coverage as well.

well, we didnt end up going down today because he promised that he is going to come up and visit tomorrow, but we'll see... i dont see how he could pull himself together enough to get to the airport and buy a ticket.

anyway, thanks for all your kind, kind words. i have been feeling like my sister and i are very alone in all this, but of course there are many people who deal with this all the time. it somehow makes me feel better to know there are so many of you guys out there.

now time to get busy checking out all those links.. al-anon sounds like a really good option. my aunt's been going for years, but i never realized until lately that im probably a good candidate too. denial i guess.

thank you so much.