Does anyone (particularly females) like their mother?

I am worried.  I have three children:  a 10-year-old daughter, an 8-year-old son and a 2.5-year-old son.  I frequently hear people, particularly girls and women, stating that their mother was cold, insensitive, and generally just not a nice person.  That is SO not the impression I want my children to have of me as they get older.  I am not a perfect mother by any means, but I do try really hard to make them feel important, to tell them when I'm being tough on them that it's because I know they are very smart and capable, and to frequently tell them that I love them and will always love them, no matter what.  I try to be available for them to talk to me if they have anything that has them concerned or worried.  Of course, I don't spend nearly the amount of time with them that they deserve.  I worry that there's something else I could (and should) be doing so that I do not become "Mommie Dearest."

So my questions are:

* How old are you?

* Are you a son or a daughter?

* How would you describe your relationship with your mother?

* Why?

I'm hoping to learn what not to do, as well as what I can do to help nurture my children into people who won't hate me when they become adults.

BTW, I wasn't very close to my mother and was raised more by my sisters than my mother. 

I am 38, female. Think my mom is great! Of course, I sometimes "hated" her when I was 13, but that's a different story...

I think that you hear about the "bad" mothers so much, because people talk more about things that are worth complaining about. People with less traumatic memories have less to talk about. It's kind of like I was on a forum where people were talking about their recovery from a surgical procedure--the stories of poor recoveries were many, but that's because the people with easy recoveries had nothing interesting to write about.

Im 18

Im a daughter

My relationship with my mother is really not good at all. I blame it on the fact that we are EXACTLY alike though. I mean we are born 2 days apart and we butt heads constantly. We argue everyday about petty things and I particularly don't think we like each other.

But everyones different. My situation could be the total opposite of yours. I would just say do your best and raise them right and you will reap the benefits of wonderful children.

I'm 23, a daughter. I love and respect my mom very much - I also think she's fun, funny, and smart. I am proud of the decisions she makes every day, the way she has raised me, and the career she has made for herself. I hope to be a mom like her...we are pretty close friends now (we still don't talk about sex or anything like that -ew!)
When I was 12-14ish, I was a big brat (I think those middle school transitional years are really tough for everyone), and we had lots of little fights, I slammed the door, I was embarassed of the way she dressed (which now I think is so cute!), but I outgrew that phase and realized that I really respected her.
She and my dad were never very strict (didn't really have a curfew, they didn't keep tabs on my grades or snoop through my things) - they really trusted me, but I was extremely well-behaved (an only child and a perfectionist).

I think that one of the most important things that she did was convey her trust in me every day from the time I was small, her leniency allowed me to be very independent but also to know that if I did something bad, I would be disappointing her. In my opinion a disappointed parent is way worse than an angry one!

I am 28, female and my mother and I are best friends.  We do everything together; shop, talk, debate, meet for lunch, and she's really stepped up when  I said that i was having a hard time deciding how to decorate my house.

I would like to add that when I was a teenager, we were not close.  I was stubborn and I know I frustrated her with my typical teenager attitude.  Once I grew out of that, though, things were fine.

The best advice that I can give you is to not judge your relationship with your kids by the way they act as teens, because (most of the time) they will grow out of that.  You just gotta love them until they do.

18 (19 on the 8th, yaaay!)

Daughter

I love my mom. Even if she is a bit culturally stubborn and is, well, a menopausal woman. Sometimes she gets on my nerves a LOT, but I know that I do that to her as well, so, it's a mutual crazy.

For quite some time now (few months or so) since Pops got sick, we've both been therefor each other a lot more. I am the last kid living at home and, I hate to admit, I think I'm her favourite. But that's fine by me, hahaha. out of 4 of her kids it;'s good to know I wil lalways have a place in her heart.

Yuor kids may say that 'you're unfair' or that 'you're a psycho you-know-what' when they get older. But honestly? I'm happy my mom was a stark raving you-know-what at times. Mom's have a weird sense sometimes, when they just KNOW something is going to go wrong. Hell, my mom's saved my neck a few times.

Sorry, I know it's 'square' to say this but, I love my mom.

i'm 27, and a daughter.

my mom is a great mom. i only hope i can be as good a mom as her!

my mom was always around to do things with me when i was a kid. i have so many memories of us running around in the yard, her taking me to the library, even the grocery store was fun because she'd let me get a box of animal crackers, and pick things i liked. she always made sure i was taken care of and had everything i needed.  

my mom always tells me she loves me. she's always been affectionate (though were not a real touchy feely huggy family). she always makes me feel like i'm the greatest, and even though i know she just thinks that because she's my mom, it's nice to have a fan :p

* Im 48.
* Im a daughter and mom.
* My mom's 88 and our relationship has always been good, not particularly close but no bad feelings either.
* Why? I had issues with my dad but mom was to easy going to have issues with.

Your daughter is 10.  Hopefully not, but its common for daughters to become alienated and disliking of their moms during the teens.  The efforts your putting forth now though count because when the teen hormones and surge for  independance issues settle, they will still have the well-established roots of you created as mom to return too. 

1. I'm 49.
2. I'm a daughter and a mom, too.
3. I love and respect my 83 yr old mother immensely and I enjoy her company.
4. She and my dad gave me a wonderful childhood. She's always treated me with love and respect. As an adult, she's been there for me but never intrudes. Actually, I could write a book about all the reasons why.

I'm 43/ a daughter/ raising 2 sons.  My relationship w/ my Mom was lukewarm at best growing up.  She was distant/ I felt disliked / I rebelled / she worried...  Standard stuff.

Now I adore her.  We've talked about a lot of stuff, and my lightbulb moment was this: she didn't mean to.  She was a young mom.  I was a handful.  And guess what?  I didn't mean to.

Good luck.

My mother is my best friend. No other person could ever replace her as a friend, and of course, not to mention, a mother. Actually talking about my mom gets me all teary-eyed. 8) I love my mom! We've been inseperable since I could talk! And well... probably since I was born, for her. ;)

Original Post by phylbean:

<snip> I am not a perfect mother by any means, but I do try really hard to make them feel important, to tell them when I'm being tough on them that it's because I know they are very smart and capable, and to frequently tell them that I love them and will always love them, no matter what.  I try to be available for them to talk to me if they have anything that has them concerned or worried.  Of course, I don't spend nearly the amount of time with them that they deserve.  I worry that there's something else I could (and should) be doing so that I do not become "Mommie Dearest."

 I'm 37 and this is exactly how I was raised by both of my parents.  I was encouraged to go to them with any problem and even if they weren't happy with the behaviour I always knew they loved me. 

I am still close to my parents.  I speak to them on the phone almost everyday and even though my mom and I will never be best friends (that would be her and my sister vs. my dad and me) we enjoy each other's company.

I am 32. I am a daughter and my relationship with my mother is excellent.

My mother is an amazing woman and every single memory I have of growing up is one of happiness and love mainly because of her. As a mother, she is the person I aspire to be when I finally have my own children. She had me when she was 20 years old so we are really close in age and we have always been close. I do consider my mother my friend. I live in a different country now and I miss my mother terribly. I make sure to call home as often as possible and chat with her about everything.. with the exception of sex... =)

Her mother died when my mom was only 7 years old yet the few memories she has of her own mother definitely influenced the person my mother became. She remembers her mother making hand made piñatas, candy, baking, sewing their clothes (and matching outfits for their dolls) and these are also some of my fondest memories as a child. My mother's life dramatically changed after the death of her mother as she was forced to live with very uncaring family members; a grandmother who favored my mother's baby sister, and aunts who treated my mother as a servant; yet she managed to remain the caring and loving person she is today which amazes me! She visits and really cares for these relatives and holds no grudges, which is something I can't say for myself.

One trait I love about my mother is that she never gives up hope. One example is that she never had the opportunity to finish high-school yet she felt a great desire to go back and finish what she started. So after I graduated from university, she decided to go back to school and finish high-school, which she did with the second highest score in my country! She won a scholarship and is now, at the age of 52, pursuing a financing degree in university. I am so proud of her!

I didn't give her such a hard time when I was growing up but it wasn't all easy sailing... She and I didn't always agree on everything and there were times when I am sure we both wanted to kill each other =) .. the last big fight we had (and it wasn't really a fight) was when I came out to at the age of 18 ... boy, was that a hard experience! She and  I really don't fight, we have discussions about what's bothering us and we then try to figure a solution.

I think the most important thing we, as adults, must realize is that our parents are not only that, they are human beings as well. They are men and women who make mistakes and that as parents they are not given a handbook on how to raise a baby human much less a troublesome teenager...! Having said this, I am well aware that my parents are not perfect but the positive traits by far outweigh the negative.

ETA - I not only love my mom, I ADORE her... I'm tearing up here...

1. 48

2. Daughter

3.  The best

4. My mother was a powerhouse when I was young.  She kept the house spotless, the cars washed, did all the yardwork, cooked huge meals everyday for our family of 7.  Dad brought home the money.  She was also the one that took us to church, comforted us, loved us, and punished us when we needed it.  The best thing was that she trusted me.  Her saying was "I'll trust you until you give me a reason not to".  Being trusted like that kept me from doing anything that would betray that trust.  She's 76 now and we still have a great relationship. 

I hope that I've passed some of that on to my daughter.  She's 25, married and we are very close. 

* How old are you? 22

* Are you a son or a daughter? Daughter

* How would you describe your relationship with your mother?/Why

I couldn't stand her until I moved out of the house (and out of the state) at 18. I have not been back for more than a week or two at a time since, and when I go back, we often end up fighting. But while we never talked before, we talk all the time now. I love her to pieces and respect her completely. She's even ditching her parents and siblings to drive 6 hours to spend Thanksgiving with me! I consider her to be one of my closest friends, it's just a relationship that works best for us at a distance.

I think the reason we're so close is that she loves me unconditionally, she never tries to force a relationship, and never questions my judgment or decision-making. She lets me make my own mistakes and learn from them. The only thing I think that still affects me negatively was her constant dieting and body consciousness when I was growing up.

* How old are you? 19

* Are you a son or a daughter? daughter

* How would you describe your relationship with your mother? * Why?

My mom and I are EXTREMELY close. We regularly go out to eat, shopping, and watch movies together. We have always been very good friends and she has always put me before any other person in this world. She raised me to be a very mature and intelligent person and I have succeeded greatly because of my upbringing.

I just recently moved a couple states away to go to college and I call her every single night. We miss each other very much and I think we may even have a touch of depression from the separation. She is proud of my life's decisions though and I look forward to when I get to go home.

Do not worry about your children disliking you. Take good care of them, be their friend, educate them, and always put them before anything else in your life.

I'm 34, a daughter.  My mom and I have a terrific relationship, since my 20s (when I was entirely self-supporting) we have actually become friends.  We've always loved each other, but the relationship has become more equal as I'm become a full-fledged adult.

My mom will always be there for me if I need her.

14, daughter. To be brutally honest I don't like my mum very much.

My parents got divorced when I was almost seven. She moved. Although I understand she wanted something else in life, I'm not going to jump through hoops to have a healthy, functional relationship with her. If my mother doesn't want to be properly involved in my upbringing it's her loss. That being said I cannot picture her helping with my wedding, talking to me frequently when I'm 20+, or us reconciling because there's nothing to reconcile from....she's a bit selfish, and it's not anyone's fault, but we're not going to be friends. She's not evil. That's just how it is. I think I'm sort of messed up from not having a consistant female role model, though.

23 and daughter. Our relationship has not been perfect but I like her. She didn't handle anger very well towards us when we were kids (I don't know if she got better, or we're just older...I feel this has contributed to my short temper though) and I of course had my teen years where we butt heads a lot. She mainly just gets on my nerves now sometimes, but it's probably because I still live at home . Though she has her traits that annoy me (but I guess who doesn't). I know I miss her when I'm away from home for long periods, so I think our relationship will get better when I move out because I'll appreciate her company more, instead of kicking her out of my room .

24

Daughter

Just fine.  Just fine indeed.

It's just fine because I don't live with her.  Living with her was impossible.