Does anyone (particularly females) like their mother?

I am worried.  I have three children:  a 10-year-old daughter, an 8-year-old son and a 2.5-year-old son.  I frequently hear people, particularly girls and women, stating that their mother was cold, insensitive, and generally just not a nice person.  That is SO not the impression I want my children to have of me as they get older.  I am not a perfect mother by any means, but I do try really hard to make them feel important, to tell them when I'm being tough on them that it's because I know they are very smart and capable, and to frequently tell them that I love them and will always love them, no matter what.  I try to be available for them to talk to me if they have anything that has them concerned or worried.  Of course, I don't spend nearly the amount of time with them that they deserve.  I worry that there's something else I could (and should) be doing so that I do not become "Mommie Dearest."

So my questions are:

* How old are you?

* Are you a son or a daughter?

* How would you describe your relationship with your mother?

* Why?

I'm hoping to learn what not to do, as well as what I can do to help nurture my children into people who won't hate me when they become adults.

BTW, I wasn't very close to my mother and was raised more by my sisters than my mother. 

It is not surprising at all as to how many replies you are receiving that I know we can all relate to since mother/daughter relationships are SO complicated.  Most of the time I think it is because mothers and daughters tend to be so much alike that all they can do for awhile is butt heads until they learn to appreciate each other.  I am a daughter with a 19 year old daughter of my own (I am 44).  She and I love each other SO SO Much but boy do we argue!  SOmetimes, I do wonder if my daughter even likes me ...but then she will call me out of the blue to say she loves me.  I think that she doesn't appreciate me now as much as she will when she is older, and the reason I think this is because I have recently learned (in the last 10 years) that my mom is not so bad as long as I communicate with her.  I have the BEST relationship with my mom now (she is 64) and I know that if I am patient my daughter will stop fighting the fact that she is just like me and we will get along just fine too.

I will be 21 in two months.

I am the only daughter in a family of six.

Our relationship used to be really wonderful but I grew up and we have somewhat grown apart. She doesn't understand me anymore and I've grown in to my own woman. I encourage you not to try to get your children to fit whatever your mold of 'normal' is. Set them up with morality (whatever that is for you) and encourage them to ask questions! I wish that my mother had encouraged my questions regarding life, religion, etc.

I love my mother. I can talk to her about anything and she supports me even if I'm being stupid. She'll tell me I'm being stupid, but she lets me make my own mistakes and learn from them. She gives great advice and is always willing to listen when I want to talk. She's always been like this.
Of course, like every other teenager girl, I thought I hated her when she wouldn't let me do what I wanted to. I've grown out of that now. She's always done what she thought was  best for me and she was right about 99% of the time. I should have listened to her more often, really. Even now, I should listen to her more often.

I couldn't ask for a better more supportive person in my life. Her and my father. I don't talk to my dad like I talk to my mom, but he's always been there for me too. I have great parents.

I should tell them that more often.

* How old are you? 22

* Are you a son or a daughter? daughter (which have a much harder time dealing with their mothers if I do say so)

* How would you describe your relationship with your mother? We werent very close at all growing up...by this I mean we got a long just fine, and she was an extraordinary mother, but I neve told her anything and she really never asked.  She just isnt one of those mom's I would necessarily call my best friend, but shes a great lady and I dont think there was ever a problem with us.  I am much closer to her now though now that I live at school ect.

Original Post by skinnyogi:

I encourage you not to try to get your children to fit whatever your mold of 'normal' is. Set them up with morality (whatever that is for you) and encourage them to ask questions! I wish that my mother had encouraged my questions regarding life, religion, etc.

 I have to say, there are two things I do think I do well:  I am extremely patient (I've been told this by perfect strangers, as well as friends and family) and I encourage my children to be completely open with me.  While I would never share details of my sex life or finances with my children, if they wanted to talk about their own sex life (when they're older, of course) that's not something that I would be squeamish about.   I'm not a squeamish person at all, so I hope that my kids don't think that anything that concerns them is taboo.

And I want to thank everyone who has posted so far, for giving me a lot of hope and for showing me that it is possible for mothers and daughters to get along.  Yes, I'm expecting some rocky teenage years (I'll be ok if they aren't rocky, of course) but I'm really looking at the long term, and this thread gives me a lot of hope in that regard.  Keep posting, everyone!  I'm learning a lot!

1. I'm 26

2.  I'm a daughter

3.  Our relationship is good, but there's still room for improvement.

Things were often tough growing up.  We argued a lot.  Things are much better now that I'm out of the house. 

My mom was insanely strict and controling, but I knew that it was because she loved me so much...which is probably the biggest reason why I was able to get past the issues.  Since I've become an adult, I've realized that my mom is only human.  She is prone to mistakes just like the rest of us.  When I thought that she was wrong, she was...no biggie.  I'm now able to take the good with the bad and fully appreciate how amazing she is and how blessed I am to have her.  Wouldn't trade her for the world! 

I'm sure that your children feel/will feel the same way.  It's a really good sign that your even giving it any thought.  I bet that you're an amazing mother!

I'm 27 and I'm a daughter.

I love my mom with ALL my heart!!!  She is wonderful.  Both of my parents are.  I'm not a huge Celine Dion fan...but her song "I'm Everything I Am Because You Loved Me" is the perfect song to describe my relationship with my parents. 

To the OP:  I think with love (even tough love), respect, and trust...your relationship with your kids will turn out just fine.  And like someone else already said...teenage years can be horrible...but they will grow out of it. : )  Good Luck!!

* How old are you? 26

* Are you a son or a daughter? daughter

* How would you describe your relationship with your mother? Strange...

* Why? When growing up we had a wonderful relationship. Things were rocky of course and I am not sure that my mother was ever really "meant" to be a mother. I don't mean that in a horribly mean way but she was never motherly. Drugs...acohol...all that bad stuff children should never have to endure. And she basically let me do whatever I wanted which is not the best way to raise a daughter. Children need boundaries.BUT I love my mom and we had a great relationship still. Though some of the life choices I have made have put a real strain on our relationship. We have had a lot of falling outs and some things have been said that can never be taken back. Even to the point where I didn't talk to her for almost 6 months which was torture. Things are better now but we avoid a lot of topics which is really akward. Hopefully, we can get over all of this and maybe get back to the way things were before....

I'm 21

I'm a daughter.

Me and my mother have a good relationship. I'm happy with where we are right now. I've always felt a connection to my mother, through thick and thin. From very early on, she enforced that despite anything thing I or she did, she would always love me.

We've gone through periods where we didn't like each other, but we are always bonded by love.

I had a tough childhood. I kind of just popped out of my mom one day when she was 21 with no warning. No belly, only a little period which was normal for her (she says in retrospect there were things she should have noticed, but meh). She didn't press the father into sticking around because she felt that it would be important for me to be in a loving environment, rather than one that was forced.

So my childhood was rough in the sense that we didn't have much money and my mom was raising me on her own and she was pretty young. I spent the first five years of my life living in my grandparents house with my mom. My mother didn't have the best start on her career, and occasionally (despite the fact she's very successful now) I feel some guilt for 'holding her back' so to speak. But as a single mother she tried her very best to provide for me and make me feel loved and supported... and I think she succeeded.

Sorry about the life story.

* How old are you? 19

* Are you a son or a daughter? Daughter

* How would you describe your relationship with your mother? Strange, but good.

* Why? When I was younger, I often felt that my mother had no time for me. She was busy with her patients (she's a doctor), housework, etc. Sure, she was providing for us, but she never spoke to us -- not on a "personal" level. My mother never talked to me about how I was feeling or what was going on in my life. (This was partially why I went into depression). I felt that she only spoke to me to make sure I wasn't getting into trouble or to assign me some sort of chore. As a result, I ended up feeling as if I couldn't share personal details of my life with her. She just seemed so distant.
Very recently, things have changed. We now talk more frequently. We also discuss more personal aspects of my life. Of course, our relationship isn't perfect, but it is much better.
All in all, I love my mother with all my heart. She is such a brilliant woman. I have no idea how she finds time to do everything, but she does. <3 She is a physician, a fashionista, a mother, a wife and so much more. I truly love her.

hiiiiiiiiii!

I'm a 17 year old girl.

And obviously that makes me a daughter.

My relationship with my mum is fantastic majority of the time.

Being girls, of course we'd have our times where we just clash, but especially in the last year, we've grown so close.

I think in reality, Majority of children adore their parents, but especially in their teenage years, the want for attention from friends "My mum doesn't care what i do" ( i'm soooooooo coool) attitude as well as the want to be indepedant and mature when your simply not forces kids into a sort of mind field about their parents.

In time, majority of people will remember and love their parents for everything they sacrificed for you.

Unless of course, your a drug addict, alcoholic, or abusive....

Which i'm sure you not :)

 How old are you? 29

Are you a son or a daughter? daughter

How would you describe your relationship with your mother? we're friends now, but for most of my late teens-mid 20s, we were bitter enemies. i literally hated her. it took a lot of work (forgiving, letting go, understanding her p.ov.) on my side to get to this point.

Why?

the problems didn't start at your daughter's age. the problems started when i was a teenager (duh). right around that time, i wanted to assert my indepence, and my mom was holding on tight, trying not to lose her baby. plus, she put all her anxieties about the world, her hangups and shortcomings onto me, and tried to achieve a do-over through my life. trying to decide what i should do w/ my life, what college to go to, etc.

i think, b/c i was her only daughter (i have 2 brothers), she felt like she needed to watch me more. but that also meant she observed me more, and grew increasingly more annoying with her assessment of my clothes and hair (and weight). this proves to be a HUGE  one between mothers and daughters, as soon as said daughters are able to do these things for themselves.

if i can offer any advice as a daughter to a mother, don't try to relive your youth or correct your own mistakes through your daughter. and don't stomp on her burgeoning sense of self by trashing the way she chooses to clothe herself. she's just learning who she is, and the ugly clothes and crazy hair won't last forever. unless it does, but she's still your daughter. you'd love her no matter what she looked like, right?

oh, and in the future, when your daughter complains about something to you, she wants the same thing you want when you complain to someone. commiseration, not advice. unless she specifically asks you, "mom, what should i do?" she'll more than likely resent anything you offer, and see it as a judgement on her life and choices.

edit: it took me a few years of living on my own, being away from her house and her nuttiness, to reflect on our relationship and start to patch it up. we didn't use to be able to spend more than 5 minutes together; now there're no time limits!

* How old are you?

 25

* Are you a son or a daughter?

Son

* How would you describe your relationship with your mother?

Very good! We are very close and see eachother at least once a week. She would do just about anything for me, and i would do just about anything for her.

* Why?

We have always been close. While she cant follow everything I do, she is pretty smart and able to understand a lot. She has always been the closest person in my life and is someone i can talk to about a lot of things.

She has to be one of the nicest people ever. My sisters friends even look to her as a mother and go to her with trouble!

Its good to know that no matter what happens in my life, I can always go to her for help and she will be there (at least, while she is alive... but, she is mid 50's now and she still seems really young. No gray hair or anything and people confuse her for being in her 30's). 

Original Post by love_live_dance:

Unless of course, your a drug addict, alcoholic, or abusive....

 

D'oh!  Is that a problem?  (Just kidding.  No drugs, very little alcohol and I don't use physical discipline, so abuse is not a problem.  I learned about the latter two from my mom, and don't want to repeat her mistakes.)

Oh, I just wanted to add that I think the very fact that you're seriously concerned with how your actions will effect your relationship with your children means that you are probably on the right track.

Those thoughts are probably with you in the back of your mind whenever something happens- and that will come out in your actions and words. Your children will pick up on it.

Obviously you have to explicitly SAY it a lot too... sometimes kids can be dense.

I was going to say the same thing as Jamminatorr!

no doubt, kids are dumb. and they only get dumber as they get older. dumber and more stubborn. (stubborner?)

Original Post by phylbean:

Original Post by love_live_dance:

Unless of course, your a drug addict, alcoholic, or abusive....

 

D'oh!  Is that a problem?  (Just kidding.  No drugs, very little alcohol and I don't use physical discipline, so abuse is not a problem.  I learned about the latter two from my mom, and don't want to repeat her mistakes.)

 tee hee :) i knew you seemed fine, HELLO, you clearly care about your relationship with your kids. I can promise you almost 100% that by the time your kids are 20 they'll love you to pieces :)

* How old are you? 23

* Are you a son or a daughter? Daughter

* How would you describe your relationship with your mother? Best of friends, despite the distance, the lack of talking sometimes, or the time apart.

* Why? Because she let me come into my own, supported me in all I did, was rough and harsh on me when I needed it, and didn't resent me when I went through that awful 'teenaged phase' where I said I 'hated her guts'. Yes, I said that, and now I regret it and have since 10 seconds after saying it. I apologized btw :) The best thing about my Mother is that she is a person, with flaws and personality quirks just like everyone else. She is by no means perfect, and I argue with her on a monthly basis, but there is no bad feelings between us about anything. I love her for all she has done, for all that she is, and for all she helped me to become.

The best thing you can remember is that you will make mistakes. My Mother did for sure. Just know that if you treat your children how you remember LOVING being treated, things will go right.

Remember what you hated growing up, and remember what you loved. Now mix that with your wisdom that has come with growing up yourself, and that should be a good start for being a parent :)

* How old are you? 20

* Are you a son or a daughter? Daughter

* How would you describe your relationship with your mother? Now our relationship is great....as soon as I got out of the house and went to college. 

* Why?  Everything was fairly ok until about my senior year of college/summer before college, but I now realize that was probably just a teenager needing to get away from her parents and be independent type of thing.  My mom was usually pretty supportive of me, but she's a realist and was always telling things probably wouldn't work out which pissed me off to no end.  I realize now she was just trying to protect me, but as an already independent teen, I resented that.  She's a great mom and does the best she can...that's all I can ask for.