Does anyone (particularly females) like their mother?
I am worried. I have three children: a 10-year-old daughter, an 8-year-old son and a 2.5-year-old son. I frequently hear people, particularly girls and women, stating that their mother was cold, insensitive, and generally just not a nice person. That is SO not the impression I want my children to have of me as they get older. I am not a perfect mother by any means, but I do try really hard to make them feel important, to tell them when I'm being tough on them that it's because I know they are very smart and capable, and to frequently tell them that I love them and will always love them, no matter what. I try to be available for them to talk to me if they have anything that has them concerned or worried. Of course, I don't spend nearly the amount of time with them that they deserve. I worry that there's something else I could (and should) be doing so that I do not become "Mommie Dearest."
So my questions are:
* How old are you?
* Are you a son or a daughter?
* How would you describe your relationship with your mother?
* Why?
I'm hoping to learn what not to do, as well as what I can do to help nurture my children into people who won't hate me when they become adults.
BTW, I wasn't very close to my mother and was raised more by my sisters than my mother.
* How old are you? 23
* Are you a son or a daughter? Daughter
* How would you describe your relationship with your mother? My mom was my BEST friend she was the most amazing mother anyone could ask for and I miss her dearly...she passed away just over a year ago.
* Why? Because she was incredibly giving and caring. She was a stay at home mom and was always there for me. Sometime she was a little hard on me but I know now it was because she loved me and wanted me to be the best I could be. She was the most amazing friend and especially grand-mother. If I can be even a 1/4 of the mother she was I will have accomplished so very much.
For anyone out there that maybe doesnt get along great with there mother or what not...remeber she will not always be there so make sure to tell/show her how much you love while you still can.
I'm fifteen, a daughter, and my mother is just another person to me. It sounds SO terrible, but I don't love her the way most kids love their parents. I definitely care about her and she is a great Mom and all, but I just don't feel any sort of connection with her. There's no bond, there's nothing in common, and I only see her after she gets home from work right before I go to my room for the night. We've never fought, we've never had deep discussion, and we don't really know a lot about each other. I realize that she wishes we were closer, and I feel very guilty over the fact that I don't make an effort. However, I just really can't wait to move out and live life on my own. I'm not at all dependent on her; I rarely require her help for anything anymore; and I think it hurts her sometimes =/ I don't hate my Mom, though.
Edit: The best advice I can give is to show your kids you love them, but don't force yourself on them. When they feel as if you're a "helicopter", hovering over their lives, it will more than likely build resentment. I suggest you give them (in appropriate amounts) freedom and responsibility until they give you a reason not to trust them. You sound like a great Mom, though, and I'm sure your kids will continue to love you as they grow up =D
im a daughter and im 17... i wouldn't say that me and my mom are "best friends" or anything but we get along and hardly ever fight. if we do its usually more of an argument than a fight. my parents aren't very strict they trust me even though i have made a couple wrong decisions but nothing too bad. they were never over protective and did not try and shelter me from everything. i think im a very independent person i think because of that. a lot of people that i know that dont have good relationships with their parents are the ones that dont trust them. and if they do get into a little bit of trouble they over react about every little thing. so in my opinion as a long as your respect and trust your kids and let them be themselves you'll have a good relationship.
* How old are you? 23
* Are you a son or a daughter? Daughter
* How would you describe your relationship with your mother?Why?
My mom is one of my best friends. We talk every single day, and I try to go visit her and my dad once a week (we live separately in the same city). We had our share of arguments when I was growing up, but I never disliked her..sometimes just disliked what she was telling me.
I think the reason we are so close is primarily attributable to: 1. she and my dad always treated my sister and i like we were adults. we were taught good manners and then brought virtually everywhere my parents went, no kids table at thanksgiving, no babysitter EVERY weekend (although once in awhile, of course). 2. she has always shown a huge interest in my life. if i wanted to do something she supported me as much as possible..with time, money, etc. i have always known she believes in me and would back me up no matter what. 3. communication. i have always loved talking to my mom about any and everything. im sure she was bored sometimes but she always listened patiently to every period of my junior high day, then every period of my highschool day, then every class in college. now all of my work drama.
basically i know i can count on her moreso than anyone else in the world, and she will never stop loving me unconditionally!
im sure you will make an awesome mom!
* How old are you? 19
* Are you a son or a daughter? daughter
* How would you describe your relationship with your mother? my mom is my best friend.
* Why?
i couldnt help but reply to this topic because I know my mom struggles with knowing she isn't the perfect mother, and she constantly apologizes to me that she doesnt do a better job. but regardless of her own faults i know my mom has unconditional love for me and that no matter what she has my best interests at heart. understanding that changed my relationship with my mom. as long as your children know that then you're as good as gold.
So my questions are:
* How old are you? 24 almost 25!
* Are you a son or a daughter? Daughter!
* How would you describe your relationship with your mother? No relationship with her, none at all...I call once every 2 months to say I love you and I care for you and that's it!
why : she decided that she raised me for 18 years and did her job and she was done. So she quit including me in her life....She chose men over me....
* How old are you? 21
* Are you a son or a daughter? daughter
* How would you describe your relationship with your mother? we talk on the phone once every week or two, and its a boring civil conversation. But, when I go to visit (every month or two) we are very close. We laugh til we cry, drink til we're dizzy and gossip non-stop about everything and anything. Since I moved out 4 years ago, we become less like family (love each other cause you have to) and more like friends (love each other cause you can)
* Why? She's someone I've always looked up to. She's an intelligent woman who sadly didn't get the opportunity to use that intelligence towards a career (she didn't have any way to get funding for university) and instead was about the best damn stay-at-home mom she could be. She's not that picture perfect mom you see in reality shows. We drink together and gossip and laugh. She's so positive through everything. Although she made some parenting decisions that may not have been perfect (I picked up some disordered eating behaviour that I think I can attribute to her own insecurities) I know she did her absolute best. I guess the best thing is she's always respected me, as I respect her. She treats me as an equal, and has treated me like an adult since I was 12 or so.
I'm fifteen. I'm one of my mother's three daughters. I am incredibly close to my mom, although we get REALLY frustrated with each other a lot. My mom is an amazing mother, but she gets so self-conscious that she's not. It's normal to feel that way.
I'm 20, almost 21. I am a daughter and my mother is my absolute best friend. She always has been. I've never been embarassed by my mother. I wanted her to do everything with me. And she did. She made sure that her schedule fit around me (and my brother), so for a very long time as a child, we were poor. But, every memory I have involves my mother doing something with me. She never missed anything I did. I knew I was loved. She tucked me in at night and sung me to sleep. She woke me up with a song.
When I was a teenager, I still loved her. She had rules, but they weren't too strict and they weren't too loose. She knew when to be a mom and when to be a friend. Then I moved away for college and I couldn't stand it. It was then that I realized that I did not like being 600 miles away from my closest friend (it also didn't help that my boyfriend was here at home as well). When I moved back, I lived in my boyfriend's house, literally one mile away from her house, I would walk there. And I would be there every single day.
Then we moved to a different house (not one that my boyfriend owns) about 4 miles away, and I was sad that I wasn't going to be living so close to her anymore. I thought I wouldn't be seeing her as much, but sure enough, I am there every night (except Sundays, that's my dad's day). I am terrified to have children because I don't think I can ever been as good of a mother as she was. She is selfless. She always put her children (which now includes the boyfriend) first. I think that is the reason that we are so close now.
I'm 17 and a daughter.
My relationship with my mom is pretty dang good, I must admit. We get along 90% of the time probably. I mean two people will never agree on everything, just like best friends fight, a mother and daughter will have an ocassional argument. But, this is perfectly normal :)
But, I do not have as good of a relationship with my dad. When I was little up until just a little while ago he was always gone because he travels for work. He would come home on some weekends but the majority of the time it was just my mom taking care of us kids. Now (he still has the same job) he has been home ALOT more like he was layed of and home almost the whole summer and now he is working locally so I see him everyday. I think I'm just not used to him being there so now that he is I just don't know what to do and it's kind of akward.
So, basically if you are there for your kids when they are young I think you will have a great realtionship with them as they continue to grow up, especially if you are not too strict (they will be less likely to rebel that way).
I'm 24 and was a terrible daughter from the age of 12 to about 18.
I am so so so grateful for how my mother handled those tumultous years. She worked so hard to separate herself from all the frustration and always comunicated with me frankly (she always wrote me letters when she was upset/angry) like and adult. The most important thing she did was ALWAYS made sure I understood how much she loved me.
She is truly one of my best friends and I think (hope) that the awesome relationship we have now makes all the years of torture and "I hate you"s worth it. Soo I guess just try not to ever give up on your kids and they appreciate it one day!
So my mother nagged a lot because she wanted a normal, POPULAR daughter who obsessed over teen magazines and hairdos and crap. She hassled me because I didn't go to cheerleader tryouts and school dances. She'd talk about how she was popular in school--but she went to a Catholic school where everyone wore a uniform. I went to a public school where you were ostracized if you didn't have the right brand name clothes, and she wouldn't buy those because they cost too much money. She'd say that if I liked myself and had confidence people would naturally accept me, but the truth is middle school girls don't roll like that.
This obessession with "normal" also included denying my mental health issues until I ended up in a hospital and it became impossible to ignore.
Eventually I discovered better music, became a combination of goth/punk, decided all the girls with designer clothes and cheerleading sucked, and that trying to fit in and be popular was a "game for sheep". (Yes, I'm fully aware that alternative cultures have their own type of conformity, but at the time it was extremely liberating.) Mom was perplexed, but I also actually had friends and dates at that point so she couldn't complain as much.
Those were probably the hardest years. There was still a lot of tension afterwards as she patiently waited for me to "get out of this phase" and be "normal". Now she accepts that I will never be normal, I have tattoos, won't give her grandchildren, etc. She's actually loosened up herself and become a little "not-normal", embracing alternative spiritualities and getting a small tattoo of her own.
So I guess the moral of this story is to accept the kids you get stuck with.
i love my mother!
she is the sweetest, kindest, most generous, classiest lady on this planet!
i don't know that i was all that close to her when i was growing up - kinda think i was more of a daddy's girl
but during my 20s, she and i really bonded and i think of her, now, as one of my best friends
*re-reads OP and sees questions*
oh.
I'm in my late 30s.
I'm a daughter.
We respect each other a great deal. We both think very highly of each other. We have different talents and personalities, and value each other's a great deal. We encourage each other and support each other emotionally. I love her more than I can say.
I'm 19, daughter. I love my mother. She is the most loving and forgiving person on the planet. She has her faults, but she tries so hard and loves all of her kids with all her heart. She is the best person I know, next to my dad! I have 2 older brothers, 25 and 27, who feel the same as I do.
I'm a son...Obviously....28
My relationship with my mother is great.but i don't live with her anymore, but when I did it wasn't all peaches and cream, but I was very intellectual at a young age, and knew the difference between parents and children, so i didn't make life difficult for the both of us. Caribbean parents are believers in spanking their kids, and I'm a believer too...doesn't have to be hard, but it's effective. Most Caribbean kids are very very well behaved, and look up to their parents. I was able to tell my parents everything from my first time to how much weed I was smoking. The gave me rules up to the age of 18, and Guidance there after.
I think that them allowing me to grow up and be a man at the age of 18 was a huge help. They made me do things that I would have to do when I became older so that in the future it wouldn't come as such a shock or surprise. They were very strict during my young days, and i would say about...every two years they would ease up a little until they felt it was time for me to make my own decisions. But the key was...THEIR faith in their parenting, and THEIR faith in me to be able to make my own decisions. You constantly tell your son at the age of 17 that they can't think for themselves...they'll start to believe it.
-19
-daughter
-better than most people i've ever met; I love her very much and am friends with her as well
-she always encouraged me, always tried to let me follow my heart and dreams while still giving practical advice, cooked family dinners when she had the time, gave lots of HUGS, told me how much she loved me OFTEN, taught me about life and talked to me like an EQUAL, but also allowed me to just be a child when I needed it and so would stand up for me against teachers etc when they were not looking out for my best interests. She was very involved in my schooling throughout my entire life which is the one single thing I would tell new parents to do if I had to choose just one. Those are the most important things that I remember.
BTW I really hated her around the ages of 15-16 but believe me, it passes. :)
* How old are you? 28
* Are you a son or a daughter? Daughter
* How would you describe your relationship with your mother? My mom is the greatest woman I have ever met, she is my best friend, and I am more like her than I ever thought i would ever be. when i was a teen we didnt see eye to eye, we never had a bad relationship, we just wernt friends, now we are and its great, i wouldnt change it at all.
How old are you? 25
Son/daughter? Daughter
How's relationship W/ mom ? Fantastic, because she did pretty much what the OP does. She was involved, actually interested in what her children did, and let us know that we could talk to her. Also, that she was our mother and lots of fun, but not our best friend. That distinction is important. Also, growing up she was this funny, smart mommy. Now she a funny, smart person. I've learned to view her as an adult.
I had classmates who would talk about physically fighting with their mothers. I would never DREAM of hitting my mother, only because my sisters woulda kicked the crap out of me, and my dad would have slapped me silly!! The only time one of us girls got slapped by dad was when one of my sisters pushed him and took a swing at him. Not too smart. He didn't even go full force, but it was enough to knock her to the couch. (Believe me, it was needed, all you who say he shouldn't have done it. She was literally hysterical with rage for some stupid teenage reason.)
A funny addition: I yelled at mom once " I hate you!!" Mom quietly responed "Okay. I don't like you right now either!" I was speechless! Then we started laughing about it. I was about 14 or so
I'm 27 and a daughter. I ADORE my mother, so much so that I moved in next door to her! We are complete opposites but she's always been supportive and has never even raised her voice at me (she reminds me of Mary Poppins)
I wouldn't worry too much about it if I were you. Like others stated, just the fact that you are concerned speaks volumes.
Original Post by phylbean:
So my questions are:
* How old are you?
* Are you a son or a daughter?
* How would you describe your relationship with your mother?
* Why?
I'm hoping to learn what not to do, as well as what I can do to help nurture my children into people who won't hate me when they become adults.
BTW, I wasn't very close to my mother and was raised more by my sisters than my mother.
I'm
20
I'm a daughter
I'm very close to my mother.
As a child I was close to her, then as a young teen I wasn't too close to her, you know we all go through the rebellious teenage stage. Then around 17 my relationship with my mom got TONZ better, I talk to her about "literally" everything now.
I guess what made it that way, is that I knew she always had my best interests at heart, and even when I didn't understand why she was being the "annoying motherly type" I later always saw that it was for my own good.
I think making sure your kids know that whatever you do is in love, not out of frustration or anger will reassure them and make then want to love and respect you more.
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