Is anyone scared that losing weight will be disappointing/ ruin things?

I must be a chronic worrywort..but every time I've thought about losing weight, and that's a lot of times, I get scared, I've never been a thin adult, I've always been "this way" ie fat.

I don't have a huge amount of weight to lose but I suppose that the weight I wear is an excuse I use for my unattractiveness. I guess what I'm trying to say is, what if I lose weight and I'm still ugly? Then what?

Extra weight does me a lot of favours, I get to keep myself out of the game and no-one pushes me, I get to not try and be pretty because fat girls aren't by default. I'm a safe friend and confidant, no one sees me as a threat or competition. So what happens when I lose weight?

If you lose weight and you're still ugly, wear makeup. =D

Worst case, you could gain it all back. =D

Look, extra weight is doing you no favours. Bad for your heart, your joints, etc. - think of the health issues that come with being overweight. And it is possible to keep 'out of the game' even if you're skinny, though I don't see how that's relevant. I mean, you wouldn't burn your face just to get to be not pretty, right? Not to mention, why would skinny person automatically be a threat or competition? Isn't it your inner personality that makes you a 'safe' friend or a confidant?

I think you need to stop thinking the world is out to get you in some way or the other. Live it up! Enjoy a healthy lifestyle and don't keep looking over your shoulder, it's probably worse for your health than being overweight.

I know exactly what you mean. 

You need to lose the weight for YOU. No one else. It isn't doing you any favors. I don't know your age, but from experience I can tell you, your weight will eventually cripple you.  I have arthritis, can't walk or stand for very long, get out of breath just breathing (lol) If you lose weight, it will probably give you confidence. You can still choice to stay in the shadows if you wish, but I don't think you will want to. Seriously, don't remain fat by choice. It can shorten your life or at least your quality of life. If you still feel you are ugly after losing weight, then at least be ugly healthy.

These are chronic issues that many overweight people have.  The best advice is to work on YOU.  Work on your personality.  If that means seeing a therapist for some issues, then do so.  It could mean taking a personal inventory and seeing where you fall short and also where you excel.

Losing weight is not going to make any issues go away....in fact, it may bring some other things to light. 

To know yourself is the best thing that goes hand in hand with losing weight.  Study the reasons to the excess....learn what you avoid by hiding behind it all.  Bring the emotions to the forefront and deal with them.

There are some really excellent books on the market....try anything by Geneen Roth.

Hi sweetie, I just read your post and it made me sad

The way you are thinking is all wrong. Excess weight does you no favours, its unhealthy for a start and I know better than most people (after two brain haemorrhages that nearly killed me) that health is the most important thing in the world and you need to maintain a healthy lifestyle and help your body out as much as possible

You said you 'get to not try and be pretty' like its some kind of a priviledge, its not and you need to accept that, you have to want to do this and be the best version of yourself you can be. As a reward for losing the weight why dont you treat yourself to a new hair colour/style, maybe a makeover. Make a start now and work towards a whole new you, you never know, you just might like it!

As for friends, I dont see how weight loss would change the fact that you are a great friend and confidant, you will still be the exact same person on the inside and a friend who cared about you in any way, shape or form would realise that and be extremely happy for you that you've made the choice to turn yourself around. Friends that know YOU will not see you as a threat or competition, they will see you as a new improved, motivated and dedicated person that im sure they would look up to and have a lot of respect for.

Losing weight isn't easy but its attainable with some effort on your part. Start by learning to see weight loss in a positive way because thats ALL it is, positive, positive, positive! Then start making some changes to your diet, up the exercise and you will see results and I have a sneaking suspision you will like them too! 

Good luck honey!

Original Post by bf818:

Extra weight does me a lot of favours, I get to keep myself out of the game and no-one pushes me, I get to not try and be pretty because fat girls aren't by default.

Fat girls aren't pretty? I'm fat and I'm pretty. I have guys following me in flocks.

I'm losing weight because I want to, not because I have an image problem.

You shouldn't put yourself down like that. I'm sure you'd be pretty if you tried. Women are naturally pretty with a little effort. It's a gift. ^_^

Buck up. You'll be hot.  

One tiny thing to add to your great post sami....'hotness' is a state of mind!  It is all in what you believe about yourself.  You can be hot and be obese.  You can also be very thin and NOT be hot, because you dont believe yourself to be.....it's all about self-esteem, self-image and projecting yourself to the outside world.

I agree with the other posters that 1) you probably are pretty, and 2)  confidence has a lot to do with attractiveness. And the worst case scenario is not to gain it all back; it is Make Skinny Friends and/or friends who don't compete with each other, but support each other instead. That's why guys make great friends - they aren't competitive (with you) and are more likely than SOME girls to want the best for you (if they are not hitting on you :) This is a great place to start if you find that you're friends are not supportive of your wanting to self-improve. You can make plenty of friends here, as long as you do it safely. Good luck to you, and I am all for girls who love and support one another if you wanna start making friends now!

well, it depends on what you invest in it, doesn't it?

losing weight will make you smaller.  it will change the size of the clothes you buy.

it won't change who you are, who you love, your skill set, your strengths and weaknesses, your habits, compulsions, and impulses.  all those things can change, too - but they won't change automatically. 

if you keep things in perspective, you won't be disappointed.

ya know, I thought the same thing at the start.....we are brought up in a society where skinny seems to equal happy, and that's not the case......I would get more guys (although I never really had a prob w that), I could buy clothes easier, people would like me more, etc...

.....losing weight WONT automatically make you prettier, or more desirable, it's a state of mind that makes you those things, really. I never had trouble getting guys when 'fat' cuz I acted like I COULD get any guy I wanted so they always followed that thought, too. Losing weight can help gain confidence, but not change how you are.

And I'm realizing that there are some down sides to losing. I've dropped some weight fairly quickly and now my boobs are smaller. I don't like that, I love my boobs! haha and things fit me differently than before. Yea maybe better, but all those clothes I've had since the last time I was this weight fit way different so I've kept them for nothing.....

...but don't get me wrong, smaller boobs or no, I'm glad i did/am losing the weight. Health is the most important thing, quality of life. And being overweight can hinder that....it's like you said you HIDE behind being overweight. But it's time to stop that and start doing what is best for you. If you are no longer the 'safe' friend, well, then you'll change into a different friend, but not one that's any less good than what you are now!

Do you honestly think that people view you in a better light because youre overweight? They dont.

It sounds like you dont think that you deserve to be happy and healthy. You do, everyone does. Your pants size doesnt define you or anyone else. If you are really more happy being fat, that dont worry about what its like to be skinny because it wont ever apply to you. But if you want to make a change in yourself for the better, just know that losing weight can only improve your lifestyle and make you a happier person! Who doesnt like looking good in a bikini?

i agree with the posted ones. Be healthy for yourself. I tend to become discouraged most of the times. You know what helped me psyched up is the FEb issue of SELF magazine, they have this article about being comfortabe in one's own skin.

Just think of the benefits of losing weight. Of course when you eat healthy, you get better skin, you will feel more confident, you will have lesser chance of getting sick...and others.

wow, thats really sad that you feel that way. :(

But everyone is beautiful in their own way. EVEN YOU!
if you want to lose weight, as everyone else has said, do it for YOU, not for anyone else.

and hey the whole fat girls arent pretty thing is totally wrong!

i know plenty of heavier set women, including myself, that are extremely pretty! prettyness comes with confidence!

if losing weight will make you more confident, GIRL then GO FOR IT ;)
but if you are happy with your weight and not experiencing any health problems with it then just maintain it!

seems to me like you need a confidence class, not a yoga class.
i think you should work on your confidence and then lose weight if you feel thats what you need to do.

CONFIDENCE IS KEY! and why dont you try goign for a new look? get your hair done, your nails done, get your makeup done, and buy some new hip clothing to boost your ego :) it works for me.

First of all, Please never ever call yourself ugly.

To be totally honest.. I dont believe anyone is UGLY.
the differences in everyones physical appearance is what makes us all beautiful and unique.  I mean i know what you mean, sometimes i hate the way I look as well.. But to put yourself down just makes you believe that you really are unattractive when Im sure there are plenty of people who can see what you're not able to.  Work on picking out things you do like about yourself.

for example, I hate my smile, but i like my eyes.  Im sure theres something special about the way you look as well.

Second; Losing weight is NOT necessary to be attractive.  I dont like the fact that you say that "fat girls" are not pretty by default.
VERY UNTRUE. I know soo many overweight people who are actually better looking than some of the physically fit people I see everyday.


And lastly, The reason you should want to lose weight (if you even need to at all, and the way you talk about urself you may not even be overweight-its possibly just in ur head..) should be for YOU. not for everyone else. You should want to be healthy; to live a long, happy life; to feel strong and fit and happy; you should want more energy or to feel more positive about your body.  Dont do it to please other people.  cuz then you may just end up disappointed.  do it for you. you dont have to be anything else for anyone. at the end of the day, you only have to answer to urself.

I hope this helped, you really do deserve to feel good about urself and to love yourself.  and then nothing will be a disappointment.

those who are in shape - ARE attractive...ok, minus Steve Buscemi.....but you dont have to be thin to be attractive.  I am a 5'5, 165lb pharma sales rep who is engaged to a doctor. I have 40 extra lbs on my tuccus- he could care less.

Just take good care of yourself - take care of your hair, skin, shave your legs and armpits, and whiten your (hopefully straight) teeth.

You are all set!

bf818- I thought of you yesterday when I went to the mall. Your post got me thinking about how I view others with regard to their weight. The young lady who assisted me in Victoria's Secret may weigh about fifty pounds more than I do, but I thought she was gorgeous. She was confident and very friendly, too. I later found myself thinking about how I wish I were more like her. . . I know she was probably just doing her job, but there's only so much personality you can fake. The point is I was jealous of her, not the other way around. And it had nothing to do with her size.

Not trying to be contrary to other posters because I agree with a lot of what was written.  But...

You may lose things if you lose weight.  You may have friends that kept you around because they wanted a fatter friend.  You can blame your problems on your being fat and you won't get to do that anymore.  You might have to examine some widely held beliefs.

I lost my husband.

But...all these things were the best things that could have happened to me.  They were HARD, oh so hard.  My hubby was my best friend but we were in a VERY unhealthy relationship and when I dropped the weight (over 100lbs) he became more insecure and started using drugs and drinking.  I realized that wasn't the life I wnated for myself.  I realized we were horrible for each other and that I originally married him becuase I was so afraid of being alone all my life and he was so good to me in so many ways.  But I didn't want him as a partner.  I had to face the reality of the situation, that I was using my fat as a shield to finding real meaningful relationships and possibly losing them because of my personality or my opinions or whatever.  I dont' have certain friends anymore too.  And I certainly dont' have excuses for things like going hiking or persuing my dreams (how many times have we said Oh I'm too fat to do xyz).

Now, I'm remarried to the best man in the world.  I'm living my dreams by volunteering in the Peace Corps and living in Africa for two years (btw I couldn't do that when I was morbidly obese, it was a health risk).  I want kids, and I can probably have them a lot more safely now.  I myself am more accountable for me, and I can't blame everything on being fat.

It's hard, but it's liberating.  Go for it. 

I understand where you're coming from and the fears you have. I won't get into my own self-esteem issues, but I did want to let you know it also goes both ways for skinny people too!

Think super skinny...anorexic thin. They might be really thin but they look so unhealthy, and that's not beautiful either. It's just as unhealthy as being overweight. But on the topic of vanity and guys wanting you, I actually think a guy would prefer someone overweight than underweight. One reason being is they don't wanna feel like they'll crush you when being intimate.

But above all else, lose weight for yourself, and not just to get a guy's attention. They are seriously not worth it. lol I'm 24 years old and have never been asked out in my life ever. It doesn't do much for my confidence and self-esteem, and when my friends tell me I'm pretty I just assume they're lying to be nice. However, I'm not gonna live my life waiting and hoping for someone to come along. It's actually a blessing to be single because I can do whatever I want whenever I want, which is GREAT because I travel a heck of a lot. No checking in with anybody, life is good!

i know its hard but try to push those thoughts out of your mind, youll be beautiful! =) everyone is in their own ways, confidence is key! someone could be decent looking but with the right confidence everyone will notice them even more! how you feel about yourself shows when ppl look at you, love yourself and ppl will start to notice! =)

i know its hard but try to push those thoughts out of your mind, youll be beautiful! =) everyone is in their own ways, confidence is key! someone could be decent looking but with the right confidence everyone will notice them even more! how you feel about yourself shows when ppl look at you, love yourself and ppl will start to notice! =)