Anyone in their 20s and never had a real relationship??

Anyone? In your 20s and never been in love or had a REAL committed relationship?

 

I know I haven't. And I get very resentful and jealous of those who do. I don't know how to deal with this. I even had a friend who fell in love, and entered a serious committed relationship and I was so jealous of her that I stopped being friends. I don't know why i do this. It's just that seeing others get what I've been looking for makes me long for companionship even more.

Yep, I`m 22 and Ive never had a proper bf. I look at some of the people I used to go to school with and some are even married now and I really feel sad at times because I just long for companionship to.

I have a friend who is 26 and she has never even held hands with anyone, and not by her choice.

Sometimes you need to evaluate yourself, are you a person YOU would want to be in a committed relationship with?  You are only hurting yourself if you sugar coat any issues you have as a person or partner.  

Original Post by greenpea88:

I have a friend who is 26 and she has never even held hands with anyone, and not by her choice.

Sometimes you need to evaluate yourself, are you a person YOU would want to be in a committed relationship with?  You are only hurting yourself if you sugar coat any issues you have as a person or partner.  

 Okay. But how do you evaluate yourself if you don't know what's wrong with you?

I see all types of people in relationships, and they are FAR from perfect. I know women who are just downright nasty and mean, yet they still manage to get a husband/boyfriend/fiance. So the concept that you have to be this perfectly balanced perrson to find love is just not true. I see it everyday!

I'm soon to be 22, and have only dated one person - and it never developed into anything more than just dates.   My cousin who is the same age as me, whom I would consider emotionally immature, has had 2 long-term, serious relationships, and I hate to be jealous, but I am.  It just doesn't seem fair!

Glad to know I'm not the only one!

Ay Ay! *raises hand*  I'm 23 and never had a serious bf...and it has definately been a choice on my part.  Not that I'm consciously avoiding it...its just never been a priority and I therefore tend to brush off interested parties.  Perhaps I have a fear of committment, maybe I'm self-centered, maybe I actually hate people...who knows. 

No one in my close group of friends in college never really dated someone seriously.  Now one has a bf...the rest of us are just happy being single I guess!

I need help fighting those jealousy feelings when I see others in my age group in love and in serious relationships. The resentment totally consumes me.

I was 24 when I started dating. And now I'm marrying him.

Could be there's something wrong with you (I had serious trust issues when it came to guys - it took me some time to work them out - fortunately, I had dealt with a lot of it by the time I met him, and amazingly didn't have any trust issues with him - I guess that's a good sign).

Or that you have higher standards than others.

As for the jealousy... I definitely felt that. And I don't really know what I did about it, except that I didn't let it consume me. College, grad school, internships... everywhere I went, I found other people who were my age and had also not dated/kissed/had sex - people who were funny, pretty, smart...

I figured out that it wasn't just me, and that just because TV tells us that everyone has the love life of the kids on Dawson's Creek doesn't mean that it's true.

Something wrong with me? Those words don't make me particularly enthusiastic about dating at all. If anything it makes me clam up even more.

I didn't have a serious long-term relationship until I was turning 30. I felt the same way...why were there women who were less intelligent, less nice, less grounded, less pretty, fatter, less ambitious etc  than me who were in relationships, yet it seemed to elude me? I felt like there was something fundamentally wrong with me.

Maybe it was the crisis of turning 30, but I got serious about finding a partner and ended up in a 5 year relationship that was pretty bad. Soul-sucking, really. I would have been better off single. But, I learned a lot about myself in the process of the long, painful breakup and afterwards....I went on a personal improvement quest and went through a lot of change. And I met the perfect man for me. Do I think I found a boyfriend because I was a better person? No, I think anyone can find a boyfriend if they are willing to sacrfice what they want and who they are...I found a great boyfriend and my future husband because I had spent some time really examining what was important to me, growing and changing as a person, increasing my self-confidence and sense of self-worth, being honest about what I needed and wanted and what I didn't want too.  

I don't really know why I went so long without a serious relationship. Part of the problem was that I saw men as the enemy, but I am pretty sure that evolved after years of being single, so I don't know why before that. In high school I was really cute, but felt ugly and had rock-bottom self esteem. As a young adult I had little confidence in myself and didn't really know what I wanted....and maybe even more significantly, I refused to "settle". I didn't want a boyfriend who was unattractive, stupid, mean, or inconsiderate and didn't understand women who complained about their partner but stayed with them. I never wanted to be like that. My dad is such a great guy, I think I was holding men up to a pretty high standard and found every one lacking. And then there were the crushes on unattainable boys/ men, I had plenty of those too. I think maybe I only wanted a really great guy but did not feel deserving of one, if that makes any sense.

So there can be plenty of reasons you haven't had a boyfriend yet...you are not ready, or you haven't found the right person, or your criteria for a mate is skewed, whatever else. Just don't make the mistake I did....I got desperate for validation and entered into a relationship ignoring many red flags and being increasingly miserable for years before some deep self-preservation mechanism in me kicked in. Being single and choosy about about who you want as a partner is better than accepting crap you shouldn't.

The sucky part is that feeling jealous really just pushes good things further away from you. Imagine how you would feel if you met Mr Perfect and no one  said congratulations? Kinda like losing all the weight and everyone is like, yeah, so what? Honestly, I think friendships are great preparation for relationships. If you can maintain good friendships and learn to be happy for others, you will probably have a healthier relationship in the future. I used to feel that way, but I made a choice  to be happy for people from then on. And I think it put me in a state where I was better able to attract the positive man I have now. Don't think he would have wanted me if I was still as bitter as I used to be. (not saying you are, but I was momentarily)

Me and my friends used to take little turn around trips to the beach...eat at waffle house bring our dogs along. And we weren't allowed to talk about jobs, school, boys or money. Good times. Life is short. Live it up.

If you give away what you want, good things have a way of finding you. And sucky as it seems, if you had dated a lot, you might have  a lot of the same baggage some of us are trying to get rid of...

Also, be mindful of what you repeat in your head. I used to always tell myself it wouldn't happen, all the good men were taken, etc. I think to protect myself. but all it did was hinder me, blind me to when men really did dig me, and make me feel miserable. It was true back then because I believed it. But I don't think that way anymore, and men seem more drawn to my confidence and lack of desperation. If I am single again, ah well. some other lucky guy will come around .

Food for thought...

(1

John 4:8) He that does not love has not come to know God, because God is love.

Recipe

• Draw close to Jehovah God
• Learn to love yourself and value yourself
• Think positive thoughts (negavity destroys- positivty builds you up)
• Someone will notice that your are good and loving, kind. ( but remember just because some one is single and willing to be with you doesn't mean he is right for you). 

(Ephesians

5:28-29) In this way husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, 29 for no man ever hated his own flesh; but he feeds and cherishes it-)

Becareful of jealousy, its very distructive, your honesty is very commendable! Hope this Helps!

I'm 29 (I'll be 30 next month) and I've never been.  Being fat, ugly, irritating, and obnoxious doesn't help anything.  Of course, I really think relationships are overrated anyway; I think about it at times and it sounds scary.  I'm actually a little thankful that I'm undatable.

It could also be that to meet someone you have to actually go out and meet people as obvious as that sounds, lol.

Its like I dont go out a lot so then how am I supposed to meet someone if I dont really go out? So maybe try going to some places.

Also how you feel about yourself will really come through, if you no confidence and low self esteem people may be slightly put off, its like when you see agirl with lots of guys chasing after her and you think to yourself why? Its usually because shes happy in her own skin and is radiating confidence.

Im glad to know that Im not the only one who still hasnt met anyone though!

I was 24 before I started dating anyone (26 now). Longest relationship was just a couple months (and a few that were just a couple dates). So it happens to guys too :) I don't have the jealousy of other couples though...there is hardly enough time in the day for just my things! Fitting in another person would really cut into my time haha.

Part of my reason for not having been in a real, serious relationship (I don't count the one I was in when I was 15-16, because it wasn't real like that) is because, while I would want someone to love me for who I am, no matter what size, I don't think I would want to be with someone who found me attractive the way I am now. I would probably end up looking down on him for it, or worry that he's 1, going to not want to be with me once I reach my goal weight and am finally happy with myself or 2, going to be frustrated with me because it's taking me so long to reach said goal weight, because he's attracted to my face, but not the rest of me.

And that whole 'not fully happy with myself' probably plays a part in it as well.

As for feeling jealous - for me it's more about feeling jealous in genral of people who seemingly have it so easy to talk to other people (no matter the gender and no matter the interest). I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship until I can feel secure and happy in my own body, so so far I'm not really jealous of other couples.

 

*raises hand* 24 y/o woman who has never been in a real relationship here.. i feel you about a bit of the jealousy factor when i see my buds from undergrad in their long-term relationships/engaged/married... but then another part of me knows that i need to take care of me first before i can even think of sharing myself with anyone else. ...and the self esteem issue. yea, that's a biggie. but, i'm not gonna lie, it's kind of nice to see all the other folks in there 20's out there who've never really been in a relationship.. lol

My first serious relationship started with I was 28 and I married him.  He is SO worth the wait.

I've never really had self esteem issues or relationship phobias.  I just never met anyone I found interesting enough to consider doing anything more than dating.   I was a little jealous of my friends, I suppose, but I was generally too busy having fun to notice. 

 

how 'bout this one for ya: anyone in their 20's still living at home with their parents...?

Original Post by betty1302:

It could also be that to meet someone you have to actually go out and meet people as obvious as that sounds, lol.

"The more time I spend around people, the more I understand why Dian Fossey spent all her time with the chimps."  So funny, because it's so true.

Original Post by running_yogi:

how 'bout this one for ya: anyone in their 20's still living at home with their parents...?

Of my siblings and I, my brother moved out at the youngest.  He was 22.  My sister was 26.  I considered it at 27, but from what I've seen, being out there is not some place I want to be.  It's much more comfortable and less hostile here.  My aunt lived with my grandparents until the day they died, and then she got the house.  I'll probably be like that too.