assessment in 20 minutes!

I'm off in 20 minutes for an assessment at an eating disorders clinic.  I have a lot of mixed feelings about this.  I'm afraid they'll make me gain weight when I really don't think I need to.  I'm afraid everyone will look at me and question my needing to be there.  I afraid life will only be more difficult when I finish the program. 

I need help, I don't doubt that - I am spiralling out of control. 

I've got to figure out why I keep going back to this stupid disorder.

Remember that an ED will distort your perceptions. What you see in the mirror may not be true to life. And even then, anorexia isn't just about the weight but the mindset, and that is what you need to sort. Go, and be open with them. The more open you are the more they can help you, the easier it will be to potentially butt this thing down once and for all. Have strength, have faith, have courage. You can do this. :]

If you want to keep posting here until you have to leave, if you just want some encouragement and morale boosting, I'm not going anywhere. And if you can, let us know how it goes?

Home from assessment. Phew!

All the behaviors, thoughts, and ideas pertaining to the ED head sound absolutely ridiculous when spoken aloud.

The intake coordinator asked many very specific questions in a really non-judgmental way, just kind of matter of fact, as though it is perfectly normal to think about food/weight 99% of the day, abuse medications, laxatives, and restrict intake.

She is typing everything out and then meeting with the medical director to 'discuss' a level of care.  Hopefully it will only be partial hospital because I wouldn't know what to do with my dog if I had to go into residential!

I hope I hear back soon and I should because they might have me admit tomorrow or monday, provided insurance approves care.

All the behaviors, thoughts, and ideas pertaining to the ED head sound absolutely ridiculous when spoken aloud.

Seconded. I remember feeling SO weird at my assessment. x: I was taken through a generic questionnaire, but I don't recall the name of it. I know it wasn't SCOFF, though, much too long for that. <__<;

I hope for you, too, it'll be a partial/daypatient treatment. Should allow you enough freedom while still getting help. :] But don't be dismayed if it should be more than that - I am sure, for one, someone will help with your dog. Can you call parents or family about him/her as a precautionary measure?

I heard back from the clinic - my insurance won't agree to a single case agreement for in-network care and I cannot afford to pay for treatment out of network.  It would cost thousands upon thousands of dollars. 

On to plan B.  The eating disorders center of denver, for a third time.  Maybe it's true, 3 times a charm, or however that saying goes!

Third time's a charm indeed. :D I'm sorry about the insurance problem. But, you do have somewhere to go, and somewhere that will help you. That is always a plus, so don't be disheartened.

Assessment with EDC tomorrow at 9 am.

I'm worried they will tell me I need to gain weight when it isn't medically necessary (I have a period, and my bmi is 19.2)

While your period is around, your BMI is still slightly low, so it depends on their criteria. If they view 20 as the lowest healthy BMI (which, really, it is, as problems relating to being underweight can crop up even only in the 18.5 to below 20 range) they might. But it's not a given. I would just view it as a possibility and if it happens, it happens. At the end of the day, the help you're after will be there. Focus on your mind and being happier in yourself over worries about your body and gaining. :]

Well, all through with the assessment and already got a call telling me insurance said it's a go.  I start on monday.  EEEEKKKK!  Going to work on NOT totally decompensating over the weekend.  No sense in getting worse.