I ate half the food on my plate and I feel like friend is judging me!

Hi,

 

So I went to lunch yesterday with a very good friend and because I did not finish all the food on my plate, this friend made snarky comments and disapproving glances. Not that I have to defend what I do, but I felt like I was being judged by someone who has always been able to eat whatever they wanted and remained a size 6 and they had no right to sit in judgment of me.

 

I told this friend, I don't overeat at home any longer and I refuse to do it while eating out. The friend then goes through all of these scenarios of what I could do with the food and after politely dismantling their suggestions, I told the waiter that I was finished eating.

 

This has just really bothered me because I don't waste food, but my gosh! It was Tex-Mex. Everyone knows how big those servings are. Hell, I'd eaten half a chimichanga and had chips and salsa and eaten some of  my rice. I was full and I was not going to overeat so as to not waste my $7.99. Besides, Tex-Mex is generally cheap fare anyway. I am sorry, it was either on my thighs or in the trash. I don't even know why I care what she thinks, but I do.

Hey. Good for you for not giving into peer pressure and finishing the food you didn`t want or need. You should be proud of building new healthy habits and sticking to them. Besides, I have a few friends who can eat "anything they want" and stay super skinny, that usually translates to skipping breakfast and/or lunch and eating junk food for dinner. Yikes! Nutrition level there - absolute zero. I`d hate to be them in 10-20 years when they reap the effects of this atrocious diet.

As for you and your friend, next time, I suggest one of two things, depending on how close you two are and how much you value her approval.

One is to ask for a doggie bag for the leftovers and say something like 'This has sure been delicious, but I`m seriously stuffed since I started watching what I eat and having normal portion sizes. I guess I`ll save the leftovers for later so as not to waste food!'. Of course, you can just throw them away afterwards if you want.

The other is pretty much what I do. Look her in the eye with confidence and ask something along the lines of 'If you are happy with your choices, how come you are so concerned about mine?'. Act genuinely surprised, but don`t appear weak. I find this intimidates even the most pushy and rude of people.

Best of luck to you!

 

If taking it home to have it at a later date wasn't an option, I think you aboslutely did the right thing.  It's just as much wasted if you would've put that much extra into your body that it didn't need as it was being thrown into the waste basket.  Bravo! :)

good for you for not giving in. this is such a pet peeve of mine. i hate when people force food on me. if i don't want it, i don't want it, let it go. drives me insane. about a month ago i went out to lunch with my family. the waiter came to give us our bill/box our meal and he said "wow what a well trained family. you all only hate half of your plate." we all just kind of looked at each other awkwardly. those portions are enormous. who would actually eat the whole thing, especially for lunch? its not that we are well trained, its that your restaurant gives us way to much food.

and honestly if you look at the nutrition facts, generally half is MORE than enough. alot of the dishes are 1000+ cals. but good for you.

I'm not saying that wasting food is ok, I used to have a big issue with that and was pretty compulsive--pushed it on my kids as well. One of the lessons I had to grasp in my weight loss is that I do not have to clean my plate. Of course we avoid taking too much or wasting but trying to eat it all every time is something that I was using as an excuse to ...lets face it...over eat. So I don't care what anyone says anymore, I will throw it away instead of over doing. I have a budget and just like my finances, I have to stay within the budget plan for my cals. Stuffing my self is not going to help any starving people anywhere. Your friend should let others be responsible for their own personal choices.

Good for you! Not to blame my problems on others but I believe that I was overweight much of my life because my parents and family convinced me that it was wrong to waste food. When I moved out and went to college I started to learn more about portion control. It took YEARS but the point is I have mastered caloried counting and portion control. I NEVER force myself to eat all of my food once I am full. In addition, I almost ALWAYS take half of my food home when I go out to eat. My coworkers/friends/family tease me about this but I dont let it bother me. One thing that constantly bothers me is how they never said anything to me when I was overweight but now that the weight is gone they seem to have a problem with my eating habits. Whats wrong with these people, seriously???

Another option if you know you're eating someplace that over serves is to ask for a smaller portion to begin with or to split and entree and an appetizer.

I run into this too. I usually try to split a meal with my 12yr old daughter and she likes it because she doesn't like over eating either. But, even splitting a meal gets some folks at the table all weird.  People will judge, but that's because they have their own issues with food. Don't let that bother you. You just take care of YOU!! =) Enjoying a meal does not mean it has to be HUGE!

Your health is more important than eating everything on your plate. We all know the serving sizes at restaurants are way too large. Next time maybe you could say to your friend, that you have had your fill and if she's worried about the food going to waste that she is more than welcome to ask for a doggie bag and take it home for herself.

---Warning--- This is my pet peeve. I'm going to let loose here. Not for the faint hearted and I know not all of what I'm saying is neither true, or the rule. Vent incoming.

This really rubs me the wrong way, and I feel it is all to do with envy and distrust.

People, it does not matter if they are fat, thin or in between. They don't believe we can do it. And when they see us finally being slim, comments like "she doesn't eat anything", "she skips meals", "she must be bulimic or has developed an eating disorder". It's all distrust in our capacity to change. Their doubts and fears of their inability to change, projected onto us.

They don't want to believe that we have this inner strength, because lets say it. Loosing weight though healthy eating and exercise is all a mental battle. Eat this not that, 5 minutes more on the treadmill, always take the stairs, and all the little other things we do, are all easier not to do. It takes strength to loose.

I recently over heard a friend commenting to another friend, after a copious healthy dinner I had cooked "oh she can eat anything, she must have a really fast metabolism." Excuse me, are you talking about me???? Your friend who has gone down many dress sizes after working her butt off in the gym and counting every calorie that enters here system for the last 6 months???? Are you kidding me????

What ily51 said is the best advice against this I have seen:

"Look her in the eye with confidence and ask something along the lines of 'If you are happy with your choices, how come you are so concerned about mine?'."

Envy and distrust, it's all in those two words if you ask me.

 

Here are my restaurant "rules":

1. Only eat in restaurants that I consider "good value" in my calorie budget.  This means that if the food is high-calorie it better be so darn delicious that I will not feel I have wasted calories.  In these restos I usually order whatever I am most in the mood for, plan it as a maintenance day, and take half the food home (except I always eat all my vegies).
2. If I find myself in a high-calorie situation, and it is not a splurge (maintenance) occasion, I try to order foods that will be as low-cal as possible (easy to fit into my normal calorie allotment), and only eat as much as seems appropriate, and leave the rest for their garbage--I will not treat my body like a garbage can.  Here in California, a lot of restaurant waste gets composted, so it isn't a complete environmental disaster.

And most important for your situation:

• I only eat with friends who are so interested in what I have to say that they would never notice what I eat or don't eat, or if they notice, would never comment or judge.  I feel that your "friend" deserves the quotation marks, and you should seriously reconsider spending much time with her.

What did this person say, anyway? Hate to play Devil's advocate, but I know sometimes it's easy to assume there's judgment when there isn't any because we're doing something different or not used to doing.

I've run into similar problems with my friends.  I live in Japan and we have something called soup curry here, which is basically a spicy curry flavored soup with lots of veggies in it.  It can be very healthy, but they have lots of options for toppings, like meatballs, chicken legs, cheese, etc. that brings the calorie count way up.  My friends are all fans of adding a double order of cheese wontons, but I wanted to save myself the calories, so I just ordered the standard vegetable soup and a small serving of rice, which I didnt eat.  They all teased me for it and it really made me angry, because they are all either overweight or gaining weight at a rapid pace.  Who are they to judge the way I eat!?  Anyway, I think me losing weight has influenced them, because they often talk about wanting to lose weight now, and ask me for advice.

Original Post by picchi:

---Warning--- This is my pet peeve. I'm going to let loose here. Not for the faint hearted and I know not all of what I'm saying is neither true, or the rule. Vent incoming.

This really rubs me the wrong way, and I feel it is all to do with envy and distrust.

People, it does not matter if they are fat, thin or in between. They don't believe we can do it. And when they see us finally being slim, comments like "she doesn't eat anything", "she skips meals", "she must be bulimic or has developed an eating disorder". It's all distrust in our capacity to change. Their doubts and fears of their inability to change, projected onto us.

They don't want to believe that we have this inner strength, because lets say it. Loosing weight though healthy eating and exercise is all a mental battle. Eat this not that, 5 minutes more on the treadmill, always take the stairs, and all the little other things we do, are all easier not to do. It takes strength to loose.

I recently over heard a friend commenting to another friend, after a copious healthy dinner I had cooked "oh she can eat anything, she must have a really fast metabolism." Excuse me, are you talking about me???? Your friend who has gone down many dress sizes after working her butt off in the gym and counting every calorie that enters here system for the last 6 months???? Are you kidding me????

What ily51 said is the best advice against this I have seen:

"Look her in the eye with confidence and ask something along the lines of 'If you are happy with your choices, how come you are so concerned about mine?'."

Envy and distrust, it's all in those two words if you ask me.

 

 WOW...couldnt have said it better! This is starting to quickly become a pet peeve of mine as well. ESPECIALLY, because when I was fat NO ONE said ANYTHING!!!

To picchi, I could not have said it better myself. It really bugs me that people assume they can talk to me like that now I have lost weight. I have had all the comments that I must have an ED or skip meals or whatever. It really frustrates me. I worked hard to lose and I work bloody hard to maintain but I do not skip meal or throw them up.

What I also notice now is that the once slimmer girls in the office were nice to me when I was 3 stone heavier and now they're the ones who say those things and they're the ones who look me up and down when I walk past. I am now slimmer than most of them and I think that bothers them for some reason, maybe they're just not comfortable in themselves.

I refused a muffin in work once and co-workers couldn’t understand it. The muffin had about 700 calories in and I said I would rather eat that amount for a decent and filling meal, not a snack. I had to justify myself! Of course I got labelled as anorexic…

First of all, very good for you on stopping when you'd had enough and sticking with it. It's a problem I'm struggling with myself, even at home, because my eyes are still too big for my stomach and I was taught to always eat what I put on my own plate.

As others have commented before me, people just don't get it and they just don't want you to change. It might not be so much because they're not changing, but because they're comfortable with you being the fat friend and it probably makes them feel good about having someone who is heavier than themselves in the group. Makes it easier to allow themselves that extra ice cream or piece of chocolate. Because at least they're not fat!

People who haven't gained and then tried to lose weight don't understand how much work it takes and what a struggle it is. They really should, because if it was easy, then no one would be overweight. It takes time, and it takes effort and it takes a strong will and commitment each and every day to make it. It's easier for them to think that a previously overweight person has developed some type of ED or is simply skipping most meals, because chances are, when they want to drop a pound or two, they skip some meals for a week and then they're done.

Also, picchi? Brilliant.

Spot on, picchi.

Also, OP, don`t forget that most people who are not happy with their bodies need to constantly delude themselves with justifications such as 'I prefer being overweight and enjoying life rather than starve myself', as if those two are the only options they have, and they are making the wiser choice. Ignorance is bliss for too many, unfortunately.

Original Post by droppingpounds:

We all know the serving sizes at restaurants are way too large.

Maybe where you live... here in Malaysia (and my home country, New Zealand) the portion sizes are pretty modest and you can easily maintain your weight while eating out a lot - and eating the whole portion.

In my circle of friends, I am notorious for becoming easily full.  It's true.  After a few months, I found that I get full easily now.  My friends make fun of me for it, especially girls who can put away a lot of food.  Usually it's friendly, and I don't mind the jibes.  If it gets to be too much, well, I simply look the friend directly in the eye and say...

"I can finish this, but I will feel sick, and I will throw up...probably on you.  Would you like me to demonstrate?"

It's totally true.  I feel sick after I overeat.  Usually they don't want me to puke on them. 

Original Post by merylwhite1:

Original Post by droppingpounds:

We all know the serving sizes at restaurants are way too large.

Maybe where you live... here in Malaysia (and my home country, New Zealand) the portion sizes are pretty modest and you can easily maintain your weight while eating out a lot - and eating the whole portion.

 I would venture to say they most likely live in the US.  Portion sizes at a LOT of American restaurants are just too freaking big.  I seriously could eat three meals off of one... which I'm going to start doing the next time I'm in one like that!! So far, I've been avoiding such things as I haven't eaten out except for sushi this Thursday in like 2.5 weeks!